Light Fire from the Spark: Rohan Gandhi

"When you are at rock bottom, the only way to move is up."

These are words we've all probably heard at one point or another - but how many of us have actually lived them? Meet Rohan Gandhi...

Growing up, Rohan had dreamed of becoming a pilot. He had a passion for cars and planes, a passion that guided him to becoming a mechanical engineer. Aside from his professional aspiration, he also wanted to box professionally. While growing up, he was a victim of bullying, and was able to overcome an inferiority complex after he was inspired by the Rocky Balboa movies.

Sounds like a story many of us can relate to, right?

The 12th of February, 2004, was just another day in 16 year old Rohan's life - or so he thought. Who knew that a short span of 20 minutes would end up changing his life forever?

A spinal cord infarction is "a stroke either within the spinal cord or the arteries that supply it. It is caused by arteriosclerosis or a thickening or closing of the major arteries to the spinal cord." 

Sounds like a medical definition that we may encounter at a doctor's office and move past - but for Rohan it was a reality that left him paralysed from the waist down in the presence of his peers. As he puts it, "everyone went to school the next day... I didn't."

Unfortunately, for this particular condition, and indeed many other spinal cord injuries in general, there is no real medication or guaranteed form of treatment available. However, there are support services available for rehabilitation at the National Spinal Injury Hospital and a large amount of resources available through the National Council for People with Disabilities. Aside from physical therapy, these bodies also advise and counsel individuals who suffer from depression or low self-esteem as a result of such injuries. 

When the reality of his condition dawned on him, Rohan found himself feeling overwhelmed and confused. Everyone is afraid of that which they cannot understand, and he was no different. On top of adapting to new circumstances, Rohan also experienced a lack of self-confidence compounded by the resulting obesity. He was afraid to go back to school, to face the people he thought were his friends. All his peers were preparing to go overseas to study as he instead had to gear up for his biggest mental battle to date. 

He expected everyone and anyone to judge him for his new circumstances - and the unfortunate reality is that some people did. He recalls one incident when he was actually asked to leave a gym due to his condition some years down the line. Although he could've chosen to give them a fight that they probably wanted, Rohan paused and channeled his energies into becoming even stronger. When they went low, he went high. As he puts it, "Despite my challenge, why wasn't I just as, if not stronger than him/ her physically? Sensible choices - build yourself or break down others."

His lower limbs were completely paralysed up until he began intense physiotherapy. Currently, he has recovered up to about a 60% amount of usage through sheer will and continuous training. 

Rohan cites his father as his role model. He credits his parents and brother as his biggest sources of strength, for helping to make him confident enough to embrace his new reality, and to overcome his fears - a fear of not being accepted, of not being able to stand again, and of not being able to hold his child's hand to teach them how to walk in the future. His family helped him battle the "insecurity demon" as he calls it. They never let it occur to him that he was any less than what he used to be, or that he was at a disadvantage compared to the people standing around him. They laughed at his awkward situations together, and I'm sure we can all agree that a positive approach to any negative situation can do wonders. 

Rohan tells us about a moment that helped change his outlook on life. This was at a stage when he was battling low self-esteem and a lack of motivation to do anything about it. If anyone smiled at him, the first thought he had was that they were mocking him. During his second year of university, a girl approached him with the words "It doesn't matter if you're in a wheelchair, you're a handsome guy. You're just really fat!" Blunt words, but fortunately coming from a place of concern rather than condescension. She invited Rohan to go to the gym with her, and that was it. 

Within 6 months, after having lost 30 kg, his energy levels had shot up, and he saw a remarkable change in people's attitudes toward him. The truth of the matter is that they probably sensed a change in his attitude that became infectious! Exercise does have a wonderful way of boosting self-esteem, whether this is as part of a weight loss journey or not. 

He believes that regardless of your situation - physical, mental, or financial - if you develop a fearless attitude to exploit opportunities, the outcome will be one of two things. Either people will get out of your way, or they will follow you. He cites the example of Franklin D. Roosevelt, who suffered from Polio which left him paralysed from the waist down too, but whose never-say-die attitude resulted in him being remembered as one of the U.S.'s most fearless presidents. 

Let's hear from Rohan as he answers some questions for us:

1) What's the best advice someone has ever given you?

Your inability to cope with your reality will ruin you. Fight.

2)  How did you battle your anxieties and depression?

