Right Here

Image by enriquelopezgarre from Pixabay

This post has been building up in my mind for some time, and I finally felt like I was in the right place to verbalise what I've been feeling.

Those of you know know me well know that I like to spend a decent amount of time on self-development, introspection, and reflection. One of the tools I've been using for this is FutureMe - simple enough concept, where you write yourself a letter (email) and can choose when you'd like to have it delivered to you. I've been writing letters to myself for years now, and I'm now reaching a point where I'm getting letters I wrote 5 years ago.

What a blessing to be able to get such a direct, (relatively) objective view into the past!

I got a letter a few months ago from 2014-me - and at that time, I was feeling professionally and personally lost. I won't go into details of what the letter said, but part of it was along the lines of '...and I'm sure that you're now exactly where you need to be.'

What.

WHAT.

Epiphany, because 2014-me was totally right. If 2014-me could see where I am today, she would've breathed a sigh of relief. If 2010-me could, she'd be ecstatic! The lesson was this - I am exactly where I need to be right now, and yes, things do go wrong from time-to-time and everyday isn't sunshine and rainbows, but if we look into the future, chances are whatever is stressing us out today won't even be worth blinking over then. Of course, there are things that have happened between then and now that I wish I could take back, people I wish I could get back, but part of the lesson is that I may not be able to control what happens to me, but I can control how I choose to react to it.

It was a lovely reminder to learn to really be present and grateful for where I am now, and not worry about where I'm going to be later - and thought that this may be a useful reminder for those of you who haven't heard this recently, because it was definitely useful for me!

You are exactly where you need to be right now. If you look back at your past, it led you here for a reason, and there's no need to sweat the small stuff right now because if you look back in a few years - it won't matter all that much either.

Don't Put Me in Your Box

Don't put me in your box, don't assume that because I'm a 24 year old Kenyan woman of Indian origin, I must fit a certain stereotype. I'm ambitious, and I want a lot more out of my life than you think I'm aspiring to. No, I don't need to 'think about settling down' because 'women should start planning their family around the age of 28'. Marriage, a family, all that- they're not unimportant, but they're not all that a woman can have. Don't measure my success by where you/your daughter/your neighbour's daughter were/are at 24. That's their story. And I'm writing my own. 

When you look at me, then find out what I studied/where I studied/where I've worked and say something like "Wow, I had no idea you were smart!", don't expect me to take that as a compliment. If you're willing to judge someone at face value, then I'm more than entitled to judge you for the person you just showed yourself to be. When you find out that I'm planning to undertake a workout programme and you say something like "Be careful or you'll get muscles!", don't be surprised when I look confused. 

If you learn about my accomplishments and say something along the lines of "Wow, that's so awesome for a woman/girl!", be prepared for me to look at you like you just sprouted another head. Does being a woman exclude me from aspiring to success? Does being a woman mean that I'm automatically less intelligent than everyone else you know? 

I remember being asked at a job interview "You have a really impressive background, but wouldn't you rather just work in the beauty industry? You know, being a woman and all?"

I won't apologise for not laughing at your racist, homophobic, and/or sexist jokes- no matter how uncomfortable that makes you. No, it's not funny when you say that someone is 'not a man' because they chose to stay home with their children instead of going out with you. If you're the most loving, kind and supportive spouse, and you both have an awesome relationship, but when you're out with your friends you make jokes about how women 'nag all the time' or how 'men never get anything done'- that's not funny either. It's not funny when you think that just because your skin colour happens to be lighter or darker than someone else's, that gives you automatic superiority- it doesn't. You know what makes someone 'better' or 'worse' than someone else? Who they are. NOT the colour of their skin.  

If you laugh at people for being 'stupid and closed minded' but the last time you bothered to learn something new was when you were in formal education, and you dogmatically reject all that is unfamiliar to you... yes, I probably will say something. 

Nobody's perfect- but I think that those with the ability to make change happen almost have a responsibility to do so. If we don't grow, if we never improve- how meaningful are our lives really?

This is my life, and my story, and I want you to realise we can be different without being at conflict. Don't put me in your box- allow me to forge my own path. I'll make mistakes, I'll fail, I'll do stupid things more than once in a while. But I'll learn. And I'll grow.

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Don't put me in your box, don't assume that I must fit a certain stereotype. #inspiration https://t.co/bT0CwuZPBk @FemaleBloggerRT

— The Kenyan Nomad (@TheKenyanNomad) May 9, 2016

Gurdeep Sembi: The Journey of an Entrepreneur

I've known Gurdeep for almost 10 years now, if not more, and I've seen him wear many hats. A dedicated and hardworking entrepreneur, Gurdeep is also someone who knows how to handle life when things get rough, and he is ever ready with a smile, a infectious laugh and a 'Gurdeep joke' for those around him. I've been lucky enough to get to know him, not just as an inspirational family member, but as a colleague with an incredible work ethic, and I knew I definitely had to share his story with the rest of you!

