The Pink Ladoo Project

It's wonderful what one can find while stumbling aimlessly around Facebook. On one such day, I came across the "Pink Ladoo Project", and the name had me instantly intrigued. So the natural next step was to investigate what this project was all about - and I instantly fell in love with the idea.

The South Asian culture, whether in South Asia or abroad as many of us are, still had lots of gender-biased traditions that permeate far and wide. I'm thankful everyday that I grew up in a family where my being a female was celebrated, not treated as something to be ashamed of. I know of many South Asian women my age who are still expected to aspire to marriage and childbearing as their highest goals.

Yes, you may have done all these wonderful things - but when are you getting married?

I recently started working at McKinsey, and remember running into someone at a (South Asian) wedding soon after this happened. They were very happy for and proud of me, and said as much, but soon enough the conversation veered into what I could do with my life next. "So, beta, now that you have a good job - when are you getting married?" To say I was shocked would be an understatement.

I am so, SO grateful to have parents who have never led me to believe that being a wife and/or mother is all I should ever aspire to be. Indeed, my parents have never asked me the awful "So when are you getting married?" question, but I have gotten plenty of "So when are you getting your next degree?" questions.

Traditionally, when a male child is born in many South Asian cultures, the family distributes special sweets (called ladoos) to friends, family and neighbours. While this is slowly changing to encompass the birth of female children too, it is a slow and uphill battle. When I was born (all the way back in the early nineties), my parents celebrated my birth by distributing sweets - and people thought they were crazy. Why were they celebrating the birth of a girl? That too, their THIRD girl?! Sadly, twenty-four years later, this kind of thinking is a lot more prevalent than we would like.

I've recently heard conversations that go like this:

Person A: I'm so happy! My daughter/sister/brother/someone I know just had a baby girl!

Person B: Oh, a girl? Koi baat nahi...

('Koi baat nahi' roughly translates to 'never mind' or 'no matter' or 'it's okay'. It's literally someone saying that having a girl is something to be disappointed about. Seriously?)

Every single time I've heard such a conversation, I've felt sick to my stomach. These are not people living in a village without education who still think a girl is a burden because dowry (another outdated practice, I think we can all agree) will have to be paid for her at some stage. No, these are educated people who should know better - who have daughters of their own.

This is why I love the Pink Ladoo Project, and I want more people to hear about it. The project's mission is 'to eradicate gender-biased South Asian practices, customs and traditions', specifically by focusing on the practice of celebrating the birth of the boy by distributing ladoos, but not doing the same for girls. The project encourages families to distribute pink ladoos when a girl child is born. Such a simple act, and yet one that can have such far reaching effects - some simply because it will encourage conversation and thinking about gender equality. 

I'd encourage you to check out their Facebook page, where many families have shared their own 'pink ladoo' stories here: https://www.facebook.com/pinkladoo/

Let's keep the conversation flowing on this! I want my nieces to grow up in a world where they NEVER have to feel like their existence is not celebrated simply because of their gender. 

Bold and Badass: Vava Angwenyi

I first met Vava at the Sankalp Forum in Nairobi, a little over a month ago. We were at one of the sessions, a 'service provider speed dating session', designed to put entrepreneurs together with service providers. I was there as a service provider, and she as an entrepreneur. While we spoke for no more than 5 minutes, I was impressed by her, and wanted to know more. I heard great things about her from others too.

Naturally, I spoke to her about the YWSE (Nairobi) network, and thought that it'd be great to have her as a speaker. Little did I know how soon this was to happen! This past Monday (the 4th of April), was our monthly "How She Does It" YWSE dinner. Despite the rain and awful Nairobi traffic, Vava showed up, and managed to captivate her audience very easily!

Vava Angwenyi, Founder of Vava Coffee

Vava aims to make bold and badass (her own words) decisions in all that she does- a phrase that quickly caught on and proved to be quite inspirational to the rest of us! Vava has been working in the traditionally male-dominated coffee industry for 10 years now, and founded Vava Coffee in 2009, with the aim of providing sustainable livelihoods for coffee farmers. "As Africa, we have become too dependent on aid," she explained. "We don't challenge ourselves."

