Light Fire from the Spark: Rohan Gandhi

"When you are at rock bottom, the only way to move is up."

These are words we've all probably heard at one point or another - but how many of us have actually lived them? Meet Rohan Gandhi...

Growing up, Rohan had dreamed of becoming a pilot. He had a passion for cars and planes, a passion that guided him to becoming a mechanical engineer. Aside from his professional aspiration, he also wanted to box professionally. While growing up, he was a victim of bullying, and was able to overcome an inferiority complex after he was inspired by the Rocky Balboa movies.

Sounds like a story many of us can relate to, right?

The 12th of February, 2004, was just another day in 16 year old Rohan's life - or so he thought. Who knew that a short span of 20 minutes would end up changing his life forever?

A spinal cord infarction is "a stroke either within the spinal cord or the arteries that supply it. It is caused by arteriosclerosis or a thickening or closing of the major arteries to the spinal cord." 

Sounds like a medical definition that we may encounter at a doctor's office and move past - but for Rohan it was a reality that left him paralysed from the waist down in the presence of his peers. As he puts it, "everyone went to school the next day... I didn't."

Unfortunately, for this particular condition, and indeed many other spinal cord injuries in general, there is no real medication or guaranteed form of treatment available. However, there are support services available for rehabilitation at the National Spinal Injury Hospital and a large amount of resources available through the National Council for People with Disabilities. Aside from physical therapy, these bodies also advise and counsel individuals who suffer from depression or low self-esteem as a result of such injuries. 

When the reality of his condition dawned on him, Rohan found himself feeling overwhelmed and confused. Everyone is afraid of that which they cannot understand, and he was no different. On top of adapting to new circumstances, Rohan also experienced a lack of self-confidence compounded by the resulting obesity. He was afraid to go back to school, to face the people he thought were his friends. All his peers were preparing to go overseas to study as he instead had to gear up for his biggest mental battle to date. 

He expected everyone and anyone to judge him for his new circumstances - and the unfortunate reality is that some people did. He recalls one incident when he was actually asked to leave a gym due to his condition some years down the line. Although he could've chosen to give them a fight that they probably wanted, Rohan paused and channeled his energies into becoming even stronger. When they went low, he went high. As he puts it, "Despite my challenge, why wasn't I just as, if not stronger than him/ her physically? Sensible choices - build yourself or break down others."

His lower limbs were completely paralysed up until he began intense physiotherapy. Currently, he has recovered up to about a 60% amount of usage through sheer will and continuous training. 

Rohan cites his father as his role model. He credits his parents and brother as his biggest sources of strength, for helping to make him confident enough to embrace his new reality, and to overcome his fears - a fear of not being accepted, of not being able to stand again, and of not being able to hold his child's hand to teach them how to walk in the future. His family helped him battle the "insecurity demon" as he calls it. They never let it occur to him that he was any less than what he used to be, or that he was at a disadvantage compared to the people standing around him. They laughed at his awkward situations together, and I'm sure we can all agree that a positive approach to any negative situation can do wonders. 

Rohan tells us about a moment that helped change his outlook on life. This was at a stage when he was battling low self-esteem and a lack of motivation to do anything about it. If anyone smiled at him, the first thought he had was that they were mocking him. During his second year of university, a girl approached him with the words "It doesn't matter if you're in a wheelchair, you're a handsome guy. You're just really fat!" Blunt words, but fortunately coming from a place of concern rather than condescension. She invited Rohan to go to the gym with her, and that was it. 

Within 6 months, after having lost 30 kg, his energy levels had shot up, and he saw a remarkable change in people's attitudes toward him. The truth of the matter is that they probably sensed a change in his attitude that became infectious! Exercise does have a wonderful way of boosting self-esteem, whether this is as part of a weight loss journey or not. 

He believes that regardless of your situation - physical, mental, or financial - if you develop a fearless attitude to exploit opportunities, the outcome will be one of two things. Either people will get out of your way, or they will follow you. He cites the example of Franklin D. Roosevelt, who suffered from Polio which left him paralysed from the waist down too, but whose never-say-die attitude resulted in him being remembered as one of the U.S.'s most fearless presidents. 

Let's hear from Rohan as he answers some questions for us:

1) What's the best advice someone has ever given you?

Your inability to cope with your reality will ruin you. Fight.

2)  How did you battle your anxieties and depression?

