Meet Jean Wandimi

Those of you who're active in the food and wine culture around Nairobi have most probably heard of Jean Wandimi, blogger at www.thewineandfoodreview.com Being a lover of wine and food myself, I asked if I could interview her. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Jean Wandimi!

Tell us a little bit about yourself and your background.

I'm a finance graduate who happened to fall in love with food and wine. I started journalling my experiences in a blog for fun. After some time, I got serious with the blog and have been doing it for 2 years.

What made you get interested in wine?

I have always loved wine but I didn't get to try it earlier. I was curious. I find it fascinating how a bottle can have so much history. When I got to campus, I started teaching myself how to pronounce the wines, grape varieties, tastings etc

When and why did you decide to start blogging?

I opted to start an online journal of my experiences in November 2013. I could have easily written them in a book but I wanted people to read them because majority of Kenyans knew as much about wine as they knew about rocket science. 

 

Did you ever imagine that your blog would amass such a following? 

I actually smiled when I got my first blog comments & emails. After some time, people started asking me for advice and inviting me to their events. I didn't portend such a reaction.

What is Kenya's wine and food culture like? 

The food & wine culture has grown immensely.There are so many events and restaurants popping up and most have wine lists that get updated from time to time. Wine is readily available and people are now free to try different things. However, the growth has not been exponential but we are making progress.

What scope is there for aspiring food and/or wine bloggers in Kenya?

I think that one cannot become a food and wine writer with the mentality (and expectation) of making a living from it. Kenya is different from other countries. You must love what you do. There are a few opportunities.

What are your 5 favorite wines?

Moet & Chandon Imperial Brut

Dom Perrignon

Barton & Gustier (B&G) Beaujolais Villages 2010
Fantnel prosecco
Veuve Cliquot (Champagne)

If you had to describe yourself as a type of wine, which would it be and why?

It has to be a Pinot Noir. Elegant & Sexy!

( Laughs)

Dear Sewanee Seniors

Ecce Quam Bonum

Has it already been one year? On the 28th of April last year, I had just finished and turned in my senior honours thesis. I was stressed/ excited about my upcoming graduation, and everything that that meant. Grad week, the parties, our own party, and the graduation ceremony went by so quickly for how much we had planned and looked forward to them.  Since I've been an official Sewanee alumna for (almost!) a year, I felt that it would be appropriate to write a letter to current Sewanee seniors and soon to be alumni about grad week, graduation, and all that lies beyond, especially so because so many people from Sewanee's Class of 2015 are very dear to me!

As a proud graduate finally stepping on the seal! 

Dear Seniors,

I know it's hard to believe, but you did it! After all those classes, exams, late night study sessions and pub runs, talks with professors about everything and nothing, and countless memories that you've made over these past few years, you're finally done. While this may seem like the end of a journey, make no mistake; Sewanee and the people you met there will be with you for a long, long time to come. Here I speak not just from personal experience, but from meeting countless alums from the sixties to date. 

Nearing graduation, some of you may be worried about what lies ahead. Be it grad school, a job, or a lack of the above, it's absolutely natural to be apprehensive about what you're getting into. I've been on the 'other side' for a year, and wish that I knew then that there was absolutely no reason at all to worry. Take this time to enjoy your last few days as Sewanee students, and have faith that things will work out; not just because they always do, but because all of you have worked extremely hard for an amazing education, because you have an entire Sewanee community to support you, and because you didn't just spend your four years learning how to read and write. We value everything that you did over your Sewanee career, and it is only a matter of time before the rest of the world outside our bubble do too!

About your friends and professors and other wonderful members of the Sewanee community: I said it then and I'll stand by it now. Toward the last few months and weeks of your time at Sewanee is when you begin to realise who'll be with you for ages to come. Some of you may be moving very close to Sewanee, while others may be going very far from any Sewanee influence (like I did), and may be worrying about how you'll keep up with your Sewanee family. Trust me when I say that this is nothing to worry about! I haven't seen many of my Sewanee family for about a year now, and still feel as close to them, if not closer, even though I'm a continent away. It seems weird, but I think that people who have a Sewanee background find it much easier to stay connected once they leave. It's like spending all that time in that magical place can't help but bond us in ways that even we do not recognise. 

Grad week is going to be a LOT of fun!! (A word of advice; it's easy to forget about packing during this time, but trust me, you'll be happier starting earlier rather than later.) It may seem overwhelming what with all the different parties and locations and people, not to mention your own party if you're having one, but try and plan your week out with your friends in advance, while still leaving room for flexibility. While you will probably see most of the people you're graduating with over the next few months, years and decades, remember that these parties may be the last time you're seeing some of them for a while! 

Another thing about grad week; (this happened to me and some of my friends), grad week may be the time that the fact that you're leaving really sinks in. There may or may not be tears, but remember that everyone is kind of going through the same thing! For me, realisation sunk in and tears started on the Wednesday evening of grad week after a lovely 'farewell' catch up over Kenyan beer with one of my friends. It got worse when I saw another friend who had arrived for our graduation, and pretty soon my suitemate caught on to my mood. Between the two of us, we must've shed buckets of tears, largely at the PKE party, and largely on the dean's shoulder!! (Thanks Hagi :) ) 

Luckily though, we both got it out of our system that night itself, felt better for it, and used the rest of grad week to be happy about the time we were spending with our friends and families! 

Graduation itself seems like it goes on for a long time, but you'll be done before you know it! It may be hard, but try to get some sleep the night before. You're guided through everything, and all you have to do is to shake Dr. McCardell's hand, get your diploma, make sure to smile for all your pictures (and take plenty!), and run across the seal as many times as you wish!! You've accomplished SO MUCH, and deserve to celebrate your special day!

 Saying goodbye that Sunday may be the hardest part, but try and look at your goodbyes more like 'see you laters'. Trust me, the memories you've made, the people you've met, and the things you learnt at Sewanee (not just in the classroom) will stay with you far longer than you could ever imagine. 

