12 Questions with the Kenyan Nomad

I'm a huge fan of getting beneath the surface, of getting to know people beyond what they present to the rest of the world. Given my recent challenge-to-self of being more vulnerable and stepping out of my comfort zone, I thought it only fair to give others the opportunity too! I hunted around the Internet for a few questions, but I'm open to taking yours too (within reason ;) ).

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
Well, this is a tough one. Do I have to choose between having J.R.R. Tolkein over to tell me stories about middle earth, or a random person from a random period in life who could tell me all about how they lived? Since the choice is hard, I'll take the easy route and say - my best friend.

2. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
Oh, mind, definitely, provided that it retained the ability to grow and learn.

3. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
The various relationships and opportunities in my life that have come my way.

4. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
TELEPORTATION! It would solve so many of my problems. Within reason? I'd love to be a polygot.

5. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
So much! At the end of my life, what are the regrets I would have? How long will it take to discover life on other planets? Where will I be professionally (without giving too much away) in 10 years? In 20? Where will I be personally (again, exec summary) in the same time period? What happened to Roanoke? Who are the top 10 people I speak to the most over the decades?

I feel like this question could be a post of its own... maybe the things I want to know are pointing me in a certain direction, and I probably need to reflect on that!

6. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
There is - and I'm working on it :)

7. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
Another tough one! I'd say one of the things I'm really glad about is the fact that the number of close friends I've known more than 7 years (you know why) is quite a good number - we're willing and able to put in the time and effort to keep these relationships alive.

8. What do you value most in a friendship?
Long version or short? If it's the latter, then trust, emotional intelligence and the willingness to grow.

9. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
Well, crap. I'd hope not - I'd like to think that I may be at a stage in my life where I'm making good choices - but hey, see question 5, and feel free to advise ;)

10. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Amazing, grateful, inspired, blessed - I really could go on forever.

11. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
Within the past month, actually, for both. See exhibit A: being vulnerable is not a bad thing and B: I believe that having a good cry once in a while is actually healthy.

12. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
Is my desk or my bookshelf an option? That would count as one item, right? More realistically, it would have to be something tied to memories, and knowing me, words. So whether this is letters, all my birthday cards ever (I'm quite organised) or things I've written, I guess they'd all be fair game!

Five years of The Kenyan Nomad: Looking back

How time does fly! I can't believe that my little blog is five - what a journey it has been! I thought it would be fun to look back on a few posts I've done over the years.

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My first post was an attempt to restart a blog that I had started writing four years ago - back then, it was more of an extended, and public mailing list. This was a week after I turned 20, and I think the 'new decade' brought me some inspiration to write that I'm still going on!

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A few months later, I shared some pictures from a trip to the Masai Mara.

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During the spring semester that year, I did a few posts from a series I had posted on Cowbird for a photography project. Always fun to look back on, and wonder what I was thinking at the time! Here's an excerpt:

There's a graduate student in the corner from Eritrea. He's working on a paper, but comes over to join us. We talk about running and soccer and being together and alone and philosophy and coffee. Always coffee. 

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The first time I had a post with more than 500 views was not until June 2013 - and it was a post talking about a visit I had done to the Rift Valley Academy in Kenya.  Fun fact - the cornerstone for the school was laid by Teddy Roosevelt!

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My first unofficial restaurant review was not even intended to be a restaurant review! However, Epice in Nashville was amazing, and started my love affair with Lebanese food. My mouth is watering as I write this.

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One of my first posts that dealt with feminism spoke about the 'Indian culture' and respect women get in marriages. My sentiment from the paragraph below still stands...

I remain perpetually shocked by the fact that I STILL live in a society where wives and daughters-in-law don't have anywhere near the respect and freedom that husbands and sons do. Am I talking about Kenya, or Indians in Kenya, or Indians in general? I haven't quite figured that out yet. However, I am talking about a problem that is extremely real, extremely relevant, and happening even today. 

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A post I really enjoyed doing was one about a red jeep and the love that three different men have for it. This was one of the first times I did a post that told a story about people.

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I've always loved doing guest posts, and for those of you who didn't read this one about personal space by Billie Rihal, you definitely should!

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My love affair with Sewanee most certainly did not end with graduation, or my return to Kenya. One of my best friends, Catherine Clifton, has a wonderful way with words, and so I had her do a guest post about Sewanee.