I was always a witty and funny person. Getting paralysed didn't change that.  Initially I battled the anxiety/ depression by ignoring and suppressing it through humor. In one sense, I would hide behind the tears of a clown. Then I picked up the pen and started writing... every time  I felt a certain way I'd write it down as poetry to express myself, then I picked up the mic and became vocal through spoken word and rap. It is unbelievable the solace I found in my own words, in my own mind. 

3) How would you define your life journey now?

I'm not sure. I still haven't figured it out. One thing is I know is I am not the only one that has struggled or is suffering. Whether it is a mental condition or physical there are many people just like me. I was fortunate enough to find my strength and I want to help as many people as I can find theirs. I want to spread positivity and confidence to make people believe in themselves before believing in others ..... no matter what your dreams are or what you're aspiring to achieve. 

I want to help people in need. I don't know how else to put it. This world is an unforgiving place. Competition and the drive to be the best makes people hurt each other rather than inspire. We need to reach out and show people how things are done rather than brag about what we've achieved. Knowledge and good is the only thing you can leave behind worth recognizing, your ego, beauty and money goes with you. What I may lack physically I like to think I make up mentally. I'm only getting stronger and if I focus enough I can only get better or at the least reduce the discomfort associated with my physical state. We define our limits. 

4) What has surprised you about your journey since that day back in 2004?

 People’s attitudes and the fact that situations never get easier, they only get less difficult through conditioning. 

5) Let's say you're invited to give a TED talk. What are you going to talk about?

There are two topics I would consider. One is fearlessness - I'd love to motivate people to do what they've always wanted to. 

The other is women's empowerment from a male perspective, and this would have to be after doing a lot more research and educating myself more on this. I have observed a lot of resistance and inequality that women face in society, from jobs, to relationships, to life in general. My opinion is that women are more considerate to people, and can do what men can't. A personal example is that despite my condition, I have had girls see past my challenges so often that I almost feel like nothing is different about me. However, men would find it difficult to date a woman in a wheelchair, and would tend to see her as less than an abled woman. 

6) What do you wish you had known earlier?

 I wish I knew the power of positivity and how much of a difference it can make in helping one adapt to or overcome any challenge. I found it out a bit late. Still no regrets.

7) Let's say you just won a million dollars. What would be the top 3 to 5 things you would prioritise, and why?

Tough question. So in order.

-     Set up a charity for children. Poverty is the most painful scenario to watch. One child sitting on a couch eating popcorn watching a documentary about another child starving to death.

-     Travel the world. I can’t take the money and go so might as well see the most of what I can now.

-     Set up a music studio and artist development company. – I love music and realize the struggles that go into creating a project. Artists want to express themselves and sometimes can’t only because of the fact that they can't afford the service. I want to help break that norm for others and myself. 

8) Any advice for others who may be struggling in their lives?

Be fearless and let nobody discourage you in any sort of way. Surround yourself with people that lift you up and tell you how to do things, not with people that raise doubts in your mind. How you control your fear, anger and ability to reason in situations determines outcome .... if you fail make sure you learn, if you win make sure you teach. Be brave enough to experience both. 

When asked about why he felt he could share his story on this platform, Rohan says:

My goal with this article, my purpose with being in the public eye in general, is to show people that no matter how bad your situation, someone has it worse. There are people that would gladly trade their problems with yours and comfortably walk a mile in your shoes. We need to understand not everything is going to work in our favor, the beautiful eyes that we love may never look at us, the person we thought would never change ends up being different, one day we’re walking the next day we aren’t... bad things happen but there’s nothing you cannot adjust to. For me personally, I may never be able to slow dance with a girl again or walk with my child clinging to my hand but... I'm here, I'm drawing breath.... and I’m loved.  Open your eyes... how hard is your life really ?  You can use your story as an example of a tragedy or as example of sheer strength and triumph. Losers worry about losing... I’m a winner. 

As he puts it "Anyone who finds hope when they read my story motivates me to be stronger. Out of 100 people that see me, 99 will turn the other way, but the one that doesn't... that's my strength."

A huge thank you to Rohan Gandhi and Aniqah Khalid for their support on this article!

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If You Don't Grow, You Die

By now, most of you know Aniqah Khalid, one of my best friends and fellow writers. Usually she guest posts content she hasn't published before on my blog, but I absolutely LOVED her most recent post, and so I had to have it too! Enjoy. 