Meet Gurdeep:

Mr. Gurdeep Sembi, Managing Director, Sembisoft Limited & Founder, Wedeze Wedding Websites

What's your educational background?

Quite varied and spread out actually. We moved around a lot growing up, and I think this was a great experience for me as it taught me how to adapt quickly to new surroundings and cultures and more importantly, taught me to focus on the present and the future rather than dwell on the past because otherwise you wouldn’t be able to integrate into the new schools and towns/cities.

Here's a little snapshot of Gurdeep's educational background: from Lions Nursery School and Lions Primary School in Kakamega (Kenya), he went on to Winterbourne Boys School in Norbury, (London, U.K.). From there, he was home schooled in Torrevieja (Alicantee, Spain) and then moved back to the U.K., where he attended Grange Middle School and Whitmore High School, both in Harrow (London, U.K.). This was followed by a move back to Kenya, where he pursued his O' and A' Levels at Kisumu Academy (Kisumu, Kenya) and Greensteads (Nakuru, Kenya) respectively. To top off this impressive journey, he graduated with a 1st Class Masters Honours in Electrical & Electronic Engineering from UMIST (Manchester, U.K.)!

What made you decide to start Sembisoft?

After graduating, I went to work for Bentley Motors in their infotainment team. The project I was assigned to had an almost impossible timeline, but we worked really hard to deliver it with 90 hour weeks- not uncommon at all. I put everything I had into that project, and we managed to deliver it on time against the odds. There were some great perks on the project too, but definitely a lot of hard work.

We completed the project at the end of 2008, just as the recession was taking grip on the economy. The automotive sector as a whole was struggling and we had pay cuts and redundancies at Bentley. Having just completed such a gruelling project, I was in line to get a decent pay rise having proved myself, but unfortunately, this was not possible due to the financial situation. My managers tried hard for me, but it wasn’t possible and I made the decision to leave.

I knew for sure that I could not have worked that hard for 2 years to get nothing back at the end of it. I can live with it if it is due to me having screwed up, and that is what made me decide that I had to take my success into my own hands and so, Sembisoft was born.

What/who gave you the courage to quit your 'desk job' and start your company?

A lot of it was due to circumstance. I wanted to be in control of my own success/failure and I believed in myself and knew that I could offer services that clients would be willing to pay for. I had done enough freelance work to know my skills would allow me to make a living and hopefully build a business around them.

I couldn’t just start working for myself when I left Bentley, as I had no financial support behind me, so I initially had a day job for about 2 years where I left at 5:00 pm everyday and by 6:00 pm, was working on Sembisoft- usually till around midnight or 2:00 am. I did this until I had built up my client base sufficiently. I have to say a big thank you to my wife for sticking it through with me as we had just gotten married, and all my evenings and weekends were taken up with work.

What are the 3 most important principles you believe an entrepreneur should live by?

• Honesty
• Even when things go wrong- and believe me they will- be honest with your clients. They will understand and appreciate that you are doing everything you can to resolve the issues, and more importantly, put measures in place so that it doesn’t happen again.
  
• Don’t be greedy
• Don’t try to squeeze out every last cent from your clients. Look after them, take an interest in their business and its success. This builds more of a partnership and the better they do, the better you will do in the long run.
  
• Believe in yourself and value your time
• There will be times when you wonder if it is all worth it and that guaranteed paycheque seems like the promised land! Believe in yourself, and why you are doing what you are doing in the first place. You must also value your time. Just because you can now do a task in 1 hour instead of 3, doesn’t mean you should only charge for 1 hour. All the experience and extra hours you spent learning the ropes and learning how to spot what to do quickly and then doing it quickly too also has value, so make sure you charge what your value is, but remember: don’t be greedy, be fair!

If you could go back and meet yourself 5 years ago, what advice would you give yourself?

I’d tell myself to read Zero to One by Peter Thiel, although I would need a time machine as it was published in 2014! But honestly, this book changed my mindset completely and it makes so much sense.

It changed my thinking on how to evaluate opportunities to see if they are worth pursuing. When you start out, you will have a lot of ideas that you think are the best thing ever, but you need to really evaluate them carefully and in a detached manner to see if they will seem as appealing to someone other than you or your family/friends.

But I would definitely tell myself to stick it through and that this was the correct path to go down.

You've started to diversify Sembisoft recently (with Wedeze and different plugins). What made you decide to do so?

Our vision has always been to develop products and not to be a service-only company. Our Wedeze Wedding Websites product, for example, is one we are passionate about, and we believe it solves a very real problem in organising weddings. We want products that actually make a difference to how and what people do with their time. We want to free up their time from the mundane tasks so that they can focus on tasks where they can add maximum value.

We still want to offer custom web and app development services, but we are selective about the projects we take on; we must believe in them and be fully invested in their success which means that the end product for our clients is something we are proud of and want to shout about.

As an entrepreneur (and recent father), how do you balance your work/nonwork life?

In short- you don’t. I have read a lot of books and articles on work-life balance because it is a real issue. But I think the whole work-life balance thing is a myth.