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Despite the fact that I regularly update my Instagram with pictures of new wines - I think that this one may actually be the only post that I wrote about a wine tasting I attended!!

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A popular post I did last year covered some tips that have been incredibly helpful to me on personal financial management.

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Another that I loved writing was one where I let loose with my frustrations about constantly being measured against what I, as a 24 year old woman at the time, was 'supposed to have' achieved.

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It still surprises me that I so spontaneously decided to go skydiving in Diani - but I loved the experience, and writing about it was so much fun!! I definitely intend to do more of these kinds of posts in the near future.

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The last story I featured on a person was back in December, and this was the story of Rohan Gandhi. If you need a dose of inspiration, you definitely need to check this one out!

The 12th of February, 2004, was just another day in 16 year old Rohan's life - or so he thought. Who knew that a short span of 20 minutes would end up changing his life forever?
A spinal cord infarction is "a stroke either within the spinal cord or the arteries that supply it. It is caused by arteriosclerosis or a thickening or closing of the major arteries to the spinal cord."

Sounds like a medical definition that we may encounter at a doctor's office and move past - but for Rohan it was a reality that left him paralysed from the waist down in the presence of his peers. As he puts it, "everyone went to school the next day... I didn't."

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My love affair with food is no secret - at this restaurant review over Christmas, a friend and I almost ate ourselves silly!!

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This certainly is NOT an exhaustive list of all the posts I've done (and loved doing) over the past five years, but it definitely was a fun trip down memory lane! Thank you, dear readers, near and far, for being such great supporters of The Kenyan Nomad. 

I would love to hear from you this blogiversary - feel free to shoot me an email, comment below, or reach out on my Facebook page!

A Quarter Century

No need to panic, dear readers, you haven't missed the big two five. Trust me, you'd have known! However, the truth is that it IS less than 2 months away - and I'm also celebrating 5 years of writing as the Kenyan Nomad this year! Evidently, 2017 looks like it's going to be wicked fun!!

What have I been up to since we last spoke? I spent 2 weeks out of my 3 week vacation in the U.S. with my aunt and uncle, sisters, brothers-in-law, and adorable nieces and nephew. (Yes, my sisters are all grown up and have kids now. When did that happen?!) I had a great time (although it sucked that I wasn't able to see my friends), despite the rocky start that entailed me spending an unplanned night in Atlanta the day I flew in. Winter in flip flops... not as fun as it sounds!

What happens when you take two toddlers and a baby to the tree at Rockefeller

Some of you may remember last year's post where I stated my intentions for 2016. Broadcasting these actually did keep me accountable, and while I may not have achieved them all 100%, I'm pretty pleased with where I got! I definitely intend to build up on them this year - while remaining open to all the surprises that seem to come my way!

1) Health: While I didn't quite get to my goal of running my first half-marathon last year, I did manage to run-walk my first 10K if that counts? (Those of you who know my time are probably doubled over laughing right now, but hey - I can only get better, right?!) Transitioning back into full time employment meant that I was less regular with my schedule than I would have liked, but I'm happy to report that I'm already making progress. I've started a couch to 5K programme that'll take about 8 weeks, while also committing to going for regular Zumba classes. I had my first this morning, and while it absolutely kicked my butt, I loved it!! No huge, lofty goal this year, but I aim to improve on my 10K time by the next Stan Chart marathon. 

2) Comfort zone: I think this is something I always try and do - last year, spontaneous skydiving definitely was an example! I'm excited to see how I can top that this year. Suggestions are always welcome!

3) Professional development: Boy, did this take me absolutely by surprise. At the beginning of 2016, I thought I'd be doing what I had been (marketing consultancy for clients of my own), perhaps with different clients, maybe in a new location. I had absolutely NO idea the change that was coming my way! Transitioning into management consultancy at McKinsey has opened up a whole new set of possibilities for me that I never even knew existed. 

4) Reading: I had planned to read 12 non-fiction books last year. I'll shoot for that again, despite the fact that I only managed 8 this year! Which ones? 

Thrive, by Ariana Huffington

Emotional Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman

Big Magic, by Elizabeth Gilbert

Eat, Pray, Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert

Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office, by Lois Frankel

David and Goliath, by Malcolm Gladwell

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey

Bossypants, by Tina Fey

I've started off 2017 with The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life, by Mark Manson. I've been reading his blog for some time, and when I heard he wrote a book, I had to have it. The topic is just an added bonus! 