Kenyan children are expected to follow a certain path- go to school, get a good job, get married, have some kids, and then die. However, Vava knew that this wasn't for her. As someone who's very good at seeing a long term vision, she's never been short sighted, and she's trying to challenge the view that once you go to school and leave, the first job you get will be your dream job.

"Whatever you do, you HAVE to be passionate about it! When you truly believe in something, you have to see it through, and the rest of the pieces will fall into place."
-Vava

After she finished her first degree, she knew that she couldn't go back with just one degree- she was a Kenyan daughter, after all. So, she proceeded to get her masters in International Finance from the Netherlands. Once she finished her thesis, she went home- and was treated like an outcast for a while, due to the high expectations her family had of her. When Vava, who has a background in actuarial science and finance, told her mother that she was going to quit and join the coffee industry, her mother presented her with all the invoices for her school fees, and told her to pay them back, "once she was successful".

It wasn't any easier finding a support system within her friend circle; most of them didn't understand what she was doing, or even why she was doing it. She shared a crucial lesson she learnt along the way: "If you're trying to create change and you're sure of yourself, you've done enough soul searching- it has to be more than the money that drives you." In her own words, what has happened in her life so far has been phenomenal.

In a journey like Vava's, there are bound to be moments where one would want to quit, and it is crucial to find a good support system, be this physical, virtual or both. Her lovely daughter, Timanoi (who attended the dinner too), is a great support system, who from time to time reminds her mother "Mama, you can't give up!"

When you want to quit and don't have support, the right people will stick around. Vava does advise, however, never to share all your problems with others. She also stressed the importance of having a virtual support system, great people whose quotes and stories resonate and help you push forward. For her, two of these people are Steve Jobs and Nat Robinson (author of Creating a Cash Cow in Kenya).

Sometimes, it's hard to realise how something that is happening at the time can actually be for our benefit. While Vava was staying with her mother, she was given 7 days notice to move out and find a place of her own. This pushed her to work harder and do better, and she credits this as being one of the factor that brought her to where she is today. Parents in Kenya have a tendency to shelter their children- Vava mentioned the fact that it's not uncommon to find children of 35 or 40 living with their parents, and unconsciously expecting to be spoonfed. The education system doesn't help with this, as more often than not, children tend to just cram and regurgitate, and expect to be handheld. According to Vava, children from educational systems abroad are all rounders, capable of thinking outside the box, and are more adaptable. The moment you start having real responsibilities in life, you start learning and growing, and for Vava, this experience definitely helped her do both.

Some questions members of the audience had for Vava:

What have been some of the biggest moments you've had that've made you feel like everything has been worth it? 

Honestly, the best moments have been when my farmers are happy. Recognition is good, but money is also important; I have previously said no to awards that have no money. A funny moment that happened recently was when I toasted with my six year old daughter. Me: "Here's to making change and increasing impact." Her: "Here's to making money!" I've created a monster!

(Vava also works with women from Kibera, an informal settlement in Nairobi, who work to make the gift bags for the coffee produced.) 

There have been times when the women in Kibera have prayed for me, have been there for me, have given me encouragement. Most of them are HIV+ and they don't have a lot to give; they really helps me to put my problems in perspective. They're joyful. There's a lot we can learn from these women!

Other moments that count are when my clients are happy, and when emails come in telling me that I inspire people. Funnily enough, theses emails always come in when I need them most. They make me cry and inspire me to get up and get going.

What are some of the challenges women entrepreneurs face? 

Many in this country- especially if you're outspoken! When going to a bank for money, it's not uncommon to be asked questions like "Does your husband know what you're doing?", "Can't he give you money?" or even "Does he approve?".

My advice? Let people think you're crazy. Our society hasn't yet absorbed the strength of a woman!

I entered a traditionally male-dominated industry, and everyone thought I was crazy at first. However, now, the people who used to laugh at me stand up and listen when I have something to say.