I'm so proud of all of you. Remember, the world is now your oyster!

YSR, best of luck, and lots of love!!

20 Things to Consider Before You Get Married

Image courtesy of SplitShire

Before we start, no, I'm not married. However, I've heard of/ read about so many couples having issues nowadays that could've easily been prevented by discussion prior to marriage. While a broken light bulb doesn't necessitate a new house, sometimes the problem may be more than a light bulb.

Therefore, I reached out to married couples and did some research to compile a list of issues to talk about, questions to ask, and things to consider before you get married to someone; no matter how much you love them, and how awkward these may seem, it seems that there are common issues married couples face. By discussing these beforehand, issues like those may be avoided entirely! Or if not, at least a couple will know that they're coming and may have planned how to handle them in advance. Some of these may be small, while others may be bigger; it all really depends on the couple!

This should seem obvious, but perhaps I'd better say it just in case- none of these issues are just black and white. What I've listed below should really be a starting point for you to have an important conversation that will hopefully provide clarity, not points to make final verdicts on.

1) Your partner's values: Everyone grows up with a set of values, and these may differ from person to person. Your values need not necessarily be the same, but it does help to consider those that your partner thinks are important. Do they value struggle as much as you do? Are they as family-oriented? Do you respect each others' values? These and other such questions should be thought about.

2) Do they respect your thinking and your work?: Does your partner recognise you as a person independent of them, and respect your thinking and the work you do? A marriage may be the union of two people, but at the end of the day, they are two different people.

3) How open minded are they?: I think this one speaks for itself, doesn't it? What are your partner's views on gender equality? Are they racist? Homophobic? Intolerant of other faiths?

4) Pet peeves: This seems silly, but do you have any habits that drive your partner crazy, and vice versa? Knowing these is key to avoiding (or at least minimising) them! Sometimes just knowing these ahead of time can help you both decide what to do to work around them.

5) Chores: After marriage, both partners will (most probably) be living in the same home, and maintaining a home requires doing chores. Who will do which? Will it be equally balanced? Does one of you absolutely hate doing chores and procrastinates them as much as possible? What standards do you have about how well you like things done, and how can you compromise on these?

6) How they handle fights: Married couples fight, and these fights are different from those of a couple that does not live together. However, people have different ways of reacting to tense situations. Some avoid them until the last minute possible, some shout at the top of their voice, some argue calmly and rationally. How does each of you handle anger? Is it easy for both of you to say sorry? Or does stubbornness kick in? It's important to realise that communication becomes even more vital in such a situation, and knowing HOW your partner communicates in tense situations can be very helpful.

7) Kids: Yes, no, how many? Do you want to have biological children? Adopt? How will you raise them? Who will discipline them? What faith will they be raised in? What middle name and surname will they have? Maybe one of you wants kids, the other does not. This is a pretty big deal, and needs to be talked about before such a long commitment. Imagine how awkward it would be if you turn to your spouse one day and tell them you're thinking of names for your future offspring, and they casually mention that they don't plan on having any...

8) The living conditions each of you are used to: The neatness of your home, the light conditions you prefer, your favourite kind of mattress (this one is more important than you'd realise!), your TV habits, how you use your space, when you eat, WHAT you eat, whether or not to have a TV in the bedroom are just some of the issues to consider when living with another person. Obviously, some compromises will have to be made on each side, and each partner will have to decide what they can compromise on and what they can definitely not give up on.

9) Do you love them just as they are? Or hope they will change after marriage?: Sometimes, people hope that certain habits of their partners will magically change after marriage. Unfortunately, this doesn't always happen. Ask yourself whether you'd be happy spending the rest of your life with your partner as they are.

10) Do they have a mind of their own and challenge you? Or agree with everything that you do? Are they comfortable with having different likes and dislikes from you?: As mentioned before, a marriage is a union of two different people. Some people prefer partners who challenge them, while others may prefer partners who always agree with them. Recommended reading: I loved Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. It's an interesting book that can help you get to know the people around you even better.

11) Finances: Money is an awkward topic, even with family. However, it's vital to discuss. What is your financial situation and that of your spouse? Can you both sustain the lifestyle you hope to maintain? Are any of you in debt? How do you plan to cover that? What are your saving habits? How do you budget? What financial commitments (like supporting family) do you already have?

12) Will you have time to spend by yourself and with your friends/family without your partner?: Marriage is a big deal, but it shouldn't involve giving up the relationships you had previously, with your family, your friends (of any gender), and yourself. Studies done show that when two people only focus on each other and their relationship, their other relationships suffer; and their overall happiness declines (I forget which studies these were, but I recently covered them in a class and could look them up for you if need be).

13) Religion and faith: What faith do you believe in, and is it important that your partner also follow the same? If not, how different are you willing to let your faiths be?

14) Family obligations: You will still have obligations to your family, be they financial, time-wise or otherwise. How does your partner feel about these (and vice versa)? Similarly, as a couple, to what extent are you willing to let your families be a part of your relationship?

15) Surnames: Will you change your surname to theirs, or vice versa? Will both of you keep your own? Will both of you take one partner's middle name and the other's surname? These are important issues, and it's important now more than ever to realise that in a 'traditional marriage,' it isn't fair to expect the woman to do all the changing.

16) Career aspirations and ambition: What career aspirations do you have, and does your partner support these? If one partner gets a fantastic job offer in a different place, will the other partner be willing to give up their job and move?

17) What do you do in your free time?: How do you and your partner intend to spend your free time together?

18) Where will you live?: Will you buy a house together, or move into one of your homes? Will you live with your parents or your partner's? If this is a long distance engagement, who will do the moving once time comes to do so?

19) How does your partner display affection?: You may have heard of the 5 love languages (words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch). You and your partner may prioritise these differently, so it's important to recognise how your partner displays affection and what's important to them (and vice versa of course). At times, you may feel frustrated, and that your partner isn't loving you as much as you'd hope. Realising that the way someone displays affection is different from yours can go a long way!

