Nairobi Restaurant Week 2016 (Part 2)

On Thursday, I featured part 1 of my NRW series. Today, I'll talk more about two of the restaurants I visited, OhCha Noodle Bar and Zen Garden. I predict I'll be starving once I'm done! I'm definitely looking forward to reviewing more restaurants in and around Nairobi. 

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OhCha Noodle Bar

I've actually never been here before, but I've been meaning to go so when my fellow foodie and blogger friend Darshani of https://cupcakestocurry.wordpress.com/ suggested a few options for lunch, I picked this one. I knew that the one at Westgate would be busy, so lazy me decided to go to the one at Village Market. 

OhCha's NRW 2016 menu

For starters, I decided to go for the Vegetable Spring Roll. The spring rolls themselves were good, but I especially liked the sauce they came with! Not quite sure what it was, but it was some sort of sweet and spicy concoction. 

Vegetable Spring Roll (and apologies for the wonky picture; I blame my hunger)

For the main meal, I ordered the Chicken Cashew Nuts. Now, keep in mind that I'm not usually a fan of nuts in food, so I was being a little adventurous here, and it paid off. I loved the chicken! The flavours blended together really well- there was enough savoury and spicy to delight me. The chicken itself had great flavour, which I know sometimes can be a hit or miss for restaurants. I would definitely return for it. Another exciting thing that happened was that I had enough left over to take home- and I may or may not have finished these leftovers as soon as I got home... 

Chicken Cashew Nuts

If you're confused by what the food was served in, don't be! Since we were at a food court, the food came in ready-to-take-away boxes. The design on the boxes was pretty cool, but I'm not going to lie, I had a really hard time closing the box and finally had to ask for help! 

For dessert, there were no options to choose from, so we got the Coconut Panna Cotta that was part of the menu. It was really refreshing, and I see why it was selected as the dessert of choice! It wasn't too sweet, so we were able to finish the whole thing. 

Coconut Panna Cotta

Overall, I enjoyed my OhCha experience and I do plan to return, especially so to actually try their noodle bar. I can't say much for the ambiance since we were in a food court, but the service was pretty good. One of my favourite things about this meal, apart from the chicken, was how well the different courses blended together. 

Bonus: I really liked the bags they gave us to put our take away in! 

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(Bamboo at) Zen Garden 

Now, since Zen Garden is one of my favourites (two of my favourites?), there was no way I could skip doing this during NRW! I love having friends who love food too, and two of them accompanied me for dinner. Zen Garden's Pan-Asian side, Bamboo, did the NRW 2016 menu, but the continental side, Jade, did not. 

Pic courtesy of Zen Garden 

For starters, I went with the first starter platter, which consisted of Crispy Pork & Ginger Spring Rolls, the Spicy California Maki Roll, and the Five Spice Snapper Dumpling, and my friends went for the vegetarian platter. Surprisingly, when I read the menu, the dumplings sounded then least appealing, but they turned out to be my favourite appetiser on the plate! The sauces were great too, and I ended up hanging onto them to add to my main meal. I loved the combination of the starters, especially so the spring rolls and the dumplings. 

Zen Starter Platter (Vegetarian)

Zen Starter Platter

For the main meal, I ordered the Sesame & Spring Onion Chicken, and my friends got the Zen Manchurian and the Tofu in Black Bean & Spicy Soy (both vegetarian). Can I just say that my chicken was AMAZING?! Again, here's something I really hope they add to their regular menu! The flavours of sesame and spring onion blended together seamlessly, and I just loved the whole thing (and finished it too)! My friends enjoyed their meals as well, and after having tried a bite of the tofu, I agreed. If I was to order vegetarian, I would've gotten that. 

Sesame & Spring Onion Chicken

Zen Manchurian

Tofu in Black Bean & Spicy Soy

For their dessert we all got the Freshly Baked Mango Tart with a Salted Caramel Macaroon & Vanilla Bean Ice Cream. To be absolutely honest, out of all the desserts I've had at Zen Garden, this one was my least favourite (their passion fruit cheesecake, however? I live to eat it). Maybe this is because it was hard to live up to such an amazing second course! However, I absolutely LOVED their presentation. 

