To Be, To Listen

Noise. 

It was there when I first emerged into the world. It's always there, I'm accustomed to it--to the point that when it's quiet, I feel like something is missing. 

There's the constant urge to fill moments with noise that have resulted in the inability to be still and to listen. To be still. To be. Whether my phone and the myriad of distractions within, or movement, or the many books I've read, I've forgotten how to exist in silence. 

Yesterday, I went on a surprise visit organised by the Executive Director of Metis, where I'm interning this winter. We ended up at Nairobi National Park, and the open greenness of the park juxtaposed with the city in the background was ideal for thinking, as was the conversation sparked my colleagues, from which two themes emerged: stillness and attention. 

I could contextualise where these came from, but I think that matters less than the fact that they did. And they resonated, deeply. 

I've forgotten how to be still. I've forgotten to use that stillness to pay attention in a way that matters. Instead, stillness is so foreign that it's almost frightening. That I rush to fill it--either with distractions that take me away from it or with ruminations that feed into a growing sense of anxiety about my life, about the future, about my country, about existence itself. 

"Who would you be without your anxiety?" My therapist asked me this question about a year and a half ago and it stopped me in my tracks. It's a question I'm still exploring, and I'm slowly realising that the stillness that feeds my anxiety is the same stillness I'm called to pay attention to in order to dissolve it. 

I have forgotten how to be bored. We as a society have forgotten how to be bored. This has implications on my ability as a 30 year old to create vs. just execute. I can't even begin to imagine what this means for children. 

What does this mean for me, then? 

I'm holding myself accountable, gently, kindly, to be still. To tune into that stillness and pay attention to it and to what matters. To be grateful for the ability and privilege to do so. To stop letting my head be louder than my heart. 

10 Lessons from Books That Changed my Life

Roll your eyes at this title all you want, but I am absolutely giddy with glee at being able to use a click-baity headline that’s truthful! And sure, it’s not that reading these book was like immediately ingesting a magical formula. It’s more that when I read them, the messages resonated with my journey and where I was at the time, and there’s something powerful I took away from them that’s stayed with me to date. Personal development/ lifelong learning is one of my top values, and these books have spurred me along on that journey. 

Disclaimer: I expect that this list will evolve over time; both as I read new books but also as I revisit old ones whose messages may resonate better than they initially did. 

1. We become (or manifest) what we think, from The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. The central thesis of this book is that we manifest what we think, to the point that we manifest EXACTLY what we think. I remember one particular part of the book, where the author references someone imagining a feather in great detail, and then a few days (weeks? months?) later, seeing that exact feather float down in front of them. Now, when I read that book, I may have taken the message more literally than I should’ve (as you can tell, I’m skeptical (but open to changing my mind)), but now have come to realise that our thinking is something incredibly powerful, and can profoundly influence who we are. Seems obvious when I put it that way, right? By thinking happier thoughts, by internalising them, we can truly BECOME happier. Jury’s still out on manifesting pretty feathers.  
   
   
   
   
   
   
2. Vulnerability is not weakness, from Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown. Us mere mortals cannot hope to put into words the power of her work, so if you haven’t already, I’d encourage you to check out her iconic TED Talk and then read this book as soon as you can. I’ve read it about three or four times in the past three years, and it’s probably the book I gift others most often. 
   
   
   
   
   
3. Sleep is a nonnegotiable priority, from Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams by Matthew Walker. Here’s another simple lesson that we may be forgiven for thinking is more accepted than it currently is. I’d always known sleep is necessary on some level, sure. This book really hit home WHY we need to sleep, why we don’t just need to sleep, but need good quality sleep, and all the scary stuff that can happen if you don’t sleep. I’d especially recommend this if you’re in a professional path where sleep is often the activity that gets compromised due to academic or professional work loads. Oh, look! He’s another one of those with an awesome TED Talk you can check out.
   
   
   
   
   
   
4. Solve for energy, not time, from The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, Not Time, Is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal by James E. Loehr and Tony Schwartz. Along the same work-life balance lines for lack of a better category (life-life balance maybe?), this book helped me realise that when your energy is at its highest level, you bring your best self to all aspects of your life and get the best out of all your resources, including time. And there are things we can do to cultivate and replenish our energy and but we DO need to remember that our energy is not infinite (hence the need for replenishment). 
   
   
   
   
   
5. Simplify, reduce, prioritise, from Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown. This books speaks a lot about prioritising in a professional context, but the stuff that I took away was more about prioritising personally; for example, the people whose opinions matter and the things I choose to spend my time (and energy!) on.
   
   
   
   
   
6. All we have is now, from The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. This book, along with conversations with the friend who gave it to me, have helped ground me in the present (another simple, obvious thing I don’t do enough). I realised I was spending unnecessary time and energy analysing my past or preparing for my future—time and energy that were taking away from today.
   
   
   
   
   
7. We’re capable of terrible and beautiful things, from The Ten Types of Human: Who We Are and Who We Can Be by Dexter Dias. This book is a TRIP. Dias explores ten archetypes of humans, making the case that we can be (and we are) all of them. All of the greatest and worst of humanity’s achievements are things are things we’re ALL potentially capable of. It’s scary and yet empowering at the same time. Emphasis on the empowering; we’re not necessarily slaves to our human nature (whatever that means), but can CHOOSE. 
   
   
   
   
   
8. But mostly, we tend toward beautiful things, from Humankind: A Hopeful History by Rutger Bregman. I know, I know, humans are crap sometimes. Well, we choose to be. This is the perfect follow up to the previous title. It was the perfect read to end my 2020 with and reminded me that actually, humans are pretty decent overall (you’re probably at all the way at skeptical on a scale from 0 to skeptical, but trust me, check it out). Not only does this book make the case for humans being good and decent, it works to dispel some of the erroneous myths based on sensationalised cases like Kitty Genovese’s murder and the Stanford prison experiments. 
   
   
   
   
   
9. Say yes!! From Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes. This one is self-explanatory, but I experimented with using this for about a year, and I definitely felt much happier/freer/ less encumbered. 

And last but not least,

 

10. Romance is a great genre, from the Bridgerton Series by Julia Quinn. I know, I know, you expected this post to be full of preachy, self-help-y wisdom, and then I threw a historical romance series at you. Psshhh. Life is nothing if there’s no time for fun! This is the first historical romance series I read more than a decade ago (maybe even the first romance series?), and it opened up the genre for me. It’s funny, well-written, with believable characters who have GREAT chemistry (not just in the romantic sense). Of course I’m celebrating now that it’s been (further) popularised by the aforementioned Shonda Rhimes in a new Netflix series. (Us diehard fans are shaking are heads as we breathe “FINALLY!”)