5) Savings: Did I manage to save up at least 20% of my 2016 income? Absolutely!! I practiced what I preached in this post about personal finance, and the tips actually did work. I think it's a good goal to keep for 2017 too - but maybe this time, invest in addition to just saving.

6) Writing: Remember how pleased I was at the end of 2015 when my blog readership had grown beyond anything I had projected? Well, 2016 was that and even more! I went to events and met new people who didn't know me - but knew my blog. To say that it was heartwarming would be an understatement. 2016 also brought an unexpected surprise, when I realised I wasn't the only blogger using the name 'The Kenyan Nomad'. Thankfully, those who I met actually were talking about my blog! I started to cover more events, restaurants and people in 2016, and I want to continue that in 2017 - with a bit more travel thrown in if time allows!

7) Personal growth: I think this is quite multi dimensional, so I'm planning to continue with meditation and various forms of learning (like TED talks) this year.

8) Languages: Could 2017 FINALLY be the year I become fluent in French? I certainly hope so!

I can't start a new year of blogging without thanking all of you for your love, support and kind words. Your readership has helped catapult the Kenyan Nomad into a new stage of growth that I would've never even dared dream of! Onward and upward, most definitely. 

Diani Days

I don't know if saying I'm back is quite appropriate- I never really left! I've finally come to a place where not writing doesn't make me feel guilty. I write because I enjoy it, and so, it's hardly a chore that I'd feel guilty for 'neglecting'. Besides, I think trying to force it creates posts I'm not as excited to write- and you're probably not as excited to read!

It's been an eventful few months, but in a great way. Some good news to share (and to thank my support systems for)- I've transitioned from marketing to management consulting, and as of this month, I'm a business analyst at McKinsey, and very happy about it!

Since I knew I'd be working full time from August, I decided to take the month of July off. I indulged myself- went shopping, went to the spa (more than once, definitely), took a vacation (more on this later). As a result, I'm completely energised, and have even managed to (finally) get back into my exercise routine!

More about the vacation- as soon as I found out my start date had been pushed back from mid-July to the beginning of August, I called my sister and told her we were going down to the coast. We had planned to take a short vacation, but thought timing wouldn't allow it. Well, it did now! It'd been six years since I'd been to ANY beach, so to say I was excited was definitely an understatement...

We stayed at the Leopard Beach Resort & Spa, which was absolutely amazing!! I highly recommend it. The beach was amazing, the resort was amazing, the food was amazing, the service was amazing, the beds were super comfortable... I really could go on! Every place has its flaws, right? Well, here's Leopard Beach's- their bathroom. It was clean and awesome in other ways, but the separation between the shower area and the rest of the bathroom wasn't the best, and would lead to wet floors. But yes, that was pretty much the only thing I could complain about, and I'd go back in a heartbeat! If any of you have any specific questions about this place, I'd be more than happy to help answer.

From their website:

These awards were truly well deserved!

Let's take a moment to talk about their spa, the Uzuri spa. Oh. My. God. I could've easily taken another vacation just to stay there! It was absolutely amazing, and you'll see more in the pictures later. The service was impeccable, and the therapists were wonderful.

The vacation was absolutely AMAZING- I was so relaxed, and managed to be fully in the moment. It was so good that all it takes is for me to close my eyes and think of it, or look at pictures, to feel that sense of relaxation, energy and contentment again. I was off communication and Internet for the entirety of the vacation. The only thing allowed was Instagram (don't act surprised) and checking in with our dad in the evening. 

We didn't really leave the resort (apart from that one time for the spontaneous decision we made to jump out of a plane... more on that in my next), and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Pictures speak louder than words or something like that, so I'm going to let mine do the talking now. Hope they serve as a 'virtual vacation' for you all!

Flying in... I was SO excited when I saw that little sliver of ocean and beach, you have no idea!

The hotel wasn't too full, so instead of a buffet lunch, we got to go to the a la carte restaurant everyday. Our first day there, we had lunch by the beach (as you can see), I sipped my mojito, and marvelled at how lucky I was.