I was always a witty and funny person. Getting paralysed didn't change that.  Initially I battled the anxiety/ depression by ignoring and suppressing it through humor. In one sense, I would hide behind the tears of a clown. Then I picked up the pen and started writing... every time  I felt a certain way I'd write it down as poetry to express myself, then I picked up the mic and became vocal through spoken word and rap. It is unbelievable the solace I found in my own words, in my own mind. 

3) How would you define your life journey now?

I'm not sure. I still haven't figured it out. One thing is I know is I am not the only one that has struggled or is suffering. Whether it is a mental condition or physical there are many people just like me. I was fortunate enough to find my strength and I want to help as many people as I can find theirs. I want to spread positivity and confidence to make people believe in themselves before believing in others ..... no matter what your dreams are or what you're aspiring to achieve. 

I want to help people in need. I don't know how else to put it. This world is an unforgiving place. Competition and the drive to be the best makes people hurt each other rather than inspire. We need to reach out and show people how things are done rather than brag about what we've achieved. Knowledge and good is the only thing you can leave behind worth recognizing, your ego, beauty and money goes with you. What I may lack physically I like to think I make up mentally. I'm only getting stronger and if I focus enough I can only get better or at the least reduce the discomfort associated with my physical state. We define our limits. 

4) What has surprised you about your journey since that day back in 2004?

 People’s attitudes and the fact that situations never get easier, they only get less difficult through conditioning. 

5) Let's say you're invited to give a TED talk. What are you going to talk about?

There are two topics I would consider. One is fearlessness - I'd love to motivate people to do what they've always wanted to. 

The other is women's empowerment from a male perspective, and this would have to be after doing a lot more research and educating myself more on this. I have observed a lot of resistance and inequality that women face in society, from jobs, to relationships, to life in general. My opinion is that women are more considerate to people, and can do what men can't. A personal example is that despite my condition, I have had girls see past my challenges so often that I almost feel like nothing is different about me. However, men would find it difficult to date a woman in a wheelchair, and would tend to see her as less than an abled woman. 

6) What do you wish you had known earlier?

 I wish I knew the power of positivity and how much of a difference it can make in helping one adapt to or overcome any challenge. I found it out a bit late. Still no regrets.

7) Let's say you just won a million dollars. What would be the top 3 to 5 things you would prioritise, and why?

Tough question. So in order.

-     Set up a charity for children. Poverty is the most painful scenario to watch. One child sitting on a couch eating popcorn watching a documentary about another child starving to death.

-     Travel the world. I can’t take the money and go so might as well see the most of what I can now.

-     Set up a music studio and artist development company. – I love music and realize the struggles that go into creating a project. Artists want to express themselves and sometimes can’t only because of the fact that they can't afford the service. I want to help break that norm for others and myself. 

8) Any advice for others who may be struggling in their lives?

Be fearless and let nobody discourage you in any sort of way. Surround yourself with people that lift you up and tell you how to do things, not with people that raise doubts in your mind. How you control your fear, anger and ability to reason in situations determines outcome .... if you fail make sure you learn, if you win make sure you teach. Be brave enough to experience both. 

When asked about why he felt he could share his story on this platform, Rohan says:

My goal with this article, my purpose with being in the public eye in general, is to show people that no matter how bad your situation, someone has it worse. There are people that would gladly trade their problems with yours and comfortably walk a mile in your shoes. We need to understand not everything is going to work in our favor, the beautiful eyes that we love may never look at us, the person we thought would never change ends up being different, one day we’re walking the next day we aren’t... bad things happen but there’s nothing you cannot adjust to. For me personally, I may never be able to slow dance with a girl again or walk with my child clinging to my hand but... I'm here, I'm drawing breath.... and I’m loved.  Open your eyes... how hard is your life really ?  You can use your story as an example of a tragedy or as example of sheer strength and triumph. Losers worry about losing... I’m a winner. 

As he puts it "Anyone who finds hope when they read my story motivates me to be stronger. Out of 100 people that see me, 99 will turn the other way, but the one that doesn't... that's my strength."

A huge thank you to Rohan Gandhi and Aniqah Khalid for their support on this article!

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Dropping Dependency

Pic courtesy of Unsplash

Since I moved back to Kenya, I've been amazed at the variety of conversations I've been having about important things that just never came up before. There's a class I attend Saturday afternoons (class might be stretching it... it's more of a forum for people of my generation to talk about stuff that needs to be talked about), and the theme of one particular Saturday's session was 'Dropping Dependency'. What we spoke about really resonated with me- so naturally, I decided to write about it.