On Social Intelligence

 

I first read Daniel Goleman’s ‘Social Intelligence’ in December 2015, on a year-end trip with my parents. I enjoyed it then, and have intended to revisit it since. 

I’m not quite sure what took me so long—I finally picked it up a few weeks ago and finished it this weekend—but I’m glad I read it at this point, as it was incredibly timely. This is not only because COVID has changed social interactions and connections in an interesting way, but because over the past year or so, I’ve been thinking about connection and trying to be more deliberate about this. 

If I was to sum up the central theme of this book, it would be this:

Our social intelligence, which Goleman organises into two categories (social awareness, what we sense about others, and social facility, what we do with this awareness), is something that is shaped by our backgrounds, our cultures, and our pasts, but it can also be worked on through our lives. This does require a degree of deliberation, but its payoffs can be huge. Working on and applying social intelligence can have lots of benefits to us and those around us; on the flipside, neglecting it can have detrimental effects. 

It's important enough to share, so I won’t paraphrase. Here is how Goleman breaks down the components of social intelligence: 

Social awareness

Social awareness refers to a spectrum that runs from instantaneously sensing another’s inner state, to sensing her feelings and thoughts, to “getting” complicated social situations. It includes:

• Primal empathy: Feeling with other; sensing nonverbal emotional signals.
• Attunement: Listening with full receptivity; attuning to a person. 
• Empathic accuracy: Understanding another person’s thoughts, feelings, and intentions. 
• Social cognition: Knowing how the social world works.

Social facility

Simply sensing how another feels, or knowing what they think or intend, does not guarantee fruitful interactions. Social facility builds on social awareness to allow smooth, effective interactions. The spectrum of social facility includes:

• Synchrony: Interacting smoothly at the nonverbal level. 
• Self-presentation: Presenting ourselves effectively. 
• Influence: Shaping the outcome of social interactions. 
• Concern: Caring about others’ needs and acting accordingly. 

 The following is a (by no means comprehensive) list of my reflections inspired by this book, and built on by thinking about the content and speaking to others: 

1. Empathy is undervalued but incredibly important. Lack of empathy can change an I-You relationship into an I-It relationship. This makes it easy to ‘other’ people, which can lead to Us vs. Them walls. There are things we can do to build empathy—I’m not going to be comprehensive here due to numerous resources available elsewhere—but there’s something to be said about listening to those around us and ensuring we expose ourselves to diversity. 
   
   
2. Emotions are contagious. We all know this on some level. Everyone has emotions, and those emotions can be contagious—more so depending on our relationship with the person in question. This brings up another recurring theme for me this year, that of boundaries. This point calls on us to be more deliberate about our boundaries, both in terms of what we allow into our space, but also in terms of how we express our own emotions and put them on others. 
   
   
3. Our relationships shape us. What’s that saying, something about you become the five people you spend the most time with? Well, it’s true! And when I say shape us, these relationships shape us on a biological level, to the point of influencing how various genes are expressed. It again brings up the point of deliberation. When we’re younger, we do not have as much control over the people we spend time with. However, as we become older, we can be thoughtful and intentional about the relationships around us, and how we cultivate connection in these relationships. This intentionality must also extend to thinking about how we show up for those we have relationships with. 
   
   
4. Humans are wired to connect—connection has a wide range of benefits and can even serve to make us happier (no surprise) and healthier. Another word that’s come up a lot this year: interconnectedness. We seek, crave, NEED connection with others, yet often feel ashamed of this. Not only should this need not be a source of shame, but it should be something we act on, something that we use to understand we actively need to cultivate connections with those around us. Just like buying a plant and not watering it is a sure way to kill it, being in a relationship, any relationship, and not working on it is a similar death sentence. Work can look like many things here, but it’s important to consider conversation (distance and time don’t kill relationships, silence does), vulnerability, and shared experiences (at varying degrees of complexity). 
   
   
5. Friendships are even more important than we thought. There’s a prevalent underlying belief that friendships are less important than family and romantic relationships. However, studies have shown that this is not the case—for example, a study quoted in this book showed that people often reported being happiest when they were with friends. Again, this points back to the need to be deliberate, and to cultivate. 
   
   
6. We all need a secure base. Every relationship ideally should provide a secure base, but I think that this is even more important in some cases. For example, parent-child (this relationship lays the foundation for our attachment style when we’re older), therapist-patient, partner-partner, supervisor-employee. I’m not saying this is not important in other relationships like teacher-student and friend-friend, but in these cases, there are often more options for people who can provide that secure base. 
   
   
7. Care and deliberation are required as we raise the next generation—all the way from small family units to bigger communities. These don’t just include providing a secure base and cultivating social intelligence from a young age, but also providing a space to learn and fail and recuperate, and taking extra care with young people in juvenile correctional facilities. Towards the end of Goleman’s book, I was struck by the sections where he spoke about youth who had committed crimes and been placed in these facilities, but whose integration back into society was handled with care and empathy, vs. youth who were not given that same level of care, and for whom staying out of trouble became much harder. 

Five years of The Kenyan Nomad: Looking back

How time does fly! I can't believe that my little blog is five - what a journey it has been! I thought it would be fun to look back on a few posts I've done over the years.

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My first post was an attempt to restart a blog that I had started writing four years ago - back then, it was more of an extended, and public mailing list. This was a week after I turned 20, and I think the 'new decade' brought me some inspiration to write that I'm still going on!

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A few months later, I shared some pictures from a trip to the Masai Mara.

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During the spring semester that year, I did a few posts from a series I had posted on Cowbird for a photography project. Always fun to look back on, and wonder what I was thinking at the time! Here's an excerpt:

There's a graduate student in the corner from Eritrea. He's working on a paper, but comes over to join us. We talk about running and soccer and being together and alone and philosophy and coffee. Always coffee. 

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The first time I had a post with more than 500 views was not until June 2013 - and it was a post talking about a visit I had done to the Rift Valley Academy in Kenya.  Fun fact - the cornerstone for the school was laid by Teddy Roosevelt!

