Winding Down: A Family Vacation

First of all, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone! Apologies for silence this month; but also, THANK YOU! Thank you to all of you for being such a great audience this year. My readership in 2015 has been the highest ever- especially so in December, which is crazy because I've only published one post this month so far! So thank you, for reading, and keeping up with the Kenyan Nomad, and all the wonderful feedback you've given me this year.

As we count down to my favourite holiday of the year, I wanted to share some snippets from my recent family vacation. My parents and I headed to the Rift Valley from the 20th to the 24th, and I decided to completely unplug! My phone was on airplane mode most of the time, I absolutely didn't check my messages, emails or Facebook at all, and I got to spend some time actually reading! I didn't manage to fit in as much as I would've liked, but I did read 'The Pilgrimage' by Paulo Coelho and 'Social Intelligence' by Daniel Goleman.

There were so many things I loved about this vacation (and we're not just talking about the food here). I got to spend lots of fun time with my parents, do some long distance driving in Kenya, took some long walks that should really be part of my routine in the city (and got some gorgeous pictures on these that I'll be sharing below, went for two blissful spa treatments, and (this is going to sound crazy for those of you who know me) went swimming for the first time in FIVE years. I know, I can't believe it either. Me being me, I jumped right in and did more laps than I ought to, so I was a little sore at the end of the day, but the amazing massage at the spa helped lots. Plus, I got to go to bed before 9 for the first time in ages!

My least favourite part of this vacation? Discovering that I'm apparently some sort of mosquito magnet. Seriously, if I'm in a room with nine other people and a bunch of mosquitoes, I'll be the only one covered in red bumps the next day. Discrimination or attraction? You tell me?

Anyway, I'm definitely rested and rejuvenated and looking forward to the end of 2015 and what 2016 will bring. I'll let the pictures do the rest of the talking!

Pic by Nimrod Levy

Pic by Nimrod Levy

Dropping Dependency

Pic courtesy of Unsplash

Since I moved back to Kenya, I've been amazed at the variety of conversations I've been having about important things that just never came up before. There's a class I attend Saturday afternoons (class might be stretching it... it's more of a forum for people of my generation to talk about stuff that needs to be talked about), and the theme of one particular Saturday's session was 'Dropping Dependency'. What we spoke about really resonated with me- so naturally, I decided to write about it.

I've had this post on my mind for quite a while, but I wanted to be in the right frame of mind when I finally wrote and published it, and today, inspiration struck. 

I think it's okay to depend on others sometimes- depend on objects, depend on people, depend on achievements. But I also think that there is a difference between depending on others, and being dependent. This may just be my interpretation, but I feel like the former involves leaning on others at times when it is necessary to do so, but being able to function by yourself, while the latter implies needing these other objects, people and achievements constantly. 

I'm guilty of being dependent. I think that in my case, I try not to depend on other people; but I'm dependent nevertheless. 

What's an important factor in dropping dependency? Establishing strong personal boundaries, which tend to also be a byproduct of healthy self-esteem. The higher the insecurities, the looser people's emotional boundaries, and often enough, the higher their dependency is. What do strong personal boundaries look like? Being able to take responsibility for your own actions and emotions, but not the actions and emotions of others. 

What are some examples of this?

• Letting bad things that happen to other people affect you adversely. There's a difference between being empathetic and letting others' negative experiences influence you so much that you can't function. In this case, you are taking responsibility for others' actions and emotions.
• Having a bad day, and expecting those around you to tread softly because you're angry or upset, instead of dealing with your emotions productively. Here. you're expecting others to take responsibility for your emotions and actions. 
• Letting yourself feel guilty because you haven't lived up to someone's expectations. The other person is demanding responsibility from you for emotions that aren't yours. 

The list really could go on, but I think you get the gist. Often, people who have personal boundary issues in romantic relationships are the same people who had boundary issues in their families when they were younger.  Yes, it is important to establish boundaries, even with the people who we love the most! People with stable boundaries can often find it hard to maintain relationships with people who don't have them; they are not able to provide the excitement that people with loose emotional boundaries often thrive on. 

Dependency and personal boundaries are correlated. People who have weak personal boundaries tend to be highly dependent, while we find that people who are highly dependent have a desperate need for love and affection, leading to the removal of their personal boundaries. 

We all fall somewhere on the spectrum from being perpetual victims (constantly make others take responsibility for their actions and emotions) to being perpetual saviors (constantly take responsibility for the actions and emotions of others). Most of us are more one type than the other, but what we are also changes based on the situations and people we are presented with. 