20) Sense of humour and optimism/pessimism: How does your partner interact with the world, and how does this match up with you?

Of course, this list is by no means comprehensive. However, hopefully it can serve as a starting point! Have any suggestions that can be added to this list? Leave a comment on this post!

Jan 2016 add on:

If you haven't already, I think that you should definitely read Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman and Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg. These books discuss issues that may well arise in relationships, and I've found them extremely helpful!

About Thyme: Restaurant Review

Having recently moved to Kenya, I've been eager to connect with other bloggers in the area. Unfortunately the only one I knew is the talented Aniqah Khalid of Maisha, but I was lucky enough to get to meet Jean Wandimi of The Wine and Food Review last week. We arranged to meet at About Thyme, on Eldama Ravine. I hadn't been for years and years, and was curious to see what I would find. However, the experience was absolutely fantastic!

I absolutely love the cozy ambience that About Thyme has created, and actually think it would be an absolutely fantastic place for writers to work and stay inspired (hint: don't be surprised to find me typing here)!

The service was fast, friendly and efficient. Our server was knowledgeable and willing to help. Despite it being only a Tuesday afternoon, there was a steady stream of people coming in, which I think in itself speaks volumes. The manager/owner (I should have probably clarified which) kept checking in on us and other guests, and was actively engaged in what was going on around her.

Since I was still suffering from a cold at that point, we chose to sit inside. I didn't order any wine for the same reason, and went for a cup of soothing green tea. However, I was pleased at the extensive range of wines, cocktails and other alcoholic beverages that they serve, and do intend to return to try the same!

Luckily for us, the menu was extensive and didn't just feature the 'usual' stuff. They had a quick lunch offer, which consisted of tea or coffee, a main meal, and a dessert at an affordable price. Jean chose this, and ordered the English fish and chips. I chose from the main menu, and actually ordered based upon the (great) recommendation from our server. I went for the pumpkin and amaretti tortellini. 

It was ABSOLUTELY amazing! The flavours blended together very well and almost exploded in my mouth (pardon the cliche), the presentation was excellent, and the food was served at a good temperature. On top of that, I was served a very hearty portion and so had enough for leftovers later! I don't usually order tortellini at restaurants, but have changed my mind after this experience. 

While I didn't have much room for dessert, Jean's dish came with a dessert, so I tried some of the fruit off of her fruit platter. 

However, I definitely do want to return to try the drinks as mentioned above, and the desserts (if you're not convinced, check out some of the pictures below). Looking for a great place to eat at affordable prices and with a fantastic ambience? Do check out About Thyme! 

Temiras: Restaurant Review

This past Friday, I headed to Temiras Coffee Garden to catch up with a friend. It's located on General Mathenge Drive, previously where Le Rustique used to be. Having been a fan of Le Rustique over the years, I was shocked to find that it wasn't the same place that I once knew. However, I was excited once I realised that they served Lebanese food, a new favourite, and so planned to go as soon as I could.

Friday afternoon, around 1:30 pm found me at Temiras, eagerly waiting to see what the place would hold. For a day so close to the weekend at lunch time, the restaurant was strangely empty; at the time I arrived, I was the only customer there, and by the time my friend and I were leaving at around 3:00 pm, there were only a few others. This may be due to Temiras' 'newness', and the loyalty that previous customers had to Le Rustique.

Temiras' menu consists of pages in pockets put together in a leather cover. The cover was interesting, but I would hope that such a place would offer a menu that looked more put together.

On the drink side, Temiras offers a wide variety. Strangely enough though, wine is not on the menu, but various other alcoholic beverages are. I ordered a passion juice (a personal favourite), and was relieved to find that Temiras was not a place that added sugar to fresh juices and absolutely ruined them.

While the place still offers English breakfast and a variety of coffees the way that its predecessor used to, the Lebanese is definitely a welcome addition. While I was tempted by many dishes, I ordered the shish taouk (of course). While it was very different from the tawook I had at Epice in Nashville many months ago, it was quite delicious and well portioned. The chicken was well marinated and soft, and wasn't overwhelmed by any one flavour. The only part of the dish that confused me and left me wanting was the accompaniment of chips (french fries for those of you across the ocean). With such a flavourful main dish, serving plain chips seemed to let down the course a little bit. Garlic chips or herbed roasted potatoes would have been a much better choice! 

My friend ordered some hummus which I tried, and the pita bread that came with this was deliciously soft. The hummus itself was good; not exceptional, but certainly something I would order again. 

The place seemed a little pricey for having so few customers, but this might just have been circumstantial. The service was polite, though it could have been friendlier. Again, this may have been due to a lack of many customers, and maybe our server in particular. 

All in all, Temiras was a pleasant experience in a very convenient location, and I definitely plan to return! It might take a few trips before I can sample the different varieties the menu offers, but I'm not complaining. 

Me First

As a woman who lives in an urban society in the 21st century, I am constantly being bombarded by messages from media and advertising and even the people around me. Many of these messages encourage me to look better, be healthier, dress better; but how many of them encourage me to do it for myself? 

As much as women have progressed recently, the sad thing is that in the society we live in, we are still seen as objects who should look pretty for the sake of other people. This may be changing in other places, but it is very much the case in Nairobi. What women wear and how they look are constantly being judged and criticised and held to ridiculous standards that we aren't allowed to dictate ourselves. I remember hearing the tale of a woman who got married and was made to shower, dress up in Indian traditional clothes and make-up EVERY single morning by the time she was at the breakfast table; whereas her in-laws did not adhere to these standards. 

Unfortunately, many of us are at a stage where if we wish to dress up or put on make up, it is naturally assumed that we are doing so to impress others. If people discover that we may be doing so because we genuinely enjoy it, we are seen as vain. Isn't it time that women were allowed to join the 21st century too? 

Garissa Attacks: Are We One?