Freshly Baked Mango Tart with a Salted Caramel Macaroon & Vanilla Bean Ice Cream

The service here was amazing, as usual; it's like the waiter knew right when to come over, and that's always a good thing. The ambiance at this restaurant is one of my favourites in Nairobi, I doubt there's anyone around who doesn't know that! 

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The Verdict on NRW 2016

There are some who felt that the prices were a little steep, and a regular meal at these restaurants may have been cheaper, but I loved the opportunity to try dishes that weren't on their regular menus! I do wish that the price included at least one drink though, it may have been a more attractive offering to many. 

Favourite starter: Zen Garden followed VERY closely by OhCha

Favourite main meal: Zen Garden

Favourite dessert: About Thyme, definitely! I could live on this....

Favourite combination: OhCha

Favourite presentation: Zen Garden for starters and dessert, About Thyme for main meal, OhCha for takeaway

Did you all get to try out any restaurants for NRW 2016? I'd love to hear about them! 

Nairobi Restaurant Week 2016 (Part 1)

If you know anything about me at all by now, it should be this- I'm a huge food and wine lover. Combine that with a love of writing, and I resolved to make sure I write more about food and wine this year!

Nairobi Restaurant Week ran from the 28th of January to the 7th of February, with some restaurants extending until the 12th. Around 50 of the city's finest restaurants designed special 3 course menus for KSH. 1500 or 2500, and 2 course lunch menus were also available, for KSH. 1000 or 1800. This was the first Nairobi Restaurant Week I was actually in the country for, so I was really excited to attend!

I managed to attend 3 restaurants this time, and hopefully next year, with a little bit of planning, I'll be able to try more! I managed to do About Thyme, OhCha Noodle Bar and Zen Garden.

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About Thyme 

I started off NRW 2016 by heading to About Thyme for a lovely lunch with my mum. We both decided to do two courses, and share a starter and a dessert. A good thing too, since we were both so full by the end of it! 

For starters, we had the Golden Sweetcorn Fritters with Avocado Salsa. 

Golden Sweetcorn Fritters with Avocado Salsa

I really enjoyed these, especially with the avocado and lemon (or was it lime? I confess to being horribly ignorant about the differences). I've only ever had salsa that definitely had hints of red and came in a bowl, so this was a cool change. I definitely wouldn't mind trying these again- maybe they could add them to their regular menu? Hint hint? The only thing I think would've made them a little better would be a little chilli on the side- and I definitely used the sauce they gave! 

For the main meal, my mum ordered the Tamarind and Chilli Tilapia, and I had the Morendat New York Farm Strip Steak on a Mushroom Puff Tartlet. 

Tamarind and Chilli Tilapia

Morendat New York Farm Strip Steak on a Mushroom Puff Tartlet

My mum says that the fish was excellent, and the bite I stole definitely confirmed this. Unsurprisingly, I wasn't as interested in the kale as she was, so I can't comment on this! While my steak was good, I felt that it definitely couldn't measure up to About Thyme's famous pepper steak (seriously, it's so good), so part of my meal was spent fondly thinking about the latter. However, I loved the mushroom sauce, and the combination with the tartlet! The veggies were done well, and I actually finished them.

NB: I know this might make some of you stop reading, but I feel like I must warn you- I order my steak well done. Like, almost burnt. No chance of anything bleeding on my plate!

For dessert, Mum and I went for the dessert trio, which consisted of a chocolate pot, banoffee tartlet and granadilla/lime cheesecake. Oh. My. Goodness. I'd've happily come back to do NRW at About Thyme and had this for all three courses (and I expressed as much to the owner). This trio was DIVINE!

Dessert Trio

Aside from the food, the service was warm and friendly as usual, and I noticed Deborah (the owner) going around and checking on everyone, including us. I'd never sat in the garden before, and I think it was a pleasant location for lunch. Bonus points for the fact that I didn't get eaten alive by mosquitoes as I usually do! 