How do we recognise if we have personal boundary issues? Guilt can be a powerful indicator. Do you have people who make you feel guilty for something you didn't feel guilty about in the first place? You need to realise that you can't always meet other people's expectations or influence their feelings. Have you ever felt guilt about taking something out on someone else that wasn't their fault in the slightest? 

If there's a boundary issue in a relationship, you'll probably be afraid of the repercussions of making a change in that relationship. Compromise in such a relationship will not be because the parties want it, but it'll be out of obligation. Actions will not be without expectations. 

Luckily, once you start to think about these issues, you'll probably recognise them manifesting in different parts of your life and be able to take measures to establish stronger personal boundaries; I know I'm lucky that I did! 

Pic courtesy of Unsplash

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— The Kenyan Nomad (@TheKenyanNomad) December 4, 2015

The Age of Unkindness

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
-Martin Luther King Jr.

Pic courtesy of Unsplash

If there's anything that I've learnt from this past week, it's that we as humans have almost lost our capacity for kindness and empathy, and have become inclined to pessimism. When I talk about the loss of kindness and empathy, I'm not even talking about those who were responsible for the horrible events that transpired last week, from a number of places in the world, not just Lebanon and France. No, I'm talking about the rest of us; those who were directly or indirectly affected, those who learnt about the attacks through some media, those of us on the other side.

People who changed their profile pictures on Facebook were attacked for doing so; those who didn't were criticised. We said, yes, great that you're supporting Paris; but where were you when all these other atrocities happened? We continued to judge even when we may have been guilty of the same transgressions. Why is it that we judge ourselves based on our intentions, but others based on their behaviour? 

I don't know why you chose to change your profile picture for Paris, but not for Beirut. Maybe you have family in Paris, maybe you didn't know about Beirut until social media spread the word. Maybe you were actually volunteering in Beirut, and your profile picture change was just a way to display solidarity in case you couldn't physically help? Whatever your reasons were, I have none to be unkind to you for your choices. You and I react to tragedy differently; there are billions of people in this world, and no reason to expect them to think and act the same way. Yes, we can expect each other to act like sensible, kind humans, but there's no reason to be spoiling for a fight when we don't even know each other. 

Perhaps the Internet is the worst place to be when the world is affected by tragedy. Because it seems as though it manages to bring out people's worst. We're quick to sit behind the safety of our screens and judge away, but reluctant to reach out and actually have sensible conversation with the people around us. I read many comments and posts going on about the 'evils of Islam' based on those who carried out the terrorist attacks. Well, what about the Muslim man who gave his life in Lebanon to stop a suicide bomber, and managed to save hundreds? Could his selfless actions really be classified as evil?

A mistake we all need to stop making is to judge the majority based on the actions of a minority. 

Freethinkers are those who are willing to use their minds without prejudice and without fearing to understand things that clash with their own customs, privileges, or beliefs. This state of mind is not common, but it is essential for right thinking...
-Leo Tolstoy 

Watching the news nowadays is one of the most depressing things I can think of doing. I don't know if it's the Pisces in me, or the fact that I tend to put myself in others' shoes, but constantly being bombarded by news of death, chaos and terror makes me weary. Yes, these things are happening, and they're happening worldwide. But what about the positive side of humanity? Who is tasked with representing that, sharing it with everyone, showing us that hope is not lost? 

I still firmly believe that there's a lot of good in the world. I've experienced it, and if I think about it, it reminds me that I live in a beautiful world. Imperfect, yes, but beautiful nonetheless. It's easy to get caught up in all the bad stuff, but we need to be able to shift our ways of thinking. I know kindness and positivity and love can achieve a lot more than hate and judgement and pessimism ever can. At a time when it seems like all we hear about is the bad side of stuff, we should be flooding our lives, our words, even our social media accounts with love and positivity. 

Please keep in mind that I'm not saying we should ignore the negatives, or bash those responsible over the head with bunches of flowers. There's a difference between being hopeful and being ignorant. 

As we start this week off, I'm thinking of and praying for all those who lost their lives in these recent tragedies, and for those who were left behind or adversely affected. But I'm also celebrating the lives of those who survived, thankful for the heroes that emerged, and hopeful about our future on this Earth. I hope you are, too.

Enjoyed this post? Feel free to give feedback in the comments, like and share the Facebook post below, or retweet it to your followers!

In light of recent tragic events, we must ask ourselves if we're losing our capacity for kindness and empathy.
Posted by The Kenyan Nomad on Monday, 16 November 2015

Have we lost our capacity for kindness? #blog #ParisAttacks #BeirutAttacks https://t.co/LXG8wnyq7V

— The Kenyan Nomad (@TheKenyanNomad) November 16, 2015

When I Go

One can argue that one of the things that unites us as people is the inevitability of death. Yet, despite knowing that this end will come for all of us sooner or later and we have no way of controlling it, we refuse to make the most out of today. Sure, we don't want to actually live like we're going to die tomorrow; no work would ever get done that way. But at the same time, we sometimes act like we're going to live forever. Why is that, I wonder?