This was also day 1... so six years away from any beach/ocean/large water body left me with a rather inconveniently poor memory of how strong waves could be. This was after I'd had a hearty laugh at myself for getting taken down by one of them!

Did you really think I'd travel anywhere without something to read? Also, I really don't care how overdone this is... I absolutely loved Gilbert's book! I'd watched the movie before my freshman year, and finally got around to reading this (and this was actually my second Elizabeth Gilbert, the first being Big Magic).

Still day 1, sometime shortly after dinner. I'd ventured out to chill by the bar, potentially check out the disco. Well, practically everyone was otherwise employed, so I settled down with some red wine and Eat, Pray, Love! As the music from the empty disco pulsated around me, of course. 

The most awesome things happen to me at the randomest of places. As I'm getting tired of reading (yes, it's been known to happen), I decide to wander around the area. The bartender turns out to be a consultant who teaches mixology, and since he wasn't too busy, I talked myself into an impromptu class. I absolutely refused to learn how to make a Jagerbomb though, and some of you know why! 

View from the lobby

Beach!! Ah! So close!! Really though, I was super excited to finally be here.

Have you EVER seen such GORGEOUS sand? (My being away for six years is showing, isn't it?)

Day 2: Spa day! Uzuri doesn't have separate massage rooms. They have COTTAGES that are individually enclosed and have outdoor showers and beautiful views. (As I'm there, I'm thinking... how is this my life right now?!)

The view from inside my spa cottage (yes, that's an Instagram filter).

The view from outside the lobby

The local fauna. Little guy (girl?) and I had a staring match!

The pool at Uzuri spa with an attached Jacuzzi. We may or may not have tried to practice our Krav Maga kicks and stretches in the water.

That's the balcony outside our room. Ours was the first one on the left up the stairs.

Post skydiving (aka HOLY SHIT I JUMPED OUT OF A PLANE) lunch

Uzuri Spa- see why I could've actually vacationed here?

Being confronted by the majesty of the ocean. I loved it!

As is clearly evident

Leopard Beach did a great job with food and desserts! Each night had a buffet dinner with a different theme (the last night was African night). 

Bush baby!

I know some of you may be freaked out by this, but I was so fascinated by the bees and their love of marmalade! Don't worry, bug haters, they're not everywhere. I just picked a strategic place to sit. 

Did you really visit the beach if you don't have a collage to show?

Our last morning, right after breakfast as we were getting ready to leave. It's the only day that was rainy.

Okay, fine, 2 collages.

Last day- still gorgeous!

Goodbye Diani! Jeans necessary as Nairobi was going to be cold.

The view from our balcony

Saying goodbye for now!

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The Kenyan Nomad: Reader Feedback

From time to time, I like to reach out to my readers, old and new, and find out what they think of the blog, and what they'd like to hear about in the future.

I'd very much appreciate it if you took the time to fill out this form- I promise it shouldn't take longer than 3-5 minutes. Have a wonderful Saturday, everyone!

http://goo.gl/forms/P5a6s6i58R

Looking Back: Art 103

As I work on a post about a cool jewellery brand in Kenya, I thought it'd be nice to share some of my previous work- more on the creative side, if you will. This is a video I'd done about 4 years ago for a photography project, and the accompanying text. I'd love to hear what you think! 



Project C Final from Roshni Walia on Vimeo.

“Photography is a tool for dealing with things everybody knows about but isn’t attending to. My photographs are intended to represent something you don’t see.” 

-Emmet Gowin, in Susan Sontag’s ‘On Photography.’

In this series of photographs, I hope to show how an individual
relates to and develops in their world in terms of their
individuality, their relationships, the society around them, and
finally, their future and all that this future brings.

The first six images show an individual standing alone, yet, they
are aware of the possibilities that lie ahead. This is shown by the
various paths and in the fifth and sixth images, an individual lamp
hanging in front of a door that is illuminated by light, and that
opens to reveal a sky that is lit up and seemingly limitless.

The next five images show the relationships of an individual. With recurring
paths, this shows an individual entering into and progressing through
relationships that sometimes may be ambiguous and sometimes
straightforward. The next three images now show an individual looking
back to, and in a way realising, the many people around them, and in
effect, the society they live in. Yet again, in the thirteenth image,
we see that there is light ahead of the large group of people, showing
that an individual has to look beyond society for their purpose and
meaning.