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My first unofficial restaurant review was not even intended to be a restaurant review! However, Epice in Nashville was amazing, and started my love affair with Lebanese food. My mouth is watering as I write this.

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One of my first posts that dealt with feminism spoke about the 'Indian culture' and respect women get in marriages. My sentiment from the paragraph below still stands...

I remain perpetually shocked by the fact that I STILL live in a society where wives and daughters-in-law don't have anywhere near the respect and freedom that husbands and sons do. Am I talking about Kenya, or Indians in Kenya, or Indians in general? I haven't quite figured that out yet. However, I am talking about a problem that is extremely real, extremely relevant, and happening even today. 

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A post I really enjoyed doing was one about a red jeep and the love that three different men have for it. This was one of the first times I did a post that told a story about people.

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I've always loved doing guest posts, and for those of you who didn't read this one about personal space by Billie Rihal, you definitely should!

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My love affair with Sewanee most certainly did not end with graduation, or my return to Kenya. One of my best friends, Catherine Clifton, has a wonderful way with words, and so I had her do a guest post about Sewanee.

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Despite the fact that I regularly update my Instagram with pictures of new wines - I think that this one may actually be the only post that I wrote about a wine tasting I attended!!

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A popular post I did last year covered some tips that have been incredibly helpful to me on personal financial management.

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Another that I loved writing was one where I let loose with my frustrations about constantly being measured against what I, as a 24 year old woman at the time, was 'supposed to have' achieved.

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It still surprises me that I so spontaneously decided to go skydiving in Diani - but I loved the experience, and writing about it was so much fun!! I definitely intend to do more of these kinds of posts in the near future.

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The last story I featured on a person was back in December, and this was the story of Rohan Gandhi. If you need a dose of inspiration, you definitely need to check this one out!

The 12th of February, 2004, was just another day in 16 year old Rohan's life - or so he thought. Who knew that a short span of 20 minutes would end up changing his life forever?
A spinal cord infarction is "a stroke either within the spinal cord or the arteries that supply it. It is caused by arteriosclerosis or a thickening or closing of the major arteries to the spinal cord."

Sounds like a medical definition that we may encounter at a doctor's office and move past - but for Rohan it was a reality that left him paralysed from the waist down in the presence of his peers. As he puts it, "everyone went to school the next day... I didn't."

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My love affair with food is no secret - at this restaurant review over Christmas, a friend and I almost ate ourselves silly!!

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This certainly is NOT an exhaustive list of all the posts I've done (and loved doing) over the past five years, but it definitely was a fun trip down memory lane! Thank you, dear readers, near and far, for being such great supporters of The Kenyan Nomad. 

I would love to hear from you this blogiversary - feel free to shoot me an email, comment below, or reach out on my Facebook page!

Morning Zumba or, An Hour in the Life of the Kenyan Nomad

If anyone told you that there's nothing to do in Nairobi apart from eat, drink and work - they lied.

Friday: I realise that there's a Sunday morning Zumba class at the Aga Khan Sports Club, and ambitiously decide to go. I invite a friend to go with me, because, duh, accountability + more fun.

Saturday evening: 10 a.m. on a Sunday morning? Am I suuuuure I want to do this? I just jogged for 30 minutes, that's gotta count for something. 

Saturday night: Okay, I just had Hashmi and wine. No excuses. We're doing this!!!

Sunday morning, 9:55 a.m.: Just drove in. An hour of Zumba! YEAH!!!

Sunday morning, 10:05 a.m.: This is awesome! I am going to ROCK this class. Nothing hurts! Jump higher? Sure!!

Sunday morning, 10:10 a.m.: Okay, so maybe I'm a little more out of shape than I'd like to admit. 

Sunday morning, 10:15 a.m.: Holy shit, how is she moving like that?! Is the human body even meant to be able to do that? Maybe I can try!

Sunday morning, 10:16 a.m.: Okay, ow. Dial it down, Roshni...

Sunday morning, 10:20 a.m.: Good God, I need a drink. Nalgene's here, so water will do!! Let me just step aside for a minute...

Sunday morning, a few seconds later: Wait! No! This song is awesome! And the moves look like so much fun! Rest, schmest.

Sunday morning, 10:25 a.m.: Guys! Guys! Look at me! I can do this! Also, I forgot I could turn this shade of red.

Sunday morning, 10:28 a.m.: Watch out, Shakira. 

Sunday morning, 10:30 a.m.: What even what that muscle I just felt?!

Sunday morning, 10:32 a.m.: I'm grinning like an idiot I know, but this really does feel amazing.

Sunday morning, 10:40 a.m.: WAAAATERRR!

Sunday morning, 10:42 a.m.: Oh, this feels much better. Where were we?

Sunday morning, 10:43 a.m.: YEAH, ENDORPHINS!

Sunday morning, 10:50 a.m.: Isn't it fascinating how this almost seems effortless? Yet, I know if I stop, I'll crash...

Sunday morning, 10:55 a.m.: As much fun as we're having... are we done yet?!

Sunday morning, 10:57 a.m.: HALLELUJAH! Time for cool down.  

Sunday morning, 11:00: Ow and yay pretty much sum it up! I can't wait to go again next week. 

While this wasn't a 'typical' hour in my life, it certainly was a pretty fun hour!! I'm going back next week - anyone interested in joining? 

A Quarter Century

No need to panic, dear readers, you haven't missed the big two five. Trust me, you'd have known! However, the truth is that it IS less than 2 months away - and I'm also celebrating 5 years of writing as the Kenyan Nomad this year! Evidently, 2017 looks like it's going to be wicked fun!!

What have I been up to since we last spoke? I spent 2 weeks out of my 3 week vacation in the U.S. with my aunt and uncle, sisters, brothers-in-law, and adorable nieces and nephew. (Yes, my sisters are all grown up and have kids now. When did that happen?!) I had a great time (although it sucked that I wasn't able to see my friends), despite the rocky start that entailed me spending an unplanned night in Atlanta the day I flew in. Winter in flip flops... not as fun as it sounds!

What happens when you take two toddlers and a baby to the tree at Rockefeller

Some of you may remember last year's post where I stated my intentions for 2016. Broadcasting these actually did keep me accountable, and while I may not have achieved them all 100%, I'm pretty pleased with where I got! I definitely intend to build up on them this year - while remaining open to all the surprises that seem to come my way!