Kenyan people are easily roused by trying times. This Easter was a sombre one for Kenyans as news trickled in of a terrorist attack at Garissa University College. The official death toll stands at 147, though this figure does in no way account for the psychological trauma that survivors and responders suffered, and will continue to deal with for some time to come.

You will recall that there was a similar situation about a year and a half ago, at the Westgate mall in Nairobi. There was outcry and outpouring of sympathy for those involved, and the Kenyan people seemed to miraculously come together as one, united against 'evil'.

Having faced a second such attack after less than two years however, is it not important to ask whether or not we are united as Kenyans? Justice may be our shield and defender, but it seems that our definitions of justice vary. Many a time, intentions may be pure but the way justice is carried out leaves us wondering. For example, recently, a top government executive called for rejected recruits to immediately report for duty. Sure, this does address the appalling lack of security personnel in the country... but does it address the lack of honest security personnel at all? One wonders how many of the rejected recruits will fall prey to the Kenyan disease of corruption and become like those Kenyan officers who took advantage of the already dire situation during the Westgate tragedy to loot the stores in the mall.

'We Are One' should not be a cry that we utter only in times of obvious need, such as during external attacks. I'd like to see a Kenya where we proudly proclaim 'We Are One' everyday, and stand united against problems that affect us internally too; such as corruption, petty crime, hunger, and such abject poverty that we should all be ashamed. Where is that united Kenyan spirit during other times? We see divisions of mzungus vs. muhindis vs. mwafrikas, and further division within these groups themselves. We talk about a united front, but often see people looking out only for themselves (and their pockets).

Development is a slow, tedious and multifaceted process. It often seems like one person may not be able to achieve much, but it is through the efforts of individuals that Kenya will slowly move forward economically, socially and politically. Education has a large part to play in this; as does courage. It'll take a generation of educated, focused and dedicated people to kickstart the processes that will catapult our nation to a stage where we can confidently and honestly say that 'We Are One' on all frontiers.

Thankfully, this is already happening. Slowly, but it is. Until then, yes, we do stand together. Maybe not all the time, not everywhere, not all of us. But we are Kenyan, and We Are One.

Instances of Sexism in Kenya

Kenya is a country that has made various advancements, especially so over the past two decades. However, some pockets of society remain 'backward' for lack of a better word, and discrimination is present in many cases, ranging from racism to sexism to homophobia.

I reached out to some people and asked them to share their experiences with sexism in the country. While most of the stories below are from people I know, some are from newspaper articles or stories I've heard through other people. In the interest of keeping these accounts readable, I've presented them all in first person. Please feel free to comment with any you'd like to share!

-As a 'mzungu' man new to the country, I was prepared to adjust to a level of development that wasn't equal to that of my home country. However, one thing took me by surprise (and still does); whenever I went out to a restaurant in the company of one or more females, the check (bill) was always given to me, regardless of whether I was paying or not. To add to this awkwardness, when I was given the bill, most of the time the women I was with didn't even offer to contribute. I don't mind footing the bill once in a while, but I think it's rude to assume that I'll always pay just because I'm a man.

-Incidentally, as a woman who values her independence, it annoys me extremely when I go out to a restaurant and I am never handed the bill. If you are unsure who is paying, put the bill on the corner of the table instead of handing it to the nearest man and seeming like a sexist jerk!

-I find it annoying that whenever I visit a certain family friend's house with my father and brothers, and alcoholic drinks are being served, my father and brothers are always offered things like whisky, beer and rum, whereas I'm not even given the option; I'm expected to stick to 'ladylike' drinks like wine or soda.

-As a woman who lived in Nairobi, I have to live with the constant frustration of knowing that 'society' is watching my every move, from what I wear to what I drink to what I say to whom I associate with, while my male peers seem to escape this close scrutiny. If in the future, I was to get a divorce, I know without any doubt that this same society would place all the blame on me and would even go so far as to shun my family, whereas my husband would be the recipient of lots of sympathy. This double standard absolutely disgusts me.

-My father passed away a few years ago, and needless to say, I was struck hard by this blow. Imagine my shock and horror when my own relatives told me to 'be a man'. I was not permitted to shed tears and grieve the loss of my own father, or even to talk about how I felt with my mother. My female cousins however, were encouraged to 'let out their feelings' and were supported fully. I would have loved to get even just a hug from some of my relatives, but was denied even this basic comfort.

-As a child, I remember going to visit another girl my age, to play at her home. Everything seemed normal up until dinner time; I was extremely confused when her father and brother were sat down and served first, and only when they had almost finished were my friend, her mother and I permitted to join. At that age, I didn't understand what was going on, and only remember feeling extremely awkward and mentioning the same to my parents.

-Back in secondary school, a male friend of mine told me he had a crush on me and would like to 'go out sometime'. I excitedly reported the same to my mother, only to be told that 'girls didn't go out with strange boys'.... whereas my brother had been openly dating a girl for a few months with the full approval of my mother.

-My friend lives in an extended family. If a decision is to be made that doesn't involve what is to be made for dinner that night, his grandfather, father and uncles sit down to do so without the input of the women in the family. Similarly, if they wish to get together with another family, a man from her family will call a man from the other family, and the women will just be informed about what the plans are.

-When I got married, in addition to having to live with my in-laws, I was not allowed to keep my last name. When I suggested a compromise, such that my husband and I both took my maiden name on as a middle name, I was laughed off.

Return to Kenya

As predicted, 2015 has brought with it quite a few changes. In addition to three of my cousins having babies early this year, I recently moved back to Kenya! (Bam). 

A move was inevitable, as I'd predicted earlier this year. The last birthday I celebrated at home with my parents was my 18th, so I planned my move out in such a way that I'd be able to celebrate my 23rd here too. (Here I am, another year older (...wiser?)).

It sounds like such a cliche, but I've been amazed by all the things (and people) that have changed while I've been away, while some things (and people) are exactly the same as they were 5 years ago. 