The next image now begins to show the complexity of what lies ahead in
their life. It shows someone walking down a path, yet upon closer
inspection, it is not quite as simple as that. 

The sixteenth to twentieth images now show the individual looking forward to what is
about to come. There are varying paths shown, like a bridge, roads,
and a stream, that show the varying forms that the future ahead is
taking. The final image ends on a burst of light that shows that after
an individual has travelled, learned, and experienced various things,
they can now make the most of their potential because of who they have
become.

The thirteenth image is a key image in this series. It shows people
alone, yet in groups, indicating relationships and again uses the
themes of light and dark to show progression through time, and what
lies ahead. It complements the first photograph
in that the first photograph show someone in the dark being illuminated
by a flash of light, and it has a group of people in the dark being
slightly illuminated by the light beyond them.

Until I put this project together, I was not aware of the common
themes that came across in most of my work; light and dark to show
something that is not negative or positive but rather, now and then,
or even here and there. I also realised that a lot of this work
reflected upon me as an individual, and these were not just random
photographs that I had to force to work together.

I especially enjoyed Irving Penn’s ‘Worlds in a Small Room.’ I could
relate to the sense of studio, which for me is not just a room, but in
effect any space in which there is a photographer, a camera and a
subject, and how this studio seemed to elevate and yet equalise all.
He says “And what each experience had in common with the others,
although in varying degrees, was what became for me the most
surprising and fascinating fact. Taking people away from their natural
circumstances and putting them into the studio did not simply isolate
them, it transformed them.”

For me, photographing people and objects definitely transforms them,
and while this may be from my perspective, it is definitely enough to
make the images all relate to each other, to me, and potentially to
their audience too.

2015: My Year in Review

Happy New Year to all of you! I sincerely hope that this year is all that you hope for and much, much more!

Yes, I know that it's technically still the 31st, but for years, I always send my wishes out on NYE, so why should this year be any different?

This is my favourite holiday of the year; I know it sounds like such a cliche, but I love the fresh start that's represented, the chance to celebrate with friends and family, and the general excitement in the air.

(This is also of my favourite pictures to share this time of year.)

It's crazy to believe how busy this year has been. With all that's happened, I thought it'd be nice to do a year in review post ! 

1) 2015 was my first full year in the 'real world': (Read: my first full year out of full time education since I was around one). It's hard for me sometimes to believe that I graduated more than a year ago. Yes, I do miss all the learning that goes on in an institution that's dedicated to 'formal' learning, but I've been pleasantly surprised by all the learning that goes on on this side. 

2) 2015 is the first year since 2008 that I've had a regular workout routine: And I'm pretty pleased with how dedicated I've been! I don't need to go on about how much of a difference this had made to me, since I've talked about it in previous posts. Let's just say I'm very happy with all the results!

3) Career transition: In the course of 2015, I went from working an awesome internship in Des Moines, to a desk job in Nairobi, to working as an independent marketing consultant for my own clients! It's hard to believe that all this has been just within a year...

4) Aunthood: Yes, you read that right. I got an awesome triple promotion this year, and am the proud aunt to a nephew and two nieces; one in the U.S., one in the U.K., and one in India!

5) Moving back to Kenya: This one has DEFINITELY had its fair share of ups and downs! I moved back to Kenya in March, right before my 23rd birthday. While the transition hasn't been the easiest, I've learnt a lot by coming back, and I've met a lot of cool people along the way!

6) My first year away from my Sewanee family: It's hard to believe I've gone a whole year without seeing my best friends from Sewanee! However, I think I am INCREDIBLY fortunate in that the distance hasn't made us distant at all. In fact, I think my friendships with these amazing people have been stronger than ever! (And I am planning to get my group of girlfriends to visit Kenya sometime soon... hint hint!)

7) Writing: My blog has definitely taken off in a big way this year; if I haven't said it before, thank you all for the support! At the beginning of the year, I'd set some targets in terms of analytics, but I've been stunned by how far I've surpassed those targets! Along with increased reach, I've also gotten a lot of feedback on my writing, and all of this has meant so much. I can't describe how it feels when someone you don't even know very well tells you that you inspire them. Thank you! I also got an article published in one of Kenya's national newspapers this year, so that was pretty exciting.