1) Health: While I didn't quite get to my goal of running my first half-marathon last year, I did manage to run-walk my first 10K if that counts? (Those of you who know my time are probably doubled over laughing right now, but hey - I can only get better, right?!) Transitioning back into full time employment meant that I was less regular with my schedule than I would have liked, but I'm happy to report that I'm already making progress. I've started a couch to 5K programme that'll take about 8 weeks, while also committing to going for regular Zumba classes. I had my first this morning, and while it absolutely kicked my butt, I loved it!! No huge, lofty goal this year, but I aim to improve on my 10K time by the next Stan Chart marathon. 

2) Comfort zone: I think this is something I always try and do - last year, spontaneous skydiving definitely was an example! I'm excited to see how I can top that this year. Suggestions are always welcome!

3) Professional development: Boy, did this take me absolutely by surprise. At the beginning of 2016, I thought I'd be doing what I had been (marketing consultancy for clients of my own), perhaps with different clients, maybe in a new location. I had absolutely NO idea the change that was coming my way! Transitioning into management consultancy at McKinsey has opened up a whole new set of possibilities for me that I never even knew existed. 

4) Reading: I had planned to read 12 non-fiction books last year. I'll shoot for that again, despite the fact that I only managed 8 this year! Which ones? 

Thrive, by Ariana Huffington

Emotional Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman

Big Magic, by Elizabeth Gilbert

Eat, Pray, Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert

Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office, by Lois Frankel

David and Goliath, by Malcolm Gladwell

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey

Bossypants, by Tina Fey

I've started off 2017 with The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life, by Mark Manson. I've been reading his blog for some time, and when I heard he wrote a book, I had to have it. The topic is just an added bonus! 

5) Savings: Did I manage to save up at least 20% of my 2016 income? Absolutely!! I practiced what I preached in this post about personal finance, and the tips actually did work. I think it's a good goal to keep for 2017 too - but maybe this time, invest in addition to just saving.

6) Writing: Remember how pleased I was at the end of 2015 when my blog readership had grown beyond anything I had projected? Well, 2016 was that and even more! I went to events and met new people who didn't know me - but knew my blog. To say that it was heartwarming would be an understatement. 2016 also brought an unexpected surprise, when I realised I wasn't the only blogger using the name 'The Kenyan Nomad'. Thankfully, those who I met actually were talking about my blog! I started to cover more events, restaurants and people in 2016, and I want to continue that in 2017 - with a bit more travel thrown in if time allows!

7) Personal growth: I think this is quite multi dimensional, so I'm planning to continue with meditation and various forms of learning (like TED talks) this year.

8) Languages: Could 2017 FINALLY be the year I become fluent in French? I certainly hope so!

I can't start a new year of blogging without thanking all of you for your love, support and kind words. Your readership has helped catapult the Kenyan Nomad into a new stage of growth that I would've never even dared dream of! Onward and upward, most definitely. 

How Do I Define Me?

Picture by Thomas Brault courtesy of unsplash.com

When I was younger, a large part of how I defined myself was by the relationships in my life. I was so-and-so's daughter, so-and-so's sister, so-and-so's friend. That's not to say that I didn't have an identity of my own- I did- but it was nowhere near what it is now. While I was by no means shy, I guess I could call myself reserved. Added to that, living in a "small big" city like Nairobi (the population of the city is well over 3 million, and yet it seems that everyone knows each other), I was stuck with the burden of being the person I had been for the past few years.

Many of you who grew up in small communities and went to smaller high schools will understand me when I say that it's difficult to really change yourself when people still see you as the person you used to be. I was fortunate enough in that I got to go to a university where I knew no-one. Not an exaggeration; Sewanee literally had no person who was connected to my life in Kenya. I did meet people there who had some ties to Kenya, but they got to know me after 2010. It was scary at first, sure, but this was a good thing.

It's not like I pulled a snake move to shed off my skin and show another person underneath (forgive the visual). Rather, I had a chance to start afresh and make relationships that were not founded on the person I used to be, or thought that I was. I believe that we all change over time, and having a chance to express these changes can be very positive. Not only that; sometimes being in a new environment can help you realise that you've changed too! I'm still essentially the same person I used to be; I've just grown up a bit. I'm more confident, more independent, more questioning of the world around me. I meet people I knew pre-2010, and it seems that many of them have this to say "Wow, you're so different!" Not really, I don't think so. I just had a chance to recognise and express the changes in me that for some reason I was afraid to do before.

Yes, I'm still so-and-so's daughter, so-and-so's sister, so-and-so's friend; but now I'm quite comfortable being a so-and-so myself! Has this independence and confidence always been a good thing? Not always, to be honest. Dating especially is harder once you move to defining yourself by more than just your relationships. While dating in Sewanee, I emphasised that those relationships were just a part of my life, and could not be my entire life, especially so quickly. So when people came along who wanted more than that, I perceived them as being clingy and insecure, and downplayed the positives. I thought that depending on another person would mean compromising my independence, which I was not willing to do at all. Thankfully, time and good friends helped me see the light (older and wiser, right?).

However, considering the negatives of having so much space to explore myself, I'm glad I got the chance to! I'm definitely more confident in the friendships that I have now, and not as dependent on the relationships in my life, and this is so helpful considering that I have loved ones all over the world, from California to the Midwest to the South to the East Coast to England to Kenya to India to Australia. One thing that's completely new about me is my comfort, and even willingness, to walk into a restaurant alone. I haven't had much opportunity to do so since I got back to Nairobi, but soon I hope. In fact, I'm hoping to take a solo vacation later this year (fingers crossed)!

What's the point in all this? I'm just trying to emphasise that there may be times in life when you are completely out of your comfort zone, farther than you would usually push yourself, surrounded by people and places you haven't encountered before. Don't be scared of this; embrace it and use the experience to get to know yourself better. Accept the positives and negatives, and learn from them. Love the person you are, and the inevitable changes that time and such circumstances will bring in you!

Workout Motivation: A Success Story in Progress

A year ago today, if you told me that I'd be working out every day, I'd probably call you crazy. Before I turned 17, I was fit enough. For about a year, I religiously went to the gym three times a week for about one and a half hours each time. Sure, I wasn't exactly what I'd call sporty; my hand-eye coordination did not, and probably never will allow for that in terms of traditional sports.