You have to think more about what constitutes success for you and your family. Success is also being able to spend time with your family everyday and everyone has to buy into what that definition of success is. So that when the weeks where you have to work 90 hours come around, everyone understands why, but by the same token you have to make sure that it is the exception rather than the rule.

The key is that you shouldn’t expect balance on a daily basis. Try to balance it over four weeks, which is a more realistic expectation.

Also have some non-negotiables. For me that is my morning time with my son when he wakes up. I feed him, have some play time, get him ready for nursery and then get him in the car. My wife also works so she gets ready for work in the morning while I sort him out and then she drops him to nursery. In the evenings, my wife feeds him and bathes him, and we both have some playtime with him so that we both get to spend a decent amount of time with him everyday.

What's your favourite quote?

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” 

- Albert Einstein

If you could have a dinner party and invite any three people, dead or alive, who would they be?

• Nelson Mandela
• Peter Thiel
• Steve Jobs

Any advice for budding entrepreneurs?

Be prepared to work hard- there is no substitute for that and it is the minimum requirement. Be prepared to sacrifice your free time and forget any ideas you have of being in total control of your time. In reality, your projects and their deadlines will control your time although you try to manage this to give you as much flexibility as possible.

But it is definitely worth it. The highs are amazing and will give you a sense of fulfillment that you simply can’t get by working for someone else. Make sure you do your homework on the market you are entering, and read Zero to One by Peter Thiel; it changed the way I think about business and opportunities completely!

If you weren't in this line of work, what else would you be doing?

I think I would be working for a startup with a unique idea that I believed in.

What are the challenges you've faced in your journey of entrepreneurship that people might not have realised?

The biggest challenge has been trying to build and develop some of our ideas while still trying to make ends meet. I had no financial backing or savings when I started out, so this made it doubly difficult because projects that pay the bills take precedence over developing some of your ideas. We will look for proper investment in some of our products to take them to the next level so that we can develop them quicker and get new features to our clients faster.

If you could sum your company up in five words/phrases, what would they be?

• Innovation
• Integrity
• Pushing boundaries
• Quality
• Family feel

What do you do in your free time?

Haha, what free time? I generally try to spend as much of the limited free time with my wife and son, and then whatever is left to keep fit by playing Squash competitively in the local leagues.

Favourite books?

• Zero to One - Peter Thiel
• How Google Works -  Eric Schmidt and Jonathan Rosenberg
• A Long Walk to Freedom - Nelson Mandela

If you were invited to give a TED talk, what would the topic be?

Educate to eliminate poverty.

Not education in the traditional sense, but teaching academically or practically. In developing countries, there are so many bright kids who can go on to do great things but never the get the chance to expand their horizons.

What did you think of this interview? Let us know in the comments below, or feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter!

Meet @gurdeepsembi in the latest post on #TheKenyanNomad! #entrepreneur #KOT @sembisoft @wedeze @FemaleBloggerRT https://t.co/tx4vxL6Ipf

— The Kenyan Nomad (@TheKenyanNomad) March 18, 2016

Believe in the Extraordinary

The universe works in strange and often mysterious ways. Whatever your religious beliefs (or lack thereof), I doubt you can argue against this fact. And often, you're reminded of this fact when you're least expecting it.

Today, I was having a pretty normal day- client meeting in the morning, and came home to chat with my mum for a little bit before sitting back to work. When talking to my mum, she reminded me of something amazing that happened to me a few years ago, and just how lucky I was, and it made me realise that I'd never talked about it on my blog before. So, here goes...

Picture taken by Caroline Williams, C'14

A little over 6 years ago, I was in the process of preparing and sending out my college applications. I had decided that I wanted to study in the U.S. (because studying in Kenya or the U.K. would have restricted me to a single subject, and I wanted to do more), but there was a bit of a struggle in that coming from a British educational system, I knew little to nothing about the American educational system- and neither did the careers department from my high school.

I was forced to look outside my school system for help on applications and prerequisite examinations like the SATs, and so I ended up at the American Educational Advisory Center in Nairobi. Again, here, due to a lack of information on my part, most of the universities I applied to were chosen by someone else.

When studying for my SATs, I met an admissions counsellor from Sewanee: The University of the South. He wasn't here for a school visit, so our meeting was complete coincidence. I had never heard of Sewanee before, which now actually astounds me, considering its reputation (to give you a hint, one of my best friends turned down Harvard for Sewanee without even thinking about it twice). He spoke to a group of us about Sewanee and also spoke of the five full merit scholarships that were awarded annually to international students. At this point, I thought that there was NO WAY I would ever make the cut. I was a good student, but competing with hundreds of others from around the world for 5 spots at such a highly ranked school? I really didn't think I'd ever make it. I wasn't even sure I would get in!

Anyway, the talk piqued my interest, and I started to do more research into Sewanee. The more I learnt, the more impressed I was, and I decided to apply.

