32 Facts About Me

I was nominated to do this post by one of my best friends and frequent guest bloggers, Aniqah Khalid. She recently did one herself on her website and you can check it out here: http://www.aniqahkhalid.com/50-facts-about-me-part-1/ I know I was supposed to do 50, but since 32 is all I could think of at this point, 32 is all I'll do! I'll update this post as and when things change.

1) I had a poodle phase when I was younger. I know, exactly what it sounds like. See, everyone goes through an awkward secondary school phase I believe, but mine lasted a little longer thanks to my curly hair. Anyone who has similar hair knows that combing out your curls while dry is probably the worst thing you can do to them; yet this is exactly what I did lots of times when I was younger. Thankfully, I eventually learnt my lesson!!

2) My absolute favourite food is my Mum's pizza. I have absolutely NO clue what she does to the sauce, but bias aside, I've honestly never tasted better!

3) I also love snacking on Cerelac. I know, probably about 22 years too late, but hey. It's yummy and nutritious, right?

4) I'm a tad rebellious in that I'm not afraid to offer opinions that differ from the norm. Sticking to the status quo has never been a priority for me, but that being said, I avoid arguing for the sake of furthering my point. I respect the fact that others are entitled to their opinions, especially so when they have real reasons.

5) I love photography, but haven't had a chance to develop much talent of my own. Right now, I'm at a stage where I find beauty and joy in the work done by others! I did take a few photography classes while I was at Sewanee, and some of my favourite memories include those where I was alone processing my photos in the dark room in the wee hours of the morning, after 2 am, when no one was awake and there was nothing but silence around me.

6) Tea is something I probably can't go without for long periods of time. My favourite (obviously) is Kenyan tea, brewed strong enough with a little bit of milk and sugar.

7) Ever done a waltz with 2 other people? I have. While dressed head-to-toe in scarves handmade by members of the Maasai tribe. In the middle of the night.

8) According to a palm reader I met in the French Quarter of New Orleans, the colour purple is my power/spirit colour (and my friends agree). According to another palm reader I met in India 12 years ago, I'm destined to become a famous author one day.

9) I absolutely LOVE wine, and tend not to go more than a few days without some. My favourite is a red blend from California, Menage a Trois. I have many, many fond memories of this wine!

10) I'm very attached to dogs, especially my own. My family has had dogs continuously from the time when my own father was a little boy.

11) When I was 4 years old, I moved to India for about 3 years with my mother and two sisters. My father was winding up work and was supposed to join us there eventually, but (thankfully) things didn't go according to plan, and we ended up back in Kenya!

12) I come from a large, and extremely close-knit family. We talk almost everyday (thanks to Whatsapp), and keep each other updated on our lives. We may be spread out over four continents, but that hasn't made us distant at all.

13) When I say 'my sisters', I could be referring either to the other daughters my parents have, or the two daughters of my father's sister and her husband. Growing up together in Kenya means that we're all very close, and while two of them are technically 'cousin sisters', I consider all four sisters and tend not to differentiate.

14) I'm a grammar nazi, and I have a love/hate relationship with this fact. When I read something, or talk to someone, I'm quick to notice (and judge) grammar mistakes, and it's even worse when I'm the one who commits the faux-pas.

15) People who know me describe me as friendly, vibrant and extraverted. I love meeting new people, and learning more about their stories. However, something that most people don't know about me is that I also occasionally need (and enjoy) time away from others!

16) They say you're lucky if you have more than one true friend in your lifetime. In that case, I got more than my fair share! I'm blessed to have many people close to my heart, and have a unique relationship with each of them. (They're not all in this picture below, but some are)!

17) I was extremely accident prone as a child, and my love of riding bicycles and climbing trees certainly didn't help! In the first fifteen years of my life, I had numerous falls (and subsequent stitches), some more serious than others. Luckily, in terms of fractures, dislocations and concussions, those were only one each (head and knee respectively). My poor parents and siblings...

18) Blue is my favourite colour, but when it comes to interior decor, I tend to favour red.

19) Most people I know hated organic chemistry and loved inorganic, but I was the other way around!

20) I collect keychains from different parts of the world, and old coins.

21) I love to travel! Being in the same place eventually gets boring for me.

22) I can speak four and a half languages, and I'm hoping to learn more soon!

23) Sewanee was probably the most life-changing thing that ever happened to me. I met so many great people there, many of whom will be part of my life for years to come, and learnt a lot more about life than I expected. The four years I spent there changed me as a person, and the time I spent there still inspires me to grow.

24) I LOVE birthdays. Mine, other peoples', my dogs', whatever. While at Sewanee, I loved planning birthdays for friends. On my 22nd, they got together and planned the perfect day for me; I don't think I'll ever be able to outdo that one.

25) I'm a strong believer in second chances and the fact that people can change. New Year's Day is one of my favourite of the year, not just  because of the celebration, but because of the symbolic new start.

26) I'm a realistic-optimist. I know that life can throw many challenges our way, but I think that worrying and being bitter don't produce results, and if we need to face difficult things, we might as well do so with smiles on our faces.

27) I'm a bookworm, and extremely thankful that I read very quickly; if it wasn't for this skill, I think I would spend more time on books than on people (as I fear I did when I was younger).

28) I don't particularly have a favourite genre for music, but as far as movies go, I steer toward action and romantic-comedies. Some of the ones I return to often enough are the James Bond movies and the Lord of the Rings. I also enjoy horror movies, but only watch them under certain conditions (with other people, and with plenty of time to watch something else after so that I can sleep). In terms of TV shows, I follow many of the ones aired on the CW. My new addictions include House and Supernatural.

29) Over the course of my 22 (almost 23 years), I've considered many different careers, from being a farmer (....I blame Enid Blyton's writing), to being a lawyer, to being an air hostess.

