12 Questions with the Kenyan Nomad

I'm a huge fan of getting beneath the surface, of getting to know people beyond what they present to the rest of the world. Given my recent challenge-to-self of being more vulnerable and stepping out of my comfort zone, I thought it only fair to give others the opportunity too! I hunted around the Internet for a few questions, but I'm open to taking yours too (within reason ;) ).

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
Well, this is a tough one. Do I have to choose between having J.R.R. Tolkein over to tell me stories about middle earth, or a random person from a random period in life who could tell me all about how they lived? Since the choice is hard, I'll take the easy route and say - my best friend.

2. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
Oh, mind, definitely, provided that it retained the ability to grow and learn.

3. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
The various relationships and opportunities in my life that have come my way.

4. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
TELEPORTATION! It would solve so many of my problems. Within reason? I'd love to be a polygot.

5. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
So much! At the end of my life, what are the regrets I would have? How long will it take to discover life on other planets? Where will I be professionally (without giving too much away) in 10 years? In 20? Where will I be personally (again, exec summary) in the same time period? What happened to Roanoke? Who are the top 10 people I speak to the most over the decades?

I feel like this question could be a post of its own... maybe the things I want to know are pointing me in a certain direction, and I probably need to reflect on that!

6. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
There is - and I'm working on it :)

7. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
Another tough one! I'd say one of the things I'm really glad about is the fact that the number of close friends I've known more than 7 years (you know why) is quite a good number - we're willing and able to put in the time and effort to keep these relationships alive.

8. What do you value most in a friendship?
Long version or short? If it's the latter, then trust, emotional intelligence and the willingness to grow.

9. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
Well, crap. I'd hope not - I'd like to think that I may be at a stage in my life where I'm making good choices - but hey, see question 5, and feel free to advise ;)

10. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Amazing, grateful, inspired, blessed - I really could go on forever.

11. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
Within the past month, actually, for both. See exhibit A: being vulnerable is not a bad thing and B: I believe that having a good cry once in a while is actually healthy.

12. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
Is my desk or my bookshelf an option? That would count as one item, right? More realistically, it would have to be something tied to memories, and knowing me, words. So whether this is letters, all my birthday cards ever (I'm quite organised) or things I've written, I guess they'd all be fair game!

God, Death and the Meaning of Life: Excerpt from an Essay

I don't know if any of the rest of you do this, but occasionally I find it interesting to go back and look at work I did in school. I was reading an essay I did for an introductory Philosophy class (God, Death and the Meaning of Life), and thought it may be interesting to share some snippets. Some of my thinking has changed - evolved - since I wrote this, but it's interesting to see what I still hold to be true. And the question is always a fascinating one - what makes our lives meaningful?

What are we living for? What makes our lives meaningful? Have we lived good lives if we were “happy” throughout but made no significant achievements? Or have we lived better lives if we were miserable throughout but dedicated them to a worthy cause?

I believe that in order for my own life to be meaningful, I need to be self-reliant and have self-love. I need to be happy with who I am, and have the love of the people important to me. I also need to be able to live for more than just myself. Learning to successfully overcome obstacles and appreciating the simple things in life are important too. Most importantly however, I believe that one needs to be able to accept, love, and rely on oneself before life can have any meaning at all.

According to David Swenson, much of what contributes meaning to life is happiness. However, this must not be unjustifiable happiness; there must be a reason for this happiness, a motive for its existence.  He believes that as human beings who make mistakes, there is always the danger that we can go wrong with our pursuit of happiness. While we may appear happy, leading everyone to believe that we are so, we might be pursuing empty happiness, in materialistic things. I beg to differ with this particular view. While the pursuit of empty things may not be the right thing to do in order to obtain happiness, there is no denying that the pursuit of such things in many cases does lead to our happiness. While this is not necessarily correct, and indeed does leave me feeling uneasy as to what we as human beings have come to, such happiness does give meaning to life; albeit maybe not substantial meaning.

Swenson also stresses on the importance of happiness being based on something that is intrinsically good, which I do agree with. Wealth, power and the like do have the potential to do good, but are not intrinsically so. These things give a sort of privileged status to the few individuals that possess them, and this is not always fair. They “rest upon differential capabilities and exceptionally fortunate circumstances.

Some people may argue that people will be able to find happiness in hurting others. If we think of serial killers who kill for the pleasure of it, they technically lead happy lives. They are doing what they enjoy; does that not mean that they have meaningful lives? In my opinion, absolutely not. While what they are doing does make them happy, it makes other people very miserable. The happiness that these killers obtain is completely selfish, and thus does not contribute to a meaningful life. Swenson goes on to say, “as the fundamental source of inspiration in my life, I need something that is not exclusive and differential, but inclusive and universal.” It is important to find happiness in something that will not take away happiness from other people, but preferably, add to it. This is true, selfless happiness, and I dare to say that we have all experienced it. How many times have we done something for someone whom we love that we did not necessarily enjoy doing? How many times have we experienced that specific feeling of happiness that comes from making this someone happy?

There are people who would rather live their lives believing that there is no higher power to judge us, like E. D. Klemke. He says that there are many cases of human beings who have led meaningful lives without faith in God. According to him, even if life had no meaning without faith in God, he would rather find some other meaning, as opposed to one that has “illusory hopes and incredulous beliefs and aspirations.” This is also the view held by Ricky Gervais, a comedian. He sums it up by saying “Do unto others… is a good rule of thumb". I try to live by that. Kindness is probably one of the greatest virtues there is. But that is exactly what a virtue is. Not just a religious virtue. No one owns being good. If am good, I do not believe I will necessarily be rewarded for it in heaven. My reward is here and now. It is knowing that I try to do the right thing and that I lived a good life. And that is where spirituality really lost its way; when it became a stick to beat people with. “Do this or you will burn in hell.”