8) Reconnecting: From May to December is the longest time my best friend and I have gotten to spend together since we were in high school!! This has definitely been an amazing source of support for me, and has eased my transition to Kenya in more ways than I could ever explain. Thank you Cheenar! (For those of you who haven't met her yet, Cheenar is an absolutely amazing and inspirational woman, and I'm trying my best to convince her to write for the Kenyan Nomad this year!)

9) Growth: It's hard to describe how much I've learnt during 2015. The year definitely hasn't been the easiest, but if I had to go back and change anything, I don't think I would. I look at the person I was just a year ago, and I'm very happy with all the changes, internal and external, that I've gone through!

10) Family: Last but not least; it's been awesome living with my parents as a 'real adult'!

Thank you all for being an integral part of my journey this year. Happy New Year! 

Dropping the Past

Courtesy of Unsplash

How many of us are holding onto things from the past that we no longer need? We all have baggage that we carry around from the past; indeed, our past is part of what makes us uniquely us. We all have a combination unique experiences, memoires, hard times that we've faced and triumphs we've celebrated that we share with no other person on the planet.

However, isn't it true that while our past guides us and informs us, at times it may also prevent us from moving forward? 

Sometimes, our past prevents us from viewing the world from a fresh and exciting lens; instead, we look at it from a weary and suspicious one. Your past can make you afraid of confronting your future and of enjoying your present.

Think about it this way; haven't we all at some point or another had a difficult relationship? With family, with friends, with lovers, with coworkers? And sometimes, when forming new relationships, don't we tend to be pessimistic about the outcomes based on these previous relationships?

Another scenario; maybe your past hasn't been the most ideal. You had a difficult childhood, a career that always seemed like it took more out of you than it gave you, no real friends to confide in and a family life that was less than fulfilling. Finally, things start looking up. Maybe you get a new job, you finally start to have real conversations to make peace with your past, and you meet people you realise will be with you for a while to come, for better or for worse. How many of us in such a situation would start to self-sabotage, would start to think we don't deserve this happiness, that it couldn't possibly be real? How many of  us, in such a situation, tend to focus on one negative over twenty positives? Stop and think about it for a second; your experiences in your past are wrongly influencing your experiences in the future.

How do we get around letting the past drag us down? Don't give your feelings more importance than they deserve. This may sound weird, but remember that cognitive biases are a very real thing that influence us every single day!

Forgiveness is important. Not just forgiving others for what they might have done (or not done), but forgiving yourself, too. Loving yourself and being kind to yourself are the first steps in allowing others to do so too.

Don't completely forget about the past; appreciate it. Be grateful for it. Appreciate the good times as well as the bad times, because they've all come together in a uniquely beautiful way to teach you in a way that only you could benefit from.

Beauty, Now

This might be the longest that I've gone (in recent times) without writing. Well, not completely without writing, because then I wouldn't be me, would I? A more accurate thing to say would be 'without writing for an audience'. A larger part of that is due to changes that have been occurring in other parts of my life, and inevitably, everything ties back to my writing. More of that in another post though; today, I really want to talk about beauty. And wonder. And the joy of novelty.

Courtesy of Unsplash

When (and where) my parents were growing up, pizza wasn't really a thing. Difficult to fathom for someone like me; pizza is VERY much a thing in my life. Today at tea time (it's really good to be back in Kenya...), I asked my father if he remembered the first time he'd had pizza. He shrugged noncommittally, and said that he didn't. 

Of course, that led me to wonder what it would be like if he (or I) were to try pizza for the first time ever now. Suffice to say, I'd probably be the more excited of the two. 

Has anybody ever asked you what it would be like if you could watch your favourite movie again for the first time? Imagine the joy, the wonder, the discovery, the gradual (or sudden?) knowledge; YES, I love this! 

Now substitute 'movie' with basically anything around us. A smile, A sunset. Your favourite food. Your partner. Falling in love. The depth of sadness. When did we as a society get so desensitised by all around us that we forgot to celebrate the beauty of simple things? 

Two years ago, one of my best friends told me "You make a big deal out of things others take for granted." At that time I felt a little ridiculous, but now I realise she was referring to my tendency to get excited about little things like a cup of tea.

There's more than enough in the world to depress us, to dissuade us, to leave us feeling that life is pointless. But it takes only a little bit of seeking of the world within us and around us to realise that we are surrounded by wondrous beauty and sheer magnitude. Honestly, who could feel pointless then? 