As high school came to an end and college drew nearer, I lapsed back into laziness. I told myself that since I was going to a campus where I'd be walking enough, would have to take some compulsory P.E. classes and that had a state-of-the-art gym, staying fit wouldn't be a problem at all. If only I knew how wrong I was. The P.E. classes were over in two semesters, and apart from the time I spent at the gym for tours, occasional games, the above mentioned classes, or homework (...weird, yes, but the person I was working on my homework with had a work-study there), I hardly went there at all, even when I lived close to it.

Yes, I walked lots, but didn't take into account the food there; while most of it was amazing and freshly prepared, it was certainly unhealthier than the food we get in Kenya. I would occasionally pick up some new form of working out, but I inevitably lacked the motivation to keep going. Sure, I didn't become heavily obese or anything like that; most people actually thought I was in shape, but I could tell that I wasn't.

A few months after graduation, on a whim, I decided to do a yoga routine from an app that I'd had on my phone. To my amazement, I actually kept going and managed to work out almost every single day. A few months later, my brother-in-law and sister introduced me to Focus T25, a workout programme designed by the person behind Insanity, Shaun T. This is a ten week programme, and only requires 25 minutes a day Monday to Thursday, 50 minutes on Friday, and some stretching on Sunday. So, luckily for me, I don't even have to spend a lot of time on weekdays. I started this programme, got about 4 weeks in, then started all over again when I got back to Kenya. I'm now on week 8, and use my weekends and some mornings to keep up with yoga.

What changed? How did I, a person who couldn't stick to a programme for more than a month, end up working out so often for almost 7 months?

First of all, I think the difference this time around is that I've found something that I enjoy. Yoga and T25 are both challenging, but fun. With yoga, I'm able to do different workouts so that I don't get bored, and T25 itself has many different workouts that are done on different days. The second important thing is that this time, I can also see the results for myself, and these motivate me to keep going. Immediately after the workout, I feel great. There is a sense of mental accomplishment and physical wellness. Not including the obvious benefits I've experienced, like improved stamina, better form, posture, flexibility and muscle tone, I'm also way less stressed, much happier and more relaxed. An added bonus? As someone who used to get a cold or a flu every couple of months, I went almost 12 months (!!!) without falling sick, and when I finally did, it only lasted about three days. Hurrah for improved immunity!

In addition to working out, I'm also trying to implement other healthy choices, most of which I've talked about in previous posts. I now take the stairs every chance I get, and (try to) eat healthier than I used to! One thing I still don't do is fanatic calorie counting. I enjoy my food, and don't think I'd be able to stick to a very strict eating regime.

What's my point in all this? Honestly; if I can do this, so can you. The thought of working out would at times make me groan, and I was quite content in the lifestyle I was living. Having experienced the benefits of working out now, I wish I could go back and start earlier!

Dear Sewanee Seniors

Ecce Quam Bonum

Has it already been one year? On the 28th of April last year, I had just finished and turned in my senior honours thesis. I was stressed/ excited about my upcoming graduation, and everything that that meant. Grad week, the parties, our own party, and the graduation ceremony went by so quickly for how much we had planned and looked forward to them.  Since I've been an official Sewanee alumna for (almost!) a year, I felt that it would be appropriate to write a letter to current Sewanee seniors and soon to be alumni about grad week, graduation, and all that lies beyond, especially so because so many people from Sewanee's Class of 2015 are very dear to me!

As a proud graduate finally stepping on the seal! 

Dear Seniors,

I know it's hard to believe, but you did it! After all those classes, exams, late night study sessions and pub runs, talks with professors about everything and nothing, and countless memories that you've made over these past few years, you're finally done. While this may seem like the end of a journey, make no mistake; Sewanee and the people you met there will be with you for a long, long time to come. Here I speak not just from personal experience, but from meeting countless alums from the sixties to date. 

Nearing graduation, some of you may be worried about what lies ahead. Be it grad school, a job, or a lack of the above, it's absolutely natural to be apprehensive about what you're getting into. I've been on the 'other side' for a year, and wish that I knew then that there was absolutely no reason at all to worry. Take this time to enjoy your last few days as Sewanee students, and have faith that things will work out; not just because they always do, but because all of you have worked extremely hard for an amazing education, because you have an entire Sewanee community to support you, and because you didn't just spend your four years learning how to read and write. We value everything that you did over your Sewanee career, and it is only a matter of time before the rest of the world outside our bubble do too!

About your friends and professors and other wonderful members of the Sewanee community: I said it then and I'll stand by it now. Toward the last few months and weeks of your time at Sewanee is when you begin to realise who'll be with you for ages to come. Some of you may be moving very close to Sewanee, while others may be going very far from any Sewanee influence (like I did), and may be worrying about how you'll keep up with your Sewanee family. Trust me when I say that this is nothing to worry about! I haven't seen many of my Sewanee family for about a year now, and still feel as close to them, if not closer, even though I'm a continent away. It seems weird, but I think that people who have a Sewanee background find it much easier to stay connected once they leave. It's like spending all that time in that magical place can't help but bond us in ways that even we do not recognise. 

Grad week is going to be a LOT of fun!! (A word of advice; it's easy to forget about packing during this time, but trust me, you'll be happier starting earlier rather than later.) It may seem overwhelming what with all the different parties and locations and people, not to mention your own party if you're having one, but try and plan your week out with your friends in advance, while still leaving room for flexibility. While you will probably see most of the people you're graduating with over the next few months, years and decades, remember that these parties may be the last time you're seeing some of them for a while! 

Another thing about grad week; (this happened to me and some of my friends), grad week may be the time that the fact that you're leaving really sinks in. There may or may not be tears, but remember that everyone is kind of going through the same thing! For me, realisation sunk in and tears started on the Wednesday evening of grad week after a lovely 'farewell' catch up over Kenyan beer with one of my friends. It got worse when I saw another friend who had arrived for our graduation, and pretty soon my suitemate caught on to my mood. Between the two of us, we must've shed buckets of tears, largely at the PKE party, and largely on the dean's shoulder!! (Thanks Hagi :) ) 

Luckily though, we both got it out of our system that night itself, felt better for it, and used the rest of grad week to be happy about the time we were spending with our friends and families! 

Graduation itself seems like it goes on for a long time, but you'll be done before you know it! It may be hard, but try to get some sleep the night before. You're guided through everything, and all you have to do is to shake Dr. McCardell's hand, get your diploma, make sure to smile for all your pictures (and take plenty!), and run across the seal as many times as you wish!! You've accomplished SO MUCH, and deserve to celebrate your special day!