While I realise that some people might be able to find more meaning in life without belief in a supernatural entity, I also realise that there are a countless number of people who have been unable to find meaning in life unless they turn to God. If religion were to be completely removed from the picture, then I believe that it may actually give people an incentive to be more moral, and kinder to their fellow human beings. It would take away from having to be good so that you can answer to a higher power, which we can argue is a motivation for many; and encourage people to be good for their own sake. In fact, it could be argued that being moral for one’s own self is the highest form of morality attainable, as you are not doing it to please someone else, even if that someone else is a higher power.

To conclude, I would like to say that every individual’s meaning of life would depend upon their own personal view of the world, and of themselves. For me personally, for example, if I was not able to be happy in my own company, then I would feel as though I am not leading a happy and meaningful life. We are our own first lines of contact with the rest of the world and all of existence; if we do not love ourselves, then we may not be able to meaningfully connect with the world around us.

Sources:

Swenson, David F. "The Dignity of Life" The Meaning of Life III (2008): 17-26.

Klemke, E. D. "Living without Appeal: An Affirmative Philosophy of Life" The Meaning of Life III (2008): 184-195.

Meet the Mentor: Frazer Buntin (part 3)

We hope you’ve been enjoying the feature on Frazer so far! If you haven’t read the previous parts yet, you can catch them here and here. Today, Frazer will be answering some questions I threw his way.

What are three principles that leaders should live by?

1.      Intense personal reflection

2.      Don’t give a shit

3.      Facilitate radical candor

What three words would you use to describe yourself?

1.      Intuitive

2.      Active

3.      Controlling (see, not all roses and rainbows!)

What’s the best advice that someone has ever given you?

“Use your head”

If there’s an aspect of your journey that has surprised you so far, what would you say it is?

How quickly we can adapt to change

Now-Frazer meets early-20’s-Frazer. What advice would you give him?

If I could give my early-20’s “me” some advice, it would be to not listen to my 42-year old self if I ever show up from the future with advice. Our paths need to happen. Our paths need to unfold. The unfolding is our life.

My incredibly wise words to college seniors when I go back to Sewanee to speak are:

“Do something! As that something will lead to something else.”

There is no defined path for us. There is no single right answer. However, if forced, I would tell myself to take more chances, live interesting places, do more cool shit that I haven’t done before, keep cultivating friends, let love happen, reflect intensely, don’t give such a shit.

Congratulations! You just won a million dollars. What are you going to do with it?

If I won a million dollars, I would perhaps start one micro-foundation of something for each of my kids, for something that are passionate about. I would use it as a way to help them create and cultivate something worthy over their lives. I think this could be a really cool experience for my kids to participate in running a micro-foundation. This perhaps could be the most valuable education they could receive and a really fun way for me to spend time with them.

If you were invited to give a TED talk, what would you speak about?

I would absolutely give a TED talk on the intersection of intense personal reflection and not giving a shit.

What’s your favourite book, and recommended reading for others?

Favorite book:

Panther in the Sky by James Alexander Thom.  It’s not my favorite book from a content standpoint but it was the book that really got me connected into reading at a young age so for that reason, it is my favorite book.

Recommended reading:

A New Earth by Ekhart Tolle

Reflections of a Ghost by Andrew Lytle

Working Days by John Steinbeck

Your biggest source of strength is…

…consciousness.

Do you know what your goals and ambitions are going forward?

My goals and ambitions going forward are to live a full life, moment by moment. That’s as specific as I am right now.

If you could host a dinner party and invite any three people, dead or alive, who would they be?

I would invite my wife, my son, and my daughter. We would dress up in formal wear and listen to hip hop music.

Many people have different success rituals. Which are yours?

For success rituals, we also would need dozens of pages to cover this topic. I am a very ritualistic person, and I have many rituals that I constantly refine and use to extreme degrees. These rituals include morning routines, workload and schedule management, parenting, nutrition, exercise, sleep. Perhaps we can do a follow-up on these and get into more detail (editor’s note: keep an eye out for this!).

In my first post, I mentioned that Frazer is working on an exciting new project – he’s working to add a new title under his belt – that of ‘author’. Back to Frazer…

Yes, I am working on a book project right now, which includes some of the topics covered in these posts. It is a book about feelings. Specifically, the way we feel throughout our professional careers during points of intensity. Typically, behind any extreme period within our careers (highs, lows, frustrations, fears), there are a set of common feelings. “I feel like I am drowning in work.” “I feel like I am stuck.” “I feel like no one cares about my career.” “I feel like a monkey can do my job.”

I explore why we have these feelings, with deep context of the underlying causes. I also use my experiences throughout my career of having these same feelings to explain tactics to cope through the friction that these feelings create. I have had some crazy-ass experiences in my career, and they have given me some deep points of context. A rare few get context in our professional careers, so the value of the book will hopefully be both understanding that context and taking action from it. The output of this context is this same professional acceleration.

I was inspired to write this book over a long period of time but especially after doing a mentoring session with a large group of professionals at Evolent. One of the participants sent me an email afterward that tipped me over the edge into action.

Similar to mentoring, my ability to share wisdom through context creates efficiency out of inefficiency. The audience for the book is likely primarily individuals who are earlier in their career. However, the spectrum of feelings can span across a broad scope of levels and points of time, so there is value in the material for most folks. I hope to help others understand these periods of intense feelings and equip them with some tools to deal with these periods. At the same time, I hope to make them laugh, as some of the stuff that has happened to me is damn funny.