Photo courtesy of Death to Stock

 
I won't move to that new country just yet; you see, I'll have all the time after I'm gone.

That holiday my kids have been dying to go on? We'll go, definitely, after they're gone.

I have a friend in Hong Kong I've been meaning to call and catch up with; but no rush, I can do it after she's gone.

That person I've been wanting to ask out? Why rush it, I have all the time in the world.

There's a song I've been wanting to write for years now, but hey. I'll do it after I'm gone.

I had a teacher who really pushed me to go get my MBA; I've been meaning to call and thank him, but not today. No, I'll do it after he's gone.

After I leave this place, I'll be sure to travel to places I've never been. I'll make time for all my friends and family, I'll tell that stranger on the street that she looks beautiful. I'll go check out that new Thai restaurant two blocks away; I've been too busy to go, you know. Oh, I'll definitely adopt some dogs from the local shelter; been meaning to do that for a while, just never got around to it. I make sure to enjoy my job and current situation, and stop anticipating the future. I guess I'll finally realise that I have 24 hours in a day.

I'll have all the time in the world you see, after I'm gone.

The Space to Create

Pic courtesy of Death to Stock

This weekend, I found a writing prompt in my drafts, and it talked about how we found the space to create. I have no idea where it came from, but to whoever was responsible for sending it my way; thank you!

Our lives have become so busy; sometimes unnecessarily so! Nowadays, we seem incapable of enjoying the simplest of things without the obsessive need to document them. When is the last time you enjoyed a sunset without taking a picture of it? Rather than enjoying and experiencing our own lives, we have become observers.

Let's remember that there's nothing wrong with being observers; but it's important to realise when to stop observing and start experiencing, and if we can, to do them both simultaneously. I'd really rather not look back on my own life 60 years from now and realise I spent all my time collecting memories instead of making them. As a writer who also enjoys photography, this is something I definitely need to be careful about.

In between all the hustle and bustle, how do we find the space and stillness needed to create, to translate our observation and experience into something we can share? A lot of my inspiration to write comes in the times when my mind is undistracted and allowed to roam free; like when I'm in the shower, or the moments at night before I fall asleep. However, inspiration also comes at busy times; a conversation with a stranger, a class, a movie that makes me think. 

I think for me, the important issue is being able to translate these moments of inspiration into actual creation. I've heard it said that 'we don't have enough time', but I like to think of the fact that I have the same 24 hours a day that people like Einstein, Tolkien and Richard Branson did. The space to create is not just a physical place; it's a time, a mood, an uninterrupted expression.

As a writer, I unfortunately don't have the flexibility to sit down and write whenever the mood strikes, so I find it helpful to reflect on my ideas, and what inspired me, and to find a time to sit down uninterrupted to put my ideas down on a page. At the end of the day, I just need to be dedicated about it.

Creation isn't necessarily related just to art; how do YOU find the space you need to create? 

Dropping the Past

Courtesy of Unsplash

How many of us are holding onto things from the past that we no longer need? We all have baggage that we carry around from the past; indeed, our past is part of what makes us uniquely us. We all have a combination unique experiences, memoires, hard times that we've faced and triumphs we've celebrated that we share with no other person on the planet.

However, isn't it true that while our past guides us and informs us, at times it may also prevent us from moving forward? 

Sometimes, our past prevents us from viewing the world from a fresh and exciting lens; instead, we look at it from a weary and suspicious one. Your past can make you afraid of confronting your future and of enjoying your present.

Think about it this way; haven't we all at some point or another had a difficult relationship? With family, with friends, with lovers, with coworkers? And sometimes, when forming new relationships, don't we tend to be pessimistic about the outcomes based on these previous relationships?

Another scenario; maybe your past hasn't been the most ideal. You had a difficult childhood, a career that always seemed like it took more out of you than it gave you, no real friends to confide in and a family life that was less than fulfilling. Finally, things start looking up. Maybe you get a new job, you finally start to have real conversations to make peace with your past, and you meet people you realise will be with you for a while to come, for better or for worse. How many of us in such a situation would start to self-sabotage, would start to think we don't deserve this happiness, that it couldn't possibly be real? How many of  us, in such a situation, tend to focus on one negative over twenty positives? Stop and think about it for a second; your experiences in your past are wrongly influencing your experiences in the future.