March 2010: I found out I got in. I wasn't selected for one of the five full scholarships... but I was their first alternate! I was absolutely astounded- I honestly hasn't expected this at all.

April 2010: In addition to all the extraordinary line of events leading up to this, one of the original five turned down their scholarship- which meant that I got it!

Of course, I was ecstatic at this point. This was a fantastic opportunity at a fantastic school, and six years after the whole process, I can honestly say that going to Sewanee was the best decision I've made in my life so far.

In addition to the amazing education I got and the networks I'm now a part of (graduating from Sewanee is like joining a huge and happy global family who're more than willing to help each other out), Sewanee gave me the very best of friends and mentors and memories I'll treasure for ages!

From never having heard of this school to discovering how amazing it was to thinking I may not get in to not only getting in but being awarded a full scholarship, I feel like my life so far is proof that sometimes, the unexpected happens in the most extraordinary of ways!

At graduation, an amazing 4 years later

I think I needed to reflect on this and write about it today. Thanks for the reminder Mum!

YSR & EQB

Fun Friend Dates

Dinner, drinks and dancing, coffee at your favourite little cafe...  eventually, the same routines get old! People get really inventive when coming up with ideas for dates, so I thought it'd be nice to talk about some fun ideas that friends can choose from too! Of course, there are COUNTLESS others, but I thought this'd be a nice place to start!

Some of these ideas are Kenya-specific, but I'm sure you'll find similar things to do abroad.

1) Visit the David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust: Plan to visit around the time all the baby elephants are out to play. If you have extra time, make sure to visit the giraffe centre too, and then head to one of the many fabulous restaurants in Karen, like Talisman!

2) Take a walk: Again, if you're in Nairobi, get up early on a weekend and head to Karura forest. (I'm ashamed to admit I haven't been yet, but I'm planning to soon!) I've heard it's absolutely beautiful!

3) Sign up for a class together: Be it zumba or cooking or shooting or bartending or painting or Irish, learning something new is always fun if you have a friend with you! If you've always wanted to learn something, but felt silly at the thought of signing up, rest assured that it'll be easy with a friend. 

4) Wine and canvas: You get to drink AND create something awesome together. How cool is that? Most cities have their versions of this I believe, and it's quickly catching on. I was excited to learn that Nairobi does this too! 

5) Paintballing: Enough said. 

6) Head to a restaurant that does karaoke: Personally, I don't think I'd go for this for fear of all the glass around me breaking, but I've been there while friends have gotten up and had a blast, and it was lots of fun- for all of us! 

7) Plan a book club: You may know where I'm going with this, but trust me- you don't. If you've never gotten together a bunch of your closest guys and girls, handed the most serious person in the room a ridiculous romance novel and asked them to read out loud, you're missing out! Of course, book clubs can also go in the normal direction if you'd like...

8) Road trip: If you have enough time, plan a road trip and stay in another city for two or three nights! It'd be a fun getaway for all of you. My personal recommendation? NOLA. If you're within driving distance, of course. 

What are some things you like to get up to when you're with your friends? I'd love to hear from you! 

Dropping Dependency

Pic courtesy of Unsplash

Since I moved back to Kenya, I've been amazed at the variety of conversations I've been having about important things that just never came up before. There's a class I attend Saturday afternoons (class might be stretching it... it's more of a forum for people of my generation to talk about stuff that needs to be talked about), and the theme of one particular Saturday's session was 'Dropping Dependency'. What we spoke about really resonated with me- so naturally, I decided to write about it.

I've had this post on my mind for quite a while, but I wanted to be in the right frame of mind when I finally wrote and published it, and today, inspiration struck. 

I think it's okay to depend on others sometimes- depend on objects, depend on people, depend on achievements. But I also think that there is a difference between depending on others, and being dependent. This may just be my interpretation, but I feel like the former involves leaning on others at times when it is necessary to do so, but being able to function by yourself, while the latter implies needing these other objects, people and achievements constantly. 

I'm guilty of being dependent. I think that in my case, I try not to depend on other people; but I'm dependent nevertheless. 

What's an important factor in dropping dependency? Establishing strong personal boundaries, which tend to also be a byproduct of healthy self-esteem. The higher the insecurities, the looser people's emotional boundaries, and often enough, the higher their dependency is. What do strong personal boundaries look like? Being able to take responsibility for your own actions and emotions, but not the actions and emotions of others. 

What are some examples of this?

• Letting bad things that happen to other people affect you adversely. There's a difference between being empathetic and letting others' negative experiences influence you so much that you can't function. In this case, you are taking responsibility for others' actions and emotions.
• Having a bad day, and expecting those around you to tread softly because you're angry or upset, instead of dealing with your emotions productively. Here. you're expecting others to take responsibility for your emotions and actions. 
• Letting yourself feel guilty because you haven't lived up to someone's expectations. The other person is demanding responsibility from you for emotions that aren't yours. 