If anyone is interested further in learning more about the project, you can reach me at fbuntin@contactliving.com.

Thanks much for inviting me to contribute!

  

Meet the Mentor: Frazer Buntin (part 2)

In part 1 last week, we met my mentor, Frazer Buntin, and learnt about his early life and education background. Today, he'll talk to us about his career so far.

Work background

Right after school, I worked for my father’s company for about a year. I wanted to see if the business clicked with me and additionally, my older brother, with whom I am very close, was there as well. My plan was to work and live at home and eat Ramen noodles to save as much money as possible for an epic adventure.

I absolutely love adventure. I love adventure more and more throughout my life and also regret not adventuring more along the way. This particular adventure was about 3 months of tramping around New Zealand and Australia with a back pack and a $500 car that I bought off a cork board advertisement in the first hostel I came to in NZ. I hiked and camped and climbed mountains and fly fished and sat in silence for long periods during the middle of the day.

One rainy afternoon, I simply started writing while lying in a bunk bed in a $5 a night hostel. I wrote about what kind of person I wanted to be. I wrote about the values I wanted to hold true to in my life. Many of these values had always been present but had been dulled by the norms of college. Some of these values were new. That day – and the entire trip – ended up being a bit of a personal reset button for me. I came away from that experience with clarity on how I wanted to “show up” to life at my most fundamental level. I cherish that time still today and feel that it set me on a course personally that I still benefit from today.

My professional career has spanned some incredible and crazy-ass experiences. I have worked for huge companies and started companies and have been CEO twice and have travelled all over the US. I have had unbelievable successes and epic failures. My path has been so winding that it would take dozens of pages to describe the way my career has unfolded.

Today, I am president of a large division of a high-growth healthcare company called Evolent Health. Evolent has gone from having 3 employees to over 2,600 in 5 years. We have gone from an idea to a $1 billion IPO in 5 years. Someone once said:

 When you have a seat on a rocket ship, don’t ask which seat is yours, just sit down.

That is how I feel about Evolent. We have smart people, great culture, and most importantly, our work is meaningful and interesting to me. Those last two items are the ticket-to-the-dance requirements for me. My main job functions are to hire good people, set the strategy, monitor their behaviors, and measure our results. On a “Monday morning”, that means I am usually on the phone or in a meeting or working on a task that involves making decisions on improving our business. Leading people and solving problems consume most of my time. I have essentially no recurring work and nearly every task, every day is unique.

My successes will have little context for you unless you have worked in the fields or industries that I have, so it’s difficult to make those come alive for you. It is similar with the low points. Just know that I have knocked some home runs out of the park and I have absolutely fallen on my face in parts of my career as well.

All of these stories are long and usually funny, so perhaps, we’ll run into each other sometime and I’ll tell some of them. I will share that when you have the highs and the successes, you should absolutely cherish them. Marinate in them (there’s that word again). Feel like those days never want to end. Let yourself get goosebumps on how well you succeeded. During the lows and the failures, make them right beyond your own expectations. Take something away from them that you learned. Remember careers are a long-game. And then let that shit go.

I can attribute my success to hitting the parent lottery, growing up on a farm, great education, eye-opening experiences, mental wiring for problem-solving, and a knack for motivating people. Deeper than that, I attribute my success over time (not as individual) to intense personal reflection. I have always, throughout my career, taken time to think about what is working and what isn’t working for me – and then to do something about it. That process of reflection has accelerated my pathway down the career “funnel”. This reflection has also allowed me always to be learning. Always to be finding new tactics, methods, and strategies I can apply for all kinds of different scenarios throughout my career. I think I have a knack for surfacing and using tactics very well.

As for key role models, I have covered my parents already. Beyond that, I see anyone as a role model who has found the intersection of doing actual work they are good at doing, in an industry of which they are passionate, and have found a way to be well-compensated. This is the sweet spot of a work career when work doesn’t feel like work. Many of us only get one, a few two, and a very rare few get all three. These are the role models for me.

Regarding work-life balance, I have totally blown this one in my past and had to earn my way back into a balance. I never expected my career to involve as much travel as it has but here I am, 20 years into it, and I have logged A LOT of miles. More so than that, for a long time, I carried work with me as a thinking obsession. Maybe even a thinking addiction.

We would need more pages to give this topic the time it deserves but I am in my own personal “recovery”. Some of you will get this instantly and some might get it 10 years from now.

However, I have found the other side of the Venn diagram. I mentioned the concept of “intense personal reflection” previously as a driver of success. As our biggest strengths are also our biggest weaknesses, I needed another side of the coin to balance me. The other side of my Venn diagram that gives me work-life balance is not to give a shit.

I don’t mean that I don’t care, as I care – intensely. What I mean is that I do intense personal reflection, I make some decisions, I take some action – and then I don’t give a shit after that. I let go of control or expectation or wanting or needing some outcome to happen. I let go of the desire for some future event or thing to bring me happiness. Our brains are tools we use for survival but we must put them down when we are done. If we don’t put them down, we aren’t not actually living our lives, we are living our future lives. This is hard as crap to do for me so it is a practice. There are a whole series of tactics below the level of not giving a shit that we also would need more pages to cover adequately. I am putting a lot of effort into this though and it is working. I can feel myself living a few feet above myself.