I plan to be in Kenya for the next few years at least, so for this period, The Kenyan Nomad will have a decidedly Kenyan lens, as I go exploring this familiar place with a fresh gaze. 

I've barely been here two weeks, and have already been inspired to grow my writing beyond what it once was; who wouldn't, surrounded by such beauty? 

32 Facts About Me

I was nominated to do this post by one of my best friends and frequent guest bloggers, Aniqah Khalid. She recently did one herself on her website and you can check it out here: http://www.aniqahkhalid.com/50-facts-about-me-part-1/ I know I was supposed to do 50, but since 32 is all I could think of at this point, 32 is all I'll do! I'll update this post as and when things change.

1) I had a poodle phase when I was younger. I know, exactly what it sounds like. See, everyone goes through an awkward secondary school phase I believe, but mine lasted a little longer thanks to my curly hair. Anyone who has similar hair knows that combing out your curls while dry is probably the worst thing you can do to them; yet this is exactly what I did lots of times when I was younger. Thankfully, I eventually learnt my lesson!!

2) My absolute favourite food is my Mum's pizza. I have absolutely NO clue what she does to the sauce, but bias aside, I've honestly never tasted better!

3) I also love snacking on Cerelac. I know, probably about 22 years too late, but hey. It's yummy and nutritious, right?

4) I'm a tad rebellious in that I'm not afraid to offer opinions that differ from the norm. Sticking to the status quo has never been a priority for me, but that being said, I avoid arguing for the sake of furthering my point. I respect the fact that others are entitled to their opinions, especially so when they have real reasons.

5) I love photography, but haven't had a chance to develop much talent of my own. Right now, I'm at a stage where I find beauty and joy in the work done by others! I did take a few photography classes while I was at Sewanee, and some of my favourite memories include those where I was alone processing my photos in the dark room in the wee hours of the morning, after 2 am, when no one was awake and there was nothing but silence around me.

6) Tea is something I probably can't go without for long periods of time. My favourite (obviously) is Kenyan tea, brewed strong enough with a little bit of milk and sugar.

7) Ever done a waltz with 2 other people? I have. While dressed head-to-toe in scarves handmade by members of the Maasai tribe. In the middle of the night.

8) According to a palm reader I met in the French Quarter of New Orleans, the colour purple is my power/spirit colour (and my friends agree). According to another palm reader I met in India 12 years ago, I'm destined to become a famous author one day.

9) I absolutely LOVE wine, and tend not to go more than a few days without some. My favourite is a red blend from California, Menage a Trois. I have many, many fond memories of this wine!

10) I'm very attached to dogs, especially my own. My family has had dogs continuously from the time when my own father was a little boy.

11) When I was 4 years old, I moved to India for about 3 years with my mother and two sisters. My father was winding up work and was supposed to join us there eventually, but (thankfully) things didn't go according to plan, and we ended up back in Kenya!

12) I come from a large, and extremely close-knit family. We talk almost everyday (thanks to Whatsapp), and keep each other updated on our lives. We may be spread out over four continents, but that hasn't made us distant at all.

13) When I say 'my sisters', I could be referring either to the other daughters my parents have, or the two daughters of my father's sister and her husband. Growing up together in Kenya means that we're all very close, and while two of them are technically 'cousin sisters', I consider all four sisters and tend not to differentiate.

14) I'm a grammar nazi, and I have a love/hate relationship with this fact. When I read something, or talk to someone, I'm quick to notice (and judge) grammar mistakes, and it's even worse when I'm the one who commits the faux-pas.

15) People who know me describe me as friendly, vibrant and extraverted. I love meeting new people, and learning more about their stories. However, something that most people don't know about me is that I also occasionally need (and enjoy) time away from others!

16) They say you're lucky if you have more than one true friend in your lifetime. In that case, I got more than my fair share! I'm blessed to have many people close to my heart, and have a unique relationship with each of them. (They're not all in this picture below, but some are)!

17) I was extremely accident prone as a child, and my love of riding bicycles and climbing trees certainly didn't help! In the first fifteen years of my life, I had numerous falls (and subsequent stitches), some more serious than others. Luckily, in terms of fractures, dislocations and concussions, those were only one each (head and knee respectively). My poor parents and siblings...

18) Blue is my favourite colour, but when it comes to interior decor, I tend to favour red.

19) Most people I know hated organic chemistry and loved inorganic, but I was the other way around!

20) I collect keychains from different parts of the world, and old coins.

21) I love to travel! Being in the same place eventually gets boring for me.

22) I can speak four and a half languages, and I'm hoping to learn more soon!

23) Sewanee was probably the most life-changing thing that ever happened to me. I met so many great people there, many of whom will be part of my life for years to come, and learnt a lot more about life than I expected. The four years I spent there changed me as a person, and the time I spent there still inspires me to grow.

24) I LOVE birthdays. Mine, other peoples', my dogs', whatever. While at Sewanee, I loved planning birthdays for friends. On my 22nd, they got together and planned the perfect day for me; I don't think I'll ever be able to outdo that one.

25) I'm a strong believer in second chances and the fact that people can change. New Year's Day is one of my favourite of the year, not just  because of the celebration, but because of the symbolic new start.

26) I'm a realistic-optimist. I know that life can throw many challenges our way, but I think that worrying and being bitter don't produce results, and if we need to face difficult things, we might as well do so with smiles on our faces.

27) I'm a bookworm, and extremely thankful that I read very quickly; if it wasn't for this skill, I think I would spend more time on books than on people (as I fear I did when I was younger).

28) I don't particularly have a favourite genre for music, but as far as movies go, I steer toward action and romantic-comedies. Some of the ones I return to often enough are the James Bond movies and the Lord of the Rings. I also enjoy horror movies, but only watch them under certain conditions (with other people, and with plenty of time to watch something else after so that I can sleep). In terms of TV shows, I follow many of the ones aired on the CW. My new addictions include House and Supernatural.

29) Over the course of my 22 (almost 23 years), I've considered many different careers, from being a farmer (....I blame Enid Blyton's writing), to being a lawyer, to being an air hostess.