Not only is Vava an inspirational entrepreneur, but she's also won many awards for what she's done including the top 12 social enterprises worldwide from the BBC world challenge program! Interested in learning more about Vava? Check out her website and Facebook page! Let's all strive to be bold and badass like Vava, shall we?

Liked this post? Leave a comment on Facebook and let me know, like or retweet the tweet below, and feel free to share with friends and family!

Here's the #boldandbadass Vava of @VavaCoffeeKenya https://t.co/NnH8PbBJcs #socent #entrepreneurship #KOT #Kenya pic.twitter.com/XcLoFG67eJ

— The Kenyan Nomad (@TheKenyanNomad) April 11, 2016

Live Free, Live Fierce: An Evening with Muthoni Gathecha

Muthoni and I at the 'How She Does It' dinner

Those of you who know anything about Sewanee know that it has an abundance of empowering people to connect with, and networking events galore! I can't even begin to count the amount of times I sat down with a group of amazing men and women and had meaningful conversations about anything and everything. Since coming back to Kenya, I've definitely missed the ease of access to people I could have such conversations and connections with. This is why, when a friend of mine suggested I attend a dinner and a talk that was part of a monthly series hosted by a nonprofit organisation in the area, I jumped at the chance. Connecting with fantastic, motivating women AND a great guest speaker? Of course I went! (And took my sister with me too.) I had a wonderful time, and definitely plan on going back.

Luckily for me, I was seated right next to the guest of honour, Muthoni Gathecha (psychologist, motivational speaker, actress and presenter at The Vagina Monologues), and I'm very glad that I was! Right off the bat, her energy was absolutely captivating, and her talk was extremely inspirational. As a woman who strives to be fearless and be her very best, it was amazing for me to hear from someone who IS fearless and even better than her best.

There was no way I was keeping this inspiration and empowerment to myself, and so I wrote down as much from her talk as I could, and knew that I'd end up writing about it before the week was over. Here we are!

'I am Muthoni and I am a woman.' Captivating words, and a great introduction. Muthoni explained that that introduction fits her best, because everything else about her was either acquired or learnt. Her job, her children, her studies and other such attributes only complement who she is, and do not have the right to define her wholly. I think this is a great message for women to take away, and learn to proudly own their identity! She also introduced herself as a happily divorced woman, and said (rightly so) that she did not have space for anyone who was uncomfortable accepting that.

Muthoni led us to the beginning of the series of events that built her up to be the woman that she is today. As a twelve year old, she was very forward. She would always be compared to her siblings, academically too. When she got back the results of an important exam that she took at that age, she realised that she didn't do as well as she thought she had, but her father was up in arms. At that point he told her "The best you could be is a househelp or a prostitute." Those words stuck with her, and she swore to herself that never again would such words be spoken to her, and she would achieve great things on her own merit.

At a time where everyone was choosing to pursue degrees in fields like law or medicine, Muthoni decided to get a degree in teaching. "I love the sound of my own voice," she said laughingly, "and I find it positively orgasmic to speak in front of people, and the power that gives me!" After she graduated, she was posted to Mombasa, and just two years later, at the young age of 25, she became a deputy head teacher. She had command, and the people around her obviously realised this. Two more years later, she was again promoted, and became the principal of her school. After five years in this role, she decided to pursue a Masters in Education Administration. Muthoni loves working with youth; they have a lot of energy and a lot to give, and she thrives off of this.

After a few years in a senior administrative role and a second Masters in Psychology, at the age of 50, Muthoni realised that she was stuck in a rut. Life had become monotonous, and she needed a change. There was a lot of turmoil in her life at that point, and she asked herself if that was all she had to give. So, she took early retirement at 50, and had a dramatic change; she went into acting. It wasn't easy at first, but Muthoni persevered, never stopped believing in herself and her value, and gave it her absolute all. For her first audition, she was considered too young for the main role. She was offered one scene in one episode in a 250-episode series, and decided to say yes in the spirit of not being negative. It definitely paid off; the actress who was chosen for the main role initially could not keep up, and Muthoni got the role!