Mentors are rare. Good mentors are unicorns. The best type of mentors are when you get lucky and have a direct manager who is also a good mentor. These people are like unicorns, riding a unicorn. I have had a few people who have helped me along the way including one or two unicorns riding unicorns. In hindsight, I am deeply appreciative of these people. Their wisdom was a huge accelerant for me personally and professionally.

For me, I enjoy helping others find their way. I enjoy helping others “be okay” with where they are and where they are going. I enjoy helping others take my tactics and experiences and wisdom and do something even better with them than I have. I think I would have been, and perhaps may be at some point in the future, a decent teacher. Part of my enjoyment of passing on wisdom or guidance or experiences is creating efficiency out of inefficiency. Wisdom should be scaled. Knowledge gained from experiences should be scaled. Again, I was taught to care about things and this is one I care about. If I can get scale on the things I have learned with several other people throughout my life, then I am potentially putting a massive accelerant underneath those people. Perhaps then, their experiences and wisdom and knowledge over time far exceeds mine. If they are inclined, they do the same and we are accelerating the advancement of the human state of mind. That is pretty rad.

Meet the Mentor: Frazer Buntin (part 1)

We’ve all heard stories about ‘self-made men or women’ and marvelled at their stories, and wished we were them. The truth, however, is that very few (if any) people are truly ‘self-made’. Be they negative influences or positive ones, the people in our lives, from birth to old age, have a large part in dictating who we are. The people who surround you are the people who also influence who you will be. It is always a good idea to be selective about the people you choose to let into your inner circles!

Among the people who can have massive influences on our lives are mentors and role models – I’d like to introduce you to one of mine.

I first met Frazer Buntin when I attended my first Beyond the Gates weekend at Sewanee. Frazer is a Sewanee alumnus who was assigned to be my mentor for the weekend. While we were unable to connect over the weekend itself, as he had to return home due to a family commitment, we found some time to connect shortly afterward, and I was impressed by what I learnt about him.

Often enough, ‘formal’ mentorships end up not working as well as mentorships that develop over time, but I’m lucky enough that in my case, with Frazer, the first naturally led to the second. We stayed in touch, and throughout the years, he has guided me, advised me, believed in me, and been an invaluable sounding board for when I’ve needed someone to bounce ideas off of. Most, if not all of the career related decisions I’ve taken after graduation were taken after consulting Frazer.

Over the four years that I’ve known him, I’ve always felt that I should share his story with more people, so that they could also get inspired as I have – and now, I have the chance! Over the next few posts, I’ll be featuring Frazer as he tells us a little bit more about his life, his work, and an exciting project that he’s working on!

Sewanee the Light by Stephen Alvarez

Early childhood and Education

I would describe my early childhood as “a silver spoon and a brown shovel”. I grew up on a family farm just outside of Nashville, as the 5^th generation of our family to live on this land. Uniquely, my father was not a farmer but the farm was an active agricultural farm as opposed to many “hobby farms” that exist today. As such, the brown shovel side was parts of every summer and weekend that were spent doing hard, physical labor.

For those who haven’t been exposed to a farm, don’t think milking a cow but rather, works such as using a heavy gas-powered weed eater for 8 hours to keep fence rows clear or loading several hundred bales of hay up into a hot, dusty barn in late August. These experiences taught me to be tough, to have confidence in my physical abilities, to want to contribute as an individual, and to “pull my own weight”. As part of this experience, I interacted with all sorts of people associated with farm life. Many had minimal education, were poor by today’s economical standards, and lived simple lives. However, all were kind, interesting, dedicated, and full of ingenuity. All of them wanted more for their kids than they had for themselves. This exposure helped me learn that appearances and education and clothes and houses don’t define a person. I like to think spending time with Albert, Ron, Tinnie, Ernest, and Lolla to name a few, helped me be more open to others throughout my life. It took me a while to come around to that realization – but I see it clearly now.

As for the silver spoon, the other half of my life consisted of the best private school education from kindergarten through to business school. My father owned his own advertising agency in Nashville so we drove to “town” everyday – 45 minutes each way where he traded overalls for a suit and led national accounts for 45+ years as the CEO of a very successful agency. My siblings and I were lucky enough to attend fantastic schools and be friends with others in that environment.

One Saturday might have been shoveling shit on the farm and the next Saturday was a tennis clinic at a country club. It was very schizophrenic, but it kept me grounded as well as allowed me to succeed culturally. All my academic and social life was in Nashville and all my family life was at the farm. It was almost a 50-50 split though. We travelled extensively as a family and covered much of the globe. My parents firmly believed in investing in experiences and culture and education.

I never have driven a new car in my life however, so we were not the “new BMW with a bow on top for our 16^th birthday” type of family. We were more of “hand me down cars with 100,000 miles on them but then a trip to Africa for Spring Break” type of family. My father is a bit of a renaissance man and my mother an absolute rock of a person. Values were part of our lives from an early age. We were taught to care about things, to make good decisions, and simply – to be good people.

There were never career path expectations for me. There was never a push to define a college major and march toward that field. I was encouraged to find things that interested me and then bust my ass at them.

University

I attended college at The University of the South, commonly referred to as Sewanee. I was drawn to it, as it was a small school with a lot of physical space. Additionally, the culture and feeling of the school fit me. Probably most importantly and embarrassingly though, I applied early admission and got in and I have always chosen completion over accuracy, so I chose the first school I applied to. I liked the small class size, the formality of the interaction between student and teacher, the traditions, and yet the ability to be creative.