If they had to add anything from their NRW 2016 menu to their regular one, I would strongly suggest the dessert!! 

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Keep an eye out for my next post, in which I talk all about OhCha and Zen! 

Believe in the Extraordinary

The universe works in strange and often mysterious ways. Whatever your religious beliefs (or lack thereof), I doubt you can argue against this fact. And often, you're reminded of this fact when you're least expecting it.

Today, I was having a pretty normal day- client meeting in the morning, and came home to chat with my mum for a little bit before sitting back to work. When talking to my mum, she reminded me of something amazing that happened to me a few years ago, and just how lucky I was, and it made me realise that I'd never talked about it on my blog before. So, here goes...

Picture taken by Caroline Williams, C'14

A little over 6 years ago, I was in the process of preparing and sending out my college applications. I had decided that I wanted to study in the U.S. (because studying in Kenya or the U.K. would have restricted me to a single subject, and I wanted to do more), but there was a bit of a struggle in that coming from a British educational system, I knew little to nothing about the American educational system- and neither did the careers department from my high school.

I was forced to look outside my school system for help on applications and prerequisite examinations like the SATs, and so I ended up at the American Educational Advisory Center in Nairobi. Again, here, due to a lack of information on my part, most of the universities I applied to were chosen by someone else.

When studying for my SATs, I met an admissions counsellor from Sewanee: The University of the South. He wasn't here for a school visit, so our meeting was complete coincidence. I had never heard of Sewanee before, which now actually astounds me, considering its reputation (to give you a hint, one of my best friends turned down Harvard for Sewanee without even thinking about it twice). He spoke to a group of us about Sewanee and also spoke of the five full merit scholarships that were awarded annually to international students. At this point, I thought that there was NO WAY I would ever make the cut. I was a good student, but competing with hundreds of others from around the world for 5 spots at such a highly ranked school? I really didn't think I'd ever make it. I wasn't even sure I would get in!

Anyway, the talk piqued my interest, and I started to do more research into Sewanee. The more I learnt, the more impressed I was, and I decided to apply.

March 2010: I found out I got in. I wasn't selected for one of the five full scholarships... but I was their first alternate! I was absolutely astounded- I honestly hasn't expected this at all.

April 2010: In addition to all the extraordinary line of events leading up to this, one of the original five turned down their scholarship- which meant that I got it!

Of course, I was ecstatic at this point. This was a fantastic opportunity at a fantastic school, and six years after the whole process, I can honestly say that going to Sewanee was the best decision I've made in my life so far.

In addition to the amazing education I got and the networks I'm now a part of (graduating from Sewanee is like joining a huge and happy global family who're more than willing to help each other out), Sewanee gave me the very best of friends and mentors and memories I'll treasure for ages!

From never having heard of this school to discovering how amazing it was to thinking I may not get in to not only getting in but being awarded a full scholarship, I feel like my life so far is proof that sometimes, the unexpected happens in the most extraordinary of ways!

At graduation, an amazing 4 years later

I think I needed to reflect on this and write about it today. Thanks for the reminder Mum!

YSR & EQB

Fun Friend Dates

Dinner, drinks and dancing, coffee at your favourite little cafe...  eventually, the same routines get old! People get really inventive when coming up with ideas for dates, so I thought it'd be nice to talk about some fun ideas that friends can choose from too! Of course, there are COUNTLESS others, but I thought this'd be a nice place to start!

Some of these ideas are Kenya-specific, but I'm sure you'll find similar things to do abroad.

1) Visit the David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust: Plan to visit around the time all the baby elephants are out to play. If you have extra time, make sure to visit the giraffe centre too, and then head to one of the many fabulous restaurants in Karen, like Talisman!

2) Take a walk: Again, if you're in Nairobi, get up early on a weekend and head to Karura forest. (I'm ashamed to admit I haven't been yet, but I'm planning to soon!) I've heard it's absolutely beautiful!

