10 Lessons from Books That Changed my Life

Roll your eyes at this title all you want, but I am absolutely giddy with glee at being able to use a click-baity headline that’s truthful! And sure, it’s not that reading these book was like immediately ingesting a magical formula. It’s more that when I read them, the messages resonated with my journey and where I was at the time, and there’s something powerful I took away from them that’s stayed with me to date. Personal development/ lifelong learning is one of my top values, and these books have spurred me along on that journey. 

Disclaimer: I expect that this list will evolve over time; both as I read new books but also as I revisit old ones whose messages may resonate better than they initially did. 

1. We become (or manifest) what we think, from The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. The central thesis of this book is that we manifest what we think, to the point that we manifest EXACTLY what we think. I remember one particular part of the book, where the author references someone imagining a feather in great detail, and then a few days (weeks? months?) later, seeing that exact feather float down in front of them. Now, when I read that book, I may have taken the message more literally than I should’ve (as you can tell, I’m skeptical (but open to changing my mind)), but now have come to realise that our thinking is something incredibly powerful, and can profoundly influence who we are. Seems obvious when I put it that way, right? By thinking happier thoughts, by internalising them, we can truly BECOME happier. Jury’s still out on manifesting pretty feathers.  
   
   
   
   
   
   
2. Vulnerability is not weakness, from Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown. Us mere mortals cannot hope to put into words the power of her work, so if you haven’t already, I’d encourage you to check out her iconic TED Talk and then read this book as soon as you can. I’ve read it about three or four times in the past three years, and it’s probably the book I gift others most often. 
   
   
   
   
   
3. Sleep is a nonnegotiable priority, from Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams by Matthew Walker. Here’s another simple lesson that we may be forgiven for thinking is more accepted than it currently is. I’d always known sleep is necessary on some level, sure. This book really hit home WHY we need to sleep, why we don’t just need to sleep, but need good quality sleep, and all the scary stuff that can happen if you don’t sleep. I’d especially recommend this if you’re in a professional path where sleep is often the activity that gets compromised due to academic or professional work loads. Oh, look! He’s another one of those with an awesome TED Talk you can check out.
   
   
   
   
   
   
4. Solve for energy, not time, from The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, Not Time, Is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal by James E. Loehr and Tony Schwartz. Along the same work-life balance lines for lack of a better category (life-life balance maybe?), this book helped me realise that when your energy is at its highest level, you bring your best self to all aspects of your life and get the best out of all your resources, including time. And there are things we can do to cultivate and replenish our energy and but we DO need to remember that our energy is not infinite (hence the need for replenishment). 
   
   
   
   
   
5. Simplify, reduce, prioritise, from Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown. This books speaks a lot about prioritising in a professional context, but the stuff that I took away was more about prioritising personally; for example, the people whose opinions matter and the things I choose to spend my time (and energy!) on.
   
   
   
   
   
6. All we have is now, from The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. This book, along with conversations with the friend who gave it to me, have helped ground me in the present (another simple, obvious thing I don’t do enough). I realised I was spending unnecessary time and energy analysing my past or preparing for my future—time and energy that were taking away from today.
   
   
   
   
   
7. We’re capable of terrible and beautiful things, from The Ten Types of Human: Who We Are and Who We Can Be by Dexter Dias. This book is a TRIP. Dias explores ten archetypes of humans, making the case that we can be (and we are) all of them. All of the greatest and worst of humanity’s achievements are things are things we’re ALL potentially capable of. It’s scary and yet empowering at the same time. Emphasis on the empowering; we’re not necessarily slaves to our human nature (whatever that means), but can CHOOSE. 
   
   
   
   
   
8. But mostly, we tend toward beautiful things, from Humankind: A Hopeful History by Rutger Bregman. I know, I know, humans are crap sometimes. Well, we choose to be. This is the perfect follow up to the previous title. It was the perfect read to end my 2020 with and reminded me that actually, humans are pretty decent overall (you’re probably at all the way at skeptical on a scale from 0 to skeptical, but trust me, check it out). Not only does this book make the case for humans being good and decent, it works to dispel some of the erroneous myths based on sensationalised cases like Kitty Genovese’s murder and the Stanford prison experiments. 
   