I actually struggled with both finding my interest and busting my ass considerably though in college, primarily because of the interest side. I am a super practical person and liberal arts educations don’t match with that type of wiring. I majored in Natural Resource Management as naively, I thought it would be nice to be outside during the labs. I know. I am shaking my own head at that decision-making as well. That is some brilliant freshman year logic!

My favorite class ended up being Industrial Psychology as it clicked with the practical side of my brain. Sewanee prepared me for the real world, not in an academic way, but rather how to analyze a situation, be accountable for my actions, speak my mind with logic and preparation, interact with different types of people, and build a network. These skills are much more ambiguous but are more easily carried throughout a career.

I wish I had a do-over at Sewanee though. I don’t regret much in my life but I do regret not marinating (yes, that’s the right word) in the opportunities at Sewanee. I missed out on things because I thought I would miss out on other things. As such, I often chose the wrong things. This regret is part of growing up though and helps me reflect now to consider what I might be missing out on because I think I might miss out on something else. What will I see in 20 years from now when looking back?

After 5 years of career experience after graduating from Sewanee, I found my academic groove at business school at Vanderbilt when the practical side of my wiring and the content of the program married nicely. Correspondingly, I learned a lot more applicable academic content and my GPA reflected it. Although, by business school, I cared not about the grade but rather the absorption of information.  

Keep an eye out for our next post, where we find out more about Frazer and his career so far!   

Five years of The Kenyan Nomad: Looking back

How time does fly! I can't believe that my little blog is five - what a journey it has been! I thought it would be fun to look back on a few posts I've done over the years.

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My first post was an attempt to restart a blog that I had started writing four years ago - back then, it was more of an extended, and public mailing list. This was a week after I turned 20, and I think the 'new decade' brought me some inspiration to write that I'm still going on!

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A few months later, I shared some pictures from a trip to the Masai Mara.

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During the spring semester that year, I did a few posts from a series I had posted on Cowbird for a photography project. Always fun to look back on, and wonder what I was thinking at the time! Here's an excerpt:

There's a graduate student in the corner from Eritrea. He's working on a paper, but comes over to join us. We talk about running and soccer and being together and alone and philosophy and coffee. Always coffee. 

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The first time I had a post with more than 500 views was not until June 2013 - and it was a post talking about a visit I had done to the Rift Valley Academy in Kenya.  Fun fact - the cornerstone for the school was laid by Teddy Roosevelt!

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My first unofficial restaurant review was not even intended to be a restaurant review! However, Epice in Nashville was amazing, and started my love affair with Lebanese food. My mouth is watering as I write this.

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One of my first posts that dealt with feminism spoke about the 'Indian culture' and respect women get in marriages. My sentiment from the paragraph below still stands...

I remain perpetually shocked by the fact that I STILL live in a society where wives and daughters-in-law don't have anywhere near the respect and freedom that husbands and sons do. Am I talking about Kenya, or Indians in Kenya, or Indians in general? I haven't quite figured that out yet. However, I am talking about a problem that is extremely real, extremely relevant, and happening even today. 

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A post I really enjoyed doing was one about a red jeep and the love that three different men have for it. This was one of the first times I did a post that told a story about people.

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I've always loved doing guest posts, and for those of you who didn't read this one about personal space by Billie Rihal, you definitely should!

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My love affair with Sewanee most certainly did not end with graduation, or my return to Kenya. One of my best friends, Catherine Clifton, has a wonderful way with words, and so I had her do a guest post about Sewanee.

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Despite the fact that I regularly update my Instagram with pictures of new wines - I think that this one may actually be the only post that I wrote about a wine tasting I attended!!

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A popular post I did last year covered some tips that have been incredibly helpful to me on personal financial management.

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Another that I loved writing was one where I let loose with my frustrations about constantly being measured against what I, as a 24 year old woman at the time, was 'supposed to have' achieved.

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It still surprises me that I so spontaneously decided to go skydiving in Diani - but I loved the experience, and writing about it was so much fun!! I definitely intend to do more of these kinds of posts in the near future.

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The last story I featured on a person was back in December, and this was the story of Rohan Gandhi. If you need a dose of inspiration, you definitely need to check this one out!

The 12th of February, 2004, was just another day in 16 year old Rohan's life - or so he thought. Who knew that a short span of 20 minutes would end up changing his life forever?
A spinal cord infarction is "a stroke either within the spinal cord or the arteries that supply it. It is caused by arteriosclerosis or a thickening or closing of the major arteries to the spinal cord."

Sounds like a medical definition that we may encounter at a doctor's office and move past - but for Rohan it was a reality that left him paralysed from the waist down in the presence of his peers. As he puts it, "everyone went to school the next day... I didn't."

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My love affair with food is no secret - at this restaurant review over Christmas, a friend and I almost ate ourselves silly!!

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This certainly is NOT an exhaustive list of all the posts I've done (and loved doing) over the past five years, but it definitely was a fun trip down memory lane! Thank you, dear readers, near and far, for being such great supporters of The Kenyan Nomad. 

I would love to hear from you this blogiversary - feel free to shoot me an email, comment below, or reach out on my Facebook page!

How to succeed in your first job

A first job can be pretty terrifying - there's so much to do and learn, and often it can be hard to figure out how exactly to navigate this. Today's post will cover some tips that Brittany Macon, one of my best friends (and bias aside, an incredibly talented and intelligent young woman who will be graduating from Vanderbilt law school this May) and I put together after consulting with others who've had many 'first jobs', and drawing a little bit from our own experiences.

Brittany presented a few of these tips to juniors and seniors at Sewanee during the 2017 Beyond the Gates weekend, and we thought it would be helpful to share these with the rest of you too!