Enjoyed this post? Feel free to drop by my Facebook page and let me know! 

Dropping Inhibitions

Picture courtesy of www.unsplash.com

What is an inhibition? To prevent you the trouble of googling a definition, I'll show you the ones I got: "a feeling that makes one self-conscious and unable to act in a relaxed and natural way" and "a voluntary or involuntary restraint on direct expression of an instinct". If you really think about it, these two definitions make perfect sense (thanks Google), and you really start to wonder how many times you have been held back by inhibitions.

I'll give an example that many of us might have encountered at some point or another. A crowded room, music playing cheerily in the background, people laughing and weaving in an out of crowds. Suddenly you see a face you think you recognise, but can't seem to place. What you really want to do it go say hi- but something holds you back.

We encounter inhibitions in more situations than just weekend parties. How many times have we been held back because of fear of failure, or rejection, or embarrassment? Like it or not, inhibitions may be holding us back in many ways; professionally, socially and personally.

By trying to fit in and be 'normal', we are kept from being ourselves. Giving in to our inhibitions can leave us with a feeling of inadequacy that lingers long after a specific incident has passed. If you're good at something and you know it, inhibitions can get in the way of allowing you to excel. By giving in to your inhibitions, you get conditioned to avoid these sorts of 'negative' situations, and may not realise how much you're missing out on!

Think about this scenario for a second; you've been working really hard at your job, and you know you've been doing really well too. You think that you may deserve a raise, but feel inhibited, and neglect to ask your boss. Think about these sorts of situations happening on a regular, almost daily basis, and you may begin to understand why you've learned to hold back and prevent yourself from getting where you deserve.

How do we overcome inhibitions? It's important to realise that you need to break free, and you need to want to break free. Expose yourself to things and situations that scare you (there we go again with fear being a good thing), and learn not to step back at the moment that you most want to. Don't escape the negative feelings; instead, deal with them, think about them, and ask yourself what they're telling you about yourself. Step forth, and free yourselves!

Let Your Fear Take You Higher

I think it's a very small portion of the population who can claim that they're not afraid. For people like me, who're in a transitional phase of their life, fear can be something that we learn to deal with on an everyday basis. I had addressed the issue of fear in a shorter blog post last year, but definitely felt like it was time to talk about it again.

Where does fear come from? I think that if we dig deep enough, this fear comes from being lost, from being disconnected with our purpose(s), from uncertainty. As I've mentioned many times before, so many of us get stuck in 'the rat race'. We end up doing things that we think we're supposed to be doing, while really being afraid to dig deep and explore our dreams and fears, and this ends up leading to unhappiness and a sense of not being fulfilled.

Why is it that so many of us are afraid to dream? And if we do dream, why are we afraid to follow through? Why is it that dreamers, those who have courage to follow their dreams, those who are very happy with their lives are the exceptions rather than the rule?

I think that part of the reason this is the case is that we have created a society that is so afraid of failure, that people would rather not try at all, lest they end up failing. When children are growing up, they are not afraid of showing their ambition, but as they grow, they are told to tone down this ambition, to stop dreaming so much. There are some lucky few who don't let society and educational systems diminish their abilities to dream and to believe in themselves, and I wish we could all be more like them. I've heard it said that a young Serena Williams was asked which tennis player she'd like to be like, and she responded by saying that she'd like other people to be like her. Incredible insight and ambition, and quite obviously, a determination to follow through!

Leaving aside the people who're afraid to dream, and who somehow may be able to convince themselves that they're happy where they are, I think it's even more depressing to think about the people who DO dream, but don't follow their dreams. Saying that they lack the courage to follow their dreams is but a small part of the equation, and I wouldn't like to phrase it that way, since it puts the blame on these people. Rather, I think the problem is that society and educational systems don't do much to help instill this courage in people when they need it.

Of course, this isn't always the case. I know, and I'm sure you all do too, about many, many wonderful people and educators who believe in their fellow community members and those under their tutelage. These people do everything they can to encourage and support, but sadly, sometimes it's hard being the only one in a system doing the encouraging and supporting. When one person is telling you that you can while everything and everyone else is showing you that you shouldn't, why would you believe them? If someone tells you that you can dream and also follow your dreams and be happy and successful, yet you see so many around you who're so discouraged, why would you believe them?