30) A year ago today, I'd never even chopped an onion. Cooking for me was a huge event, and was extremely time-consuming. If I had to do something in the kitchen, my first reaction was 'show me how'. The time I've spent with my sister, Rasna, over the past six months has definitely cured me of this, and my proudest accomplishment in the kitchen was about a month ago. My sister and brother-in-law were returning to the U.S. after a trip to Kenya, and I pulled together a meal that included stir-fried chicken AND a daal. *fist pumps in the air*

31) Although I grew up in a pretty homophobic culture, I support LGBTQ rights. I attribute this entirely to my time at Sewanee, and the people I met there. Love is love, and (as long as it's adult and consensual), I don't think others have a right to dictate who you can or cannot be with. I recently read a great article about this; it talked about the fact that Sikhism believes that we should not discriminate against members of the LGBTQ community, even if some Sikhs do not share their beliefs.

32) Being tall is apparently a family thing; I'm 5'10'', and not even close to being the tallest member of my family.

Personal Space

Today's guest blogger is Billie Rihal, a lifestyle blogger and photographer from Kenya who is studying International Relations and Economics in Vancouver. She has always enjoyed writing, and started her own website in January 2014. Check out her website here: www.billierihal.com

When you give yourself the time to sit down and reflect on life it brings about various lessons and realizations that you learn from. 

During these past few weeks that I've spent in both Vancouver and London/Leicester, I've realized how important it is to be careful of who you let into your personal space. The space that exposes your true self, your flaws, fears and failures. Sometimes we easily trust others and open ourselves in the rawest and purest form and that itself is so beautifully dangerous. Not everyone shares the same standpoint towards facets such as trust, value and respect. That's not bad either, it is simply a gentle reminder to yourself to be aware of who and what you're allowing into YOUR space.

Personal space is a precious and extremely valuable facet in life. It makes you, you. It’s your golden solitude and you have the ability to grow into mastery through your personal space or simply crumble into small pieces… How? By allowing people in general into your zone. Hence, always be cautious of what might build you or break you because the difference in magnitude is so profound, it’s unfathomable. 

Life is beautifully complicated and sometimes we’ll never know why people come and go from our lives, but that’s what makes the journey exhilarating. Accepting the unexpected and building on your wonderful life. Not everyone can fit in it and not everyone stays in it; that is simply a blessing in disguise. 

Be You. Love You. Always. All Ways. 

Love and Light, 

Billie 

To Mr. Metaxas, On the Sewanee Community

Today's guest blog features Lauren Joca, a recent graduate of The University of the South. She wrote an open letter in response to the recent controversy over a speech delivered by an honorary degree recipient at the most recent convocation ceremony held on campus. It certainly deserves a read! 

Dear Mr. Metaxas,

We are all aware of the “controversy” incited by your Convocation address, a student’s response to your address, and your reaction to the student’s response. I hesitate to call it a controversy because it never should have become one. You wrote a speech that I fully suspect you wanted to be controversial. Inasmuch, it did not sit well with certain students and those students voiced their opinions, which you, frankly, encouraged them to do in the first place. The self-serving controversy you have created is deeply upsetting to an alumnus who has had to accept that The University of the South has given an honorary degree to a man who profoundly misunderstands the institution. Your misunderstanding is evidenced by the puerile response you had to a student’s opinion piece and your demand for an apology. While I would very much enjoy going into the hypocrisies of your speech and following actions, I believe those have been well addressed by my fellow alumnae, students, and University faculty. I encourage you to read the wonderfully written open letter penned by Lara Lofdahl, another young alum. I have been working on this letter myself to, hopefully, elucidate the values of The University of the South that you so clearly missed on your visit. I hope that I can help you see why your speech may have offended some, fallen on the deaf ears of others, and ultimately was inappropriate in the context of Convocation. Finally, I hope by now you recognize that you will not receive an apology from the University or from the newspaper because you are not owed one.

Sewanee: The University of the South is many things, not one of which is a close-minded institution, illiberal, and oppressive of free speech. Rather, tucked away on the Cumberland Plateau in rural Tennessee, Sewanee represents a bastion of faith and freedom of expression. The Convocation addresses that came before you have included such varied and influential minds as Desmond Tutu, Wendell Berry, Barbara Bush, Marguerite Kondracke, and Stan Brock. To put it simply, you were in exceptional company. Unfortunately, unlike your speech, their addresses have not been archived. Their words of faith and bravery in action can only be re-lived by those who were there to hear the speeches or through short Sewanee Purple reviews. These speeches did not seem to create such lasting controversy as yours has. This is not surprising at all considering these other speakers simply did not take to social media to disparage students of the University of the South or the University itself. There, sir, you are not in good company.   

One of the most impressive qualities about Sewanee is that it is a strong religious institution, but taught its students moral regard without using overtly religious means. As a freshmen, each and every student must sign the Honor Code. The punishment for failing to follow the Honor Code was expulsion. Classes were often discussion based with students graded on their participation. In this setting, we learned the skills of civil discourse and respect for opposing views in a well-constructed argument. The Passing Hello and Save Sewanee exclamation encouraged connection with your community, even if brief. We showed our professors respect through attendance and practicing class dress. We learned tolerance through hosting a myriad of organizations including Sustain Sewanee, the Gender and Sexual Diversity House, College Republicans, College Democrats, Beyond Sewanee, and the Posse-Plus Retreat. The carillon bells on Sunday never felt like ominous reminders that I was falling short on my faith by spending my afternoon in Shakerag Hollow, the ATC, or even on a couch outside with an adult beverage because the world had finally thawed. In Sewanee, that is something worth celebrating. No, in Sewanee, falling short on my treatment of the community felt much more like falling short on faith.

All this is not to say that people at Sewanee were not devout or felt uncomfortable expressing their devotion. It was almost a guarantee to have a class with a sacristan or a choir member. Students bore Ash Wednesday marks without worry. Lessons and Carols was one of the most popular and heavily-attended events in the community. Before this celebration, the Sewanee community, including students, worked together to decorate All Saint’s Chapel. If students were of another denomination or faith, they often travelled together to different churches or temples in the area. We explored faith together by participating in Growing in Grace. Our Outreach Office was housed within All Saint’s Chapel and practiced faith-based service.