How do we get around letting the past drag us down? Don't give your feelings more importance than they deserve. This may sound weird, but remember that cognitive biases are a very real thing that influence us every single day!

Forgiveness is important. Not just forgiving others for what they might have done (or not done), but forgiving yourself, too. Loving yourself and being kind to yourself are the first steps in allowing others to do so too.

Don't completely forget about the past; appreciate it. Be grateful for it. Appreciate the good times as well as the bad times, because they've all come together in a uniquely beautiful way to teach you in a way that only you could benefit from.

Out of the Box

I spent my first 18 years immersed in an educational (and social) system that did little to encourage creativity. What subjects did I take for A levels? Economics, Chemistry, and Further Maths. That's not to say that I didn't do well in these classes, or that I didn't enjoy them, because I did. Heck, I loved Economics, and that's what I got my degree in, despite having the opportunity to change my mind (and the wisdom to know that it would be okay to).

It was expected that our degrees and the careers we chose would follow certain paths that all those before us chose; thinking outside the box wasn't really encouraged. This wasn't just a problem localised at my school; indeed, it was a problem that was facing a larger community in Nairobi. Looking at my secondary school graduating class, I can't think of anyone who chose to pursue further education in something like art, creative writing, or philosophy. That's not to say that no one was interested in these fields; rather, if present, this interest wasn't cultivated or encouraged, and as far as I know, if people expressed desire to pursue their passions, they were told to pick something more 'realistic'.

How many brilliant creative minds have we shut down because we forced them to pursue maths, sciences, or similar fields? Because art is not a 'real' field? 

I'm very fortunate that I'm still writing at this age. While we didn't do much writing for school, I did choose to pursue it personally, from quite a young age. Was this encouraged by my educators and peers? No, not really. Would my writing be at a different level if it had been? Maybe, but I don't think there's much value to be derived from regret; rather, it's best to move forward and see how we can change.

When I came back to Kenya this year, I had somewhat restricted myself to similar in-the-box thinking. I know that I want to be an entrepreneur eventually, but I also know that to be ready for that, I'd like to have more experience and skills. However, what I wrongly assumed is that those experience and skills would be gained at a typical 'desk job', and so that's what I went and found.

There was nothing wrong with the job itself, but I realised that it wasn't the best fit for me. I was trying to make myself conform to a standard I had no business conforming to in the first place. I was trying to live someone else's reality, a reality that I'd been raised to think was right for me.

It took me a while to make the decision, but I quit. In typical Roshni fashion, I did a lot of thinking about this decision, consulted a lot of people, and tried to listen to my head, which told me that change could always come later. Why rush it now? In the end, I did what was right for me, what I probably should have done in the first place; followed my heart now.

Why is it that we force ourselves into these boxes now, so that we can enjoy ourselves later? Here's something we need to realise (to a certain degree of course); later never comes. The excuses we make now can easily become the excuses we make tomorrow that prevent us from stepping forth confidently in the direction of our dreams. If we keep living for tomorrow, how will we ever enjoy today?

So what am I doing now? I'm working (full time) as a consultant. Primarily for a company in the U.K., but also on some independent projects. The work I'm doing is challenging, but I love it! I can officially call myself an intrapreneur. I have creative freedom, the opportunity to learn a lot, and autonomy over what I do. I have the opportunity to learn from a fantastic and hard-working entrepreneur. I now have the time and the flexibility to do more writing and to travel; two things that are very important to me, that I had told myself I would do 'later'. I already feel like I'm growing by leaps and bounds. Will things change in the future? Most probably; change is constant. But for now, I can confidently say that I'm in the right place, at the right moment, doing the right things. 

What have the past few weeks taught me? It's okay to stand up for yourself, to step out of the box society says you should be in - it's okay to follow your heart.

Beauty, Now

This might be the longest that I've gone (in recent times) without writing. Well, not completely without writing, because then I wouldn't be me, would I? A more accurate thing to say would be 'without writing for an audience'. A larger part of that is due to changes that have been occurring in other parts of my life, and inevitably, everything ties back to my writing. More of that in another post though; today, I really want to talk about beauty. And wonder. And the joy of novelty.

Courtesy of Unsplash

When (and where) my parents were growing up, pizza wasn't really a thing. Difficult to fathom for someone like me; pizza is VERY much a thing in my life. Today at tea time (it's really good to be back in Kenya...), I asked my father if he remembered the first time he'd had pizza. He shrugged noncommittally, and said that he didn't. 

Of course, that led me to wonder what it would be like if he (or I) were to try pizza for the first time ever now. Suffice to say, I'd probably be the more excited of the two. 

Has anybody ever asked you what it would be like if you could watch your favourite movie again for the first time? Imagine the joy, the wonder, the discovery, the gradual (or sudden?) knowledge; YES, I love this! 