   
   
   
   
9. Say yes!! From Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes. This one is self-explanatory, but I experimented with using this for about a year, and I definitely felt much happier/freer/ less encumbered. 

And last but not least,

 

10. Romance is a great genre, from the Bridgerton Series by Julia Quinn. I know, I know, you expected this post to be full of preachy, self-help-y wisdom, and then I threw a historical romance series at you. Psshhh. Life is nothing if there’s no time for fun! This is the first historical romance series I read more than a decade ago (maybe even the first romance series?), and it opened up the genre for me. It’s funny, well-written, with believable characters who have GREAT chemistry (not just in the romantic sense). Of course I’m celebrating now that it’s been (further) popularised by the aforementioned Shonda Rhimes in a new Netflix series. (Us diehard fans are shaking are heads as we breathe “FINALLY!”)

12 Reads of 2018

I'm a voracious reader and as I've grown, this has meant more and more nonfiction work. I had a goal of reading 12 nonfiction books over 2018, and I'm happy to say that I succeeded. (I won't even count the fiction I read over the year, because it was A LOT).

Here are the 12 that made my 2018 list in no particular order:

1) Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth

Duckworth is a psychologist (and McKinsey alumna!) who takes us on a journey of exploration of the qualities that lead to success and achievement. She covers in detail 'grit', that secret ingredient that's not really luck or talent, but a combination of passion and resilience. 

Recommended? Yes, I'd give this an 8/10. You'd also enjoy this if you're a parent.

2) Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead by Brené Brown

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” (Theodore Roosevelt)

If you haven't yet already, I'd recommend watching Brown's sensational TED talk. I love what she spoke, and this is what led me to buy the book. I'm not exaggerating when I say it was truly a game changer for me - I'd love to give copies to lots of people I know! We live in a culture where vulnerability has traditionally been seen as a weakness, but Brown presents a powerful case for why it actually is a strength.

Recommended? YES. 10/10. Go buy it right now. Buy a few copies. Give them to those you know. 

3) The Ten Types of Human by Dexter Dias

Oh. My. Goodness. Y'all, this book made me think and ponder and marvel and tremble. It's also been a while since I had to sit down with a dictionary as I read, and this book definitely required that. Dias does a marvellous job of tying in various anecdotes, research and his own personal experiences to present the ten archetypes of - as he says - who we are and who we can be. These include:

-The Perceiver of Pain

-The Ostraciser

-The Tamer of Terror

-The Beholder

-The Aggressor

-The Tribalist

-The Nurturer

-The Romancer

-The Rescuer

-The Kinsman

This book will scare you as it dives down to the depths of the worst we can be, but also comfort you as it shows you the flipside of these archetypes. This book was a good ~750 pages but I was so absorbed that I finished it in a few days. 

Recommended? Yes! 8.5/10. It's not an easy read, and that will dissuade many, but I think the messages are worth hearing. 

4) The Things You Can Only See When You Slow Down, by Haemin Sunim

You're probably expecting something hokey here right? Get past that, and give this a chance, I think you'll be easily surprised. This book is full of easily digestible words of timeless wisdom that you can return back to time and again, meditate upon, and share with those around you. 

Recommended? Yes! 9/10. Keep it by your bedside and come back to it.

5) The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz

I've long been a believer that you should solve for energy, not time, to bring (and get) the best of yourself to the different dimensions of your life, including family, friends, and work. 

This book does a great job of expounding on that, as well as giving practical tips (e.g., getting enough sleep, regular workouts), for doing just that.

Recommended? Yes! 9/10. I'd also recommend reading this book with a highlighter and making notes if you'd like. 

6) Fierce Fairytales & Other Stories to Stir Your Soul by Nikita Gill 

I loved the concept and thinking behind this book! However, there were definitely some stories I enjoyed more than others. I would gift this to younger friends and family because I think that's the exact right age to read this. 

