Grief and I

Allow me to introduce you to my friend, Grief. He has been walking with me since April and I do wonder when I may be left alone...

Is there an FAQ for losing someone? Asking for a friend - not Grief, but me this time.

It's been a little busy in my mindspace recently - you see, Grief is quite popular and since he started hanging out with me, he has all these other friends who've decided to join the party.

Confusion. Waking up and feeling like it may be an ordinary day - but something, somewhere feels off, what could it be? Confusion. Having those around our family think that we're doing fine - how can they not see?

Rage. She kind of roams around with no clear target - sometimes she's concerned with how modern medicine failed us, how they didn't detect how serious it was in time, how something, SOMEWHERE, might have saved my uncle.

Gratitude. 26 years - I had 26 wonderful years to learn from him. Cut short though they may be, I'm grateful for every single day of these.

Fear. Fear whispers in my ear - what if what if what if? What if you have to go through this again? This time you broke, slowly and surely. Next time, you will surely shatter, and there won't be any putting you back together.

Fearlessness. Strangely enough, Fearlessness and Fear have found a way to coexist. Nothing could ever be scary compared to the last few months, right?

Anger. So much of it. The future we got cheated out of. Sometimes, unjustifiable toward my other family, who got more time with him then I did - and immediately followed by

Shame. We all lost him. I don't get to prioritise my friend Grief over his cousins who've found homes with my family at this time.

Hope. She's the gentle hand on my shoulder, telling me to stay strong, to be strong, to be happy - because that's what he would want.

Hurt. So many conversations left unspoken, questions left unasked. Things that only Shiri uncle would know - moments where I forget, the past, the usual, comes rushing back, I think of picking up the phone and shooting him a quick message and then boom! Hurt reminds me of that which I dared to forget.

Weariness. She's the loner standing at the corner of this whole party whispering softly

I'm tired. I'm exhausted. When does this ever end?

Strength. He's the friend who has a direct connection to my support network and has managed to keep me going - keep us going - as this party goes on. I'm thankful, everyday, for his perseverance.

Haandi: Restaurant Review

If anyone asks me to recommend the best Indian restaurant in Nairobi, I'll definitely say Haandi. Hopefully this doesn't come as too much of a surprise to you, but if it does, or if you disagree, you're very welcome to change my mind! I'm always open to new experiences.

I don't go to the actual restaurant as often as I would like. Their ambience is lovely, but the location itself isn't too exciting.

It was a Sunday family lunch, and we were celebrating my parents' 39th anniversary (woo!), so you can imagine that we ordered quite a bit ;) In the interest of being true to what I write, I'll only cover the dishes that I personally tried out of those we ordered.

Before we begin - a huge kudos to Haandi for their service. We got great service and attention from our server as well as the manager on duty. The manager made sure to understand why we were there, gave us some lovely recommendations, and also helped us proactively adjust the portions we needed when it became clear that we had ordered (far) too much. Perhaps Haandi could think of getting wider tables? Punjabi families need all that space...

Another kudos for a website that is FUNCTIONAL and BEAUTIFUL! A personal pet peeve is going to an excellent restaurant with a crappy website - there's no reason you can't be excellent across all channels, is there?

I think I had a ginger ale or something, but my mum ordered a salty lime soda. It sounded hella weird, to be honest, but I think that's what I'll order when I go!! It had a lovely flavour and a delightful hint of mint. Plus, the salt was exotic not creepy if that makes sense?

To start off, we ordered the chilli paneer, the murg burra (boneless chicken tikka), and the lamb seekh kebabs.

To be incredibly honest - I've had better chilli paneer in Nairobi, even at Haandi itself! (Also, totally forgot to take a picture...)

The murg burra. Let's spend a moment here, shall we? Again. Without a doubt, I can say that this is the BEST boneless tikka I've had at a North Indian restaurant in Nairobi. The chicken was creamy and soft enough - think melt in your mouth. It was marinated exquisitely all the way through, and the chicken itself was great! Definitely a 10/10.