For all of these reasons, I find fault with many of the sentiments you have supported on your Facebook page suggesting that we are a faith-fearing community, skittish around the mention of Jesus. I cannot assure you more that this is far from the truth. Where people may find fault with your speech in All Saint’s Chapel is using their religion to support intolerant ideas. While you are correct that we must be open to hearing opposing views, that opposition is necessary in open discourse, and speech must remain a protected freedom, we have no duty to be tolerant of the intolerant. Martin Luther King, Jr. felt that way, as did Rosa Parks and Jackie Robinson. Their faith gave them the courage to fight against injustice. Indeed in Letter from a Birmingham Jail, King states, “One may well ask, ‘How can you advocate breaking some laws and obeying others?’ The answer is found in the fact that there are two types of laws: there are just laws, and there are unjust laws. I would agree with St. Augustine that ‘An unjust law is no law at all.’" To suggest that, “there is a particular move afoot on campuses and elsewhere to marginalize and even to demonize voices of traditional and historic Christian faith. That’s one of the big issues of our time,” is to seriously misinterpret these movements. In 1964, when some were interpreting the Bible to justify segregation, the exemplary basketball coach Dean Smith sought the guidance of his pastor to integrate Chapel Hill. Furthermore, I point you to the Moral Monday movement in North Carolina led by Reverend William Barber. He is not demonizing traditional Christian faith, he is fighting against hate, injustice, and disenfranchisement. We on Sewanee’s campus do not tolerate these either, nor do we accept these as precepts of traditional and historic Christian faith.

While I recognize that I will not change your own personal beliefs with my remarks, I feel it necessary to show you the faith that Sewanee taught me. It is a faith based in compassion. You say we should hear stories of women who regret their abortions. I agree, I think these women can teach us where we as a society have fallen short. I ask her, why was she so devastated by it? Was it a decision she felt forced into by the other parent? When she shared her decision, was she met with vitriol from friends, family, or her community? Was she forced to face the procedure alone? Did anyone tell her that they understand what she did and why she did it? That they understand, at that moment in time, it was the best decision she could have made for herself, and perhaps even the unborn? In the case of this deeply personal and difficult decision, we must hear, with a compassionate ear, all stories. Perhaps asking whether someone is in favor of marriage equality shuts down the conversation because it is meant to. Is it not prideful of man to assume they can interpret fully the word of God? Is it not ultimately up to Him how we will be judged? Why then should we prevent His children from experiencing, one of the greatest gifts He ever gave us, love?

I will not, of course, pretend that Sewanee is perfect. I have known students that felt slighted by the actions the University has taken on sensitive matters. I, personally, have been stuck in an unsavory position because the University mishandled a student conflict. When these things have happened, what did I do? What did other students do? I felt comfortable expressing my frustrations to a Dean and passing responsibility back to the University. Others formed protests and made clearly visible their own criticisms of the institution. One of the most celebrated events at Sewanee in recent years is The Sewanee Monologues. A prime example of freedom of expression that gives students the chance to discuss drinking and partying at Sewanee, the sexism found on campus, racism, body image, and even the hook-up culture. I assure you that the monologues written about these issues have rarely been celebratory and have introduced critical discussions about human relations on Sewanee’s campus. In short, Sewanee has its problems, but rarely are they shied away from. I have the inclination that when Sewanee makes a mistake, everyone, from the administration to the faculty to the students, is aware of it and feels free to discuss it in any medium they choose, no matter what side they have taken.

I had hoped that someone receiving an honorary degree from my alma mater would feel just that- honored. It is an honor to hold a degree from the University of the South. It is an honor to be a part of such a tight-knit community. It is an honor to have been able to experience the Mountain, learn on the Mountain, and grow on the Mountain. I hope now that you realize why your message may not have been well received, but, more than that, I hope you understand why it was criticized in our paper and why you will not receive an apology for it. Your actions since receiving a degree from The University of the South have insulted current students, past students, and the institution I hold dear. I hope you reflect on these actions and come to understand what makes Sewanee such an exceptional example of liberal arts education in the United States. It deserves your respect. Yea, Sewanee’s right.

Sincerely,

Lauren Joca, Class of 2013

Frustrata

'He who angers you conquers you.'

-Elizabeth Kenny

Wise words, and words that I often repeat to myself in the hopes that they'll finally start to make sense. However, sometimes my mind just doesn't want to listen. See, I have a fatal flaw. When I encounter dogmatism, I'm inclined to dig my heels in and retaliate similarly, and more often than not, this just ends up making me angry. I think my dislike of dogmatism also stems from the knowledge that I'm capable of being dogmatic more often than I'd like. 

As I've stated before, changing the way others think is almost impossible to do. True as this is, it's hard to remember sometimes when faced with absolute stubbornness. While I'm partly referring to the people I sometimes encounter in day-to-day life, face to face or over whatsapp, I'm also referring to online forums that exist to facilitate discussion, but that often turn into black-and-white, right vs. wrong arguments, with each side refusing to listen to the other. Unfortunately, I'm guilty of this. If not by responding publicly to these forums, then by letting them annoy me and carrying this frustration over into other aspects of my life, and I'm sure that there are others who've also struggled with these same issues. 

At the end of the day though, I realise that I've got to remember that confirmation bias* is extremely real, and more applicable to everyday life than I could've imagined, especially in a digital age that facilitates access to people who're the chalk to our cheese. Even if you've formed an opinion from an educated, well-informed and empathetic place, there will always be people whose thinking is radically different. Remembering that THEIR thinking needn't affect YOUR life is crucial; I know I would definitely benefit. We all know what they say about he who argues with a fool, right?

Have a wonderful weekend everyone! 

Enjoyed this post? Don't forget to comment, follow this blog, like my page on Facebook at The Kenyan Nomad or reach out to me on twitter @roshwalia !

* "Confirmation bias (also called confirmatory bias or myside bias) is a tendency for people to favor information that confirms their preconceptions or hypotheses regardless of whether the information is true."

Can We Change?

Can anyone ever really change themselves? It's a question that's been asked over and over again, with people arguing (strongly) for both sides. Nature vs. nurture does play into it at some point, as does personal decisiveness. As people, we get locked into habits and behaviours that seem to get stronger the older we get. Think hard, and you'll notice that who we are is also largely a product of the people we're around. It's crazy, but so many people I know, including my siblings and myself, are eerily similar to their parents in some ways.

