Solve for Energy, not Time (part 1)

Over the past year and a bit, I've had a bit of a realisation around what's important to prioritise. This has been a lesson that's been building up over time, 'helped' by various events in my life including my experience with mental health, the recent loss of a loved one,  the observation of some of the healthy, happy and thriving older people in my life and what they had in common, and of course, my love of reading.

I think the first time I was really able to articulate this idea of solving for energy, not time, was when I did this quick interview for the McKinsey website. And since then, I'd call myself a passionate and vocal advocate of this idea.

The basic premise is this - a lot of time, we focus on how to manage our time to be able to dedicate this to the right activities. However, we should instead be focusing on how to be at our best energy, so that we can bring our best selves to whatever we do, personal or professional. This latter strategy has the benefit of not only being useful in the short run, but also in the long run.

I think we all derive our energy from different sources - and I'd encourage you to explore what these are - but there are some that are common and applicable to all, no matter who you are, like sleep, healthy eating, and regular physical activity.

I'll quickly talk through some of the things I make sure to make time for in order to optimise my short- and long-term energy - these fall under two main buckets: physical and mental.

Physical

Sleep: I recently read Matthew Walker's Why We Sleep, and it was a terrifying wake-up call (heh) to find out what the detrimental effects (again, short and long term) were of me NOT having healthy sleep habits!

Some quick, (hopefully) scary facts: 1) Sleep deprivation can lead to higher mortality, risk of cancer, heart disease, weight gain, rate of infection, Alzheimer's, irritability, inflammation, lower productivity, lower rational decision making and memory recall, lower emotional control, and lower immune system function; 2) Driving while sleepy can be worse than driving while drunk - while drunk, your response is delayed but while sleepy, if you have a 'microsleep', you may not react at all (driving after having slept less than 4 hours can increase risk of crashing by 11.5x); 3) Sleep can help improve long-term factual recall and 'muscle memory'; 4) Less than 1% of the population is able to survive on six hours of sleep and show minimal impairment; and 5) Less sleep causes immediate effects on productivity, as immediate as the very next day. Need I say more? You should DEFINITELY read the book.

Since reading it, I make it a point to start winding down for bed around 10 pm every weekday – this means putting down all electronic devices, reading a few chapters, maybe meditating a bit – to allow myself to get to sleep by 11. I've also tried to implement some of the other healthy sleep habits that Walker recommends.

Physical activity: I learnt this lesson a long time ago that if I miss a few days of physical exercise, I notice a marked difference in my well being – not just physical, but mental too. Since then, I’ve made it a goal to get some activity in every single day. If I can’t manage a full workout, then I need to get in at least 10 minutes of activity, even if it’s just a walk. Done is better than perfect – a ten minute walk I did do is better than a 60 minute workout that I missed, and again, science talks about the importance of not just doing regular physical exercise but also remaining physically active (going to the gym everyday doesn't help if I keep sitting the rest of the day without any activity at all).

My 90-year-old granddad has, for as long as I've known him, worked out every morning (and what this means has changed over the years), as well as walked every afternoon (intensity may have changed but not frequency). It's admirable to see how fit and relatively independent he is at this age - this proof was enough for me!

Nutrition: Still something I'm working to get right, so I won't say much here, but it's important to mention because it IS important.

Rest: I see this as a little different from sleep, although it may include sleep. Rest can mean recovery. It can mean making the time for short breaks between work. It can mean going for a quick walk to energise yourself. It could mean taking a sabbatical. I put this at the end because it can be a very 'mental' thing too. Basically, I've found that sprints vs. marathon allows me to be more productive, and that rest contributes to this productivity and efficiency (and yes, before you ask, this is also supported by science).

Keep an eye out for part 2, where I expound on the Mental aspects I referenced. 

20 Things to Consider Before You Get Married

Image courtesy of SplitShire

Before we start, no, I'm not married. However, I've heard of/ read about so many couples having issues nowadays that could've easily been prevented by discussion prior to marriage. While a broken light bulb doesn't necessitate a new house, sometimes the problem may be more than a light bulb.

Therefore, I reached out to married couples and did some research to compile a list of issues to talk about, questions to ask, and things to consider before you get married to someone; no matter how much you love them, and how awkward these may seem, it seems that there are common issues married couples face. By discussing these beforehand, issues like those may be avoided entirely! Or if not, at least a couple will know that they're coming and may have planned how to handle them in advance. Some of these may be small, while others may be bigger; it all really depends on the couple!

This should seem obvious, but perhaps I'd better say it just in case- none of these issues are just black and white. What I've listed below should really be a starting point for you to have an important conversation that will hopefully provide clarity, not points to make final verdicts on.

