Jumping (Off) the Bandwagon

Counter-intuitively, sometimes it's easier to stand up to a crowd in public than a single person in private. We go around flaunting our beliefs behind the handy anonymity of the Internet, but when asked to defend them in front of a room of peers, we pause. Having avoided direct confrontation, we're relieved, but fail to realise that we've only postponed the inevitable. 

Is it that we're so afraid of confrontation, of having people disagree with us, that we fail to stand up for who and what we believe in? I've seen this happen so many times, and I daresay, have been guilty of it myself. We stick by previously established status quo, yet later complain that 'nothing is changing' and wonder where the problem lies. 

Change was never born out of agreeing with the masses just for the sake of it. Whether we're changing the mindset of a people, or the routine of an individual, change will require pushing ourselves out of the comfort zone, often alone. It's absolutely okay to be the first friend or family member to believe in something and to have the conviction to stand up for it. Even if others disagree with you, the realisation that we can respect others' opinions even if they differ from ours can come in extremely handy. 

Yes, it can be scary being the first person to step up and say 'this is wrong'. Expressing dissent can often be seen as a sign of aggression, but learning to stand up for your beliefs will help dispel these notions.

Think about this - a few years ago, people thought it was okay to treat people differently based on the colour of their skin, or the gender they identified with. Okay, yes, unfortunately, we still do have some people who think like that - but fortunately, or so I'd like to believe, they're a group that's getting smaller and smaller. One day, somewhere in the past, someone stood up and said - you know what, this ISN'T okay. Some shouted this, some whispered it, but you can imagine the backlash they faced.

Do we believe what we believe because that's what's right? How often do we examine what we believe and why we believe in it? Do we believe what we've been TOLD to believe?

Nowadays, more than every, when we're being confronted by a lot of - dare I say idiocy? - everywhere we go, on the news, on the streets, globally, more than ever, we're all being called to action. Called to actually THINK about what we're doing. WHY we're doing it. How we can be more compassionate - to those around us AND to ourselves. And if we find that our actions, our behaviours are not aligned with our values - then maybe it's time to stand up for what we believe. 

Out of the Box

I spent my first 18 years immersed in an educational (and social) system that did little to encourage creativity. What subjects did I take for A levels? Economics, Chemistry, and Further Maths. That's not to say that I didn't do well in these classes, or that I didn't enjoy them, because I did. Heck, I loved Economics, and that's what I got my degree in, despite having the opportunity to change my mind (and the wisdom to know that it would be okay to).

It was expected that our degrees and the careers we chose would follow certain paths that all those before us chose; thinking outside the box wasn't really encouraged. This wasn't just a problem localised at my school; indeed, it was a problem that was facing a larger community in Nairobi. Looking at my secondary school graduating class, I can't think of anyone who chose to pursue further education in something like art, creative writing, or philosophy. That's not to say that no one was interested in these fields; rather, if present, this interest wasn't cultivated or encouraged, and as far as I know, if people expressed desire to pursue their passions, they were told to pick something more 'realistic'.

How many brilliant creative minds have we shut down because we forced them to pursue maths, sciences, or similar fields? Because art is not a 'real' field? 

I'm very fortunate that I'm still writing at this age. While we didn't do much writing for school, I did choose to pursue it personally, from quite a young age. Was this encouraged by my educators and peers? No, not really. Would my writing be at a different level if it had been? Maybe, but I don't think there's much value to be derived from regret; rather, it's best to move forward and see how we can change.

When I came back to Kenya this year, I had somewhat restricted myself to similar in-the-box thinking. I know that I want to be an entrepreneur eventually, but I also know that to be ready for that, I'd like to have more experience and skills. However, what I wrongly assumed is that those experience and skills would be gained at a typical 'desk job', and so that's what I went and found.

There was nothing wrong with the job itself, but I realised that it wasn't the best fit for me. I was trying to make myself conform to a standard I had no business conforming to in the first place. I was trying to live someone else's reality, a reality that I'd been raised to think was right for me.

It took me a while to make the decision, but I quit. In typical Roshni fashion, I did a lot of thinking about this decision, consulted a lot of people, and tried to listen to my head, which told me that change could always come later. Why rush it now? In the end, I did what was right for me, what I probably should have done in the first place; followed my heart now.

Why is it that we force ourselves into these boxes now, so that we can enjoy ourselves later? Here's something we need to realise (to a certain degree of course); later never comes. The excuses we make now can easily become the excuses we make tomorrow that prevent us from stepping forth confidently in the direction of our dreams. If we keep living for tomorrow, how will we ever enjoy today?