The question remains; is it possible for someone to really change? To create new habits, new behaviours, new ways of doing things? Honestly, I believe it's definitely possible. Of course, in order to change, a catalyst is (almost always) needed. A person has to want to, or has to realise that something around them, about them, is not working as optimally as it should. Change is possible, but definitely needs inspiration.

'They' say that the first step is the hardest. I disagree. The first step? It's the easiest. A person recognises a problem, or something they would like to achieve, and starts to work on it. However, once they've started to implement change, it's so much easier to revert back to who they once were, to habits that have been around for years, to patterns of thinking that have been in place for a while. I know this because I've experienced it myself; personally and by observation of people around me. How do we get around this? Awareness and dedication. Awareness of ourselves, our likelihood to slip back into old patterns, and a dedication to change, a real desire that must come from within.

It really doesn't matter what inspires us. Everyone draws inspiration from different things; a strong character from a TV show, change in circumstance that forces personal change, the people around us, and more often than not, plain boredom and frustration with our current circumstances. It's still early January, and I've vowed that 2015 is going to be a year of change for me; I haven't quite figured out my inspiration, but my goals are much clearer, and the way I'm tackling them is by breaking them down as small as I can. Bit by bit, day by day, I'm trying out 'different' till it fits and feels right and till the person I show to myself and those around me is as similar as possible to the person I show everyone else. Aren't we all?

On the same note, we all wonder whether we can truly change other people. Harsh as it may seem, I don't think this is possible. Yes, we can provide a catalyst. We can inspire, we can support, we can hope, and (not that this gets many results) we can nag. At the end of the day, true change must come from within. As a famous man once said, "Be the change that you wish to see in the world."

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Cognitive Shift: An Expert's Take

Dr. Sherry Hamby is a Research Professor of Psychology at Sewanee, and is the founding editor of the APA journal, Psychology of Violence. I was fortunate enough to take some classes with her while I was at Sewanee, and absolutely loved them. I reached out to her to ask her to write guest blog from her angle about an article I posted a while ago:

Cognitive Shift

Here's what Dr. Hamby has to say:

Roshni's blog has many good insights about the challenges of emotional regulation and learning to focus on the positive.  These are challenges that all of face.  There are three main areas that help us deal with adversity and achieve the sort of well-being and happiness that everyone wants:  self-regulation, interpersonal relationships, and meaning making, which can be spiritual or religious but does not have to be. 

We've identified some key skills in each of these areas.  Some of them are the same ones that Roshni has identified too—emotional awareness and emotional regulation are two of the most important strengths for mental health and well-being.  It is ok to feel upset and angry—we all do sometimes—but it is also important to recognize those feelings and make conscious choices about when and how to act on them.  Endurance is another important regulatory skill—the ability to keep going even when things are tough.  In the interpersonal domain it is important to develop compassion and empathy, to figure out ways to give back to others, and to find a supportive community. In the meaning making domain, the optimism that Roshni describes is important.  So is finding a purpose in life and getting involved in something bigger than yourself, whether through church or elsewhere. 

How do you get better at these strengths?  We recommend expressive writing—even a few sessions writing about your experiences can help you better understand them.  This helps with purpose and emotional regulation.  Learning a few skills in meditation and mindfulness can also help with emotional awareness and compassion.  Volunteering helps the volunteers probably as much as it helps the recipients of volunteer efforts.  Even basic things like regular exercise can help strengthen many of these characteristics.  Recent data suggests exercise is about as effective as many other treatments for depression.

So, take Roshni's advice to heart.  We all have difficult experiences but we can still work toward greater well-being and happiness. 

Change in 2015

Today, I head back to Iowa to my sister's place, and I'll be back to work at the internship on Tuesday. This marks the first time that I can remember that I've had only two weeks off for holidays, and I gotta admit; it was severely weird!!

I'm excited though, to see what these next few months will bring my way. Change is inevitable, and more so due to my current circumstances. A year ago, knowing such change was around the corner would've stressed me out to no end, but today? Strangely enough, I'm content with knowing that things are going to change very soon, and I've prepared myself to ride the wave so to speak. Of course, this doesn't mean I'm not being proactive about my future, but I've chosen to trust it more than I have, because the last time I was surprised by my circumstances, it ended up being one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced.

I'm talking about Sewanee, of course. When I started applying to colleges and universities, I had never heard of Sewanee, and if someone told me I'd end up losing my heart to a wonderful place in Tennessee, I'd have probably thought they were crazy! However, just by chance, as I was studying for my SATs, I met an admission counsellor from Sewanee who was visiting Kenya. I decided to apply, one thing led to the next, and the next thing I knew, I was there!! I've told everyone since then that it was one of the best things that happened to me, and I hadn't planned on it at all.

If my Sewanee experience taught me anything, it's that when it comes to change, luck seems to be in my favour. Why lose trust now?

Have a great first week, everybody!

(This picture is from the official University of the South Facebook page)!

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Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone!! This is my favourite holiday of the year. 2015 is already looking to be an exciting one, and I hope that it's as wonderful as you all deserve! I'll sign off with a picture I stumbled across about a year ago that so perfectly sums up what this day is about. Sure, New Year's may just be a date, but we're human, and thus, relish opportunities to start over, to start new, to be happy.

2014

First of all, today is pretty awesome. Why? It's my fantastic mum's birthday, and while she may be a few thousand kilometres away, I still absolutely intend to celebrate! She's been such a constant source of support my whole life, and is probably the strongest person I know. I'll definitely take any opportunity I can to celebrate her!

I've never really done a year in review in such a public space, but since this is a personal blog, mainly read by people I know, I felt that it'd be an appropriate platform.

2014 was such a long, eventful year, that it's hard to believe that only a year has gone by. I started off January by comping. It sounds simple enough, but it's a comprehensive examination that every Sewanee student has to take in their major before graduating, and how well you do may determine whether or not you're eligible for honours. It covers basically everything you've done in your major over the past three and a half years, and once you're done, your friends show up to 'comp' you and this leads to a party of wicked fun proportions. (My friends decorated my door so I thought I'd share it).