The seekh kebabs were great too - a little on the dry side, but good flavour, which sometimes restaurants completely fail to achieve when they're working with lamb.

For the mains, we ordered the malai kofta, dal bukhara, jeera chicken and rogan josh. I didn't try the malai kofta, but did manage to have a bite of all the rest.

First of all, the dal bukhara. It's been a LONG time since I've had a proper dal bukhara (black dal cooked overnight). This was amazingly done, with lovely flavours of ginger and butter too. Honestly, I wouldn't be opposed to ordering ONLY this and eating it alone the next time I go! Thanks for destroying stereotypes about vegetarian food having to choose between being healthy and being tasty, dal bukhara, you the real MVP.

Can you smell it yet?

The jeera chicken was perfect too. It's a personal favourite of mine, so there may be a little bias here - but I highly doubt it! I loved that the individual flavours of this dish were so perfectly subtle that they blended together perfectly! We got this medium spicy, but I feel like this dish could hold its own without that spice if it needed to.

Finally, the rogan josh. Again, forgot to take a picture here. Good - but didn't hold a candle to the chicken or dal!

We had these with naans and rice. The naans were soft, but not something I would eat alone. However, a perfect accompaniment to the dishes above.

After all this, we definitely had to take a meanwhile before heading home for some well-deserved cake!

Have you been to Haandi? What was your experience like?

Empathy and Compassion

Empathy and compassion. Empathy and compassion. Empathy and compassion.

Empathy and compassion. Empathy and compassion. Empathy and compassion.

It's an internal mantra I've been experimenting with this month, inspired by the person I'm lucky to call my best friend, rock and role model - and I'll be the first to admit, I had no idea it would be so hard!

Where did this stem from, first of all? As I've probably mentioned before, I believe in continuous self-improvement, and sometimes this entails experimenting with different things that may work for the stage I find myself in.

One of the things that I strive to practice is being a kinder, more understanding person - both to those around me, strangers or otherwise, and to myself. I admire those people who ALWAYS exude compassion and strength - my best friend being one of them - and strive to learn from them when I can.

So, back to empathy and compassion. It's something I've been saying to myself when I encounter various situations or something that annoys me - not always, but sometimes. This could be anything from frustration with myself, a depressing news article (don't we have so many of those nowadays?), or an idiotic driver (empathy and compassion, empathy and compassion) who decides that their need to get to their destination should be prioritised over the similar needs of others.

Sometimes, this is immediately effective at helping! I find it very easy to react when others make decisions that seem silly or hurtful - for example, someone being rude - but by taking just a moment to remind myself to be empathetic and compassionate, I find it much easier to think about the intentions or drivers behind their actions and judge those instead of judging their actions. Someone whose elevator etiquette may be lacking may simply be having a stressful day and be in a rush to get to where they need to be.

However, the times I've found it incredibly hard to practice this have been when I've encountered a sense of entitlement within the intentions themselves. A sense of entitlement in others - AND in myself.

To give you an example, there seems to be a never ending river of vitriol online responding to various situations or the other (NEVER read the comments!). I've been especially disheartened to see the responses people have to those who, for example, have endured sexual abuse - seemingly born out of a perceived challenge to their existing ways of being and living and operating (entitlement).

Another example - I read a news article in the morning about a reporter who had been working to expose corruption in a European country and was found brutally murdered - someone thinking that it's okay to silence the voice of another that way (entitlement).

And another - whenever I've realised my own dogma around my ways of being and values (entitlement).

I always find it interesting coming across and directly confronting (what I see as) inadequacies, or things I can improve on, about myself.

I read somewhere that what irks you most in others is a reminder of that which you fear in yourself, and I do think this is true. Humans. We definitely are a weird species, aren't we?

What's the key takeaway of this?

We're not perfect - we never will be - but hopefully by remembering to practice empathy and compassion from time to time, we can make the world an easier place to live in, and by choosing to confront entitlement within ourselves, we can make this an even smoother process I hope.