 Saying goodbye that Sunday may be the hardest part, but try and look at your goodbyes more like 'see you laters'. Trust me, the memories you've made, the people you've met, and the things you learnt at Sewanee (not just in the classroom) will stay with you far longer than you could ever imagine. 

I'm so proud of all of you. Remember, the world is now your oyster!

YSR, best of luck, and lots of love!!

20 Things to Consider Before You Get Married

Image courtesy of SplitShire

Before we start, no, I'm not married. However, I've heard of/ read about so many couples having issues nowadays that could've easily been prevented by discussion prior to marriage. While a broken light bulb doesn't necessitate a new house, sometimes the problem may be more than a light bulb.

Therefore, I reached out to married couples and did some research to compile a list of issues to talk about, questions to ask, and things to consider before you get married to someone; no matter how much you love them, and how awkward these may seem, it seems that there are common issues married couples face. By discussing these beforehand, issues like those may be avoided entirely! Or if not, at least a couple will know that they're coming and may have planned how to handle them in advance. Some of these may be small, while others may be bigger; it all really depends on the couple!

This should seem obvious, but perhaps I'd better say it just in case- none of these issues are just black and white. What I've listed below should really be a starting point for you to have an important conversation that will hopefully provide clarity, not points to make final verdicts on.

1) Your partner's values: Everyone grows up with a set of values, and these may differ from person to person. Your values need not necessarily be the same, but it does help to consider those that your partner thinks are important. Do they value struggle as much as you do? Are they as family-oriented? Do you respect each others' values? These and other such questions should be thought about.

2) Do they respect your thinking and your work?: Does your partner recognise you as a person independent of them, and respect your thinking and the work you do? A marriage may be the union of two people, but at the end of the day, they are two different people.

3) How open minded are they?: I think this one speaks for itself, doesn't it? What are your partner's views on gender equality? Are they racist? Homophobic? Intolerant of other faiths?

4) Pet peeves: This seems silly, but do you have any habits that drive your partner crazy, and vice versa? Knowing these is key to avoiding (or at least minimising) them! Sometimes just knowing these ahead of time can help you both decide what to do to work around them.

5) Chores: After marriage, both partners will (most probably) be living in the same home, and maintaining a home requires doing chores. Who will do which? Will it be equally balanced? Does one of you absolutely hate doing chores and procrastinates them as much as possible? What standards do you have about how well you like things done, and how can you compromise on these?

6) How they handle fights: Married couples fight, and these fights are different from those of a couple that does not live together. However, people have different ways of reacting to tense situations. Some avoid them until the last minute possible, some shout at the top of their voice, some argue calmly and rationally. How does each of you handle anger? Is it easy for both of you to say sorry? Or does stubbornness kick in? It's important to realise that communication becomes even more vital in such a situation, and knowing HOW your partner communicates in tense situations can be very helpful.

7) Kids: Yes, no, how many? Do you want to have biological children? Adopt? How will you raise them? Who will discipline them? What faith will they be raised in? What middle name and surname will they have? Maybe one of you wants kids, the other does not. This is a pretty big deal, and needs to be talked about before such a long commitment. Imagine how awkward it would be if you turn to your spouse one day and tell them you're thinking of names for your future offspring, and they casually mention that they don't plan on having any...

8) The living conditions each of you are used to: The neatness of your home, the light conditions you prefer, your favourite kind of mattress (this one is more important than you'd realise!), your TV habits, how you use your space, when you eat, WHAT you eat, whether or not to have a TV in the bedroom are just some of the issues to consider when living with another person. Obviously, some compromises will have to be made on each side, and each partner will have to decide what they can compromise on and what they can definitely not give up on.

9) Do you love them just as they are? Or hope they will change after marriage?: Sometimes, people hope that certain habits of their partners will magically change after marriage. Unfortunately, this doesn't always happen. Ask yourself whether you'd be happy spending the rest of your life with your partner as they are.

10) Do they have a mind of their own and challenge you? Or agree with everything that you do? Are they comfortable with having different likes and dislikes from you?: As mentioned before, a marriage is a union of two different people. Some people prefer partners who challenge them, while others may prefer partners who always agree with them. Recommended reading: I loved Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. It's an interesting book that can help you get to know the people around you even better.

11) Finances: Money is an awkward topic, even with family. However, it's vital to discuss. What is your financial situation and that of your spouse? Can you both sustain the lifestyle you hope to maintain? Are any of you in debt? How do you plan to cover that? What are your saving habits? How do you budget? What financial commitments (like supporting family) do you already have?

12) Will you have time to spend by yourself and with your friends/family without your partner?: Marriage is a big deal, but it shouldn't involve giving up the relationships you had previously, with your family, your friends (of any gender), and yourself. Studies done show that when two people only focus on each other and their relationship, their other relationships suffer; and their overall happiness declines (I forget which studies these were, but I recently covered them in a class and could look them up for you if need be).

13) Religion and faith: What faith do you believe in, and is it important that your partner also follow the same? If not, how different are you willing to let your faiths be?

14) Family obligations: You will still have obligations to your family, be they financial, time-wise or otherwise. How does your partner feel about these (and vice versa)? Similarly, as a couple, to what extent are you willing to let your families be a part of your relationship?

15) Surnames: Will you change your surname to theirs, or vice versa? Will both of you keep your own? Will both of you take one partner's middle name and the other's surname? These are important issues, and it's important now more than ever to realise that in a 'traditional marriage,' it isn't fair to expect the woman to do all the changing.

16) Career aspirations and ambition: What career aspirations do you have, and does your partner support these? If one partner gets a fantastic job offer in a different place, will the other partner be willing to give up their job and move?

17) What do you do in your free time?: How do you and your partner intend to spend your free time together?

18) Where will you live?: Will you buy a house together, or move into one of your homes? Will you live with your parents or your partner's? If this is a long distance engagement, who will do the moving once time comes to do so?

19) How does your partner display affection?: You may have heard of the 5 love languages (words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch). You and your partner may prioritise these differently, so it's important to recognise how your partner displays affection and what's important to them (and vice versa of course). At times, you may feel frustrated, and that your partner isn't loving you as much as you'd hope. Realising that the way someone displays affection is different from yours can go a long way!

20) Sense of humour and optimism/pessimism: How does your partner interact with the world, and how does this match up with you?