3) Sign up for a class together: Be it zumba or cooking or shooting or bartending or painting or Irish, learning something new is always fun if you have a friend with you! If you've always wanted to learn something, but felt silly at the thought of signing up, rest assured that it'll be easy with a friend. 

4) Wine and canvas: You get to drink AND create something awesome together. How cool is that? Most cities have their versions of this I believe, and it's quickly catching on. I was excited to learn that Nairobi does this too! 

5) Paintballing: Enough said. 

6) Head to a restaurant that does karaoke: Personally, I don't think I'd go for this for fear of all the glass around me breaking, but I've been there while friends have gotten up and had a blast, and it was lots of fun- for all of us! 

7) Plan a book club: You may know where I'm going with this, but trust me- you don't. If you've never gotten together a bunch of your closest guys and girls, handed the most serious person in the room a ridiculous romance novel and asked them to read out loud, you're missing out! Of course, book clubs can also go in the normal direction if you'd like...

8) Road trip: If you have enough time, plan a road trip and stay in another city for two or three nights! It'd be a fun getaway for all of you. My personal recommendation? NOLA. If you're within driving distance, of course. 

What are some things you like to get up to when you're with your friends? I'd love to hear from you! 

Furusato: Restaurant Review

A little overdue, but I'm finally getting around to doing my review of Furusato, for a visit from November last year. (Thanks Amber for the nudge!) Furusato is a Japanese restaurant that's been around for a few years as far as I can remember.

On this fine Friday, I'd just finished up a training session at the UN, and was in the mood for some solo gallivanting. It'd been a few years since I'd gone to Furusato last, so I thought that would be a good starting point.

Side note: Going to restaurants alone is a perfectly fun activity, but I'm beginning to realise it's not as common in Kenya...

On this fine Friday, I show up to Furusato at around 12:50. A little early for lunch, so it's understandable why the restaurant wasn't as busy as it usually is. The look of confusion on the waiter's face when I asked for a table for one made me chuckle a little on the inside.

I ordered a lunch box, and this came with a salad. Now, I'm not much of a salad person, but this one? It was DIVINE! The dressing was amazing- flavourful without being overpowering. I think it was some sort of peanut ginger dressing? Honestly, it was so good I could've drank it. Not saying I didn't... The salad had lettuce, avocado, tomatoes, red cabbage, capsicum, cucumbers, and maybe a teensy bit of onion. Not sure about the last part, for which I'm glad; to say I'm not the biggest fan of raw onions would be an understatement.

When I ordered the lunch box, I was expecting what any lunch box in the U.S. would have. So when I realised that the one here came with so much more, I was pleasantly surprised, and actually had to customise my order. My box came with tempura, a tuna pancake, sashimi, tofu, teriyaki chicken, fish, and rice. I opted to replace the sashimi with California roll, and the fish with more chicken (no surprises here). The box came with seaweed soup too, and this served as a nice palate cleanser between all the different flavours.

First of all, the tempura was great. It was light and obviously fresh, and I was pleased that they didn't skimp on ingredients and included prawns too. The tuna pancake was probably my biggest surprise. Now, I'm not the biggest fan of tuna, much to the dismay of my awesome brother-in-law who makes great tuna sandwiches that I've never been able to enjoy. Something about the overly, um, fishy taste just gets to me. However, this tuna pancake obviously did SOMETHING right. I finished the whole thing! Not saying there wasn't copious amounts of soy sauce involved- there always is when I'm having Japanese- but still.

The California roll was good too, nothing out of the ordinary, but I liked it. I loved the teriyaki chicken, but then again, I always do. My least favourite part of the lunch box was the tofu. I have NO idea what went wrong here, but it felt like I was chewing on a limp, tasteless piece of tissue paper the consistency of cottage cheese. *Shudders* Sorry guys. Maybe that's your cuppa tea, but not for me.

All in all, I enjoyed myself thoroughly, despite the tofu disaster. I wasn't able to finish it all, but I think I did a pretty good job.