Recommended? Yes! 7/10. I'd recommend buying a copy, reading it yourself first, and then reading it to younger family members.

7) milk and honey by rupi kaur

and

8) the sun and her flowers by rupi kaur

you tell me to quiet down
cause my opinions make me less beautiful
but i was not made with a fire in my belly
so i could be put out
i was not made with a lightness on my tongue
so i could be easy to swallow
i was made heavy
half blade and half silk
difficult to forget and not easy
for the mind to follow
-rupi kaur, milk and honey

I don't really read poetry that much, and always thought this was something to be mulled over. However, I devoured these two books in October and have already returned to them and finished them a second time. As a Punjabi woman in this time and age, kaur's work was especially relatable for me. Give it a try.

Recommended? Yes! 9/10 for the first and 8/10 for the second.

9) Start With Why by Simon Sinek

Another book I was led to by a TED talk, Sinek's book's premise is that it's more important to solve for your 'Why', and then your 'How', and then your 'What'. He goes on to give examples of organisations and people who've lived and worked this way, and provides compelling evidence for why (heh) this works.

Recommended? Yes! 8/10.

10) Tools of Titans by Tim Ferriss

'Ferriss has a very successful podcast, and has included wisdom from those he has interviewed into this book in three sections: healthy, wealthy and wise. Each little nugget can be digested on it's own and there's really no particular order in which you should read this!

Recommended? Yes! 8/10.

11) Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari

I was led to this book after reading Dexter Dias' Ten Types of Human (above), and after it was recommended by a colleague and mentioned in passing by someone else. I thought all the hype must be for something - and I was right!

Harari does a great job of laying down the thousands of years of human history into a compact and easy to read book - I devoured the ~450 pages in about six days - and covers some of our greatest achievements as well as some of our irreversible (often ecological) fuck ups. It's also strange how often themes in this book have come up in the days since (I finished this last week). 

I liked it so much I ran to the bookstore to get his next book (I got the last copy they had!) and plan to start it soon. 

Recommended? Yes! 9/10.

12) Originals by Adam Grant 

What is it that makes some of us more creative than others? How is it that there are so many cool, original startups around, but only so many succeed? What is it that ensures a good idea is executed well?

Grant is an organisational psychologist who covers all this and more in his wildly popular Originals. 

Recommended? Yes! 8.5/10. Even if you're not an entrepreneur, the knowledge in this book is applicable.

10 Books You Should Read in Your Early Twenties

Your twenties are time for exploration and growth, and for most of us, a time that we use to 'set the stage' for the rest of our lives. I firmly believe that reading is very important for this process, and should be encouraged when children are young to instill a habit that will benefit them greatly. I've always believed that if you don't read, you can't grow, and I know many others do, too.

Because of this, I made a list of books that are (almost) vital reading for those of us who're looking to learn and grow and find out more about themselves. Of course, they can be read and enjoyed by people of most ages, but I think many of them have greater impact when read while in transitionary phases, like the early twenties are for most people.

Disclaimer: I haven't read some of the books on the list, but they come highly recommended, and I plan to get my hands on them soon!

So go ahead, grab one of these, make yourself a cup of tea (or grab a glass of wine), settle down in a comfortable spot, and enjoy!

1) Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg

In a world where women are now being seen as equal to men, they still face many disadvantages that can get in the way of them having satisfying careers. Many times, women are made to feel that they have to choose between their careers and their families, and should they choose the latter exclusively, the former usually suffers if they go back to it. An ambitious woman is still a bitch, while an ambitious man is praised. Written by the COO of Facebook, Lean In talks about all these issues and more in a way that's funny, thoughtful, and that stays with you after you've put the book down.

I definitely think that this is a book that should be read by everyone, not just women, and especially so leaders who need to know how to really bring equality into the workplace.


2) Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

In a culture that celebrates unlikely, rags-to-riches kinds of success stories, Malcolm Gladwell takes us on a journey to understand where success really comes from, and talks about the little things that worked in favour of those outliers we look up to; people like Bill Gates and the Beatles, for example. Most of the time, when looking at their success, we tend to ignore their backstories; where they're from, and the experiences they have had that set them ahead of the rest.