After that, the semester went by really, really quickly as I dealt with thesis preparation, presentation, and then my honors presentation. I had a wonderful 22nd birthday celebration with my best friends in Sewanee and I was absolutely blown away by the lengths they went to to ensure I had a wonderful time (I'll say it again; thanks guys!).  Before we knew it, graduation was upon us, and that week went by in a whirlwind of parties, goodbyes, and generally epic moments shared with great people. 

Relaxation was out of the question since barely a week after graduation, my sister got married. Those of you who've never attended an Indian wedding must try do so at some point (do avoid gate-crashing though, that's a no-no in most cultures). There was so much colour, pomp, laughter and happiness shared, and it felt really good to be with most of the extended family after such a long time. 

Unfortunately, a few weeks after that, the family got some sad news as we lost our grandfather back home in Kenya. It was definitely difficult being away at that point, but like the close-knit family that we are, we all rallied together from different continents to celebrate his life. 

Soon enough, there was more good news; two of our sisters (cousins really, but we've always been really close and refer to each other as such) were expecting! Aunthood is something I've been looking forward to for years now, so 2015 will definitely be an exciting one. 

The last few months involved me relocating from New Jersey to Iowa for a bit, and I started working as a marketing consultant and a marketing and communications intern. I FINALLY started blogging regularly, and saw my readership grow exponentially. I got to go back to Sewanee for a few days to see some of my favourite people in the world, and now I get to usher in 2015 with family in New Jersey again. 

Like I said, 2014 was extremely eventful and taught me a lot. It hasn't been the easiest of years, but I'm grateful for all the experiences I had and the people I shared them with. 2015 is one I'm definitely looking forward to. Aside from the whole aunt thing, it looks like there'll be a move for me at some point; whether this'll be back home, within Iowa, or to another part of the US entirely remains to be seen at this point. It's the first year that I'm not spending as a student in about 20 years, which is crazy and scary but still cool. 

Happy New Year everyone, and thanks so much for being a part of my journey this year! 

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25 Before 25

Nearing the end of the year seemed like a good time to create a broad bucket list, so to speak! I've seen lots of these on various other blogs and websites, and it seemed appropriate to make one of my own (that could also be used by others)! I'm 22, turning 23 in March, so I figure this gives me a good two(ish) years to get exploring. Of course, the list is general enough that it can be used by most adults at any stage in life!

1) Pick up more languages: Personally, I'd like to finally master French, and attempt to tackle Italian, and the dialect of Irish that my phone calls 'Irish'. For others who're interested in languages around the world, the digital age we live in has made it SO much easier to pick up new ones; whether this entails using apps like Duolingo, or actually immersing yourself in a culture that speaks another language. 

2) Travel more: While I have family all over the world, and have travelled often, I haven't necessarily travelled to many different places (yet). Having graduated, hopefully I can work on this! An uncle of mine who regularly travels around the world for work told me that now is the best time to go out and see the world, and I think he's absolutely right (thanks Amu Faiz)! I've been fascinated by Ireland for some time now, for no particular reason, and so I hope to at least see this soon enough! 

3) Expand your musical skills: If 'musically challenged' was a medical disorder, it would describe me perfectly. I appreciate music, and enjoy live shows once in a while, but lacked the patience and skill to pick up an instrument (much to the dismay of my mum and teachers). However, singing doesn't seem (that) difficult, and at the risk of breaking all the windows around me, I think now might be a time to improve my skills enough that I can sing to my soon to arrive niece(s) or niece and nephew without cause for tears (did I mention I'm about to become a double aunt?) :)

4) Learn to make your money work for you: Younger than 25 may seem to some 'too young' to start worrying about money, but take clues from the successful (and unsuccessful) people around you. Just learning about simple investments that can be made and how to control spending habits could go a long way in the future!

5) Try an adrenaline sport: Honestly, I want to do banzai skydiving at some point. It sounds crazy, but fun! It may take me a while to get good enough to be able to do this, though, so I may stick to skydiving at this point!

6) Pick up photography: Or in my case, pick it up again. Bob (my camera) has been complaining of late that I haven't paid him much attention. Those classes I took while still in uni gave me an excuse to explore this art, but recently I've reduced my photography to taking pictures of friends and family when we get together. Yes, it's fun, but not necessarily what a DSLR was built for!

7) Give back, give often: 'Charity' has become so much more than giving money to those who're 'less fortunate'. I've been lucky enough to be in an environment where people are mindful of those around them, and I hope to be able to continue this as I get older. 

8) Learn to let conflict go: Sometimes we hold on to anger because we're too dogmatic to give in. By the time we realise that the relationship at risk means more than the silly squabble, it could be too late. I think the younger we learn to let go of conflict and move on, the healthier we'll be as we get older. 

9) Learn to let go of relationships: At the same time, sometimes it's important to recognise when some relationships have come to an end. These may be friendships that were very close to your heart, but may actually be detrimental to you. I read an interesting article recently on Elite Daily on 10 Toxic People You Shouldn't Bring With You Into The New Year , make sure to check it out!

10) Trust new people: I find that the older I get, the more comfortable I get with the comfort zones I create around myself. Being able to take a jump and try something new and meet new people does me wonders and I'm sure would benefit others too. 

11) Love yourself: I must have said this a thousand times before, but the best time to learn to spend time alone and be comfortable with yourself is now. No matter how old you are, no matter how many years you've spent with a negative self-image, with a little effort, this won't be hard to achieve at all. 

12) Make (and stick to) a fitness routine: Luckily, as of September, I've been pretty okay at this, but just hope that my streak continues! The benefits are definitely innumerable. I want to try accumulate at least 300 yoga hours in 2015, and be able to run at least a 5K so that when people learn I'm Kenyan, I can actually live up to the stereotype. 

13) Climb a mountain: This seems simple enough, right? The world has lots of variety you can pick from. Fortunately, Kenya does too, and I have lots of people around me who've already accomplished this. My best friend climbed Mount Kilimanjaro recently, and while I may not be ready to do this as soon as she was, maybe someday it'll happen. 