The only dessert on the menu was ice cream, which I suppose was a good thing after such a heavy meal. I went for the strawberry (never the chocolate, right?), and was pleasantly surprised to discover that the restaurant didn't charge me for it.

Overall:

Ambience: I like it.

Parking: Plenty.

Food: Definitely recommend you try it. But stay away from the tofu.

Drinks: I ordered a ginger ale, so that's a 10/10 right there.

Service: Fast and friendly, although I was a little surprised that the waiter came to pick up my tip before I had gotten up.

Price: Pretty good, about 1500 for the whole thing.

Restrooms: Unfortunately, forgot to check them out.

So, what do you all think? Will you be visiting any time soon? 

2016: Aim Higher

I'm not usually one to broadcast my goals to a large audience, but in line with a post I wrote last year, I thought sharing a few of them would be a fun way to hold myself accountable- and to keep up with others who have similar aspirations. I avoid calling these 'resolutions': I've found that thinking of them as 'intentions' works better for me.

While I won't be sharing all of them (in fact, I think only one person knows them all), and while these are not all really 2016 specific, I thought it was about time to go ahead and get this up.

1) Health: Building up from 2015 being the first year in a long time that I've had a regular fitness routine, I wanted to take things a step further this year. I finally started Insanity (and I now understand why they call it that...), and by the end of 2016, I hope to have run my first half-marathon! I think that shifting away from tracking my fitness as my physical appearance to measuring my health and endurance has been quite motivational for me.

2) Comfort Zone: I think this is a big one, especially since I've tended to stick to mine since I moved to Nairobi. I'm working on moving beyond this, and this involves many things: going to events I would normally turn down or where I wouldn't know many people, participating in activities I wouldn't have thought I would (see marathon above), and engaging in little things on a day to day basis that challenge me.

3) Professional Development: Since October, I've been working as a full time independent consultant. I'm hoping to build up enough clientele by the end of the year that I can afford to travel to a new location and work there for a little bit!

4) Reading: I recently started reading nonfiction books more regularly. Honestly, I'll be surprised if I haven't achieved this goal by July even, but I want to read at least 12 good nonfiction books this year. I started off with Thrive by Arianna Huffington (finally), and would welcome your recommendations!

5) Savings: I attended a training hosted by YWSE Nairobi (of which I'm now a board member!) last year, facilitated by my sister, that talked about personal financial management. I've been much better about tracking my expenditures, and hope to have saved up at least 20% of my total 2016 income by the end of December.

6) Writing: Again, this is something that has taken off toward the end of 2015, and now I need to build up on it. By December, I'd like to have at least published 100 more blog posts, and stuck to my Monday, Thursday and Saturday schedule as much as possible. I also want to get more involved in things going on in Kenya, and so I aim to write more about Kenyan events, people and restaurants too. 

7) Personal Growth: I think now is always a good time to improve yourself! To this end, I've signed up for three online courses, and intend to pick up meditation as a regular habit this year. The benefits are numerous and actually measurable, and go way beyond just 'knowing yourself' better! I'm also a great fan of TED talks, and watched many while at Sewanee, but haven't watched as many as I'd like recently. I'd like to watch at least two a month this year!

8) Languages: 2016 is the year that I FINALLY (I hope) become fluent in French! I can read and write it a very basic level, but I think it's time to finish something I started when I was 8.



What are some of the goals you're hoping to achieve this year? Any suggestions for some I should add to my list? Feel free to comment below!

2015: My Year in Review

Happy New Year to all of you! I sincerely hope that this year is all that you hope for and much, much more!

Yes, I know that it's technically still the 31st, but for years, I always send my wishes out on NYE, so why should this year be any different?

This is my favourite holiday of the year; I know it sounds like such a cliche, but I love the fresh start that's represented, the chance to celebrate with friends and family, and the general excitement in the air.

(This is also of my favourite pictures to share this time of year.)

It's crazy to believe how busy this year has been. With all that's happened, I thought it'd be nice to do a year in review post ! 