Now substitute 'movie' with basically anything around us. A smile, A sunset. Your favourite food. Your partner. Falling in love. The depth of sadness. When did we as a society get so desensitised by all around us that we forgot to celebrate the beauty of simple things? 

Two years ago, one of my best friends told me "You make a big deal out of things others take for granted." At that time I felt a little ridiculous, but now I realise she was referring to my tendency to get excited about little things like a cup of tea.

There's more than enough in the world to depress us, to dissuade us, to leave us feeling that life is pointless. But it takes only a little bit of seeking of the world within us and around us to realise that we are surrounded by wondrous beauty and sheer magnitude. Honestly, who could feel pointless then? 

Enjoyed this post? Feel free to drop by my Facebook page and let me know! 

Dropping Inhibitions

Picture courtesy of www.unsplash.com

What is an inhibition? To prevent you the trouble of googling a definition, I'll show you the ones I got: "a feeling that makes one self-conscious and unable to act in a relaxed and natural way" and "a voluntary or involuntary restraint on direct expression of an instinct". If you really think about it, these two definitions make perfect sense (thanks Google), and you really start to wonder how many times you have been held back by inhibitions.

I'll give an example that many of us might have encountered at some point or another. A crowded room, music playing cheerily in the background, people laughing and weaving in an out of crowds. Suddenly you see a face you think you recognise, but can't seem to place. What you really want to do it go say hi- but something holds you back.

We encounter inhibitions in more situations than just weekend parties. How many times have we been held back because of fear of failure, or rejection, or embarrassment? Like it or not, inhibitions may be holding us back in many ways; professionally, socially and personally.

By trying to fit in and be 'normal', we are kept from being ourselves. Giving in to our inhibitions can leave us with a feeling of inadequacy that lingers long after a specific incident has passed. If you're good at something and you know it, inhibitions can get in the way of allowing you to excel. By giving in to your inhibitions, you get conditioned to avoid these sorts of 'negative' situations, and may not realise how much you're missing out on!

Think about this scenario for a second; you've been working really hard at your job, and you know you've been doing really well too. You think that you may deserve a raise, but feel inhibited, and neglect to ask your boss. Think about these sorts of situations happening on a regular, almost daily basis, and you may begin to understand why you've learned to hold back and prevent yourself from getting where you deserve.

How do we overcome inhibitions? It's important to realise that you need to break free, and you need to want to break free. Expose yourself to things and situations that scare you (there we go again with fear being a good thing), and learn not to step back at the moment that you most want to. Don't escape the negative feelings; instead, deal with them, think about them, and ask yourself what they're telling you about yourself. Step forth, and free yourselves!

Let Your Fear Take You Higher

I think it's a very small portion of the population who can claim that they're not afraid. For people like me, who're in a transitional phase of their life, fear can be something that we learn to deal with on an everyday basis. I had addressed the issue of fear in a shorter blog post last year, but definitely felt like it was time to talk about it again.

Where does fear come from? I think that if we dig deep enough, this fear comes from being lost, from being disconnected with our purpose(s), from uncertainty. As I've mentioned many times before, so many of us get stuck in 'the rat race'. We end up doing things that we think we're supposed to be doing, while really being afraid to dig deep and explore our dreams and fears, and this ends up leading to unhappiness and a sense of not being fulfilled.

Why is it that so many of us are afraid to dream? And if we do dream, why are we afraid to follow through? Why is it that dreamers, those who have courage to follow their dreams, those who are very happy with their lives are the exceptions rather than the rule?

I think that part of the reason this is the case is that we have created a society that is so afraid of failure, that people would rather not try at all, lest they end up failing. When children are growing up, they are not afraid of showing their ambition, but as they grow, they are told to tone down this ambition, to stop dreaming so much. There are some lucky few who don't let society and educational systems diminish their abilities to dream and to believe in themselves, and I wish we could all be more like them. I've heard it said that a young Serena Williams was asked which tennis player she'd like to be like, and she responded by saying that she'd like other people to be like her. Incredible insight and ambition, and quite obviously, a determination to follow through!

Leaving aside the people who're afraid to dream, and who somehow may be able to convince themselves that they're happy where they are, I think it's even more depressing to think about the people who DO dream, but don't follow their dreams. Saying that they lack the courage to follow their dreams is but a small part of the equation, and I wouldn't like to phrase it that way, since it puts the blame on these people. Rather, I think the problem is that society and educational systems don't do much to help instill this courage in people when they need it.