Thankfully, those who dream and are afraid to follow their dreams have a little bit of an advantage: their fear.This fear that they feel can be incredibly motivational. If you're afraid, it means you know there's more for you out there. It means that there's a part of you that knows you can do it. You can use this fear, channel it into making it work for you, into supporting others who may be dreamers afraid to follow through. I was rereading a Robin Sharma book last night, and one sentence really struck home with me. I read it, and was so overwhelmed by it that I actually had to put the book down.

"The very fact that you have a desire or a dream means that you have the corresponding capacity to realize it."
-The monk who sold his Ferrari

I'm afraid too. Why shouldn't I be? But I choose to look at this fear as something I will conquer, something that will teach me more about myself, something that will actually propel me in the direction of my dreams.

If you're afraid, recognise that that's not a bad place to be. Let your fear take you higher.

10 Great Ways to Adjust to a New City

Most of us, at some point or another, have moved cities in the past. However, most of us are also witness to the fact that adjusting to these moves gets much harder after graduation! If you've just moved to a new city (or an old city you haven't lived in for a while), or are planning to, I hope these tips are useful to you:

1) Before you move, network!
Get in touch with family, friends, friends of friends, fellow alumni, old neighbours, and whoever you may be able to. If these people live in the city you're moving to, they could become great friends (if they aren't already). If they lived there in the past, but have now moved away, don't be afraid to ask for tips! Knowing about where to shop, the best neighbourhoods to live in, fun things to do, etc, before you move to the city, can save you valuable time settling in!

2) Get help with your move! 
I speak from personal experience when I say that taking along a friend or family member to help with the move and initial settling down can be very helpful. It's even better if this person can stay a few extra days and explore your new home with you!

3) Make sure to stay in touch with family and friends from home. 
Moving to a new place doesn't mean losing touch with those who're far away, and staying in touch with these people means that they're still an important part of your life! Again, I speak from personal experience; sometimes, distance works wonders in making these relationships even closer.

4) If you've already found a job in your new city, ask your co-workers for tips . 
Maybe they know about the amazing restaurant down the street that has half off on Wednesdays that you happened to miss. Or the concert that you should definitely check out. Either way, many of these people have probably been in your situation before, and understand what it's like to move to a new place where you don't know as many people as you'd like. Maintaining good relationships with your coworkers is also a great way to make friends!

5) Look for networks you could join. 
For example, when I was in Iowa, I started attending meetings of the American Marketing Association. I didn't stay long enough to join, but I definitely got to meet some new people, and learn new things! Most big cities have young professional networks, and some that are more specialised that welcome new members.

6) Get to know your neighbours. 
When I was in university, most of my best friends were people I lived close to freshman year. We may not be in dorms anymore, but getting to know the people you live around can be very helpful; not only will you probably make good friends, but you'll know that you can rely on them if you need to (and vice versa)!

7) Sign up for a class you've always wanted to take. 
New city, new start right? If you feel that in your old place, it would have been kind of weird if the straight-laced software engineer wanted to take up creative writing, now's the time to go for it!! You're in a new place, and have a chance to do things that you've always wanted to, but never got to because you were in a comfort zone of sorts.

8) Remember to be open to new experiences and new people. 
I'll say it again; you're in an entirely new place, and it wouldn't be fair to expect it to be like the place you moved from. Be open and ready for experiences you wouldn't have encountered before, and be willing to meet people who may differ from the people you usually socialise with. Go ahead and have some fun with life!

9) Don't be afraid to go out on your own. 
Whether this is a new city where you know a few people, or a new city where you don't know anyone at all, one of the best ways to get settled in is to go out exploring on your own. So go ahead and make reservations for one at that fun Italian restaurant you drove by, or sign up for a nature walk by yourself. One thing though: remember to be careful and do your research! Let's just say that you don't want your adventure alone to take you to any unsavoury neighbourhoods.

10) Push yourself. 
You're going to have to be more active about doing things. As the new person in town, you're going to have to make the effort to go out and meet people, to learn about your city, to get comfortable. Don't wait for things and people to happen to you; go out there and familiarise yourself with your new home!

Do you have any tips for adjusting to a new city? Leave them in the comments below!