The list really could go on, but I think you get the gist. Often, people who have personal boundary issues in romantic relationships are the same people who had boundary issues in their families when they were younger.  Yes, it is important to establish boundaries, even with the people who we love the most! People with stable boundaries can often find it hard to maintain relationships with people who don't have them; they are not able to provide the excitement that people with loose emotional boundaries often thrive on. 

Dependency and personal boundaries are correlated. People who have weak personal boundaries tend to be highly dependent, while we find that people who are highly dependent have a desperate need for love and affection, leading to the removal of their personal boundaries. 

We all fall somewhere on the spectrum from being perpetual victims (constantly make others take responsibility for their actions and emotions) to being perpetual saviors (constantly take responsibility for the actions and emotions of others). Most of us are more one type than the other, but what we are also changes based on the situations and people we are presented with. 

How do we recognise if we have personal boundary issues? Guilt can be a powerful indicator. Do you have people who make you feel guilty for something you didn't feel guilty about in the first place? You need to realise that you can't always meet other people's expectations or influence their feelings. Have you ever felt guilt about taking something out on someone else that wasn't their fault in the slightest? 

If there's a boundary issue in a relationship, you'll probably be afraid of the repercussions of making a change in that relationship. Compromise in such a relationship will not be because the parties want it, but it'll be out of obligation. Actions will not be without expectations. 

Luckily, once you start to think about these issues, you'll probably recognise them manifesting in different parts of your life and be able to take measures to establish stronger personal boundaries; I know I'm lucky that I did! 

Pic courtesy of Unsplash

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— The Kenyan Nomad (@TheKenyanNomad) December 4, 2015

The Space to Create

Pic courtesy of Death to Stock

This weekend, I found a writing prompt in my drafts, and it talked about how we found the space to create. I have no idea where it came from, but to whoever was responsible for sending it my way; thank you!

Our lives have become so busy; sometimes unnecessarily so! Nowadays, we seem incapable of enjoying the simplest of things without the obsessive need to document them. When is the last time you enjoyed a sunset without taking a picture of it? Rather than enjoying and experiencing our own lives, we have become observers.

Let's remember that there's nothing wrong with being observers; but it's important to realise when to stop observing and start experiencing, and if we can, to do them both simultaneously. I'd really rather not look back on my own life 60 years from now and realise I spent all my time collecting memories instead of making them. As a writer who also enjoys photography, this is something I definitely need to be careful about.

In between all the hustle and bustle, how do we find the space and stillness needed to create, to translate our observation and experience into something we can share? A lot of my inspiration to write comes in the times when my mind is undistracted and allowed to roam free; like when I'm in the shower, or the moments at night before I fall asleep. However, inspiration also comes at busy times; a conversation with a stranger, a class, a movie that makes me think. 

I think for me, the important issue is being able to translate these moments of inspiration into actual creation. I've heard it said that 'we don't have enough time', but I like to think of the fact that I have the same 24 hours a day that people like Einstein, Tolkien and Richard Branson did. The space to create is not just a physical place; it's a time, a mood, an uninterrupted expression.

As a writer, I unfortunately don't have the flexibility to sit down and write whenever the mood strikes, so I find it helpful to reflect on my ideas, and what inspired me, and to find a time to sit down uninterrupted to put my ideas down on a page. At the end of the day, I just need to be dedicated about it.

Creation isn't necessarily related just to art; how do YOU find the space you need to create? 

Out of the Box

I spent my first 18 years immersed in an educational (and social) system that did little to encourage creativity. What subjects did I take for A levels? Economics, Chemistry, and Further Maths. That's not to say that I didn't do well in these classes, or that I didn't enjoy them, because I did. Heck, I loved Economics, and that's what I got my degree in, despite having the opportunity to change my mind (and the wisdom to know that it would be okay to).

It was expected that our degrees and the careers we chose would follow certain paths that all those before us chose; thinking outside the box wasn't really encouraged. This wasn't just a problem localised at my school; indeed, it was a problem that was facing a larger community in Nairobi. Looking at my secondary school graduating class, I can't think of anyone who chose to pursue further education in something like art, creative writing, or philosophy. That's not to say that no one was interested in these fields; rather, if present, this interest wasn't cultivated or encouraged, and as far as I know, if people expressed desire to pursue their passions, they were told to pick something more 'realistic'.

How many brilliant creative minds have we shut down because we forced them to pursue maths, sciences, or similar fields? Because art is not a 'real' field? 

I'm very fortunate that I'm still writing at this age. While we didn't do much writing for school, I did choose to pursue it personally, from quite a young age. Was this encouraged by my educators and peers? No, not really. Would my writing be at a different level if it had been? Maybe, but I don't think there's much value to be derived from regret; rather, it's best to move forward and see how we can change.

When I came back to Kenya this year, I had somewhat restricted myself to similar in-the-box thinking. I know that I want to be an entrepreneur eventually, but I also know that to be ready for that, I'd like to have more experience and skills. However, what I wrongly assumed is that those experience and skills would be gained at a typical 'desk job', and so that's what I went and found.