3) The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

This is an absolutely wonderful philosophical book that can be savoured in parts, devoured whole, and returned to time and time again. Gibran talks about everything from marriage to children to friends to work, and his simple truths are definitely ones that we can all relate to.

One of my favourite quotes from the book:

"Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul. If either your sails or your rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas.For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction.Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion, that it may sing;And let it direct your passion with reason, that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes."

4) Discover Your Destiny by Robin Sharma

A powerful fable that encourages us to reach within our depths and discover our true destinies. There's no doubt about the fact that Robin Sharma is one of the greatest minds of our time, and he's definitely an author none of us should skip. In this book, Sharma shows us how to live up to our potential and get to know ourselves in an inspirational and not at all aggressive manner. No matter who you are and where you are, I can guarantee that you will walk away from this book feeling inspired.

Often his writing contains simple truths like the one below that remind us to dig deep and do better:

"Things are never as bad as they seem. The situations that cause us sorrow are the same ones that introduce us to the strength, power and wisdom that we truly are. "

  

 5) Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

Our culture celebrates the extravert, at the expense of a large segment of the population. For example, 'open-plan' offices definitely don't work in favour of those who're more introverted. Most, if not all of us, are not all the way introverted or extraverted, but rather, fall somewhere in between. While I'm an extravert, most people would be surprised by how much introversion is in me, and I never had a chance to fully appreciate that part of myself before I read this book.

I've written about Cain's work before, and it's still something I would highly recommend for everyone; whether you're trying to understand part of yourself that you haven't really explored before, whether you're an introvert who's trying to learn to make the best out of a society that doesn't celebrate introversion or whether you're the friend, teacher, parent or employer of an introvert.

 
6) What Color is Your Parachute? by Richard Bolles

This isn't really a book to read as much as it is a book to work through, but I think it's definitely the most comprehensive manual out there for people who're trying to figure out their career. A new edition is published every year, and I first learnt about it on the recommendation of my career counsellor and a dear friend, who worked through this book when SHE graduated from college.

The book is filled with practical advice and exercises that encourage us to get to know ourselves better and figure out what, exactly, we want to do and would be best at, and how to get there. Are you about to graduate (or recently graduated) and trying to figure out where you want to work? Or someone who's already working but not quite satisfied with what you're doing? Are you looking to change your career and try something new? If you answered yes to any of these questions, this book is definitely for you.


7) Thrive by Arianna Huffington

This is ones of those that I haven't yet read, but it comes recommended by Dana Brillante-Peller, who wrote about it on her blog, Pellerini. Another blogger, Carly Ferguson, who blogs over at FitLiving, includes it in her list of 5 Books to Add to Your Summer Reading List. Please go check out both these posts; they definitely convinced me!


8) Losing My Virginity by Richard Branson

Sir Richard Branson is one of those names that practically EVERYBODY knows. He has reached such stunning heights of success that most of us do not even dare dream about. Luckily for us, he gifted the world with an autobiography that allows us to dig deeper into his life and his philosophy, and serves as a guide to those of us who need one. Especially for those of us with more entrepreneurial tendencies than most, Branson's autobiography is a must read.

Side note: I would ABSOLUTELY love to meet him in person. You know those interview questions that ask which living or dead person we would have to dinner if we could? Richard Branson is probably at the top of my list.

9) The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

This is a self-help book that remains as relevant today as it was more than 20 years ago. The title is pretty self-explanatory, so I can only add that this book is definitely very helpful if you want to learn how to better control your life and achieve more out of it.


10) Leave Your Mark by Aliza Licht

This is another one that I haven't read yet, recommended by Ana Luiza Douthwaite who blogs at Northwest Blonde. Targeted mostly toward a female audience who're starting off their careers (or looking to improve it), it does a great job in teaching you to leave your mark.

Do you have any other recommendations? Feel free to leave them in the comments below!