Today, on the 7th of May 2015, I have decided to embrace life and fight for my happiness and I would like all of you struggling to do this with me too. For three years, my life has been a downward spiral of anxieties, depression, negativity, paranoia and just everything wrong. I have decided to put an end to this and I have recently learned through a life changing video by Mimi Ikonn that you have to invest in sustainability. There is no magic pill where you wake up one day and everything is completely fine. You have to TRY and work at your salvation. Her tips are the ones I will share below and I challenge everyone who is mildly or severely unhappy to partake in this happiness challenge with me for a month and see how we feel by the end of it. However, we must be dedicated and work at this daily and united, and give this our absolute all. It is time to step up and fight for our happy ever afters.

1) Every morning we must CHOOSE to be happy. Life is a simple matter of attitude and outlook. Everyday we must slowly work our minds and shape them to see everything in a more positive and holistic way. Be disgustingly grateful for every small thing and hopefully make it become second nature to us.

2) It’s time to give the negative people in our life the axe. I have started doing that where I am focusing wholeheartedly on positive, inspiring, happy and focused people. You do not need the extra negativity, dealing with ourselves is hard enough, having to deal with external negativity is absolutely unnecessary. Moreover, apart from our friends and acquaintances, let us now surround ourselves with positive reading, be it books or blogs and positive entertainment; ted talks, motivational speakers, bloggers and vloggers, F.R.I.E.N.D.S and whatever makes you happy!

3) One of the things Mimi mentioned is to not watch the news. As a blogger and budding journalist this is something I was quite reluctant to try out. But the more I thought about it the more it struck me that indeed the news is so unbelievably depressing. Is it true that we should not keep a blind eye and be more compassionate to humanity, but how are you of any help to humanity where you are emotionally and mentally unstable? Help and sort yourself out first. News does indeed depress me and if there is something big that happens one is bound to definitely hear about it, but for now let us try focus on the positives happening out there.

4) It’s time to jump into the meditation pool. I find mediation extremely hard because when I focus on my mind and body they begin to play tricks on me which feeds my anxiety. However, it is not meant to be easy when you begin, but as you work at it the effects begin to pay off. It is scientifically proven that meditation produces parasympathetic healing and it is even used for healing physically and mentally ill patients. Furthermore, I have seen a first hand experience of how mediation changes a persons life through my best-friend Gurkiran. She has become a completely different girl; her outlook, mindset and mannerisms are totally different and it all stemmed from mediation. It is also a practice of many religions which is also clear evidence of how important it is. In Islam our prayers work to meditate our minds where there is only you, your soul and your Lord. I aim to try meditation at least once a day and I will come back with results.

5) Let us self reflect. I usually do this in a more “what is wrong with me?” manner. I have realized that that is definitely not a right approach. What we must do is to condition the mind to focus on the positives around us. My mind begins working when I am about to fall asleep, at that point why do I not think about all the little amazing things that happen to me during the day and scream ALLHAMDILLULAH in my heart? It’s time we change our brain wiring before it’s too late.

6) I find myself becoming day by day an emotionless stone. According to Mimi one of the underrated keys to being happy is giving out hugs. She recommends five but I am going to try three. I know this sounds utterly absurd but apparently this enhances happiness so I am going to try whatever it takes.

7) It is also time for us to start expressing our love. We are missing out on what all of these other happy twits feel when they are all mushy and lovey dovey to the people they love. I have a feeling this will greatly change our lives in more ways than we expect. This doesn’t mean just saying you love your mum, this also includes selfless acts of kindness-it’s time to tap into our unconditional love box and start thinking about others as well.

8) Let's be okay with not being 100% okay, or happy, or ‘normal’. We make a big deal about how we are feeling and we always want to figure out why. We need to learn to accept that this is a hardship and a test, and this too shall pass. In previous generations anxieties and depression were unheard of because people would understand that life most certainly has its highs and lows.

9) It is important to understand that how you are feeling is your body or soul trying to tell you to make a change. I believe that my soul is trying to tell me to respond to my religious calling. To fall in love with my faith and rediscover my creator. In other words I think I am unhappy because I am not a good Muslim and I have decided that it is finally time to change that. You need to know what it is that is bothering you and you must make the change whether its your diet, your lifestyle, your relationship, your faith or anything in your life bringing you down.

10) The last point is to have a purpose. You need to do something for yourself- we need to set challenging goals and get out of our comfort zones. When I used to hear of ‘growth’, I never fully understood it, but now I understand that growing means finding your life purpose and becoming a better person. If you do not grow you die. That was slowly happening to me which is why I have decided to take and make the change. It is time to believe in our purpose.

I am going to practice all ten points every single day till the 7th of June where I am hoping to report back a completely different person and I am greatly hoping to make these habits part of my daily routine forever. I call on everyone to partake in this challenge with me, and I would love to hear about how you are coping and if this is helping you at all. Happiness is now ours for the taking, we just have to want it that bad.