There was nothing wrong with the job itself, but I realised that it wasn't the best fit for me. I was trying to make myself conform to a standard I had no business conforming to in the first place. I was trying to live someone else's reality, a reality that I'd been raised to think was right for me.

It took me a while to make the decision, but I quit. In typical Roshni fashion, I did a lot of thinking about this decision, consulted a lot of people, and tried to listen to my head, which told me that change could always come later. Why rush it now? In the end, I did what was right for me, what I probably should have done in the first place; followed my heart now.

Why is it that we force ourselves into these boxes now, so that we can enjoy ourselves later? Here's something we need to realise (to a certain degree of course); later never comes. The excuses we make now can easily become the excuses we make tomorrow that prevent us from stepping forth confidently in the direction of our dreams. If we keep living for tomorrow, how will we ever enjoy today?

So what am I doing now? I'm working (full time) as a consultant. Primarily for a company in the U.K., but also on some independent projects. The work I'm doing is challenging, but I love it! I can officially call myself an intrapreneur. I have creative freedom, the opportunity to learn a lot, and autonomy over what I do. I have the opportunity to learn from a fantastic and hard-working entrepreneur. I now have the time and the flexibility to do more writing and to travel; two things that are very important to me, that I had told myself I would do 'later'. I already feel like I'm growing by leaps and bounds. Will things change in the future? Most probably; change is constant. But for now, I can confidently say that I'm in the right place, at the right moment, doing the right things. 

What have the past few weeks taught me? It's okay to stand up for yourself, to step out of the box society says you should be in - it's okay to follow your heart.

Let Your Fear Take You Higher

I think it's a very small portion of the population who can claim that they're not afraid. For people like me, who're in a transitional phase of their life, fear can be something that we learn to deal with on an everyday basis. I had addressed the issue of fear in a shorter blog post last year, but definitely felt like it was time to talk about it again.

Where does fear come from? I think that if we dig deep enough, this fear comes from being lost, from being disconnected with our purpose(s), from uncertainty. As I've mentioned many times before, so many of us get stuck in 'the rat race'. We end up doing things that we think we're supposed to be doing, while really being afraid to dig deep and explore our dreams and fears, and this ends up leading to unhappiness and a sense of not being fulfilled.

Why is it that so many of us are afraid to dream? And if we do dream, why are we afraid to follow through? Why is it that dreamers, those who have courage to follow their dreams, those who are very happy with their lives are the exceptions rather than the rule?

I think that part of the reason this is the case is that we have created a society that is so afraid of failure, that people would rather not try at all, lest they end up failing. When children are growing up, they are not afraid of showing their ambition, but as they grow, they are told to tone down this ambition, to stop dreaming so much. There are some lucky few who don't let society and educational systems diminish their abilities to dream and to believe in themselves, and I wish we could all be more like them. I've heard it said that a young Serena Williams was asked which tennis player she'd like to be like, and she responded by saying that she'd like other people to be like her. Incredible insight and ambition, and quite obviously, a determination to follow through!

Leaving aside the people who're afraid to dream, and who somehow may be able to convince themselves that they're happy where they are, I think it's even more depressing to think about the people who DO dream, but don't follow their dreams. Saying that they lack the courage to follow their dreams is but a small part of the equation, and I wouldn't like to phrase it that way, since it puts the blame on these people. Rather, I think the problem is that society and educational systems don't do much to help instill this courage in people when they need it.

Of course, this isn't always the case. I know, and I'm sure you all do too, about many, many wonderful people and educators who believe in their fellow community members and those under their tutelage. These people do everything they can to encourage and support, but sadly, sometimes it's hard being the only one in a system doing the encouraging and supporting. When one person is telling you that you can while everything and everyone else is showing you that you shouldn't, why would you believe them? If someone tells you that you can dream and also follow your dreams and be happy and successful, yet you see so many around you who're so discouraged, why would you believe them?

Thankfully, those who dream and are afraid to follow their dreams have a little bit of an advantage: their fear.This fear that they feel can be incredibly motivational. If you're afraid, it means you know there's more for you out there. It means that there's a part of you that knows you can do it. You can use this fear, channel it into making it work for you, into supporting others who may be dreamers afraid to follow through. I was rereading a Robin Sharma book last night, and one sentence really struck home with me. I read it, and was so overwhelmed by it that I actually had to put the book down.

"The very fact that you have a desire or a dream means that you have the corresponding capacity to realize it."
-The monk who sold his Ferrari

I'm afraid too. Why shouldn't I be? But I choose to look at this fear as something I will conquer, something that will teach me more about myself, something that will actually propel me in the direction of my dreams.

If you're afraid, recognise that that's not a bad place to be. Let your fear take you higher.

10 Ways to Have an Awesome Monday

Mondays seem to be the most dreaded of days, at least according to the people I know! But what if we somehow found ways to make Mondays work for us? Imagine being around people who're absolutely excited about their day, who treat their Mondays like they're Fridays. Now imagine being one of those people!