30) A year ago today, I'd never even chopped an onion. Cooking for me was a huge event, and was extremely time-consuming. If I had to do something in the kitchen, my first reaction was 'show me how'. The time I've spent with my sister, Rasna, over the past six months has definitely cured me of this, and my proudest accomplishment in the kitchen was about a month ago. My sister and brother-in-law were returning to the U.S. after a trip to Kenya, and I pulled together a meal that included stir-fried chicken AND a daal. *fist pumps in the air*

31) Although I grew up in a pretty homophobic culture, I support LGBTQ rights. I attribute this entirely to my time at Sewanee, and the people I met there. Love is love, and (as long as it's adult and consensual), I don't think others have a right to dictate who you can or cannot be with. I recently read a great article about this; it talked about the fact that Sikhism believes that we should not discriminate against members of the LGBTQ community, even if some Sikhs do not share their beliefs.

32) Being tall is apparently a family thing; I'm 5'10'', and not even close to being the tallest member of my family.

Personal Space

Today's guest blogger is Billie Rihal, a lifestyle blogger and photographer from Kenya who is studying International Relations and Economics in Vancouver. She has always enjoyed writing, and started her own website in January 2014. Check out her website here: www.billierihal.com

When you give yourself the time to sit down and reflect on life it brings about various lessons and realizations that you learn from. 

During these past few weeks that I've spent in both Vancouver and London/Leicester, I've realized how important it is to be careful of who you let into your personal space. The space that exposes your true self, your flaws, fears and failures. Sometimes we easily trust others and open ourselves in the rawest and purest form and that itself is so beautifully dangerous. Not everyone shares the same standpoint towards facets such as trust, value and respect. That's not bad either, it is simply a gentle reminder to yourself to be aware of who and what you're allowing into YOUR space.

Personal space is a precious and extremely valuable facet in life. It makes you, you. It’s your golden solitude and you have the ability to grow into mastery through your personal space or simply crumble into small pieces… How? By allowing people in general into your zone. Hence, always be cautious of what might build you or break you because the difference in magnitude is so profound, it’s unfathomable. 

Life is beautifully complicated and sometimes we’ll never know why people come and go from our lives, but that’s what makes the journey exhilarating. Accepting the unexpected and building on your wonderful life. Not everyone can fit in it and not everyone stays in it; that is simply a blessing in disguise. 

Be You. Love You. Always. All Ways. 

Love and Light, 

Billie 

To Mr. Metaxas, On the Sewanee Community

Today's guest blog features Lauren Joca, a recent graduate of The University of the South. She wrote an open letter in response to the recent controversy over a speech delivered by an honorary degree recipient at the most recent convocation ceremony held on campus. It certainly deserves a read! 

Dear Mr. Metaxas,

We are all aware of the “controversy” incited by your Convocation address, a student’s response to your address, and your reaction to the student’s response. I hesitate to call it a controversy because it never should have become one. You wrote a speech that I fully suspect you wanted to be controversial. Inasmuch, it did not sit well with certain students and those students voiced their opinions, which you, frankly, encouraged them to do in the first place. The self-serving controversy you have created is deeply upsetting to an alumnus who has had to accept that The University of the South has given an honorary degree to a man who profoundly misunderstands the institution. Your misunderstanding is evidenced by the puerile response you had to a student’s opinion piece and your demand for an apology. While I would very much enjoy going into the hypocrisies of your speech and following actions, I believe those have been well addressed by my fellow alumnae, students, and University faculty. I encourage you to read the wonderfully written open letter penned by Lara Lofdahl, another young alum. I have been working on this letter myself to, hopefully, elucidate the values of The University of the South that you so clearly missed on your visit. I hope that I can help you see why your speech may have offended some, fallen on the deaf ears of others, and ultimately was inappropriate in the context of Convocation. Finally, I hope by now you recognize that you will not receive an apology from the University or from the newspaper because you are not owed one.

Sewanee: The University of the South is many things, not one of which is a close-minded institution, illiberal, and oppressive of free speech. Rather, tucked away on the Cumberland Plateau in rural Tennessee, Sewanee represents a bastion of faith and freedom of expression. The Convocation addresses that came before you have included such varied and influential minds as Desmond Tutu, Wendell Berry, Barbara Bush, Marguerite Kondracke, and Stan Brock. To put it simply, you were in exceptional company. Unfortunately, unlike your speech, their addresses have not been archived. Their words of faith and bravery in action can only be re-lived by those who were there to hear the speeches or through short Sewanee Purple reviews. These speeches did not seem to create such lasting controversy as yours has. This is not surprising at all considering these other speakers simply did not take to social media to disparage students of the University of the South or the University itself. There, sir, you are not in good company.   

One of the most impressive qualities about Sewanee is that it is a strong religious institution, but taught its students moral regard without using overtly religious means. As a freshmen, each and every student must sign the Honor Code. The punishment for failing to follow the Honor Code was expulsion. Classes were often discussion based with students graded on their participation. In this setting, we learned the skills of civil discourse and respect for opposing views in a well-constructed argument. The Passing Hello and Save Sewanee exclamation encouraged connection with your community, even if brief. We showed our professors respect through attendance and practicing class dress. We learned tolerance through hosting a myriad of organizations including Sustain Sewanee, the Gender and Sexual Diversity House, College Republicans, College Democrats, Beyond Sewanee, and the Posse-Plus Retreat. The carillon bells on Sunday never felt like ominous reminders that I was falling short on my faith by spending my afternoon in Shakerag Hollow, the ATC, or even on a couch outside with an adult beverage because the world had finally thawed. In Sewanee, that is something worth celebrating. No, in Sewanee, falling short on my treatment of the community felt much more like falling short on faith.