About Thyme: Restaurant Review

Having recently moved to Kenya, I've been eager to connect with other bloggers in the area. Unfortunately the only one I knew is the talented Aniqah Khalid of Maisha, but I was lucky enough to get to meet Jean Wandimi of The Wine and Food Review last week. We arranged to meet at About Thyme, on Eldama Ravine. I hadn't been for years and years, and was curious to see what I would find. However, the experience was absolutely fantastic!

I absolutely love the cozy ambience that About Thyme has created, and actually think it would be an absolutely fantastic place for writers to work and stay inspired (hint: don't be surprised to find me typing here)!

The service was fast, friendly and efficient. Our server was knowledgeable and willing to help. Despite it being only a Tuesday afternoon, there was a steady stream of people coming in, which I think in itself speaks volumes. The manager/owner (I should have probably clarified which) kept checking in on us and other guests, and was actively engaged in what was going on around her.

Since I was still suffering from a cold at that point, we chose to sit inside. I didn't order any wine for the same reason, and went for a cup of soothing green tea. However, I was pleased at the extensive range of wines, cocktails and other alcoholic beverages that they serve, and do intend to return to try the same!

Luckily for us, the menu was extensive and didn't just feature the 'usual' stuff. They had a quick lunch offer, which consisted of tea or coffee, a main meal, and a dessert at an affordable price. Jean chose this, and ordered the English fish and chips. I chose from the main menu, and actually ordered based upon the (great) recommendation from our server. I went for the pumpkin and amaretti tortellini. 

It was ABSOLUTELY amazing! The flavours blended together very well and almost exploded in my mouth (pardon the cliche), the presentation was excellent, and the food was served at a good temperature. On top of that, I was served a very hearty portion and so had enough for leftovers later! I don't usually order tortellini at restaurants, but have changed my mind after this experience. 

While I didn't have much room for dessert, Jean's dish came with a dessert, so I tried some of the fruit off of her fruit platter. 

However, I definitely do want to return to try the drinks as mentioned above, and the desserts (if you're not convinced, check out some of the pictures below). Looking for a great place to eat at affordable prices and with a fantastic ambience? Do check out About Thyme! 

32 Facts About Me

I was nominated to do this post by one of my best friends and frequent guest bloggers, Aniqah Khalid. She recently did one herself on her website and you can check it out here: http://www.aniqahkhalid.com/50-facts-about-me-part-1/ I know I was supposed to do 50, but since 32 is all I could think of at this point, 32 is all I'll do! I'll update this post as and when things change.

1) I had a poodle phase when I was younger. I know, exactly what it sounds like. See, everyone goes through an awkward secondary school phase I believe, but mine lasted a little longer thanks to my curly hair. Anyone who has similar hair knows that combing out your curls while dry is probably the worst thing you can do to them; yet this is exactly what I did lots of times when I was younger. Thankfully, I eventually learnt my lesson!!

2) My absolute favourite food is my Mum's pizza. I have absolutely NO clue what she does to the sauce, but bias aside, I've honestly never tasted better!

3) I also love snacking on Cerelac. I know, probably about 22 years too late, but hey. It's yummy and nutritious, right?

4) I'm a tad rebellious in that I'm not afraid to offer opinions that differ from the norm. Sticking to the status quo has never been a priority for me, but that being said, I avoid arguing for the sake of furthering my point. I respect the fact that others are entitled to their opinions, especially so when they have real reasons.

5) I love photography, but haven't had a chance to develop much talent of my own. Right now, I'm at a stage where I find beauty and joy in the work done by others! I did take a few photography classes while I was at Sewanee, and some of my favourite memories include those where I was alone processing my photos in the dark room in the wee hours of the morning, after 2 am, when no one was awake and there was nothing but silence around me.

6) Tea is something I probably can't go without for long periods of time. My favourite (obviously) is Kenyan tea, brewed strong enough with a little bit of milk and sugar.

7) Ever done a waltz with 2 other people? I have. While dressed head-to-toe in scarves handmade by members of the Maasai tribe. In the middle of the night.

8) According to a palm reader I met in the French Quarter of New Orleans, the colour purple is my power/spirit colour (and my friends agree). According to another palm reader I met in India 12 years ago, I'm destined to become a famous author one day.

9) I absolutely LOVE wine, and tend not to go more than a few days without some. My favourite is a red blend from California, Menage a Trois. I have many, many fond memories of this wine!