1) Get enough sleep the night before: 
By making sure you get enough sleep, you'll start your Monday morning feeling refreshed. This in turn will mean that you're more energised and productive during the day, and less likely to feel stressed during the day.

2) Start your day off with some exercise: 
You don't necessarily have to run 10 miles before breakfast, but even 10 minutes of mild stretching or yoga will do! Exercise in any form is a great stress reliever; it helps increase the production of endorphins, boosts self-confidence, relaxes you, and enables you to focus on the moment. If you're doing it right, it can be a meditative experience! Plus, the long-term health benefits aren't too bad either. Of course, some more exercise in the evening, if possible, is a great way to wind down the day and leave you feeling good about your Monday!

3) Dress up:
Monday is a great day to take a little extra time to look your best. I'm sure many of us are familiar with that feel-good that comes from knowing we're looking good. Is this a little vain? Maybe, but that doesn't make it wrong!

4) Get in a good breakfast: 
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and still, it's the meal that most of us tend to skip during the day. It's easy enough to grab a cup of coffee and get out the door, but sitting down for something nutritional in the morning can go a long way! Aside from the health benefits of regularly eating breakfast, your morning meal will start you off with the energy required to tackle your workday.

5) Clean out your clutter at work and identify any pending work on Friday: 
It's a perfectly human tendency to tend to relax toward the end of the week. But if you set aside sometime every Friday to clean up the clutter at your desk and to identify and prioritise pending work, you'll save that time and energy doing so Monday morning; leaving you ready to start your day on a productive, energetic note!

6) Minimise distractions when you're at your most productive: 
You hopefully already know the time of the day when you're most productive. Block this time out on your schedule; avoid scheduling meetings at this time, send your calls to voicemail, and set your phone on silent. Not only will you be able to get a lot done, but at the end of the day you'll feel great about having accomplished so much on a Monday.

7) Take a few short breaks between tasks: 
By scheduling a few short breaks during your day, you'll keep yourself from feeling lethargic and losing concentration on the task at hand. Spend this time walking a little bit if you have a desk job, or read something funny and/or inspirational.

8) Leave your work at work:
This one's pretty important! Learn to compartmentalise, and your future self will thank you for it. When winding up your work day, make sure to leave your work there, and tell yourself you'll deal with the rest tomorrow. If you've had a productive day, you shouldn't have any guilt about this at all since you'll have already done so much! This may be harder to do for some professionals, like entrepreneurs, but trust me on this; finding a good work-life balance will do you wonders, even if you're absolutely in love with your job!

9) Spend some time with your family and friends: 
Even if many of your loved ones live far from you, modern technology means that you can still have quality time together! Time with your loved ones is a great thing to look forward to, and a wonderful pick-me-up (at any time during the week)!

10) Treat yourself: 
You deserve to indulge yourself once in a while; be it by getting a chai from your favourite cafe, buying a good book, or wine and dinner with your best friends. Find something that you can do for yourself at the start of every week, and you'll be looking forward to Mondays in no time!

Happy Monday, dear readers! What are some tips you have to improve Mondays?

Dropping Uncertainty

If you Google "uncertainty," the definition you'll get will probably look something like "the state of being uncertain." It might sound weird to define something using that word itself, but it's easy enough to replace "uncertain" with "unsure."

Often, we act to fulfill the responsibilities we have, or think we have, in line with various societal roles we play. Mother, Doctor, Friend, Sister are just some of the ones that come to mind. However, how often do we allow ourselves to find a purpose that allows us to act in line with our true selves, to epitomise authenticity?

According to the Hindu religion, "Swadharma" is the very essence of what you are, and can loosely be translated to "our duty." For example, the swadharma of sugar is sweetness. Take that sweetness away, and is sugar really sugar anymore? Acting in line with your swadharma, with your true nature, leads to peace, joy and happiness. However, acting in a way that isn't true to this leads to uncertainty and unhappiness.

While swadharma could be seen as a religious concept, I believe that it's one of those concepts that holds true, no matter who you are. For example, religions state that we should be good and kind to others, but that's not to say that only religious people are good and kind to others.

When we find the meeting point between our personal passions and inherent aptitudes, we start to act in ways that are more in line with our true natures. We start to do things that make us happy, and not necessarily things that we are expected to do. How often have you met people who are unhappy just at the thought of going to work everyday, and see their work just as a means to an end? These people take little or no pleasure in the process of work itself. On the other hand, some of us may have been blessed enough to encounter those rare individuals who seem to have found work that they are passionate about, that is meaningful to them; a vocation, if you will. What would you do everyday if you were given the chance to do so, without pay or recognition?

I've been fortunate enough to encounter such people, who have been able to live and work in ways that are true to themselves, who find joy in what they do, not just because of the pay cheque they may or may not get at the end of the month. As a matter of fact, I'll be featuring one such individual on the Kenyan Nomad later this month!