1) Your partner's values: Everyone grows up with a set of values, and these may differ from person to person. Your values need not necessarily be the same, but it does help to consider those that your partner thinks are important. Do they value struggle as much as you do? Are they as family-oriented? Do you respect each others' values? These and other such questions should be thought about.

2) Do they respect your thinking and your work?: Does your partner recognise you as a person independent of them, and respect your thinking and the work you do? A marriage may be the union of two people, but at the end of the day, they are two different people.

3) How open minded are they?: I think this one speaks for itself, doesn't it? What are your partner's views on gender equality? Are they racist? Homophobic? Intolerant of other faiths?

4) Pet peeves: This seems silly, but do you have any habits that drive your partner crazy, and vice versa? Knowing these is key to avoiding (or at least minimising) them! Sometimes just knowing these ahead of time can help you both decide what to do to work around them.

5) Chores: After marriage, both partners will (most probably) be living in the same home, and maintaining a home requires doing chores. Who will do which? Will it be equally balanced? Does one of you absolutely hate doing chores and procrastinates them as much as possible? What standards do you have about how well you like things done, and how can you compromise on these?

6) How they handle fights: Married couples fight, and these fights are different from those of a couple that does not live together. However, people have different ways of reacting to tense situations. Some avoid them until the last minute possible, some shout at the top of their voice, some argue calmly and rationally. How does each of you handle anger? Is it easy for both of you to say sorry? Or does stubbornness kick in? It's important to realise that communication becomes even more vital in such a situation, and knowing HOW your partner communicates in tense situations can be very helpful.

7) Kids: Yes, no, how many? Do you want to have biological children? Adopt? How will you raise them? Who will discipline them? What faith will they be raised in? What middle name and surname will they have? Maybe one of you wants kids, the other does not. This is a pretty big deal, and needs to be talked about before such a long commitment. Imagine how awkward it would be if you turn to your spouse one day and tell them you're thinking of names for your future offspring, and they casually mention that they don't plan on having any...

8) The living conditions each of you are used to: The neatness of your home, the light conditions you prefer, your favourite kind of mattress (this one is more important than you'd realise!), your TV habits, how you use your space, when you eat, WHAT you eat, whether or not to have a TV in the bedroom are just some of the issues to consider when living with another person. Obviously, some compromises will have to be made on each side, and each partner will have to decide what they can compromise on and what they can definitely not give up on.

9) Do you love them just as they are? Or hope they will change after marriage?: Sometimes, people hope that certain habits of their partners will magically change after marriage. Unfortunately, this doesn't always happen. Ask yourself whether you'd be happy spending the rest of your life with your partner as they are.

10) Do they have a mind of their own and challenge you? Or agree with everything that you do? Are they comfortable with having different likes and dislikes from you?: As mentioned before, a marriage is a union of two different people. Some people prefer partners who challenge them, while others may prefer partners who always agree with them. Recommended reading: I loved Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. It's an interesting book that can help you get to know the people around you even better.

11) Finances: Money is an awkward topic, even with family. However, it's vital to discuss. What is your financial situation and that of your spouse? Can you both sustain the lifestyle you hope to maintain? Are any of you in debt? How do you plan to cover that? What are your saving habits? How do you budget? What financial commitments (like supporting family) do you already have?

12) Will you have time to spend by yourself and with your friends/family without your partner?: Marriage is a big deal, but it shouldn't involve giving up the relationships you had previously, with your family, your friends (of any gender), and yourself. Studies done show that when two people only focus on each other and their relationship, their other relationships suffer; and their overall happiness declines (I forget which studies these were, but I recently covered them in a class and could look them up for you if need be).

13) Religion and faith: What faith do you believe in, and is it important that your partner also follow the same? If not, how different are you willing to let your faiths be?

14) Family obligations: You will still have obligations to your family, be they financial, time-wise or otherwise. How does your partner feel about these (and vice versa)? Similarly, as a couple, to what extent are you willing to let your families be a part of your relationship?

15) Surnames: Will you change your surname to theirs, or vice versa? Will both of you keep your own? Will both of you take one partner's middle name and the other's surname? These are important issues, and it's important now more than ever to realise that in a 'traditional marriage,' it isn't fair to expect the woman to do all the changing.

16) Career aspirations and ambition: What career aspirations do you have, and does your partner support these? If one partner gets a fantastic job offer in a different place, will the other partner be willing to give up their job and move?

17) What do you do in your free time?: How do you and your partner intend to spend your free time together?

18) Where will you live?: Will you buy a house together, or move into one of your homes? Will you live with your parents or your partner's? If this is a long distance engagement, who will do the moving once time comes to do so?