1) 2015 was my first full year in the 'real world': (Read: my first full year out of full time education since I was around one). It's hard for me sometimes to believe that I graduated more than a year ago. Yes, I do miss all the learning that goes on in an institution that's dedicated to 'formal' learning, but I've been pleasantly surprised by all the learning that goes on on this side. 

2) 2015 is the first year since 2008 that I've had a regular workout routine: And I'm pretty pleased with how dedicated I've been! I don't need to go on about how much of a difference this had made to me, since I've talked about it in previous posts. Let's just say I'm very happy with all the results!

3) Career transition: In the course of 2015, I went from working an awesome internship in Des Moines, to a desk job in Nairobi, to working as an independent marketing consultant for my own clients! It's hard to believe that all this has been just within a year...

4) Aunthood: Yes, you read that right. I got an awesome triple promotion this year, and am the proud aunt to a nephew and two nieces; one in the U.S., one in the U.K., and one in India!

5) Moving back to Kenya: This one has DEFINITELY had its fair share of ups and downs! I moved back to Kenya in March, right before my 23rd birthday. While the transition hasn't been the easiest, I've learnt a lot by coming back, and I've met a lot of cool people along the way!

6) My first year away from my Sewanee family: It's hard to believe I've gone a whole year without seeing my best friends from Sewanee! However, I think I am INCREDIBLY fortunate in that the distance hasn't made us distant at all. In fact, I think my friendships with these amazing people have been stronger than ever! (And I am planning to get my group of girlfriends to visit Kenya sometime soon... hint hint!)

7) Writing: My blog has definitely taken off in a big way this year; if I haven't said it before, thank you all for the support! At the beginning of the year, I'd set some targets in terms of analytics, but I've been stunned by how far I've surpassed those targets! Along with increased reach, I've also gotten a lot of feedback on my writing, and all of this has meant so much. I can't describe how it feels when someone you don't even know very well tells you that you inspire them. Thank you! I also got an article published in one of Kenya's national newspapers this year, so that was pretty exciting.

8) Reconnecting: From May to December is the longest time my best friend and I have gotten to spend together since we were in high school!! This has definitely been an amazing source of support for me, and has eased my transition to Kenya in more ways than I could ever explain. Thank you Cheenar! (For those of you who haven't met her yet, Cheenar is an absolutely amazing and inspirational woman, and I'm trying my best to convince her to write for the Kenyan Nomad this year!)

9) Growth: It's hard to describe how much I've learnt during 2015. The year definitely hasn't been the easiest, but if I had to go back and change anything, I don't think I would. I look at the person I was just a year ago, and I'm very happy with all the changes, internal and external, that I've gone through!

10) Family: Last but not least; it's been awesome living with my parents as a 'real adult'!

Thank you all for being an integral part of my journey this year. Happy New Year! 

Winding Down: A Family Vacation

First of all, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone! Apologies for silence this month; but also, THANK YOU! Thank you to all of you for being such a great audience this year. My readership in 2015 has been the highest ever- especially so in December, which is crazy because I've only published one post this month so far! So thank you, for reading, and keeping up with the Kenyan Nomad, and all the wonderful feedback you've given me this year.

As we count down to my favourite holiday of the year, I wanted to share some snippets from my recent family vacation. My parents and I headed to the Rift Valley from the 20th to the 24th, and I decided to completely unplug! My phone was on airplane mode most of the time, I absolutely didn't check my messages, emails or Facebook at all, and I got to spend some time actually reading! I didn't manage to fit in as much as I would've liked, but I did read 'The Pilgrimage' by Paulo Coelho and 'Social Intelligence' by Daniel Goleman.

There were so many things I loved about this vacation (and we're not just talking about the food here). I got to spend lots of fun time with my parents, do some long distance driving in Kenya, took some long walks that should really be part of my routine in the city (and got some gorgeous pictures on these that I'll be sharing below, went for two blissful spa treatments, and (this is going to sound crazy for those of you who know me) went swimming for the first time in FIVE years. I know, I can't believe it either. Me being me, I jumped right in and did more laps than I ought to, so I was a little sore at the end of the day, but the amazing massage at the spa helped lots. Plus, I got to go to bed before 9 for the first time in ages!