14) Learn to cook: Hurrah! I can almost check this one off, thanks to my sister who patiently showed me the basics. Six months ago, I'd never even broken an egg or cut an onion, but now I can safely say I would survive in a kitchen by myself. 

15) Learn to say no: I find this difficult to do, but am learning to do it more often. Sometimes, it's okay to think of yourself first and recognise that you have needs too. 

16) Say yes to things you would've previously turned down: You never know when a fun adventure may be right around the corner!

17) Read more, write more: Personally, I'm trying to switch from quantity to quality. I've got a few untouched-since-I-used-them-in-school Philosophy books that I've been meaning to explore but haven't quite gotten around to. 

18) Spend time with family: This one speaks for itself I think! I'm lucky enough to come from an extremely close family, and though we may be miles away, we speak almost everyday. Time together may not be as much as we'd like, but we make sure to use it well. 

19) Make time for friends: The older I get, the more it seems that I have friends spread out across the globe, from California to Australia. It can be hard to keep up with all of them, but I think it's important to try, especially so because it's these distances which remind you who values you in their lives too. 

20) Become a morning person: Those of you who know me well are probably doubled over laughing at this point. But hey, others have done this before me, so there may still be hope!

21) Go a significant period of time without TV and social media: Honestly, once you begin this, I don't think it's as hard as it seems. It's the initial step that's the hardest, but I think I'd really welcome being able to be Facebook free; not forever, but for a little bit. We've become so attached to our phones that interactions with real people leave much to be desired. 

22) Write with your non-dominant hand: This is a bit of an odd one, but I've always been fascinated with the fact that my dad can write with his left hand and it's actually legible (he's an eye surgeon so this makes sense). I'd love to be able to use mine too!

23) Talk to strangers: This is so much easier to do when you're in a closed environment like a university or workplace, but once you leave these, talking to strangers can seem daunting, at least to me! (Note to self (and others): Do not take this far enough to accept rides from strangers...)

24) Learn your way around a vehicle: My dad has always believed that if you want to drive a car, you should be able to look after it too. I remember the first time I polished one; it got dark while I was still working, and discovered some spots I'd missed the next day. Still, it was pretty exciting, and I've been meaning to learn more when I get a chance! 

25) Plan for the future, but learn to enjoy the present: This is such a big one, and such an important one! What's the point of planning for the future if you'll never enjoy the present? 

Happy holidays!

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Cognitive Shift

Life sucks. At least, it can if we allow it to. A strange sentiment, I'm sure, but please allow me to explain.

We face situations and people every single day that can give us cause to be unhappy and upset. We stress out over our lack of control, and can spiral down further, sometimes into deep depression. 

What can we do to be happy, you ask? It's really as simple as that; be happy. 

You see, life will always throw negatives our way. Focusing on them and giving them more importance than they're due will only harm yourself. Difficult as it may seem at first, choosing to see the positive in life will go a long way in helping you have a happy life. I certainly don't mean to preach, or imply that I'm perfect at this. Far from it! I've faced many situations in life, and continue to do so, where I've felt it would be easier to give up and let 'life happen'. Recently though, I refused to allow myself to think like this; to allow situations that could do so to put me in a 'down' state, and I'm so much happier for it. I'm not just happier with myself, but with the people around me! 

Sure, many people look at me and may wonder; what could be so difficult about my life? It's obviously easier for me to be happy because I've never had to deal with anything close to what they have. Remember, we all have our battles to fight, and just because some of us choose to smile does not mean that life is easy. Take a look around you; everyone you meet has their fair share of crap to deal with, but most of them do just fine. 

Training yourself to react to situations and triggers in healthy ways is not an easy task. Often, to be able to do so successfully may require the help of a professional, and there is nothing to be ashamed about if this is what you decide to do. Therapy has a sort of stigma attached to it that desperately needs to change. Honestly speaking, I'd recommend that everyone try therapy at least once in their life, and this isn't just the Psychology student in me speaking! Of course, that is not to say that this is impossible to accomplish by oneself. Many of us are locked into these patterns of thoughts and behaviours that have been a part of us for many years. Sometimes, we may fail to recognise them and how detrimental they can be. Having an outsider's perspective can definitely be helpful in such a situation. 

Almost everyone has people in their lives whose sole purpose seems to be lashing out at others and making them miserable. Almost everyone, at some point or the other, is capable of being such a person to others too! Remember, most of the time, these people are just reacting to their triggers, and lashing out is their preferred defense mechanism. Teaching yourself not to let such individuals get to you may not help them much at all; but I promise you, you'll be at peace.

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Rest

I didn't have time for a longer post this weekend, but I'll share something my best friend sent me. Something I needed to hear, and maybe you too! 

The Red Jeep

Sometimes, a physical object can have a deeper meaning that is made all the more important by its shared history. The red jeep pictured above belonged to Caleb, a friend of mine who graduated with me. It was eccentric in character to say the least, and upon graduation, he passed it along to the next rugby captain who would take over from him. 

(One memory comes to mind regarding this jeep for me. It was fall break of my sophomore year, and I was on campus along with a few friends. I offered to make dinner for a few of them, and I remember the owner of the jeep at the time (Caleb) coming over with another friend of ours, Jill. We had a great time, and managed to avoid burning down the dorm while we took control of the kitchen. As Caleb and Jill were leaving, I remember the jeep (which seemed to have a personality of its own) had trouble starting. As it finally started off, I stood on the roadside visibly amused, and half expecting them to break down a few metres ahead. They didn't).

I got in touch with him, its previous owner, and the person he passed it down to, to ask what exactly this jeep represented. I'll let their words do the talking! 

Previous owner: 

Well, the jeep was my first car, and painted with my favorite color and from a good friend. Because I got it in Sewanee, it fit right in to our tradition of community. This signified strength and responsibility for me. As mentioned earlier, it was my first car so I had to maintain it with much love and care. I also drove the car to DC 3 times and it still drove anew as if some Angel was working under the hood; a Sewanee angel perhaps.

-B.R.