I've had this post on my mind for quite a while, but I wanted to be in the right frame of mind when I finally wrote and published it, and today, inspiration struck. 

I think it's okay to depend on others sometimes- depend on objects, depend on people, depend on achievements. But I also think that there is a difference between depending on others, and being dependent. This may just be my interpretation, but I feel like the former involves leaning on others at times when it is necessary to do so, but being able to function by yourself, while the latter implies needing these other objects, people and achievements constantly. 

I'm guilty of being dependent. I think that in my case, I try not to depend on other people; but I'm dependent nevertheless. 

What's an important factor in dropping dependency? Establishing strong personal boundaries, which tend to also be a byproduct of healthy self-esteem. The higher the insecurities, the looser people's emotional boundaries, and often enough, the higher their dependency is. What do strong personal boundaries look like? Being able to take responsibility for your own actions and emotions, but not the actions and emotions of others. 

What are some examples of this?

• Letting bad things that happen to other people affect you adversely. There's a difference between being empathetic and letting others' negative experiences influence you so much that you can't function. In this case, you are taking responsibility for others' actions and emotions.
• Having a bad day, and expecting those around you to tread softly because you're angry or upset, instead of dealing with your emotions productively. Here. you're expecting others to take responsibility for your emotions and actions. 
• Letting yourself feel guilty because you haven't lived up to someone's expectations. The other person is demanding responsibility from you for emotions that aren't yours. 

The list really could go on, but I think you get the gist. Often, people who have personal boundary issues in romantic relationships are the same people who had boundary issues in their families when they were younger.  Yes, it is important to establish boundaries, even with the people who we love the most! People with stable boundaries can often find it hard to maintain relationships with people who don't have them; they are not able to provide the excitement that people with loose emotional boundaries often thrive on. 

Dependency and personal boundaries are correlated. People who have weak personal boundaries tend to be highly dependent, while we find that people who are highly dependent have a desperate need for love and affection, leading to the removal of their personal boundaries. 

We all fall somewhere on the spectrum from being perpetual victims (constantly make others take responsibility for their actions and emotions) to being perpetual saviors (constantly take responsibility for the actions and emotions of others). Most of us are more one type than the other, but what we are also changes based on the situations and people we are presented with. 

How do we recognise if we have personal boundary issues? Guilt can be a powerful indicator. Do you have people who make you feel guilty for something you didn't feel guilty about in the first place? You need to realise that you can't always meet other people's expectations or influence their feelings. Have you ever felt guilt about taking something out on someone else that wasn't their fault in the slightest? 

If there's a boundary issue in a relationship, you'll probably be afraid of the repercussions of making a change in that relationship. Compromise in such a relationship will not be because the parties want it, but it'll be out of obligation. Actions will not be without expectations. 

Luckily, once you start to think about these issues, you'll probably recognise them manifesting in different parts of your life and be able to take measures to establish stronger personal boundaries; I know I'm lucky that I did! 

Pic courtesy of Unsplash

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— The Kenyan Nomad (@TheKenyanNomad) December 4, 2015

Meet Stella Wacheke

A few weeks ago, I was fortunate enough to meet with Stella Wacheke, a young entrepreneur in Kenya. We were meeting for work, but I soon found myself extremely impressed with her ambition, passion, and dedication, and decided that I had to interview her for the Kenyan Nomad!

1) Tell us a little bit about your background. ​
I was brought up in Nairobi Kenya, the first born among two girls. I'm an accredited Project Manager by profession and current​ly working as a consultant project manager. I hold an MBA in International Business from Kenya Methodist University, a degree in Bachelor of Commerce, Finance Major from Catholic University of Eastern Africa and a Prince2 (foundation and practitioner) and PMP Certification in Project Management.

2) What inspired you to go into your own business?
​The desire to have the freedom to venture into different emerging and ​dynamic opportunities coupled with the drive to own the task at hand and do it to the best of my ability. Stella is a brand and I wanted to keep myself accountable and in the process leave behind a legacy that will have left an impact on generations to come.​

3) If you could only use five words to describe yourself, what would they be?
​Passionate, Reliable, Loving, Kind and Compassionate​.

4) Why do you think it's vital that we empower other women? ​
In the first place, I am a woman who has gone through the roller coaster of life. Thus, life has already equipped me to guide, encourage and uplift one of my kind through experience so that they too can avoid getting into similar pitfalls that I did. Lastly, I was also empowered and I would like to pass on the baton of hope.. it's only when you give that you receive and attain the climax of your own personal fulfillment.