Today, Muthoni is at a place where the offers are actually lining up to such an extent that she has had to turn them down. She needed to go through all that she did before she could realise her potential and all that she had to offer. She managed to move from what she termed an 'area of mediocrity,' where she had the safety of a salary at the end of the month, to a place where she had to challenge herself for every paycheque. This may seem difficult to some, but Muthoni is thoroughly enjoying herself! She has a lot of creativity and energy, and uses a metaphor that I absolutely loved: "I am not a car; I do not have a reverse gear. I move forward!"

Muthoni's energy is evident, and I'm very glad that I was able to meet her and be inspired. Though there was no way I could capture even a fraction of her energy in my words, I hope that you all are inspired by her too!

Me First

As a woman who lives in an urban society in the 21st century, I am constantly being bombarded by messages from media and advertising and even the people around me. Many of these messages encourage me to look better, be healthier, dress better; but how many of them encourage me to do it for myself? 

As much as women have progressed recently, the sad thing is that in the society we live in, we are still seen as objects who should look pretty for the sake of other people. This may be changing in other places, but it is very much the case in Nairobi. What women wear and how they look are constantly being judged and criticised and held to ridiculous standards that we aren't allowed to dictate ourselves. I remember hearing the tale of a woman who got married and was made to shower, dress up in Indian traditional clothes and make-up EVERY single morning by the time she was at the breakfast table; whereas her in-laws did not adhere to these standards. 

Unfortunately, many of us are at a stage where if we wish to dress up or put on make up, it is naturally assumed that we are doing so to impress others. If people discover that we may be doing so because we genuinely enjoy it, we are seen as vain. Isn't it time that women were allowed to join the 21st century too? 

Shall We Please them All?

I don't know about the majority of you, but I live in a society where everyone is concerned with following the rules, and fitting the mold, so much so that sometimes they forget to be their own person. Yes, I'm being judgmental, but I feel that I can be since I'm sometimes guilty of this myself (although, dear God, I hope this is less often than most).

Now, when I talk of this society, I mean the one in Nairobi. Yes, people in Sewanee do this to a certain extent, but I think that's a whole different ball game.

Yes, rules, traditions and beliefs are important. We hold onto our past because it gives us a base. We repeat the same things because they give us a sense of security. However, times are changing and it's important to realise that so many of these customs and traditions are simply not relevant; some on a societal level, and some on a more individual level.

At the risk of incurring the loving wrath of my fellow people, I'll give a few examples.
One young man I know who is around my age was lounging around as his mother laboured in the kitchen. I wondered why he wasn't helping, and being me, I asked. His mother was quick to reassure me that he did not need to; once he got married, his wife would take care of the 'household stuff.' It took all I had to stay quiet and not look mortally offended (pats herself on back). I'm not even going to bother going into the details of just how undervalued women are most of the time. Now, by no means do I consider myself a staunch feminist. However, I do know that there are many things that they are equal in, and it's time that society realised this.

There's a group I know that is comprised of people of many different ages and generations. These people meet on a regular basis, being well acquainted family friends, and naturally, discuss a variety of topics as people are apt to do. I was rather miffed though, by the ease at which the wisdom and opinions of the younger ones was discounted. The common perception seems to be that in a family, older people are the only ones with things worth saying or listening to, and that there is only one proper 'head' of the family.
There's also a common social stigma against those who dare to be different, in some groups more than others. This can be against homosexuals, women who dare to be independent, people who do not strictly conform to religion's rules or youth who decide to be 'artsy.'

Unfortunately (or fortunately) for me, I'm someone who likes to look above and beyond. I like to recognise, appreciate, and bring out the potential in groups and individuals, and facing those who are determined to stick to their good old tried-and-tested is more than a little frustrating. This being said, allow me to preach just a little bit. Let's challenge our perceptions, views and beliefs, and recognise what is around us. If we dogmatically stick to how we've always been, we won't be able to get anywhere at all.
Have a great day!

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