So what am I doing now? I'm working (full time) as a consultant. Primarily for a company in the U.K., but also on some independent projects. The work I'm doing is challenging, but I love it! I can officially call myself an intrapreneur. I have creative freedom, the opportunity to learn a lot, and autonomy over what I do. I have the opportunity to learn from a fantastic and hard-working entrepreneur. I now have the time and the flexibility to do more writing and to travel; two things that are very important to me, that I had told myself I would do 'later'. I already feel like I'm growing by leaps and bounds. Will things change in the future? Most probably; change is constant. But for now, I can confidently say that I'm in the right place, at the right moment, doing the right things. 

What have the past few weeks taught me? It's okay to stand up for yourself, to step out of the box society says you should be in - it's okay to follow your heart.

Change Begins

Why do I return to the topic of change so often? Because stagnancy scares me. It bores me, it infuriates me, I absolutely hate it. I'm not the person I was 5 years ago, and 5 years from now, I'm sure there'll be many more changes in my life. These changes can be and have been both internal and external, but mainly focused on myself.

Recently though, I've been thinking about the need to create change in the society I live in, for a couple of reasons; one being that most of our society is still stuck in the past as far as certain things go, like attitudes toward women and sexuality. The other reason is that when I look at the people around me, I recognise attitudes that I either had in the past, or would be terrified to be stuck with now, and that drives me to action. This reminds me of a book I'd read a few years ago, called "The Gift of Peace" which I won for some academic achievement in high school. One of the things this book talked about was that things that bother us about other people are actually due to us recognising the attitudes within ourselves. This resonated with me, and I think it's very true. Those who know me best know that I have a certain degree of dogmatism; and I absolutely hate it! True enough, one of the qualities that angers me the most in other people is their dogmatism, but especially with regard to traditions and practices that have no part to play in today's world and yet persist like a nasty cold. 

I've definitely been feeling the frustration of dealing with societal dogmatism; it's always easier to deal with in individuals, but trying to advance the way a society thinks and operates seems like an uphill battle. I'm sure we've all had times where we're frustrated with the lack of changes around us, and have absolutely no idea how to proceed. I vented these frustrations out to a good friend, and the message he sent me was so perfect that I had to share it with all of you. I'll let him do the rest of the talking: 

I believe that to incite change you must first do what others will not, and that is to live day and night with that which you desire etched in your mind. An intaglio. When people press up against you, that thing is impressed upon them. People are right in the sense that no one does that effectively on their own, but that is not what you should be trying to do. Speak your mind when the need arises. Call out those that need to be called out, but remember too that often a gentle word or the right analogy will move a mountain. Fire, earth, water, wind - in different ways all have the energy to change the landscape that we walk, and all of them are us. Choose the property that counters that ignorance and be it. That is your right, just as it is your right to challenge those who would claim you are anything less than you are, for any reason. Be what you are, and others of like mind will find you, and then you are not alone. But, above all, meet people where they are and do not fault them for it. Even if their position wounds us deeply who are we to judge? We do not know the things which have brought them to this place, and if we want to be the thing that leads them from it we do not have the luxury of assumption. 

-Dylan Orlady

PS: Dylan also happens to be an awesome photographer; check out his work here! Dylan Orlady Instagram

Can We Change?

Can anyone ever really change themselves? It's a question that's been asked over and over again, with people arguing (strongly) for both sides. Nature vs. nurture does play into it at some point, as does personal decisiveness. As people, we get locked into habits and behaviours that seem to get stronger the older we get. Think hard, and you'll notice that who we are is also largely a product of the people we're around. It's crazy, but so many people I know, including my siblings and myself, are eerily similar to their parents in some ways.

The question remains; is it possible for someone to really change? To create new habits, new behaviours, new ways of doing things? Honestly, I believe it's definitely possible. Of course, in order to change, a catalyst is (almost always) needed. A person has to want to, or has to realise that something around them, about them, is not working as optimally as it should. Change is possible, but definitely needs inspiration.

'They' say that the first step is the hardest. I disagree. The first step? It's the easiest. A person recognises a problem, or something they would like to achieve, and starts to work on it. However, once they've started to implement change, it's so much easier to revert back to who they once were, to habits that have been around for years, to patterns of thinking that have been in place for a while. I know this because I've experienced it myself; personally and by observation of people around me. How do we get around this? Awareness and dedication. Awareness of ourselves, our likelihood to slip back into old patterns, and a dedication to change, a real desire that must come from within.