1) Network. Especially during your first few weeks, and even before you join if possible, make sure to network with and talk to the people you'll be working with. It can seem intimidating to reach out initially, but it will be worth it. Building on relationships will help you be more successful at work - and these relationships, be they with mentors, sponsors or peers, can be valuable assets even after you leave the company.

Talk to people who've done what you're doing before. They know what it's like, and can be tremendous resources once you're on the job. You will be helpful to them too! Remember - relationships go both ways, and you need to approach all relationships also keeping in mind how you can help them.

2) Dress the part. Impressions do matter, and sometimes the way you present yourself can help you feel a certain way too! So whether it's a law firm, a hospital, or a construction company, find out whether or not there is a dress code, and plan ahead. 

3) Be aware of your presence. Your gravitas and your body language can go a huge way in how others perceive you and your ability to do your job - and how you perceive yourself! Think of pitching to clients or presenting to the leadership at your office. Someone who seems more confident will automatically demand more attention (even if they actually are not that confident - fake it till you make it!) 

It may seem like there is a lot to learn when it comes to establishing presence, so here are a few simple things to keep in mind - posture, gestures and how you speak. Sometimes, just being aware of how you present yourself can help. There are tonnes of resources available online to help you think about body language and presence. This TED talk by Amy Cuddy is always a good starting point. Do you have any other resources? Please share them in the comments!

 

4) Reach out for help when you need it. A new job can be intimidating, and you might feel a pressure to succeed and figure out everything by yourself. Don't succumb to this! Remember, there are many resources available to you, and there is no harm in reaching out for help when you need it. You might end up wasting company time and money if you mess something up after spending a lot of time doing something the wrong way, when a simple question could have guided you in the right direction. 

5) Underpromise and overdeliver. This was great advice given to me by someone when I was about to start, and it makes a lot of sense! Managing expectations is something that you will pick up along the way, and these two simple actions will definitely help.

6) Plan ahead. Use the end of the week (or day) to plan for what you want to achieve the next week (or day). You'll thank yourself for it - and so will those you work with!

7) Plan your time. Emails, phone calls and meetings are an unavoidable part of our work day, but can be huge distractions that cause us to lose productivity. Here is a great article on Forbes that talks about the cost of these distractions. The earlier you figure out a system for dealing with these, the more productive you will be. Here are a few tips that others have used:

-Block a specific time in your calendar that is solely for work. During this time, avoid scheduling meetings, do not check emails, and turn your phone notifications off.

-Set a maximum amount of time for meetings.

-Pick specific times during the day for checking and answering emails.

-Use clear subject lines and succinct communication when emailing.

8) Understand your company. Yes, you know what your job entails, and how your department works - but how much do you know about the company? Understand exactly how and why your company works, how the different departments work in sync, and how your work helps the machine run.

Not only will this help you realise how much value your work has, but it will also help you in terms of growth opportunities. Silos do not work, and companies will be more likely to advance employees who understand the larger context of the company and can look toward the future of the company itself.

9) Take initiative. Yes, volunteering to plan the next office retreat can mean hours that you could have been sleeping instead, but participating in office and team building initiatives will help show that you are more than just your job - you are a member of the company. So take the chance to participate in office initiatives and trainings - take on new projects, and never turn down an opportunity to learn.

10) Avoid office gossip. In some sectors more than others, there can be a tendency for groups of people within an organisation to actually implicitly work against each other as office politics and egos come into play. Avoid the inclination to participate in office gossip - your reputation will thank you for it eventually.

11) Learn to say no. This can be hard to do, especially when you're the newbie, but understand that there is a difference in turning something down because you just cannot be bothered, and turning something down because you don't have the capacity to do it, and if you said yes, you wouldn't be able to give it your 101%. In line with number 5 above, people will respect the fact that you will not take on something that you cannot fully devote yourself to, and they will appreciate your work on the projects that you do take on. 

12) Manage your energy. It can seem attractive to put in fifteen hours of work a day, seven days a week, but the fact is that you will probably be less productive in those hours than someone who spent less time but more energy on their work. Learn to manage your energy, both at and outside of work - and this includes getting enough sleep and exercise. Don't neglect your hobbies, and make sure that you are also keeping up with your network outside of work.

Are there any other tips that you have used in your careers? Please do share with us in the comments below!

A Quarter Century

No need to panic, dear readers, you haven't missed the big two five. Trust me, you'd have known! However, the truth is that it IS less than 2 months away - and I'm also celebrating 5 years of writing as the Kenyan Nomad this year! Evidently, 2017 looks like it's going to be wicked fun!!

What have I been up to since we last spoke? I spent 2 weeks out of my 3 week vacation in the U.S. with my aunt and uncle, sisters, brothers-in-law, and adorable nieces and nephew. (Yes, my sisters are all grown up and have kids now. When did that happen?!) I had a great time (although it sucked that I wasn't able to see my friends), despite the rocky start that entailed me spending an unplanned night in Atlanta the day I flew in. Winter in flip flops... not as fun as it sounds!

What happens when you take two toddlers and a baby to the tree at Rockefeller

Some of you may remember last year's post where I stated my intentions for 2016. Broadcasting these actually did keep me accountable, and while I may not have achieved them all 100%, I'm pretty pleased with where I got! I definitely intend to build up on them this year - while remaining open to all the surprises that seem to come my way!