5) Tell us a little bit more about your cancer trust.
​Haba na Haba Trust is a platform that brings together friends of children with cancer. Our main vision is to salvage a soul by showing them the love of Christ .As you are aware, most people despair and question the love of God during seasons of long suffering. Our acts of love, kindness and care will help to change that perception.​ We extend the love of God through deliberate actions that create special lasting memories of his love for those going through long suffering. It is our unique way of ministering the gospel to the long suffering.

6) Why is it important to know and believe in the value of your personal brand?
​You are your biggest cheerleader and your own best friend. We should never sell ourselves short. Therefore once you realize that every individual has weaknesses and strengths as well as unique gifts, then you have no choice but to value your personal brand because you are unique, special and valuable in your own right.​

7) If you could give advice to yourself 5 years ago, what would it be?​
Speak positively and believe in the impossible because if you can dream it you can achieve it through God​'​s help. You are also very unique and capable to contribute to the society in your own way.​Finally, it's okay to be different.. never follow the crowd.​

8) What do you think are the greatest challenges facing young, ambitious women in today's world?​
Fear and peer pressure.

9) Any advice to these women?
​Let your ambition come from within, not from without. Only bow to positive ​peer ​pressure and just go for it!! It's never that serious. There is a 50/50 chance of succeeding and failing. Thus, ​take the route of success. When you fall or fail, stand up, crawl or limp but forward you must move.​
​Remember to always do more than you are paid for!! It pays off in the long run.​

10) What are some of your favourite books that you would recommend?
Battlefield of the Mind, Million Dollar Habits, 17 Laws of Success​​, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari​

11) What are some rituals of success you follow religiously?

Ask God for wisdom daily, give thanks and give to back to God. Help others without expecting anything in return​, family should always come first no matter what and lastly, ​engage in ​positive self talk.​

12) Do you have any favourite quote(s)?​
Be the change you want​ to see in the world.

13) Who has been your biggest inspiration to date?​
Joyce Meyer​

14) And finally, what's next for Stella? ​
W​atch this space...​ I'm currently writing a book called 'The Odd One Out'​ ​and looking forward to start​ing my family soon!!

11 Ways to Effectively Crush Your Goals

We all have dreams and goals, places we'd like to be, things we'd like to achieve. Achieving our goals is a process that can't happen overnight, and takes some planning, dedication and focus. Hopefully, the steps below can outline this process in an easy-to-follow way!

1) Aim high: What is it that you really want? Aim as high as you'd like and understand what it really is. Do you want to write a book? Get into a top business school? Become a famous TV personality? Understanding where you want to be is the first step in achieving your goals.

2) Set a specific goal (or goals): Now that you know what it is that you want, how will you get there? Start by outlining your goals. Make them reasonable; for example, if you're working a full time job, you know you don't have ten hours a day to dedicate to your goals. Be specific when you set your goal; maybe you want to become healthier. "Being able to climb ___ flights of stairs without getting tired" is a better goal then "Being healthier". It's more measurable, and enables you to track your progress. Make sure that you set your goal and think about it in such a way that you feel passionate about achieving results.

3) Write it down: Once you know what your goal is, write it down! Maybe you feel more motivated giving it another name? Personally, I know that changing my yearly "resolutions" to "intentions" seemed to motivate me more. Wherever you write your goal(s) down, and whatever you choose to call them, make sure you word them in such a way that you are reminded of their achievability (...I don't really think that's a word). Have them accessible such that you can look at them as often as you need to.

4) Give yourself a reasonable timeline: (Most) goals cannot be achieved overnight. If you're planning to run a marathon, you have to realise that this might take some time. Are you very fit? This may be more of a short term goal for you. Have you never run one before? Then you're looking at longer term. Remember to break down your goal into chunks; start small and build up! Using the same example, you can't get up and practice running a full marathon on your first day. Pick a reasonable distance and go for it!

5) Don't tell too many people, but be sure to tell the right people: At the end of the day, you should be accountable for yourself. I find that sometimes telling too many people about your goals is actually not as motivational as it should be! However, learn to recognise the people who might be helpful. Recently, I told a friend of mine, Elizabeth Wilson, about a goal I have for myself. I haven't told many people at all, but her simple belief in me gave me the courage to take my planning one step further. (Thanks Elizabeth!)

6) Remember your goal: As time goes on, you may lose some of that initial motivation you had when you set your goal. Keep this in mind, and look for ways to keep reminding and motivating yourself. This might be a bracelet you wear on days you're feeling particularly unmotivated, or a vision board. An online tool I love allows you to send letters to yourself in the future (www.futureme.org). I use this to motivate myself, and it's worked great so far!