Of course, this isn't always the case. I know, and I'm sure you all do too, about many, many wonderful people and educators who believe in their fellow community members and those under their tutelage. These people do everything they can to encourage and support, but sadly, sometimes it's hard being the only one in a system doing the encouraging and supporting. When one person is telling you that you can while everything and everyone else is showing you that you shouldn't, why would you believe them? If someone tells you that you can dream and also follow your dreams and be happy and successful, yet you see so many around you who're so discouraged, why would you believe them?

Thankfully, those who dream and are afraid to follow their dreams have a little bit of an advantage: their fear.This fear that they feel can be incredibly motivational. If you're afraid, it means you know there's more for you out there. It means that there's a part of you that knows you can do it. You can use this fear, channel it into making it work for you, into supporting others who may be dreamers afraid to follow through. I was rereading a Robin Sharma book last night, and one sentence really struck home with me. I read it, and was so overwhelmed by it that I actually had to put the book down.

"The very fact that you have a desire or a dream means that you have the corresponding capacity to realize it."
-The monk who sold his Ferrari

I'm afraid too. Why shouldn't I be? But I choose to look at this fear as something I will conquer, something that will teach me more about myself, something that will actually propel me in the direction of my dreams.

If you're afraid, recognise that that's not a bad place to be. Let your fear take you higher.

10 Great Ways to Adjust to a New City

Most of us, at some point or another, have moved cities in the past. However, most of us are also witness to the fact that adjusting to these moves gets much harder after graduation! If you've just moved to a new city (or an old city you haven't lived in for a while), or are planning to, I hope these tips are useful to you:

1) Before you move, network!
Get in touch with family, friends, friends of friends, fellow alumni, old neighbours, and whoever you may be able to. If these people live in the city you're moving to, they could become great friends (if they aren't already). If they lived there in the past, but have now moved away, don't be afraid to ask for tips! Knowing about where to shop, the best neighbourhoods to live in, fun things to do, etc, before you move to the city, can save you valuable time settling in!

2) Get help with your move! 
I speak from personal experience when I say that taking along a friend or family member to help with the move and initial settling down can be very helpful. It's even better if this person can stay a few extra days and explore your new home with you!

3) Make sure to stay in touch with family and friends from home. 
Moving to a new place doesn't mean losing touch with those who're far away, and staying in touch with these people means that they're still an important part of your life! Again, I speak from personal experience; sometimes, distance works wonders in making these relationships even closer.

4) If you've already found a job in your new city, ask your co-workers for tips . 
Maybe they know about the amazing restaurant down the street that has half off on Wednesdays that you happened to miss. Or the concert that you should definitely check out. Either way, many of these people have probably been in your situation before, and understand what it's like to move to a new place where you don't know as many people as you'd like. Maintaining good relationships with your coworkers is also a great way to make friends!

5) Look for networks you could join. 
For example, when I was in Iowa, I started attending meetings of the American Marketing Association. I didn't stay long enough to join, but I definitely got to meet some new people, and learn new things! Most big cities have young professional networks, and some that are more specialised that welcome new members.

6) Get to know your neighbours. 
When I was in university, most of my best friends were people I lived close to freshman year. We may not be in dorms anymore, but getting to know the people you live around can be very helpful; not only will you probably make good friends, but you'll know that you can rely on them if you need to (and vice versa)!

7) Sign up for a class you've always wanted to take. 
New city, new start right? If you feel that in your old place, it would have been kind of weird if the straight-laced software engineer wanted to take up creative writing, now's the time to go for it!! You're in a new place, and have a chance to do things that you've always wanted to, but never got to because you were in a comfort zone of sorts.

8) Remember to be open to new experiences and new people. 
I'll say it again; you're in an entirely new place, and it wouldn't be fair to expect it to be like the place you moved from. Be open and ready for experiences you wouldn't have encountered before, and be willing to meet people who may differ from the people you usually socialise with. Go ahead and have some fun with life!

9) Don't be afraid to go out on your own. 
Whether this is a new city where you know a few people, or a new city where you don't know anyone at all, one of the best ways to get settled in is to go out exploring on your own. So go ahead and make reservations for one at that fun Italian restaurant you drove by, or sign up for a nature walk by yourself. One thing though: remember to be careful and do your research! Let's just say that you don't want your adventure alone to take you to any unsavoury neighbourhoods.

10) Push yourself. 
You're going to have to be more active about doing things. As the new person in town, you're going to have to make the effort to go out and meet people, to learn about your city, to get comfortable. Don't wait for things and people to happen to you; go out there and familiarise yourself with your new home!

Do you have any tips for adjusting to a new city? Leave them in the comments below!