Second owner: 

I actually had my eye on that Jeep long before I knew Bexter was selling the thing. I used to see him (Bexter) cruising around campus in that noisy piece of awesome and I hoped to find a car like that someday for myself. There was something so unapologetically intense about the thing. Its presence was undeniable, albiet intrusive, and yet it emanated this overarching aura of strength and this sort of rugged friendliness.

When Bexter reached out to me about buying it I knew it was meant to be. I had always looked up to Bexter. He sort of took me under his wing my freshmen year and helped me assimilate to the "Sewanee Lifestyle". As a fellow African transplanted in the American South, he knew much of the culture-shock I was going through those first few semesters and he made everything seem alright. He is such a passionate person and you can really see this come out when he sings. I've never really told him this but I always knew something of his passionate soul found its way into that car, you could feel it.

Anyway, he sold it to me for a ridiculous price. Hell, he practically gave her to me. It was my first car. I was so stoked. I didn't even have an American license yet. My good friend Sam Dexter had to drive me down to the DMV to help me figure out how to pass the driver's test and get registered. So my first ride in the car was actually in the shotgun seat and you had to climb in through the window because the door was jammed.

After we got all the paperwork sorted out I began to drive that thing around like mad. It felt so damn good. I took it on a few road trips, got a few speeding tickets, and jam packed the thing with rugby players and did donuts in the gravel. I've always believed that anything worth doing is worth overdoing. In regards to the Jeep, that meant driving the hell out of her and taking meticulously good care of her at the same time. I made a point to get to know every corner of that greasy engine, it was a beautiful thing.

I quickly learned that the car was at its best when shared with as many people as possible. I honestly think the thing would work better when more people were riding in it, and to my knowledge, that is still the case today. She is so loud that you sort of have to yell at each other when you drive around. But I think it's good to raise your voice every now and then, it lets something out of you, something that needs to be let out.

That Jeep was so unprecedented, so disruptive, and yet so charming. Lodged in a community of primarily upperclass southerners, the Jeep had the effect of being like that eccentric aunt in the family who everyone is slightly embarrassed about but who still gets to show up for thanksgiving dinner because she's family dammit. She's so brash, so entitled, so unpredictable, and yet the happiest in the bunch, or at least the only one with nothing to lose. That is what this Jeep was. That is what it felt like to drive it.

It was an honor to drive that thing around for about 3.5 years. I'm grateful to Bexter and Lawrence for taking such good care of it before passing it along to me. I've always been uncomfortable with referring to it as "my jeep." I think there is an unfortunate impulse in human nature (or at least in my human nature) to want to 'possess' good things. But not all good things are meant to be possessed. And when these good things grace you with their presence and come into your life, it's always a good idea to never hold on too tight. That Jeep really belongs to no one. It's a symbol that embodies values of freedom, brotherhood, creativity, true love, and the irrational yet exquisite capacity to fight on and on and on. Everyone has a right to these things, and there is something about the Jeep that extends the invitation to partake in these things, these values, and nothing about that is exclusive!

How could I ever sell such a thing! Never, no, it would be disrespectful to her and an insult to her freedom. Instead I passed my duty as primary caretaker on to one of the greatest men I know. A man I trust and love and look up to. A man who has taught me a great deal about life and rugby and the nuances of flip-cup. I know the Jeep will serve him well and I know he will serve the Jeep well. The Sewanee rugby family will surround and protect that Jeep for years to come and something about that really puts my hear to rest.

I always wonder if perhaps the Jeep will die someday. Part of me thinks that it could only die if people stopped believing in what she represents. If that day ever comes however, I pray God gives us the grace to let the Jeep go with full hearts and peaceful souls...but until then, until its final mile, we will fight for her, and she will surely fight for us.

-C.B.S.

Current owner:

The jeep for me is not as much about tradition as it is about shared memories. It's a place to get to know someone and a place to feel young and invincible. My freshman year I lived in courts with Caleb and drove with him in that jeep to rugby practice every day. He was the first guy I got to know on the rugby team because of these drives. I remember sitting in the back seat (the front door was permanently sealed) on the way to practice, exploring all the paintings and scrawled quotes on the interior and talking to Caleb about where we came from and how beautiful rugby is. Then we'd pull up to the old EMS house and Sam Dex would run out and climb through the front passenger window and we'd be off to practice. 

I remember how much I looked up to Caleb and how he drove the jeep with a reckless abandon, while telling me about all its finicky little personality traits like how it runs better in the cold and when you drive it hard. Last year I remember sitting in the back seat in the Fiji parking lot one afternoon with a new rugby freshman for a full hour just talking about rugby and our lives and bonding. During our conversation we finger painted "HAZE" onto one side's seat with extra field lining paint found in the back seat. 

The jeep is all about inner beauty, resilience and tlc. It will run as long as it has someone to share itself with. I can't think of it as anything but Caleb's truck but it is the rugby club's truck now and I know it loves its job. It'll never leave the mountain.

-J.C.

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A Flawed Philosophy of Work

Many of us work eight or nine hours every weekday, and some of us also go in for about four or five hours every Saturday. This is a large proportion of our waking time spent at our workplaces. What do we work for? We work to make enough money to be able to afford nice houses that we barely get to spend time in, and to travel during the meagre vacation time we're given.

One would think that since so much of our lives and our waking hours are spent at our workplaces, we would strive to find jobs we enjoyed and would attempt to make the hours spent there more enjoyable, but strangely enough, this isn't the case at all. Come Monday, most, if not all of us, begin to whine about having to go back to work. We eagerly count down days to the weekend, and work in a state of disengagement that tells us that what we are doing shouldn't be enjoyed, but rather tolerated to be able to enjoy later.

We spend many hours with people who work around us, yet go back home at the end of the day virtually strangers, and complain about being 'lonely' and how hard it is to 'meet people'.

What fundamental flaw has arisen in our way of life that we have created lifestyles that make it easier and easier for people to be unhappy? Employees find themselves stuck in situations they don't enjoy just so that they can make money, employers fail to recognise the need these employees have for time off, and society creates a system that forces people to choose 'something' that they can do, before they even realise what it is that they would love to do.