How many of you have heard of the concept of flow? Also known as "being in the zone," this is a feeling of being fully immersed in the task at hand, a feeling of energised focus, of full involvement and enjoyment in the process of the activity. Often enough, we find ourselves in this state when we are engaged in activities that are in line with our swadharma, so to speak. Extensively researched by Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi, this is a concept that I first came across a few years ago during my first Psychology class. I won't go much into detail on this concept, for the simple reason that there's a great article written by a fellow Sewanee alum, Will Harper, on his site, that I think you should all read: A Flow Primer.

Take a moment to question yourself, really look deep within, and find out what it is you are meant to be!

Meet Stella Wacheke

A few weeks ago, I was fortunate enough to meet with Stella Wacheke, a young entrepreneur in Kenya. We were meeting for work, but I soon found myself extremely impressed with her ambition, passion, and dedication, and decided that I had to interview her for the Kenyan Nomad!

1) Tell us a little bit about your background. ​
I was brought up in Nairobi Kenya, the first born among two girls. I'm an accredited Project Manager by profession and current​ly working as a consultant project manager. I hold an MBA in International Business from Kenya Methodist University, a degree in Bachelor of Commerce, Finance Major from Catholic University of Eastern Africa and a Prince2 (foundation and practitioner) and PMP Certification in Project Management.

2) What inspired you to go into your own business?
​The desire to have the freedom to venture into different emerging and ​dynamic opportunities coupled with the drive to own the task at hand and do it to the best of my ability. Stella is a brand and I wanted to keep myself accountable and in the process leave behind a legacy that will have left an impact on generations to come.​

3) If you could only use five words to describe yourself, what would they be?
​Passionate, Reliable, Loving, Kind and Compassionate​.

4) Why do you think it's vital that we empower other women? ​
In the first place, I am a woman who has gone through the roller coaster of life. Thus, life has already equipped me to guide, encourage and uplift one of my kind through experience so that they too can avoid getting into similar pitfalls that I did. Lastly, I was also empowered and I would like to pass on the baton of hope.. it's only when you give that you receive and attain the climax of your own personal fulfillment.

5) Tell us a little bit more about your cancer trust.
​Haba na Haba Trust is a platform that brings together friends of children with cancer. Our main vision is to salvage a soul by showing them the love of Christ .As you are aware, most people despair and question the love of God during seasons of long suffering. Our acts of love, kindness and care will help to change that perception.​ We extend the love of God through deliberate actions that create special lasting memories of his love for those going through long suffering. It is our unique way of ministering the gospel to the long suffering.

6) Why is it important to know and believe in the value of your personal brand?
​You are your biggest cheerleader and your own best friend. We should never sell ourselves short. Therefore once you realize that every individual has weaknesses and strengths as well as unique gifts, then you have no choice but to value your personal brand because you are unique, special and valuable in your own right.​

7) If you could give advice to yourself 5 years ago, what would it be?​
Speak positively and believe in the impossible because if you can dream it you can achieve it through God​'​s help. You are also very unique and capable to contribute to the society in your own way.​Finally, it's okay to be different.. never follow the crowd.​

8) What do you think are the greatest challenges facing young, ambitious women in today's world?​
Fear and peer pressure.

9) Any advice to these women?
​Let your ambition come from within, not from without. Only bow to positive ​peer ​pressure and just go for it!! It's never that serious. There is a 50/50 chance of succeeding and failing. Thus, ​take the route of success. When you fall or fail, stand up, crawl or limp but forward you must move.​
​Remember to always do more than you are paid for!! It pays off in the long run.​

10) What are some of your favourite books that you would recommend?
Battlefield of the Mind, Million Dollar Habits, 17 Laws of Success​​, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari​

11) What are some rituals of success you follow religiously?

Ask God for wisdom daily, give thanks and give to back to God. Help others without expecting anything in return​, family should always come first no matter what and lastly, ​engage in ​positive self talk.​

12) Do you have any favourite quote(s)?​
Be the change you want​ to see in the world.

13) Who has been your biggest inspiration to date?​
Joyce Meyer​

14) And finally, what's next for Stella? ​
W​atch this space...​ I'm currently writing a book called 'The Odd One Out'​ ​and looking forward to start​ing my family soon!!

Return to Kenya

As predicted, 2015 has brought with it quite a few changes. In addition to three of my cousins having babies early this year, I recently moved back to Kenya! (Bam). 

A move was inevitable, as I'd predicted earlier this year. The last birthday I celebrated at home with my parents was my 18th, so I planned my move out in such a way that I'd be able to celebrate my 23rd here too. (Here I am, another year older (...wiser?)).

It sounds like such a cliche, but I've been amazed by all the things (and people) that have changed while I've been away, while some things (and people) are exactly the same as they were 5 years ago. 

I plan to be in Kenya for the next few years at least, so for this period, The Kenyan Nomad will have a decidedly Kenyan lens, as I go exploring this familiar place with a fresh gaze. 

I've barely been here two weeks, and have already been inspired to grow my writing beyond what it once was; who wouldn't, surrounded by such beauty?