SMA Awareness Month

Louisa, 24.12.11-19.05.12

Many of you may not know that August is SMA Awareness Month. In fact, many of you might not even know what SMA is. I certainly didn't; until I lost a niece to it. Louisa passed away at the tender age of 5 months, and is very much loved and missed by her family.

SMA stands for Spinal Muscular Atrophy, a disease that is the number one genetic cause of death for infants. It robs people of physical strength by affecting the motor nerve cells in the spinal cord and leads to progressive muscle wasting. While it does not affect the minds of those who have this disease, it hinders the ability to do many everyday things; eating, breathing, walking, speaking and swallowing. 1 in 50 Americans are carriers of the defective gene that is responsible for SMA. If two carriers have children, each child has a 1 in 4 chance of being affected.

While there is no treatment or cure available for SMA, this is one of the very important reasons for raising awareness about the disease.

More than the obvious suffering that infants go through because of SMA, it's the families who suffer. How can anyone adequately put into words what it's like to lose a child? And yet, that's a reality that parents of babies with SMA have to deal with on a very regular basis. They know that the time they have with their angels is limited, and they have to live a life cherishing each and every moment in ways that none of us can possibly imagine.

What can we do about SMA, you may ask? There are organisations doing wonderful jobs of raising awareness and funds for SMA research, like http://www.curesma.org/ and https://thegsf.org/
There are many ways to get involved, from donating, to hosting events, to volunteering at events, and many more. Hopefully, a cure will be found soon!

Dropping Uncertainty

If you Google "uncertainty," the definition you'll get will probably look something like "the state of being uncertain." It might sound weird to define something using that word itself, but it's easy enough to replace "uncertain" with "unsure."

Often, we act to fulfill the responsibilities we have, or think we have, in line with various societal roles we play. Mother, Doctor, Friend, Sister are just some of the ones that come to mind. However, how often do we allow ourselves to find a purpose that allows us to act in line with our true selves, to epitomise authenticity?

According to the Hindu religion, "Swadharma" is the very essence of what you are, and can loosely be translated to "our duty." For example, the swadharma of sugar is sweetness. Take that sweetness away, and is sugar really sugar anymore? Acting in line with your swadharma, with your true nature, leads to peace, joy and happiness. However, acting in a way that isn't true to this leads to uncertainty and unhappiness.

While swadharma could be seen as a religious concept, I believe that it's one of those concepts that holds true, no matter who you are. For example, religions state that we should be good and kind to others, but that's not to say that only religious people are good and kind to others.

When we find the meeting point between our personal passions and inherent aptitudes, we start to act in ways that are more in line with our true natures. We start to do things that make us happy, and not necessarily things that we are expected to do. How often have you met people who are unhappy just at the thought of going to work everyday, and see their work just as a means to an end? These people take little or no pleasure in the process of work itself. On the other hand, some of us may have been blessed enough to encounter those rare individuals who seem to have found work that they are passionate about, that is meaningful to them; a vocation, if you will. What would you do everyday if you were given the chance to do so, without pay or recognition?

I've been fortunate enough to encounter such people, who have been able to live and work in ways that are true to themselves, who find joy in what they do, not just because of the pay cheque they may or may not get at the end of the month. As a matter of fact, I'll be featuring one such individual on the Kenyan Nomad later this month!

How many of you have heard of the concept of flow? Also known as "being in the zone," this is a feeling of being fully immersed in the task at hand, a feeling of energised focus, of full involvement and enjoyment in the process of the activity. Often enough, we find ourselves in this state when we are engaged in activities that are in line with our swadharma, so to speak. Extensively researched by Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi, this is a concept that I first came across a few years ago during my first Psychology class. I won't go much into detail on this concept, for the simple reason that there's a great article written by a fellow Sewanee alum, Will Harper, on his site, that I think you should all read: A Flow Primer.

Take a moment to question yourself, really look deep within, and find out what it is you are meant to be!

Meet Stella Wacheke

A few weeks ago, I was fortunate enough to meet with Stella Wacheke, a young entrepreneur in Kenya. We were meeting for work, but I soon found myself extremely impressed with her ambition, passion, and dedication, and decided that I had to interview her for the Kenyan Nomad!

1) Tell us a little bit about your background. ​
I was brought up in Nairobi Kenya, the first born among two girls. I'm an accredited Project Manager by profession and current​ly working as a consultant project manager. I hold an MBA in International Business from Kenya Methodist University, a degree in Bachelor of Commerce, Finance Major from Catholic University of Eastern Africa and a Prince2 (foundation and practitioner) and PMP Certification in Project Management.