1) Health: While I didn't quite get to my goal of running my first half-marathon last year, I did manage to run-walk my first 10K if that counts? (Those of you who know my time are probably doubled over laughing right now, but hey - I can only get better, right?!) Transitioning back into full time employment meant that I was less regular with my schedule than I would have liked, but I'm happy to report that I'm already making progress. I've started a couch to 5K programme that'll take about 8 weeks, while also committing to going for regular Zumba classes. I had my first this morning, and while it absolutely kicked my butt, I loved it!! No huge, lofty goal this year, but I aim to improve on my 10K time by the next Stan Chart marathon. 

2) Comfort zone: I think this is something I always try and do - last year, spontaneous skydiving definitely was an example! I'm excited to see how I can top that this year. Suggestions are always welcome!

3) Professional development: Boy, did this take me absolutely by surprise. At the beginning of 2016, I thought I'd be doing what I had been (marketing consultancy for clients of my own), perhaps with different clients, maybe in a new location. I had absolutely NO idea the change that was coming my way! Transitioning into management consultancy at McKinsey has opened up a whole new set of possibilities for me that I never even knew existed. 

4) Reading: I had planned to read 12 non-fiction books last year. I'll shoot for that again, despite the fact that I only managed 8 this year! Which ones? 

Thrive, by Ariana Huffington

Emotional Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman

Big Magic, by Elizabeth Gilbert

Eat, Pray, Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert

Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office, by Lois Frankel

David and Goliath, by Malcolm Gladwell

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey

Bossypants, by Tina Fey

I've started off 2017 with The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life, by Mark Manson. I've been reading his blog for some time, and when I heard he wrote a book, I had to have it. The topic is just an added bonus! 

5) Savings: Did I manage to save up at least 20% of my 2016 income? Absolutely!! I practiced what I preached in this post about personal finance, and the tips actually did work. I think it's a good goal to keep for 2017 too - but maybe this time, invest in addition to just saving.

6) Writing: Remember how pleased I was at the end of 2015 when my blog readership had grown beyond anything I had projected? Well, 2016 was that and even more! I went to events and met new people who didn't know me - but knew my blog. To say that it was heartwarming would be an understatement. 2016 also brought an unexpected surprise, when I realised I wasn't the only blogger using the name 'The Kenyan Nomad'. Thankfully, those who I met actually were talking about my blog! I started to cover more events, restaurants and people in 2016, and I want to continue that in 2017 - with a bit more travel thrown in if time allows!

7) Personal growth: I think this is quite multi dimensional, so I'm planning to continue with meditation and various forms of learning (like TED talks) this year.

8) Languages: Could 2017 FINALLY be the year I become fluent in French? I certainly hope so!

I can't start a new year of blogging without thanking all of you for your love, support and kind words. Your readership has helped catapult the Kenyan Nomad into a new stage of growth that I would've never even dared dream of! Onward and upward, most definitely. 

Light Fire from the Spark: Rohan Gandhi

"When you are at rock bottom, the only way to move is up."

These are words we've all probably heard at one point or another - but how many of us have actually lived them? Meet Rohan Gandhi...

Growing up, Rohan had dreamed of becoming a pilot. He had a passion for cars and planes, a passion that guided him to becoming a mechanical engineer. Aside from his professional aspiration, he also wanted to box professionally. While growing up, he was a victim of bullying, and was able to overcome an inferiority complex after he was inspired by the Rocky Balboa movies.

Sounds like a story many of us can relate to, right?

The 12th of February, 2004, was just another day in 16 year old Rohan's life - or so he thought. Who knew that a short span of 20 minutes would end up changing his life forever?

A spinal cord infarction is "a stroke either within the spinal cord or the arteries that supply it. It is caused by arteriosclerosis or a thickening or closing of the major arteries to the spinal cord." 

Sounds like a medical definition that we may encounter at a doctor's office and move past - but for Rohan it was a reality that left him paralysed from the waist down in the presence of his peers. As he puts it, "everyone went to school the next day... I didn't."

Unfortunately, for this particular condition, and indeed many other spinal cord injuries in general, there is no real medication or guaranteed form of treatment available. However, there are support services available for rehabilitation at the National Spinal Injury Hospital and a large amount of resources available through the National Council for People with Disabilities. Aside from physical therapy, these bodies also advise and counsel individuals who suffer from depression or low self-esteem as a result of such injuries. 

When the reality of his condition dawned on him, Rohan found himself feeling overwhelmed and confused. Everyone is afraid of that which they cannot understand, and he was no different. On top of adapting to new circumstances, Rohan also experienced a lack of self-confidence compounded by the resulting obesity. He was afraid to go back to school, to face the people he thought were his friends. All his peers were preparing to go overseas to study as he instead had to gear up for his biggest mental battle to date. 

He expected everyone and anyone to judge him for his new circumstances - and the unfortunate reality is that some people did. He recalls one incident when he was actually asked to leave a gym due to his condition some years down the line. Although he could've chosen to give them a fight that they probably wanted, Rohan paused and channeled his energies into becoming even stronger. When they went low, he went high. As he puts it, "Despite my challenge, why wasn't I just as, if not stronger than him/ her physically? Sensible choices - build yourself or break down others."

His lower limbs were completely paralysed up until he began intense physiotherapy. Currently, he has recovered up to about a 60% amount of usage through sheer will and continuous training. 

Rohan cites his father as his role model. He credits his parents and brother as his biggest sources of strength, for helping to make him confident enough to embrace his new reality, and to overcome his fears - a fear of not being accepted, of not being able to stand again, and of not being able to hold his child's hand to teach them how to walk in the future. His family helped him battle the "insecurity demon" as he calls it. They never let it occur to him that he was any less than what he used to be, or that he was at a disadvantage compared to the people standing around him. They laughed at his awkward situations together, and I'm sure we can all agree that a positive approach to any negative situation can do wonders. 