Of course, this list is by no means comprehensive. However, hopefully it can serve as a starting point! Have any suggestions that can be added to this list? Leave a comment on this post!

Jan 2016 add on:

If you haven't already, I think that you should definitely read Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman and Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg. These books discuss issues that may well arise in relationships, and I've found them extremely helpful!

Me First

As a woman who lives in an urban society in the 21st century, I am constantly being bombarded by messages from media and advertising and even the people around me. Many of these messages encourage me to look better, be healthier, dress better; but how many of them encourage me to do it for myself? 

As much as women have progressed recently, the sad thing is that in the society we live in, we are still seen as objects who should look pretty for the sake of other people. This may be changing in other places, but it is very much the case in Nairobi. What women wear and how they look are constantly being judged and criticised and held to ridiculous standards that we aren't allowed to dictate ourselves. I remember hearing the tale of a woman who got married and was made to shower, dress up in Indian traditional clothes and make-up EVERY single morning by the time she was at the breakfast table; whereas her in-laws did not adhere to these standards. 

Unfortunately, many of us are at a stage where if we wish to dress up or put on make up, it is naturally assumed that we are doing so to impress others. If people discover that we may be doing so because we genuinely enjoy it, we are seen as vain. Isn't it time that women were allowed to join the 21st century too? 

Instances of Sexism in Kenya

Kenya is a country that has made various advancements, especially so over the past two decades. However, some pockets of society remain 'backward' for lack of a better word, and discrimination is present in many cases, ranging from racism to sexism to homophobia.

I reached out to some people and asked them to share their experiences with sexism in the country. While most of the stories below are from people I know, some are from newspaper articles or stories I've heard through other people. In the interest of keeping these accounts readable, I've presented them all in first person. Please feel free to comment with any you'd like to share!

-As a 'mzungu' man new to the country, I was prepared to adjust to a level of development that wasn't equal to that of my home country. However, one thing took me by surprise (and still does); whenever I went out to a restaurant in the company of one or more females, the check (bill) was always given to me, regardless of whether I was paying or not. To add to this awkwardness, when I was given the bill, most of the time the women I was with didn't even offer to contribute. I don't mind footing the bill once in a while, but I think it's rude to assume that I'll always pay just because I'm a man.

-Incidentally, as a woman who values her independence, it annoys me extremely when I go out to a restaurant and I am never handed the bill. If you are unsure who is paying, put the bill on the corner of the table instead of handing it to the nearest man and seeming like a sexist jerk!

-I find it annoying that whenever I visit a certain family friend's house with my father and brothers, and alcoholic drinks are being served, my father and brothers are always offered things like whisky, beer and rum, whereas I'm not even given the option; I'm expected to stick to 'ladylike' drinks like wine or soda.

-As a woman who lived in Nairobi, I have to live with the constant frustration of knowing that 'society' is watching my every move, from what I wear to what I drink to what I say to whom I associate with, while my male peers seem to escape this close scrutiny. If in the future, I was to get a divorce, I know without any doubt that this same society would place all the blame on me and would even go so far as to shun my family, whereas my husband would be the recipient of lots of sympathy. This double standard absolutely disgusts me.

-My father passed away a few years ago, and needless to say, I was struck hard by this blow. Imagine my shock and horror when my own relatives told me to 'be a man'. I was not permitted to shed tears and grieve the loss of my own father, or even to talk about how I felt with my mother. My female cousins however, were encouraged to 'let out their feelings' and were supported fully. I would have loved to get even just a hug from some of my relatives, but was denied even this basic comfort.

-As a child, I remember going to visit another girl my age, to play at her home. Everything seemed normal up until dinner time; I was extremely confused when her father and brother were sat down and served first, and only when they had almost finished were my friend, her mother and I permitted to join. At that age, I didn't understand what was going on, and only remember feeling extremely awkward and mentioning the same to my parents.

-Back in secondary school, a male friend of mine told me he had a crush on me and would like to 'go out sometime'. I excitedly reported the same to my mother, only to be told that 'girls didn't go out with strange boys'.... whereas my brother had been openly dating a girl for a few months with the full approval of my mother.

-My friend lives in an extended family. If a decision is to be made that doesn't involve what is to be made for dinner that night, his grandfather, father and uncles sit down to do so without the input of the women in the family. Similarly, if they wish to get together with another family, a man from her family will call a man from the other family, and the women will just be informed about what the plans are.

-When I got married, in addition to having to live with my in-laws, I was not allowed to keep my last name. When I suggested a compromise, such that my husband and I both took my maiden name on as a middle name, I was laughed off.

32 Facts About Me

I was nominated to do this post by one of my best friends and frequent guest bloggers, Aniqah Khalid. She recently did one herself on her website and you can check it out here: http://www.aniqahkhalid.com/50-facts-about-me-part-1/ I know I was supposed to do 50, but since 32 is all I could think of at this point, 32 is all I'll do! I'll update this post as and when things change.

1) I had a poodle phase when I was younger. I know, exactly what it sounds like. See, everyone goes through an awkward secondary school phase I believe, but mine lasted a little longer thanks to my curly hair. Anyone who has similar hair knows that combing out your curls while dry is probably the worst thing you can do to them; yet this is exactly what I did lots of times when I was younger. Thankfully, I eventually learnt my lesson!!

2) My absolute favourite food is my Mum's pizza. I have absolutely NO clue what she does to the sauce, but bias aside, I've honestly never tasted better!

3) I also love snacking on Cerelac. I know, probably about 22 years too late, but hey. It's yummy and nutritious, right?

4) I'm a tad rebellious in that I'm not afraid to offer opinions that differ from the norm. Sticking to the status quo has never been a priority for me, but that being said, I avoid arguing for the sake of furthering my point. I respect the fact that others are entitled to their opinions, especially so when they have real reasons.

5) I love photography, but haven't had a chance to develop much talent of my own. Right now, I'm at a stage where I find beauty and joy in the work done by others! I did take a few photography classes while I was at Sewanee, and some of my favourite memories include those where I was alone processing my photos in the dark room in the wee hours of the morning, after 2 am, when no one was awake and there was nothing but silence around me.

6) Tea is something I probably can't go without for long periods of time. My favourite (obviously) is Kenyan tea, brewed strong enough with a little bit of milk and sugar.