My least favourite part of this vacation? Discovering that I'm apparently some sort of mosquito magnet. Seriously, if I'm in a room with nine other people and a bunch of mosquitoes, I'll be the only one covered in red bumps the next day. Discrimination or attraction? You tell me?

Anyway, I'm definitely rested and rejuvenated and looking forward to the end of 2015 and what 2016 will bring. I'll let the pictures do the rest of the talking!

Pic by Nimrod Levy

Pic by Nimrod Levy

Dropping Dependency

Pic courtesy of Unsplash

Since I moved back to Kenya, I've been amazed at the variety of conversations I've been having about important things that just never came up before. There's a class I attend Saturday afternoons (class might be stretching it... it's more of a forum for people of my generation to talk about stuff that needs to be talked about), and the theme of one particular Saturday's session was 'Dropping Dependency'. What we spoke about really resonated with me- so naturally, I decided to write about it.

I've had this post on my mind for quite a while, but I wanted to be in the right frame of mind when I finally wrote and published it, and today, inspiration struck. 

I think it's okay to depend on others sometimes- depend on objects, depend on people, depend on achievements. But I also think that there is a difference between depending on others, and being dependent. This may just be my interpretation, but I feel like the former involves leaning on others at times when it is necessary to do so, but being able to function by yourself, while the latter implies needing these other objects, people and achievements constantly. 

I'm guilty of being dependent. I think that in my case, I try not to depend on other people; but I'm dependent nevertheless. 

What's an important factor in dropping dependency? Establishing strong personal boundaries, which tend to also be a byproduct of healthy self-esteem. The higher the insecurities, the looser people's emotional boundaries, and often enough, the higher their dependency is. What do strong personal boundaries look like? Being able to take responsibility for your own actions and emotions, but not the actions and emotions of others. 

What are some examples of this?

• Letting bad things that happen to other people affect you adversely. There's a difference between being empathetic and letting others' negative experiences influence you so much that you can't function. In this case, you are taking responsibility for others' actions and emotions.
• Having a bad day, and expecting those around you to tread softly because you're angry or upset, instead of dealing with your emotions productively. Here. you're expecting others to take responsibility for your emotions and actions. 
• Letting yourself feel guilty because you haven't lived up to someone's expectations. The other person is demanding responsibility from you for emotions that aren't yours. 

The list really could go on, but I think you get the gist. Often, people who have personal boundary issues in romantic relationships are the same people who had boundary issues in their families when they were younger.  Yes, it is important to establish boundaries, even with the people who we love the most! People with stable boundaries can often find it hard to maintain relationships with people who don't have them; they are not able to provide the excitement that people with loose emotional boundaries often thrive on. 

Dependency and personal boundaries are correlated. People who have weak personal boundaries tend to be highly dependent, while we find that people who are highly dependent have a desperate need for love and affection, leading to the removal of their personal boundaries. 

We all fall somewhere on the spectrum from being perpetual victims (constantly make others take responsibility for their actions and emotions) to being perpetual saviors (constantly take responsibility for the actions and emotions of others). Most of us are more one type than the other, but what we are also changes based on the situations and people we are presented with. 

How do we recognise if we have personal boundary issues? Guilt can be a powerful indicator. Do you have people who make you feel guilty for something you didn't feel guilty about in the first place? You need to realise that you can't always meet other people's expectations or influence their feelings. Have you ever felt guilt about taking something out on someone else that wasn't their fault in the slightest? 

If there's a boundary issue in a relationship, you'll probably be afraid of the repercussions of making a change in that relationship. Compromise in such a relationship will not be because the parties want it, but it'll be out of obligation. Actions will not be without expectations. 

Luckily, once you start to think about these issues, you'll probably recognise them manifesting in different parts of your life and be able to take measures to establish stronger personal boundaries; I know I'm lucky that I did! 

Pic courtesy of Unsplash

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— The Kenyan Nomad (@TheKenyanNomad) December 4, 2015