10) I'm very attached to dogs, especially my own. My family has had dogs continuously from the time when my own father was a little boy.

11) When I was 4 years old, I moved to India for about 3 years with my mother and two sisters. My father was winding up work and was supposed to join us there eventually, but (thankfully) things didn't go according to plan, and we ended up back in Kenya!

12) I come from a large, and extremely close-knit family. We talk almost everyday (thanks to Whatsapp), and keep each other updated on our lives. We may be spread out over four continents, but that hasn't made us distant at all.

13) When I say 'my sisters', I could be referring either to the other daughters my parents have, or the two daughters of my father's sister and her husband. Growing up together in Kenya means that we're all very close, and while two of them are technically 'cousin sisters', I consider all four sisters and tend not to differentiate.

14) I'm a grammar nazi, and I have a love/hate relationship with this fact. When I read something, or talk to someone, I'm quick to notice (and judge) grammar mistakes, and it's even worse when I'm the one who commits the faux-pas.

15) People who know me describe me as friendly, vibrant and extraverted. I love meeting new people, and learning more about their stories. However, something that most people don't know about me is that I also occasionally need (and enjoy) time away from others!

16) They say you're lucky if you have more than one true friend in your lifetime. In that case, I got more than my fair share! I'm blessed to have many people close to my heart, and have a unique relationship with each of them. (They're not all in this picture below, but some are)!

17) I was extremely accident prone as a child, and my love of riding bicycles and climbing trees certainly didn't help! In the first fifteen years of my life, I had numerous falls (and subsequent stitches), some more serious than others. Luckily, in terms of fractures, dislocations and concussions, those were only one each (head and knee respectively). My poor parents and siblings...

18) Blue is my favourite colour, but when it comes to interior decor, I tend to favour red.

19) Most people I know hated organic chemistry and loved inorganic, but I was the other way around!

20) I collect keychains from different parts of the world, and old coins.

21) I love to travel! Being in the same place eventually gets boring for me.

22) I can speak four and a half languages, and I'm hoping to learn more soon!

23) Sewanee was probably the most life-changing thing that ever happened to me. I met so many great people there, many of whom will be part of my life for years to come, and learnt a lot more about life than I expected. The four years I spent there changed me as a person, and the time I spent there still inspires me to grow.

24) I LOVE birthdays. Mine, other peoples', my dogs', whatever. While at Sewanee, I loved planning birthdays for friends. On my 22nd, they got together and planned the perfect day for me; I don't think I'll ever be able to outdo that one.

25) I'm a strong believer in second chances and the fact that people can change. New Year's Day is one of my favourite of the year, not just  because of the celebration, but because of the symbolic new start.

26) I'm a realistic-optimist. I know that life can throw many challenges our way, but I think that worrying and being bitter don't produce results, and if we need to face difficult things, we might as well do so with smiles on our faces.

27) I'm a bookworm, and extremely thankful that I read very quickly; if it wasn't for this skill, I think I would spend more time on books than on people (as I fear I did when I was younger).

28) I don't particularly have a favourite genre for music, but as far as movies go, I steer toward action and romantic-comedies. Some of the ones I return to often enough are the James Bond movies and the Lord of the Rings. I also enjoy horror movies, but only watch them under certain conditions (with other people, and with plenty of time to watch something else after so that I can sleep). In terms of TV shows, I follow many of the ones aired on the CW. My new addictions include House and Supernatural.

29) Over the course of my 22 (almost 23 years), I've considered many different careers, from being a farmer (....I blame Enid Blyton's writing), to being a lawyer, to being an air hostess.

30) A year ago today, I'd never even chopped an onion. Cooking for me was a huge event, and was extremely time-consuming. If I had to do something in the kitchen, my first reaction was 'show me how'. The time I've spent with my sister, Rasna, over the past six months has definitely cured me of this, and my proudest accomplishment in the kitchen was about a month ago. My sister and brother-in-law were returning to the U.S. after a trip to Kenya, and I pulled together a meal that included stir-fried chicken AND a daal. *fist pumps in the air*

31) Although I grew up in a pretty homophobic culture, I support LGBTQ rights. I attribute this entirely to my time at Sewanee, and the people I met there. Love is love, and (as long as it's adult and consensual), I don't think others have a right to dictate who you can or cannot be with. I recently read a great article about this; it talked about the fact that Sikhism believes that we should not discriminate against members of the LGBTQ community, even if some Sikhs do not share their beliefs.

32) Being tall is apparently a family thing; I'm 5'10'', and not even close to being the tallest member of my family.