Lessons from 2020

 

If you’re here, I’ll assume you’re already aware that 2020 has been quite a shit-show. It seems as though every day, one wakes up to crazier and crazier news, till the temptation to bury one’s head in the sand and hibernate is almost irresistible. I won’t debate how much of the craziness is due to unavoidable circumstance, but it’s definitely true that a lot of it is due to human beings’ inability to be kind, courteous, and unselfish (y’all know who I’m talking about). 

Before I delve in, a caveat. The ability to take 2020 and learn something from it is definitely due to the privileges I’ve been afforded so far, and some of these lessons will not resonate with others for the same reason. 

Here’s what I know so far: 

1. Life refuses prediction. How many of us, when asked what we thought our 2020s would hold, would have been able to accurately predict the future? This craziness aside, I look back at my life and see a pattern where some of the best things that happened to me (best either at the time, or due to what they taught me) were things I couldn’t have planned for. And for someone who loves planning and being control, this isn’t easy to accept! 

2. When people show you who they are… listen. I’ve found that I tend to hold on to an idealistic sense of who the people in my life are, based on who they used to be, who I want them to be, or sometimes, even my own projections. However, I’m not the only one! I’ve seen my best friend do this recently too, and it’s easier to look in a mirror when you have external examples to reference. 2020 has been a perfect way to do a people test, if you will – sort of like if you’re on a first date at a restaurant, how does the other party treat the staff?  

This year, human rights issues have been at the forefront. We’ve watched as the rights many take for granted – to live, to love, to exist, to be, to have control over our lives and our bodies – have been curtailed or infringed upon, either due to COVID-19, related responses, and worst of all, people believing they have the right to decide for others. Pay very close attention to how those around you have interacted with, talked about, and responded to these issues. Pay very close attention to those around you who HAVEN’T interacted with, talked about, and responded to these issues. Let go of your ideas of these people and see them without a biased lens. 

3. Trust your instincts. This has shown up weirdly for me this year, in terms of the people I’ve chosen to spend time with and the opportunities I’ve chosen to pursue. I won’t – or can’t – give much more detail on this one, but there’s something I was exploring earlier this year. Around the time when I had the choice to dig deeper or pull away, my instincts FLARED up and I decided to pull away. I was still in two minds, though, until others reached out weeks after to confirm what I’d felt. I now look back and realise that the instincts I’ve had in the past, that I’ve sometimes felt guilty about, probably weren’t leading me the right way… and I should have just listened rather than try to rationalise. 

4. Be kind. I’m not sure I had fully appreciated the value of kindness till this year. It was something that existed, that was missed when I didn’t see it, but maybe not something I dwelled on as much. However, this year, I’ve seen the value in kindness to self, to others, to the world we live in. I’ve been inspired by tales of kindness from various places, and I’ve come to prioritise this value as a filter for people and situations I choose to spend time and energy on. 

5. As long as you’ve done your best, there’s power in surrendering to the outcome and the unknown. There are some of you who’re reading this who’re probably cheering at this right now, but it’s a lesson that’s taken a while for me to absorb (and I won’t say I’m 100% there)! This probably goes back to my first point, but I’ve realised that a need for control paradoxically erases control – as soon as you’re in an unfamiliar situation, you flounder and feel more out of control than you ever did. If you learn to ride the flow and embrace the unknown – you’ll never truly be out of control. There’s a lot this year that’s happened that I didn’t necessarily plan for, but that I’ve accepted, and found myself happier/ more at peace because of it. 

There’s definitely more but this felt like a good stopping point for now. I’d love to hear from you – what has growth and learning looked like in 2020?

Your Twenties: A Time to Learn, Grow and Explore

This is a post that I'd written a few years ago for a good friend of mine. Unfortunately, she has now closed her blog - so I thought it would be fun to share here!

Try as they might, your younger years do little to prepare you for the physical and intellectual freedom that you will have in your twenties. Sure, there are certain things that we learn better when we are younger, like languages and maths and other such 'traditionally' educational pursuits. Luckily (or so I've found), our twenties give us ample opportunity to learn, grow and explore in other ways!

1) Yes, it's not glamorous... but this is the best time to learn how to cook, clean and 'look after a household'. Being an adult comes with a lot of responsibility, and soon enough most of us will have to juggle this responsibility ourselves. Most of the time, learning to do everyday tasks is not at all exciting, but you'll thank yourself for it later on. Who wants to be a 30 year old who needs help from their mothers, fathers and significant others to do simple chores around their house? (This is important for men AND women. Thankfully we don't live in a historic society where the burden of looking after a house fell to the women. I know plenty of men, old and young, who are more than capable around the house, and they are no less masculine for it.) 

2) Appreciate reading. In our twenties, we are still in an in-between stage where we are learning how and where we like to spend our time. While you still have the time and energy to make reading a habit, go ahead and do so. You won't be disappointed because you'll find that there are COUNTLESS worlds and ideas to explore. Learning is a never ending journey, and grabbing a few good books is a sure guarantee that you'll stay on this path! 

3) I've said it before, and I'll say it again; learn to be alone in a healthy way! It's crazy how much this can help your confidence, self-awareness and ability to have great relationships with others. 

4) Try and make contribution to community a higher priority than it has been. For many of us, a primary aspect of our twenties is change. Change from education to being employed, change of location, change of status, other kinds of change. Learning to be aware of and compassionate to the people around us will go a long way. While this can mean contribution in the sense that charity and community service are taken to mean, it can also be as simple as learning to REALLY listen to what the people around us are saying. They'll thank you for it, and sooner or later, you'll thank you for it. 

5) Make activity a priority. Laziness is unfortunately rampant, and there are so many of us, myself included, who have extremely sedentary lifestyles. Much to the regret of our older selves, we choose to ignore all the evidence that tells us how important physical activity is. Luckily, there is time to learn and choose to be active. Apart from making us physically healthier, it'll help make us happier too!

6) Make happiness an EXTREMELY important priority. Too often, people our age look to the future for happiness. We plan and hope and fail to recognise and take advantage of the ample opportunities life gives us to be happy right now. 

7) Travel. Travel now, travel often. Travel far, and travel near. This speaks for itself I hope!

8) Finally, but certainly not least importantly, know yourself. Learn more who you already are, and explore the kind of person you want to be. Appreciate yourself more than you have in the past. Soon enough, you'll see positive impacts of this on all other parts of your life!