All this is not to say that people at Sewanee were not devout or felt uncomfortable expressing their devotion. It was almost a guarantee to have a class with a sacristan or a choir member. Students bore Ash Wednesday marks without worry. Lessons and Carols was one of the most popular and heavily-attended events in the community. Before this celebration, the Sewanee community, including students, worked together to decorate All Saint’s Chapel. If students were of another denomination or faith, they often travelled together to different churches or temples in the area. We explored faith together by participating in Growing in Grace. Our Outreach Office was housed within All Saint’s Chapel and practiced faith-based service.

For all of these reasons, I find fault with many of the sentiments you have supported on your Facebook page suggesting that we are a faith-fearing community, skittish around the mention of Jesus. I cannot assure you more that this is far from the truth. Where people may find fault with your speech in All Saint’s Chapel is using their religion to support intolerant ideas. While you are correct that we must be open to hearing opposing views, that opposition is necessary in open discourse, and speech must remain a protected freedom, we have no duty to be tolerant of the intolerant. Martin Luther King, Jr. felt that way, as did Rosa Parks and Jackie Robinson. Their faith gave them the courage to fight against injustice. Indeed in Letter from a Birmingham Jail, King states, “One may well ask, ‘How can you advocate breaking some laws and obeying others?’ The answer is found in the fact that there are two types of laws: there are just laws, and there are unjust laws. I would agree with St. Augustine that ‘An unjust law is no law at all.’" To suggest that, “there is a particular move afoot on campuses and elsewhere to marginalize and even to demonize voices of traditional and historic Christian faith. That’s one of the big issues of our time,” is to seriously misinterpret these movements. In 1964, when some were interpreting the Bible to justify segregation, the exemplary basketball coach Dean Smith sought the guidance of his pastor to integrate Chapel Hill. Furthermore, I point you to the Moral Monday movement in North Carolina led by Reverend William Barber. He is not demonizing traditional Christian faith, he is fighting against hate, injustice, and disenfranchisement. We on Sewanee’s campus do not tolerate these either, nor do we accept these as precepts of traditional and historic Christian faith.

While I recognize that I will not change your own personal beliefs with my remarks, I feel it necessary to show you the faith that Sewanee taught me. It is a faith based in compassion. You say we should hear stories of women who regret their abortions. I agree, I think these women can teach us where we as a society have fallen short. I ask her, why was she so devastated by it? Was it a decision she felt forced into by the other parent? When she shared her decision, was she met with vitriol from friends, family, or her community? Was she forced to face the procedure alone? Did anyone tell her that they understand what she did and why she did it? That they understand, at that moment in time, it was the best decision she could have made for herself, and perhaps even the unborn? In the case of this deeply personal and difficult decision, we must hear, with a compassionate ear, all stories. Perhaps asking whether someone is in favor of marriage equality shuts down the conversation because it is meant to. Is it not prideful of man to assume they can interpret fully the word of God? Is it not ultimately up to Him how we will be judged? Why then should we prevent His children from experiencing, one of the greatest gifts He ever gave us, love?

I will not, of course, pretend that Sewanee is perfect. I have known students that felt slighted by the actions the University has taken on sensitive matters. I, personally, have been stuck in an unsavory position because the University mishandled a student conflict. When these things have happened, what did I do? What did other students do? I felt comfortable expressing my frustrations to a Dean and passing responsibility back to the University. Others formed protests and made clearly visible their own criticisms of the institution. One of the most celebrated events at Sewanee in recent years is The Sewanee Monologues. A prime example of freedom of expression that gives students the chance to discuss drinking and partying at Sewanee, the sexism found on campus, racism, body image, and even the hook-up culture. I assure you that the monologues written about these issues have rarely been celebratory and have introduced critical discussions about human relations on Sewanee’s campus. In short, Sewanee has its problems, but rarely are they shied away from. I have the inclination that when Sewanee makes a mistake, everyone, from the administration to the faculty to the students, is aware of it and feels free to discuss it in any medium they choose, no matter what side they have taken.

I had hoped that someone receiving an honorary degree from my alma mater would feel just that- honored. It is an honor to hold a degree from the University of the South. It is an honor to be a part of such a tight-knit community. It is an honor to have been able to experience the Mountain, learn on the Mountain, and grow on the Mountain. I hope now that you realize why your message may not have been well received, but, more than that, I hope you understand why it was criticized in our paper and why you will not receive an apology for it. Your actions since receiving a degree from The University of the South have insulted current students, past students, and the institution I hold dear. I hope you reflect on these actions and come to understand what makes Sewanee such an exceptional example of liberal arts education in the United States. It deserves your respect. Yea, Sewanee’s right.

Sincerely,

Lauren Joca, Class of 2013

Frustrata

'He who angers you conquers you.'

-Elizabeth Kenny

Wise words, and words that I often repeat to myself in the hopes that they'll finally start to make sense. However, sometimes my mind just doesn't want to listen. See, I have a fatal flaw. When I encounter dogmatism, I'm inclined to dig my heels in and retaliate similarly, and more often than not, this just ends up making me angry. I think my dislike of dogmatism also stems from the knowledge that I'm capable of being dogmatic more often than I'd like. 

As I've stated before, changing the way others think is almost impossible to do. True as this is, it's hard to remember sometimes when faced with absolute stubbornness. While I'm partly referring to the people I sometimes encounter in day-to-day life, face to face or over whatsapp, I'm also referring to online forums that exist to facilitate discussion, but that often turn into black-and-white, right vs. wrong arguments, with each side refusing to listen to the other. Unfortunately, I'm guilty of this. If not by responding publicly to these forums, then by letting them annoy me and carrying this frustration over into other aspects of my life, and I'm sure that there are others who've also struggled with these same issues. 

At the end of the day though, I realise that I've got to remember that confirmation bias* is extremely real, and more applicable to everyday life than I could've imagined, especially in a digital age that facilitates access to people who're the chalk to our cheese. Even if you've formed an opinion from an educated, well-informed and empathetic place, there will always be people whose thinking is radically different. Remembering that THEIR thinking needn't affect YOUR life is crucial; I know I would definitely benefit. We all know what they say about he who argues with a fool, right?