Yes, I have met many people who absolutely love their work. They enjoy what they do, and find fulfillment in the same. These same people have meaningful relationships with the people they work with, and have employers who aren't stingy about time.

Personally, I'm terrified of getting stuck in the rat race; needing to work more and more for less and less, and unable to find meaning in what I do. Luckily for me, I have the support of many friends, family members and mentors, but I know that many others do not enjoy similar comfort. Is it time for change? I certainly think (and hope) so.

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The Art of Being Obvious

I don't know about you, but sometimes when I look at a piece of art, listen to music, read something, or look at a photograph, I like to appreciate its beauty at face value. I think sometimes we get so lost in 'looking for the meaning' in something that it actually loses our attention and we can't appreciate it is much. Beauty really does lie in the eye of the beholder, and sometimes things change meaning for us depending on our lens; the experiences that have shaped us, our emotions, our memories, our lives.

I honestly don't think that two people can look at the same thing the same way; our perception is shaped by our minds, which do a lot of filling in for us. We perceive the world as a beautiful reconstruction of what it really is, a reconstruction that our own brains make. 

I think part of the reason I appreciate various forms of art so much is that I am dismal at them. I was born with no talent, and failed to develop any over the years. So, while I sometimes enjoy hunting for meaning in things, looking at them again and again till they make sense or change before me, sometimes there is beauty in simplicity and being able to say things outright. A great example of this is the Humans of New York photo blog, which is honestly my favourite thing about the Internet. Many of the photos taken by Brandon can be appreciated at face value, many require looking deeper to find meaning, and most can be enjoyed both ways. 

I don't think I'll ever fully be one of those 'writers' (which I put in quotes because I don't fully believe I deserve the title) who relies heavily on subtlety. Most of the time, when I want to say something, I'll go ahead and say it, which anyone who has spent much time around me or read my blog can testify to! 

To part with, I'll leave you with two pictures that I took today; one of the corks I collect neatly in my cork cage, one of them out of it. Interpret them how you will! For me, they're a reminder of wonderful people and wonderful times shared with these people :)

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Repressed: A Modern Love Story?

(I'll warn you in advance, this post isn't one of my happiest, but it's definitely one of my most important. Read no further if you hold the belief that women must surrender all parts of themselves and their identities to their husbands and in-laws after marriage.) 

I remain perpetually shocked by the fact that I STILL live in a society where wives and daughters-in-law don't have anywhere near the respect and freedom that husbands and sons do. Am I talking about Kenya, or Indians in Kenya, or Indians in general? I haven't quite figured that out yet. However, I am talking about a problem that is extremely real, extremely relevant, and happening even today. 

There are many families who insist that a daughter-in-law change her surname after marriage, and don't even leave her the option of keeping her old surname as a middle name. Our identities are so fundamentally tied to our names that it's hard to believe that this is still the case. Yes, I understand the fact that having a common last name is easier for family purposes, but what harm can there be in allowing a woman to keep her old identity intact? In fact, why is this even an issue that needs to be 'allowed'? Shouldn't someone have a say over something as basic as what their name changes to and what they name their children? 

Personally, I can't respect people who think like this, who hold onto their old-fashioned standards due to some deep rooted dogma that they absolutely refuse to let go of. It isn't that the world will end if they let go of these unflinching standards; I have met many, many rational people who do not force a woman to give up her old name just because she married their son. 

I find that these are the same people who put the burden of their care on their daughters-in-law, and none at all on their daughters 'because eventually they will go to their own homes'. Marriage does not mean she is disowned and not a part of your family any longer, and if you have expectations of your sons and their wives to help tend to you, there is no reason not to extend these expectations to your daughters and their husbands. If you have guests at home and berate your daughters for not tending to them while you say nothing to your sons as they do the same, you're definitely doing something wrong. 

I'm extremely lucky to have parents who do not differentiate between sons and daughters, and do not expect us to fulfill 'traditional Indian roles', but I know that there are many others who are not as fortunate. It saddens me that in 2014, this is still a relevant conversation that needs to be had, practically begging stubborn parents to give daughters and daughters-in-law the rights they deserve. Still, a conversation is a start, and I hope that by the time my nieces are of age, this will be an issue that they'll hear about only when they read their aunt's old blog posts. 

To conclude, I'll leave with two conveniently copy-and-pasted paragraphs I took from an article on www.mensxp.com. They kind of say it all, don't they? 

'It is not only unfair but extremely regressive of a man to expect his wife to change her second name after marriage. She can be as much a part of your family even with her original name retained. Her willingness to get her name changed is no measure of how dedicated a wife and how 'cultured' a woman she is, which is why it shouldn't be a concern at all. Moreover, she has a lot of emotions attached to her name - it has been a part of her identity all her life. Just because she is married now, doesn't mean she shall lose all individuality. If you're still not convinced, ask yourself if you'd ever be willing to change your name to hers after getting married.'

' It is strange how convenient it is for an Indian man to make his wife stay with his family without having to give anything up himself.  When a girl agrees to leave her home and live with you for the rest of her life, you owe her equal respect and love towards her family. Instead of making her distant from her family, promise to spend equal amount of time with her parents as she does with yours or be willing to move in with her parents. The society desperately needs an example of a truly equal marriage. Be that change!'

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Thank You, Too

Coincidentally, around Thanksgiving, I began to notice lots of little ways that the people in my life were appreciating me. It's like the universe is sending me little affirmations saying "Keep going, you're doing something right!". 

Many of them actually centred around this blog; I heard from a few people who I haven't heard from in ages giving me feedback on my writing. Some said they enjoyed reading what I wrote, some said that I inspired them to write, some asked me for tips on how to start writing themselves. I've gotten out-of-the-blue messages from old friends telling me that they're thankful for me, that they were thinking of me, that I inspired them somehow. 

Sure, on a day-to-day basis I'm sure many of us don't stop and make sure to reach out and appreciate the people in our lives. Luckily though, I just got a very important reminder from the people in mine about how great one feels when you do that, so I'm definitely going to make sure I appreciate them more often. Thank you, all of you. Happy Holidays!