Rohan tells us about a moment that helped change his outlook on life. This was at a stage when he was battling low self-esteem and a lack of motivation to do anything about it. If anyone smiled at him, the first thought he had was that they were mocking him. During his second year of university, a girl approached him with the words "It doesn't matter if you're in a wheelchair, you're a handsome guy. You're just really fat!" Blunt words, but fortunately coming from a place of concern rather than condescension. She invited Rohan to go to the gym with her, and that was it. 

Within 6 months, after having lost 30 kg, his energy levels had shot up, and he saw a remarkable change in people's attitudes toward him. The truth of the matter is that they probably sensed a change in his attitude that became infectious! Exercise does have a wonderful way of boosting self-esteem, whether this is as part of a weight loss journey or not. 

He believes that regardless of your situation - physical, mental, or financial - if you develop a fearless attitude to exploit opportunities, the outcome will be one of two things. Either people will get out of your way, or they will follow you. He cites the example of Franklin D. Roosevelt, who suffered from Polio which left him paralysed from the waist down too, but whose never-say-die attitude resulted in him being remembered as one of the U.S.'s most fearless presidents. 

Let's hear from Rohan as he answers some questions for us:

1) What's the best advice someone has ever given you?

Your inability to cope with your reality will ruin you. Fight.

2)  How did you battle your anxieties and depression?

I was always a witty and funny person. Getting paralysed didn't change that.  Initially I battled the anxiety/ depression by ignoring and suppressing it through humor. In one sense, I would hide behind the tears of a clown. Then I picked up the pen and started writing... every time  I felt a certain way I'd write it down as poetry to express myself, then I picked up the mic and became vocal through spoken word and rap. It is unbelievable the solace I found in my own words, in my own mind. 

3) How would you define your life journey now?

I'm not sure. I still haven't figured it out. One thing is I know is I am not the only one that has struggled or is suffering. Whether it is a mental condition or physical there are many people just like me. I was fortunate enough to find my strength and I want to help as many people as I can find theirs. I want to spread positivity and confidence to make people believe in themselves before believing in others ..... no matter what your dreams are or what you're aspiring to achieve. 

I want to help people in need. I don't know how else to put it. This world is an unforgiving place. Competition and the drive to be the best makes people hurt each other rather than inspire. We need to reach out and show people how things are done rather than brag about what we've achieved. Knowledge and good is the only thing you can leave behind worth recognizing, your ego, beauty and money goes with you. What I may lack physically I like to think I make up mentally. I'm only getting stronger and if I focus enough I can only get better or at the least reduce the discomfort associated with my physical state. We define our limits. 

4) What has surprised you about your journey since that day back in 2004?

 People’s attitudes and the fact that situations never get easier, they only get less difficult through conditioning. 

5) Let's say you're invited to give a TED talk. What are you going to talk about?

There are two topics I would consider. One is fearlessness - I'd love to motivate people to do what they've always wanted to. 

The other is women's empowerment from a male perspective, and this would have to be after doing a lot more research and educating myself more on this. I have observed a lot of resistance and inequality that women face in society, from jobs, to relationships, to life in general. My opinion is that women are more considerate to people, and can do what men can't. A personal example is that despite my condition, I have had girls see past my challenges so often that I almost feel like nothing is different about me. However, men would find it difficult to date a woman in a wheelchair, and would tend to see her as less than an abled woman. 

6) What do you wish you had known earlier?

 I wish I knew the power of positivity and how much of a difference it can make in helping one adapt to or overcome any challenge. I found it out a bit late. Still no regrets.

7) Let's say you just won a million dollars. What would be the top 3 to 5 things you would prioritise, and why?

Tough question. So in order.

-     Set up a charity for children. Poverty is the most painful scenario to watch. One child sitting on a couch eating popcorn watching a documentary about another child starving to death.

-     Travel the world. I can’t take the money and go so might as well see the most of what I can now.

-     Set up a music studio and artist development company. – I love music and realize the struggles that go into creating a project. Artists want to express themselves and sometimes can’t only because of the fact that they can't afford the service. I want to help break that norm for others and myself. 

8) Any advice for others who may be struggling in their lives?

Be fearless and let nobody discourage you in any sort of way. Surround yourself with people that lift you up and tell you how to do things, not with people that raise doubts in your mind. How you control your fear, anger and ability to reason in situations determines outcome .... if you fail make sure you learn, if you win make sure you teach. Be brave enough to experience both. 

When asked about why he felt he could share his story on this platform, Rohan says:

My goal with this article, my purpose with being in the public eye in general, is to show people that no matter how bad your situation, someone has it worse. There are people that would gladly trade their problems with yours and comfortably walk a mile in your shoes. We need to understand not everything is going to work in our favor, the beautiful eyes that we love may never look at us, the person we thought would never change ends up being different, one day we’re walking the next day we aren’t... bad things happen but there’s nothing you cannot adjust to. For me personally, I may never be able to slow dance with a girl again or walk with my child clinging to my hand but... I'm here, I'm drawing breath.... and I’m loved.  Open your eyes... how hard is your life really ?  You can use your story as an example of a tragedy or as example of sheer strength and triumph. Losers worry about losing... I’m a winner. 

As he puts it "Anyone who finds hope when they read my story motivates me to be stronger. Out of 100 people that see me, 99 will turn the other way, but the one that doesn't... that's my strength."

A huge thank you to Rohan Gandhi and Aniqah Khalid for their support on this article!

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