2) What inspired you to go into your own business?
​The desire to have the freedom to venture into different emerging and ​dynamic opportunities coupled with the drive to own the task at hand and do it to the best of my ability. Stella is a brand and I wanted to keep myself accountable and in the process leave behind a legacy that will have left an impact on generations to come.​

3) If you could only use five words to describe yourself, what would they be?
​Passionate, Reliable, Loving, Kind and Compassionate​.

4) Why do you think it's vital that we empower other women? ​
In the first place, I am a woman who has gone through the roller coaster of life. Thus, life has already equipped me to guide, encourage and uplift one of my kind through experience so that they too can avoid getting into similar pitfalls that I did. Lastly, I was also empowered and I would like to pass on the baton of hope.. it's only when you give that you receive and attain the climax of your own personal fulfillment.

5) Tell us a little bit more about your cancer trust.
​Haba na Haba Trust is a platform that brings together friends of children with cancer. Our main vision is to salvage a soul by showing them the love of Christ .As you are aware, most people despair and question the love of God during seasons of long suffering. Our acts of love, kindness and care will help to change that perception.​ We extend the love of God through deliberate actions that create special lasting memories of his love for those going through long suffering. It is our unique way of ministering the gospel to the long suffering.

6) Why is it important to know and believe in the value of your personal brand?
​You are your biggest cheerleader and your own best friend. We should never sell ourselves short. Therefore once you realize that every individual has weaknesses and strengths as well as unique gifts, then you have no choice but to value your personal brand because you are unique, special and valuable in your own right.​

7) If you could give advice to yourself 5 years ago, what would it be?​
Speak positively and believe in the impossible because if you can dream it you can achieve it through God​'​s help. You are also very unique and capable to contribute to the society in your own way.​Finally, it's okay to be different.. never follow the crowd.​

8) What do you think are the greatest challenges facing young, ambitious women in today's world?​
Fear and peer pressure.

9) Any advice to these women?
​Let your ambition come from within, not from without. Only bow to positive ​peer ​pressure and just go for it!! It's never that serious. There is a 50/50 chance of succeeding and failing. Thus, ​take the route of success. When you fall or fail, stand up, crawl or limp but forward you must move.​
​Remember to always do more than you are paid for!! It pays off in the long run.​

10) What are some of your favourite books that you would recommend?
Battlefield of the Mind, Million Dollar Habits, 17 Laws of Success​​, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari​

11) What are some rituals of success you follow religiously?

Ask God for wisdom daily, give thanks and give to back to God. Help others without expecting anything in return​, family should always come first no matter what and lastly, ​engage in ​positive self talk.​

12) Do you have any favourite quote(s)?​
Be the change you want​ to see in the world.

13) Who has been your biggest inspiration to date?​
Joyce Meyer​

14) And finally, what's next for Stella? ​
W​atch this space...​ I'm currently writing a book called 'The Odd One Out'​ ​and looking forward to start​ing my family soon!!

7 Ways that Dating is Like Job Searching

Sure, this might be weird comparison to make, but if you really think about it, you'll see that the steps in dating and the steps in job hunting are pretty similar!

Looking out for potential jobs: Most of the time, you're not going to hear about one potential job, apply for it, get it, and have it turn out to be perfect. (However, you may be lucky enough to experience exactly that!) The same goes for dating; right at the beginning, you're meeting various people, and you may not even know that you're looking for anyone just then!

Updating your resume/CV: Now that you know you're looking for someone, you're probably going to do some introspection; after all, how would you expect to meet someone who would work well with you unless YOU know yourself pretty well? Of course, the updating of the resume and CV also comes into play when you're trying to make a good first impression on your potential employer (significant other).

Applying: Maybe you've noticed some employers you'd love to work for; now, you need to get them to notice you! In terms of dating, this comes into play when getting to know potential dates a little better.

First interviews: First dates are quite important, much like first interviews. Here's where you get to gauge whether or not your date genuinely likes you (and vice versa), get to learn more about each other (how do they treat the server, and other such important things), and be honest about who you really are. Much like in a job interview, presenting a person to your date that isn't who you really are can end up with you finding a significant other who doesn't suit you at all. This is also the stage you get to be a little picky; you wouldn't necessarily accept the first job offer that came your way, would you?

Follow up interviews: By this point, you've probably met many different people and been on some first (and even second) dates. You've narrowed down your list, and so have they. You're using the time you're spending with potential significant others to learn even more about them, and see whether the two of you would be a good fit.

The job offer: Out of all the people you met and interacted with, a special someone definitely stuck out. They liked you, you liked them, and you both got to heave a sigh of relief! Someone makes the first move, and voila; you're exclusive!

Signing the contract: If the probationary period went well, then the both of you are ready for a longer-term commitment!

Can you think of any other ways that aspects of dating and job searching are similar? Comment below!