It really doesn't matter what inspires us. Everyone draws inspiration from different things; a strong character from a TV show, change in circumstance that forces personal change, the people around us, and more often than not, plain boredom and frustration with our current circumstances. It's still early January, and I've vowed that 2015 is going to be a year of change for me; I haven't quite figured out my inspiration, but my goals are much clearer, and the way I'm tackling them is by breaking them down as small as I can. Bit by bit, day by day, I'm trying out 'different' till it fits and feels right and till the person I show to myself and those around me is as similar as possible to the person I show everyone else. Aren't we all?

On the same note, we all wonder whether we can truly change other people. Harsh as it may seem, I don't think this is possible. Yes, we can provide a catalyst. We can inspire, we can support, we can hope, and (not that this gets many results) we can nag. At the end of the day, true change must come from within. As a famous man once said, "Be the change that you wish to see in the world."

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Change in 2015

Today, I head back to Iowa to my sister's place, and I'll be back to work at the internship on Tuesday. This marks the first time that I can remember that I've had only two weeks off for holidays, and I gotta admit; it was severely weird!!

I'm excited though, to see what these next few months will bring my way. Change is inevitable, and more so due to my current circumstances. A year ago, knowing such change was around the corner would've stressed me out to no end, but today? Strangely enough, I'm content with knowing that things are going to change very soon, and I've prepared myself to ride the wave so to speak. Of course, this doesn't mean I'm not being proactive about my future, but I've chosen to trust it more than I have, because the last time I was surprised by my circumstances, it ended up being one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced.

I'm talking about Sewanee, of course. When I started applying to colleges and universities, I had never heard of Sewanee, and if someone told me I'd end up losing my heart to a wonderful place in Tennessee, I'd have probably thought they were crazy! However, just by chance, as I was studying for my SATs, I met an admission counsellor from Sewanee who was visiting Kenya. I decided to apply, one thing led to the next, and the next thing I knew, I was there!! I've told everyone since then that it was one of the best things that happened to me, and I hadn't planned on it at all.

If my Sewanee experience taught me anything, it's that when it comes to change, luck seems to be in my favour. Why lose trust now?

Have a great first week, everybody!

(This picture is from the official University of the South Facebook page)!

Enjoyed this post? Don't forget to comment, follow this blog, like my page on Facebook at The Kenyan Nomad or reach out to me on twitter @roshwalia !

Change

Change is a good thing, but it's also a scary thing sometimes. Often times, change happens to us, we go along with it, and make the best of it.  Sometimes though, we initiate change in some ways, and use this change as a vessel to change other things. For me, this second type of change took the form of a new haircut last week. Sure, this doesn't seem like a big thing to most of you, but it was kind of symbolic of all the other things that are changing in my life right now. Being in a new town, in a new role, and undergoing some lifestyle changes, I thought it might be useful to change something that I could actually see (and somehow control I guess).

 I've had long locks for about 9 years now, and so chopping off about 8 inches (which I did use to donate to cancer patients, hurrah), was kind of terrifying at first. But with the support of my wonderful hairdresser (Modern Strands) and awesome sister, I went ahead and did it.

Before:

After: 

Whoa! I know! Whole different person (almost), right? 

Change is really the best word to sum up these past few months for me. At this point, I figured that I would be working full time for a firm in Nashville, living in a flat of my own and able to see most of my friends pretty often. Reality has found me working as an independent marketing consultant near Des Moines, Iowa, living with my sister, and growing in ways I'd never imagined. More than ever, this period has prepared me for the inevitability of the change that is yet to come my way, and that despite our best efforts at planning, sometimes life has a way of throwing surprises our way. 

And these surprises aren't always bad. Change might often be something I can't control, but I'm learning to ride the wave and make the best of it. This month marks the longest time I've spent with family in about four years. Despite being physically far from many of my friends, I'm finding that most of my friendships are actually growing and evolving in beautiful ways. 

I reached out to some people about changes they made or encountered within the past year, and these are some of the stories I heard:

For the first time outside of a semi-academic setting, I've experienced what it's like to be a regular somewhere, as well as everything that comes with that territory--the good and the not-so good. My new role has brought me friends, mainly in those behind the counter--Renee, Willie, Allie, Lulu. What this means is that I feel a following of excitement when I consider the thought of adopting a dog, but also more humiliation when I do something silly in front of them. A non-regular would be excused without a thought, but a regular gets the full embarrassment treatment. There really is value in the support that you get, far beyond the food perks and for that, I'm thankful. Routines aren't all bad.