7) Ever done a waltz with 2 other people? I have. While dressed head-to-toe in scarves handmade by members of the Maasai tribe. In the middle of the night.

8) According to a palm reader I met in the French Quarter of New Orleans, the colour purple is my power/spirit colour (and my friends agree). According to another palm reader I met in India 12 years ago, I'm destined to become a famous author one day.

9) I absolutely LOVE wine, and tend not to go more than a few days without some. My favourite is a red blend from California, Menage a Trois. I have many, many fond memories of this wine!

10) I'm very attached to dogs, especially my own. My family has had dogs continuously from the time when my own father was a little boy.

11) When I was 4 years old, I moved to India for about 3 years with my mother and two sisters. My father was winding up work and was supposed to join us there eventually, but (thankfully) things didn't go according to plan, and we ended up back in Kenya!

12) I come from a large, and extremely close-knit family. We talk almost everyday (thanks to Whatsapp), and keep each other updated on our lives. We may be spread out over four continents, but that hasn't made us distant at all.

13) When I say 'my sisters', I could be referring either to the other daughters my parents have, or the two daughters of my father's sister and her husband. Growing up together in Kenya means that we're all very close, and while two of them are technically 'cousin sisters', I consider all four sisters and tend not to differentiate.

14) I'm a grammar nazi, and I have a love/hate relationship with this fact. When I read something, or talk to someone, I'm quick to notice (and judge) grammar mistakes, and it's even worse when I'm the one who commits the faux-pas.

15) People who know me describe me as friendly, vibrant and extraverted. I love meeting new people, and learning more about their stories. However, something that most people don't know about me is that I also occasionally need (and enjoy) time away from others!

16) They say you're lucky if you have more than one true friend in your lifetime. In that case, I got more than my fair share! I'm blessed to have many people close to my heart, and have a unique relationship with each of them. (They're not all in this picture below, but some are)!

17) I was extremely accident prone as a child, and my love of riding bicycles and climbing trees certainly didn't help! In the first fifteen years of my life, I had numerous falls (and subsequent stitches), some more serious than others. Luckily, in terms of fractures, dislocations and concussions, those were only one each (head and knee respectively). My poor parents and siblings...

18) Blue is my favourite colour, but when it comes to interior decor, I tend to favour red.

19) Most people I know hated organic chemistry and loved inorganic, but I was the other way around!

20) I collect keychains from different parts of the world, and old coins.

21) I love to travel! Being in the same place eventually gets boring for me.

22) I can speak four and a half languages, and I'm hoping to learn more soon!

23) Sewanee was probably the most life-changing thing that ever happened to me. I met so many great people there, many of whom will be part of my life for years to come, and learnt a lot more about life than I expected. The four years I spent there changed me as a person, and the time I spent there still inspires me to grow.

24) I LOVE birthdays. Mine, other peoples', my dogs', whatever. While at Sewanee, I loved planning birthdays for friends. On my 22nd, they got together and planned the perfect day for me; I don't think I'll ever be able to outdo that one.

25) I'm a strong believer in second chances and the fact that people can change. New Year's Day is one of my favourite of the year, not just  because of the celebration, but because of the symbolic new start.

26) I'm a realistic-optimist. I know that life can throw many challenges our way, but I think that worrying and being bitter don't produce results, and if we need to face difficult things, we might as well do so with smiles on our faces.

27) I'm a bookworm, and extremely thankful that I read very quickly; if it wasn't for this skill, I think I would spend more time on books than on people (as I fear I did when I was younger).

28) I don't particularly have a favourite genre for music, but as far as movies go, I steer toward action and romantic-comedies. Some of the ones I return to often enough are the James Bond movies and the Lord of the Rings. I also enjoy horror movies, but only watch them under certain conditions (with other people, and with plenty of time to watch something else after so that I can sleep). In terms of TV shows, I follow many of the ones aired on the CW. My new addictions include House and Supernatural.

29) Over the course of my 22 (almost 23 years), I've considered many different careers, from being a farmer (....I blame Enid Blyton's writing), to being a lawyer, to being an air hostess.

30) A year ago today, I'd never even chopped an onion. Cooking for me was a huge event, and was extremely time-consuming. If I had to do something in the kitchen, my first reaction was 'show me how'. The time I've spent with my sister, Rasna, over the past six months has definitely cured me of this, and my proudest accomplishment in the kitchen was about a month ago. My sister and brother-in-law were returning to the U.S. after a trip to Kenya, and I pulled together a meal that included stir-fried chicken AND a daal. *fist pumps in the air*

31) Although I grew up in a pretty homophobic culture, I support LGBTQ rights. I attribute this entirely to my time at Sewanee, and the people I met there. Love is love, and (as long as it's adult and consensual), I don't think others have a right to dictate who you can or cannot be with. I recently read a great article about this; it talked about the fact that Sikhism believes that we should not discriminate against members of the LGBTQ community, even if some Sikhs do not share their beliefs.

32) Being tall is apparently a family thing; I'm 5'10'', and not even close to being the tallest member of my family.

Personal Space

Today's guest blogger is Billie Rihal, a lifestyle blogger and photographer from Kenya who is studying International Relations and Economics in Vancouver. She has always enjoyed writing, and started her own website in January 2014. Check out her website here: www.billierihal.com

When you give yourself the time to sit down and reflect on life it brings about various lessons and realizations that you learn from. 

During these past few weeks that I've spent in both Vancouver and London/Leicester, I've realized how important it is to be careful of who you let into your personal space. The space that exposes your true self, your flaws, fears and failures. Sometimes we easily trust others and open ourselves in the rawest and purest form and that itself is so beautifully dangerous. Not everyone shares the same standpoint towards facets such as trust, value and respect. That's not bad either, it is simply a gentle reminder to yourself to be aware of who and what you're allowing into YOUR space.

Personal space is a precious and extremely valuable facet in life. It makes you, you. It’s your golden solitude and you have the ability to grow into mastery through your personal space or simply crumble into small pieces… How? By allowing people in general into your zone. Hence, always be cautious of what might build you or break you because the difference in magnitude is so profound, it’s unfathomable. 

Life is beautifully complicated and sometimes we’ll never know why people come and go from our lives, but that’s what makes the journey exhilarating. Accepting the unexpected and building on your wonderful life. Not everyone can fit in it and not everyone stays in it; that is simply a blessing in disguise. 

Be You. Love You. Always. All Ways. 

Love and Light, 

Billie