7) Start now and do however much you can whenever you can: To climb a mountain, you have to take the first step. The mountain may seem insurmountable at the moment, but that should in no way hinder that important first step. Start on your goal as soon as you possibly can, and realise that bit by bit, you'll get there.

8) Believe in yourself: Whatever your goal is, I can practically guarantee that if you don't believe in yourself, you won't get there. No matter what it is, no matter how big or how small it is, it's extremely important to believe that you CAN achieve it!

9) Don't be too hard on yourself: Always allow room for mistakes and unforeseen events, and give yourself the opportunity to learn from them. Recently, I was just about finishing my ten week workout programme, but unfortunately had to take a whole week off because of the flu. I hadn't planned for something like that, but was able to readjust.

10) Feel free to modify your goal as you get closer: Don't worry if your initial goal is now something that's not as relevant for you as it once was. Feel free to modify your goals as you get closer to them; you made them, and you have the power to change them.

11) Celebrate EVERYTHING: Celebrate every step closer that you get, every small victory you achieve, every time that you're that much closer, and finally, celebrate when you get there!

Have any more tips for effective goal setting? Share them in the comments  below!

Workout Motivation: A Success Story in Progress

A year ago today, if you told me that I'd be working out every day, I'd probably call you crazy. Before I turned 17, I was fit enough. For about a year, I religiously went to the gym three times a week for about one and a half hours each time. Sure, I wasn't exactly what I'd call sporty; my hand-eye coordination did not, and probably never will allow for that in terms of traditional sports.

As high school came to an end and college drew nearer, I lapsed back into laziness. I told myself that since I was going to a campus where I'd be walking enough, would have to take some compulsory P.E. classes and that had a state-of-the-art gym, staying fit wouldn't be a problem at all. If only I knew how wrong I was. The P.E. classes were over in two semesters, and apart from the time I spent at the gym for tours, occasional games, the above mentioned classes, or homework (...weird, yes, but the person I was working on my homework with had a work-study there), I hardly went there at all, even when I lived close to it.

Yes, I walked lots, but didn't take into account the food there; while most of it was amazing and freshly prepared, it was certainly unhealthier than the food we get in Kenya. I would occasionally pick up some new form of working out, but I inevitably lacked the motivation to keep going. Sure, I didn't become heavily obese or anything like that; most people actually thought I was in shape, but I could tell that I wasn't.

A few months after graduation, on a whim, I decided to do a yoga routine from an app that I'd had on my phone. To my amazement, I actually kept going and managed to work out almost every single day. A few months later, my brother-in-law and sister introduced me to Focus T25, a workout programme designed by the person behind Insanity, Shaun T. This is a ten week programme, and only requires 25 minutes a day Monday to Thursday, 50 minutes on Friday, and some stretching on Sunday. So, luckily for me, I don't even have to spend a lot of time on weekdays. I started this programme, got about 4 weeks in, then started all over again when I got back to Kenya. I'm now on week 8, and use my weekends and some mornings to keep up with yoga.

What changed? How did I, a person who couldn't stick to a programme for more than a month, end up working out so often for almost 7 months?

First of all, I think the difference this time around is that I've found something that I enjoy. Yoga and T25 are both challenging, but fun. With yoga, I'm able to do different workouts so that I don't get bored, and T25 itself has many different workouts that are done on different days. The second important thing is that this time, I can also see the results for myself, and these motivate me to keep going. Immediately after the workout, I feel great. There is a sense of mental accomplishment and physical wellness. Not including the obvious benefits I've experienced, like improved stamina, better form, posture, flexibility and muscle tone, I'm also way less stressed, much happier and more relaxed. An added bonus? As someone who used to get a cold or a flu every couple of months, I went almost 12 months (!!!) without falling sick, and when I finally did, it only lasted about three days. Hurrah for improved immunity!

In addition to working out, I'm also trying to implement other healthy choices, most of which I've talked about in previous posts. I now take the stairs every chance I get, and (try to) eat healthier than I used to! One thing I still don't do is fanatic calorie counting. I enjoy my food, and don't think I'd be able to stick to a very strict eating regime.

What's my point in all this? Honestly; if I can do this, so can you. The thought of working out would at times make me groan, and I was quite content in the lifestyle I was living. Having experienced the benefits of working out now, I wish I could go back and start earlier!