Have a wonderful weekend everyone! 

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* "Confirmation bias (also called confirmatory bias or myside bias) is a tendency for people to favor information that confirms their preconceptions or hypotheses regardless of whether the information is true."

Can We Change?

Can anyone ever really change themselves? It's a question that's been asked over and over again, with people arguing (strongly) for both sides. Nature vs. nurture does play into it at some point, as does personal decisiveness. As people, we get locked into habits and behaviours that seem to get stronger the older we get. Think hard, and you'll notice that who we are is also largely a product of the people we're around. It's crazy, but so many people I know, including my siblings and myself, are eerily similar to their parents in some ways.

The question remains; is it possible for someone to really change? To create new habits, new behaviours, new ways of doing things? Honestly, I believe it's definitely possible. Of course, in order to change, a catalyst is (almost always) needed. A person has to want to, or has to realise that something around them, about them, is not working as optimally as it should. Change is possible, but definitely needs inspiration.

'They' say that the first step is the hardest. I disagree. The first step? It's the easiest. A person recognises a problem, or something they would like to achieve, and starts to work on it. However, once they've started to implement change, it's so much easier to revert back to who they once were, to habits that have been around for years, to patterns of thinking that have been in place for a while. I know this because I've experienced it myself; personally and by observation of people around me. How do we get around this? Awareness and dedication. Awareness of ourselves, our likelihood to slip back into old patterns, and a dedication to change, a real desire that must come from within.

It really doesn't matter what inspires us. Everyone draws inspiration from different things; a strong character from a TV show, change in circumstance that forces personal change, the people around us, and more often than not, plain boredom and frustration with our current circumstances. It's still early January, and I've vowed that 2015 is going to be a year of change for me; I haven't quite figured out my inspiration, but my goals are much clearer, and the way I'm tackling them is by breaking them down as small as I can. Bit by bit, day by day, I'm trying out 'different' till it fits and feels right and till the person I show to myself and those around me is as similar as possible to the person I show everyone else. Aren't we all?

On the same note, we all wonder whether we can truly change other people. Harsh as it may seem, I don't think this is possible. Yes, we can provide a catalyst. We can inspire, we can support, we can hope, and (not that this gets many results) we can nag. At the end of the day, true change must come from within. As a famous man once said, "Be the change that you wish to see in the world."

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Cognitive Shift: An Expert's Take

Dr. Sherry Hamby is a Research Professor of Psychology at Sewanee, and is the founding editor of the APA journal, Psychology of Violence. I was fortunate enough to take some classes with her while I was at Sewanee, and absolutely loved them. I reached out to her to ask her to write guest blog from her angle about an article I posted a while ago:

Cognitive Shift

Here's what Dr. Hamby has to say:

Roshni's blog has many good insights about the challenges of emotional regulation and learning to focus on the positive.  These are challenges that all of face.  There are three main areas that help us deal with adversity and achieve the sort of well-being and happiness that everyone wants:  self-regulation, interpersonal relationships, and meaning making, which can be spiritual or religious but does not have to be. 

We've identified some key skills in each of these areas.  Some of them are the same ones that Roshni has identified too—emotional awareness and emotional regulation are two of the most important strengths for mental health and well-being.  It is ok to feel upset and angry—we all do sometimes—but it is also important to recognize those feelings and make conscious choices about when and how to act on them.  Endurance is another important regulatory skill—the ability to keep going even when things are tough.  In the interpersonal domain it is important to develop compassion and empathy, to figure out ways to give back to others, and to find a supportive community. In the meaning making domain, the optimism that Roshni describes is important.  So is finding a purpose in life and getting involved in something bigger than yourself, whether through church or elsewhere. 

How do you get better at these strengths?  We recommend expressive writing—even a few sessions writing about your experiences can help you better understand them.  This helps with purpose and emotional regulation.  Learning a few skills in meditation and mindfulness can also help with emotional awareness and compassion.  Volunteering helps the volunteers probably as much as it helps the recipients of volunteer efforts.  Even basic things like regular exercise can help strengthen many of these characteristics.  Recent data suggests exercise is about as effective as many other treatments for depression.

So, take Roshni's advice to heart.  We all have difficult experiences but we can still work toward greater well-being and happiness. 

Change in 2015

Today, I head back to Iowa to my sister's place, and I'll be back to work at the internship on Tuesday. This marks the first time that I can remember that I've had only two weeks off for holidays, and I gotta admit; it was severely weird!!

I'm excited though, to see what these next few months will bring my way. Change is inevitable, and more so due to my current circumstances. A year ago, knowing such change was around the corner would've stressed me out to no end, but today? Strangely enough, I'm content with knowing that things are going to change very soon, and I've prepared myself to ride the wave so to speak. Of course, this doesn't mean I'm not being proactive about my future, but I've chosen to trust it more than I have, because the last time I was surprised by my circumstances, it ended up being one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced.

I'm talking about Sewanee, of course. When I started applying to colleges and universities, I had never heard of Sewanee, and if someone told me I'd end up losing my heart to a wonderful place in Tennessee, I'd have probably thought they were crazy! However, just by chance, as I was studying for my SATs, I met an admission counsellor from Sewanee who was visiting Kenya. I decided to apply, one thing led to the next, and the next thing I knew, I was there!! I've told everyone since then that it was one of the best things that happened to me, and I hadn't planned on it at all.

If my Sewanee experience taught me anything, it's that when it comes to change, luck seems to be in my favour. Why lose trust now?

Have a great first week, everybody!

(This picture is from the official University of the South Facebook page)!

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Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone!! This is my favourite holiday of the year. 2015 is already looking to be an exciting one, and I hope that it's as wonderful as you all deserve! I'll sign off with a picture I stumbled across about a year ago that so perfectly sums up what this day is about. Sure, New Year's may just be a date, but we're human, and thus, relish opportunities to start over, to start new, to be happy.