19) How does your partner display affection?: You may have heard of the 5 love languages (words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch). You and your partner may prioritise these differently, so it's important to recognise how your partner displays affection and what's important to them (and vice versa of course). At times, you may feel frustrated, and that your partner isn't loving you as much as you'd hope. Realising that the way someone displays affection is different from yours can go a long way!

20) Sense of humour and optimism/pessimism: How does your partner interact with the world, and how does this match up with you?

Of course, this list is by no means comprehensive. However, hopefully it can serve as a starting point! Have any suggestions that can be added to this list? Leave a comment on this post!

Jan 2016 add on:

If you haven't already, I think that you should definitely read Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman and Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg. These books discuss issues that may well arise in relationships, and I've found them extremely helpful!

A Difference in Opinion

More than just enabling us to formulate and express our own opinions, I'd like to think that the education that we receive helps us to recognise and respect the fact that others have opinions too, and that these opinions do not necessarily have to align with our own.

Last night, I posted a picture on a social media site that emphasised the importance of loving your neighbour as you love yourself, regardless of the neighbour's race, class, religion or sexuality. I know that this is not a point of view that is shared by everyone, but I figured that those who did not agree would either refrain from commenting, or would express their opinion in a way that led to discussion as opposed to argument.

Unfortunately, I was wrong. I was surprised by the vehemence with which someone told me that my opinion was wrong, and that what a certain group of people did was essentially absolutely immoral. I did try to discuss the comment with this individual, but to no avail. To avoid offending others who may see the picture, I went ahead and deleted the comment, but the surprise still remained.

I know of many others who have experienced similar backlash after expressing their opinions on a variety of topics, and the thing that stands out to me is that most of the backlash comes from the 'older' generation; those who have taught us and guided us and encouraged us to have opinions.

I don't think the world will ever be at a place where everyone agrees with everyone else, and I frankly think that such a world would bore me! I enjoy the talking to intellectuals who have different points of view from myself, and who are able to challenge me to think beyond my own sphere of existence. However, I would like to believe that one day we may reach a point where we are all free to express our opinions, and be respected for them.

Have a great day!

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Matatucessator

A question you often see floating around on the internet is: what superpower/ device (think Adam Sandler from Click) would you have if you could choose any?
Today, I'd like something that you could use from a distance on vehicles that have absolutely no road sense at all, like our dear matatus. The purpose of this device would be this: when the vehicle it has been shot at has been switched off for more than a certain period of time, say an hour, it cannot switch on again until and unless the person who used the device reverses their action with the same device. The purpose of this time period would be that cars would not stop on the road and obstruct traffic. Rather, if they have stopped for around an hour, this would most likely be in a parking spot or somewhere out of the way.
Having them unable to use their vehicles would be an effective (and annoying!) form of punishment, especially for those who drive recklessly to make money, such as matatus and the famous buses.
Obviously, the device(s) would need to be in the hands of HONEST and responsible citizens... I can only dream what kind of mayhem would ensue if this was not the case.
Now, while I know that this device is purely imaginary (at least for now) it did give me some measure of relief and moments of pure childish glee just imagining that I was using it as I was on my way to work in the morning, as I watched buses drive on pavements just to get 4 or 5 cars ahead, and matatus force their way into different lanes... on roundabouts. I'd like to think that they wouldn't be given way and allowed back on the road, but the harsh reality is that whoever attempts something so brave would probably get their car hit, especially so for those of us who drive around in smaller vehicles.
Have an imaginative day, won't you! As for myself, I'm going to have fun on the way back pretending to use my new Matatucessator! Sigh... one day!
(matatu + cessation)

Wealth; why does it disturb us?

The world has a history of 'hating' on the rich. From Robin Hood to modern day news articles, the rich are viewed (unfairly) negatively.
Recently, the Nation featured an article about a helicopter that was forced to make an emergency landing in a farm in central Kenya due to bad weather, as the pilot was taking his children to school. After that, there was some debate that went on, and a rather opinionated article followed, that noted that when most people cannot afford to take their children to school in cars, we have someone who takes his to school in a chopper everyday. The author sounded rather disgruntled, and I felt that they thought that this pilot (Alan Root) should not taking his kids to school like this.
I ask, why not?
If someone has wealth, in most cases this means it has been earned. Whether through generations, or from rags to riches, someone has worked hard for this money, and once they have it, why should they not use it as they see fit? Sure, we do have cases where rich people have been made rich not due to their hard work and honesty, but because of the corruption which is rampant here and elsewhere- but it is not fair to judge and punish all the wealthy based on these select few.
Money is not the social evil we all believe it to be. It only becomes this when we choose to portray and use it as such.
Instead of begrudging someone their right to spend their hard-earned money, why don't we congratulate them and wish them well? What goes around comes around folks...
Have a well-earned week ahead!