C.H.

It is strange, though expected, that my self conception could become so dependent on another. Almost five years spent laughing, eating, sleeping with one young woman. Such formative years too. Entering a relationship as an overgrown boy and leaving now as a young, forlorn, half-empty man. I do not quite know who I am without her. What is my driving love, my constant reference? Now I must know myself completely because there is no longer someone to know me for me, to understand who I am for me. I don’t find the answers in comfort. Comfort only eases the sharpness of not knowing. To redefine I must reengage, challenge, and explore. I need to top out on a huge crag, or, better yet, take a huge fall right at the last bolt. I need to deepen my relationships with friends; find depth through vulnerability. No longer can I look to someone as an intimate anchor to define me and hold me. Such things are beautiful and wholesome, but I have lost that now, and must grasp and shape who I am as I am: alone. 

A.T.

After a period of traveling around the world to work and to write, I've finally come home to be with friends and family again. It's jolting to realize just how much of an effect a routine can have, how comforting it can be to see the same people everyday. I thought that I was meant to travel a lot, that I was a free spirit who couldn't be in just one placed. But after coming back home, and reconnecting with someone important in my life, I'm beginning to realize that change has a way of working out for the best regardless of what I think.
K.T.

I recently moved to San Francisco from Alabama. I left college in the south and the easy security of living with my parents to experience for the first time a life of (mostly) financial independence in a new city across the continent, working . Change has been the definition of my last month, and honestly every moment there is a quiet anxiety buzzing in the back of my head. Everything for this first month has been tinged in uncertainty, from how to get to work or home, to how to manage work, or even how go out and find new friends in a foreign place. This level of uncertainty can create anxiety, fear, and possibly even paralysis if we let it. What I have learned from this phase in my life, and am still learning every day, is that although change may create challenges and anxiety, it also presents us with opportunities to develop through new experiences. Change is an opportunity for us to learn how to adapt, and to improve ourselves by surmounting the obstacles we are presented with. Throughout these times of change, it is important to constantly re-frame our anxieties in a positive way, and remind ourselves that we can only improve as human beings by being consistently challenged. Change can be scary, but if we let that fear paralyze us, then we can never develop to our full potential. 

The great and beautiful thing is that change will always be present in our life--there will always be uncomfortable moments of uncertainty, and there will always be adjustments to be made and challenges to overcome. Although that may sound less than amazing, with that change comes a guarantee that we will be constantly forced to be stronger, more adaptable, and happier overall as we experience a life that is full of new excitements, surprises, and possible horizons to explore. 

Wesley White

The most blatant change I’ve faced in the past year would be a sort of combination of events occurring in tandem. After graduating in may from a tight-knit undergraduate university in rural Tennessee, I packed up and moved. Many people move after graduation, for me this was a radical change and a giant adventure. My move took me to Dublin, Ireland with my boyfriend of four years. This is our first time living together, my first apartment, and the biggest distance from my home I’ve ever lived. Dublin has been home for a bit over a month; long enough to know what some of the following Irish slang phrases mean…(“that’ll be grand,” “that was gas,” “it’s good craic,” “let’s have a chat over a pint at the pub”). At this point, my graduate classes have been on for two weeks and I feel like I’m in the right place. So how have I dealt with this change? Planning as much as I can, and knowing that no matter what, every problem can be solved and if it can’t, it can be understood and learned from. The support from my family and friends has lifted me to feel confident facing this adventure with little to no fear. In addition, the brevity of a year really makes the experience one to enjoy whole-heartedly for this is an opportunity that is worth embracing and making the most of, really one year is a blip in the grand scheme of life.
J.D.

Here is a change I initiated this past year: I backpacked around the world for six months...with my two teenagers. Why? Because traveling is CONSTANT change, and change can be strengthening, pattern-bashing, and educational. The best education that Larry and I could give them was to learn from the world, see its diversity, experience its complexity, comforts, and discomforts (physically, mentally, and spiritually)...and to learn to embrace change gracefully and skillfully. The good news is that we all got really good at change; the bad news is that it was hard to return to our lives that were more change-less. Yet, because of miraculous human adaptability, we have settled into this new pattern of being after a few months. BUT, I hope that we will be ever-ready to accept, embrace, and instigate change at a moment's notice, now that we have practice...
Elizabeth W.

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